


Commit This to Memory

by revamped



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Idiots with Crushes, M/M, Slow Burn, a bunch of old references, and also there's the whole band thing, but it's actually 2005, but not that slow, character as the author, mostly just a lot of figuring things out, roxas and the bisexuality crisis, roxas and the existential crisis, senior year of high school shenanigans, tags to be added as they come, that Roxas and Kairi best friendship nobody but me has asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-09-22 15:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 97,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17062160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revamped/pseuds/revamped
Summary: "When I started my freshman year, I expected to graduate from high school being completely average. Let me give you a word of advice for the future. If you have expectations like I did? Throw them out. Now."Roxas's senior year of high school was supposed to be a breeze, but with a new challenge set up by his bandmates, new trials and tribulations of growing up and a new guy to add into the mix he's in for a wild ride. Good thing his best friend, Kairi, will drag him through a series of adventures and sidequests to help him discover who he truly is...and bag the boy, of course.Originally known as How My Best Friend Screwed Me Over over on ff.net with a 10+ year facelift





	1. I Like the Universe, But She Messes With My Words

It’s funny how life doesn’t always work out to our expectations. 

Okay, maybe funny isn’t the word that I'm looking for. What is the word I'm looking for then? Maybe… maybe strange is a better word. But, isn't strange just another word for funny? Ugh, whatever. Let's get back on track.

I know my life so far hasn't always worked out to my expectations. I mean, when I started my freshman year, I expected to graduate from high school being completely average.

Naturally, because that’s how my life works and has worked so far, those expectations were wrong. They weren’t even a little bit right. Young, naive freshman me had an idea of how things should have gone but now on the night of my high school graduation four years later...well, I might still be average in a few ways but the road I took to get here was anything but. 

Let me give you a word of advice for the future. If you have expectations like I did? Throw them out. Now.

So: how _did_ this happen? I’m gonna go on the record here and say that I was not involved with any of this in the beginning.

…that sounds really suspicious, doesn't it? Or crazy. It’s probably a little bit of both, but that’s probably because the truth of it all _is_ a little crazy. It’s not supernatural-crazy or anything like that. This isn’t one of those types of stories. I’m not that kind of author and this isn’t really something that I can lie about. Going forward, everything I write in this book is completely true no matter how incredulous or delusional it may sound. I already know I’m going to regret saying that and I’m going to look back at past-me and want to kick his ass for making that promise, but I figure _somebody_ deserves to know the whole story. 

So what is the whole story? What’s the one thing that happened to kick off the chain of events that changed my life forever?

My best friend screwed me over.

And before you say it, shut up. It’s a totally valid answer! Even if maybe she didn’t mean to, she totally did. I’m getting ahead of myself and I know that but like I said I want it on record that I had _nothing_ to do with how this all began.

Speaking of the beginning, all good stories start from there, right?

Too bad I can't promise this will be a good story.

*********************************************************

Still here? Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’ve never been that great at expressing myself or writing everything in a way that makes sense, but hopefully you can keep up.

Everyone knows that every good story starts with an introduction of your main character...your protagonist, if you will. In this case, I guess that would be me. My name is Roxas Mihara. Picture a guy who’s got blonde hair, blue eyes, average height and weight and pretty much no special, defining features. That’s me. I’m 17 now, but when all of this started I was still 16. 

I’ve never been the protagonist of my own life. I’ve always lived in someone else’s shadow and for a long time I was more or less okay with that. I had my own thing, I had my own friends, and I had my own life. I had conceded to being in the background and letting someone else get ahead.

Those expectations changed, too. I became the protagonist without even realizing it, and even now it’s a weird thing to think about. 

You know how the story goes. The protagonist starts out as this average, nothing special kind of person and along the way meets people that change and guide them. Everyone knows that every good protagonist also has a really good sidekick, so I should probably introduce who “she” is, shouldn’t I? Picture a petite girl, shoulder-length auburn hair, bright blue eyes, decent figure, nice legs, looks great in a skirt, and has a knack for getting both of us into situations that are hard to get out of.

Meet Kairi Harada, my best friend for the past nine years. No, wait, almost ten. It’s closer to ten now. I want to say we met while facing the town bullies together, or sailing out to sea on a grand adventure, or rescuing puppies out of a burning building but...no. Kairi and I met in the most ordinary way possible and spawned an extraordinary kind of friendship. 

I was eight years old when my parents and I moved to Destiny Islands. I grew up in Twilight Town my whole life, so moving to the islands wasn’t exactly on my to-do list. It could have been worse though. We could have been alone, but instead we moved into a house only a few blocks away from my Aunt Seiya and my cousin Sora. My aunt and my mom are sisters and Sora and I are the same age, so we’ve always been pretty close. I think maybe we got even closer after my uncle died and I didn’t understand at the time but I’m pretty sure that’s why we moved here. It was hard on Aunt Seiya to raise Sora by herself and it made sense for the family to stick together. I don’t even think we finished unpacking before Mom and I went to my aunt’s place.

While my mom and my aunt are very similar, Sora and I are pretty much polar opposites. He’s the sun and I’m the moon, he’s the social butterfly and I’m the wallflower, he’s the real boy and I’m the shadow.

He was the Somebody and I was the Nobody. 

I wasn’t exactly the most chatty kid, or the most social, but Sora wasn’t too sensitive about that issue and dragged me out of the room and down the stairs, announcing to our mothers that he was taking me to the play island and slamming the door behind him. When Sora gets an idea, it’s hard to get him off of it, so I realized I was going to meet his friends whether I wanted to or not. We headed down to the docks and hopped into a boat, rowing out to an island a little way out in the ocean, just barely separated from the mainland. Sora dragged me along (literally, actually) and led me to the opposite end of the beach where a few other kids were crowded around watching a boy with silver hair and another boy with sandy-colored hair fight. The silver-haired boy had a wooden sword while the other kid had a metal pole of some kind. It must have been an everyday occurrence though because Sora wasted no time in telling me that the silver-haired kid was his best friend Riku and that the little shrimp he was fighting was called Tidus. We watched the fight for a few moments before Riku smacked Tidus down, causing the smaller boy to tumble back onto the sand and stay down.

The other kids, two girls and one other boy, cheered respectively before breaking off into their own conversations. A brunette girl bounced up to Tidus, helping him up off the ground and showering him with praise. The orange-haired tanned boy swaggered up to Riku and clasped him on the shoulder, congratulating him for a good fight. Sora grinned and as soon as the other boy (who I later learned was Wakka) left, my cousin pounced on Riku.

“Riku!” The excitement radiated off of him in waves and the sheer volume was enough to make Riku wince.

“Hey Sora…” he said slowly, pushing Sora off of him. “You missed my entire fight.”

“I couldn’t get here soon enough!” Sora’s eyes widened, threatening to pout. “My aunt came over and Mommy made me stay home. But look, I brought someone with me!”

The rest was a blur beyond that (probably because Sora yanked me around again and rattled my brain) but I do remember that in that short timeframe I met Riku, Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie. And then he introduced me to the cute little redhead standing right in front of me.

“This is Kairi,” he said to me, pointing to the girl. I remember her hair was a lot shorter than it is now, a bob-cut, but her eyes sparkled just as bright. A shy but friendly smile spread across her face.

“It’s nice to meet you, Roxas,” she said to me. It was the first thing she’d ever said to me, but I liked her right away.

After spending a few more hours on the island with Sora and his friends, we returned back to his house and I came to realize that Kairi lived a few houses down. You can imagine that I spent a lot of time over at Sora’s in the future. I still can’t even think of why me and Kairi connected so well. I’m going to guess that it was because Sora and Riku had each other and Kairi was tired of being the third wheel even when the boys didn’t mean to exclude her. We needed each other, I guess. Over time she brought me out of my shell or whatever and helped me morph into who I am now (whoever that is.) She was always there for me too, no matter what. She was there to fix my face when a boy at school punched me out when we were nine, she was there to tease me freshman year about having a crush on our friend, Naminé, and she was there to help me pick out my car for my 16th birthday. But the thing about Kairi is she’s there through the good and the bad, and I can never be grateful enough for her being around for the worst when we were 11. My dad had just walked out on my mom and me, so I was basically…well, a wreck. Kairi knew that I was having a hard time coping and she didn’t give up on me, even when I snapped at her and told her to fuck off.

And yes, I felt bad about it later and apologized.

Shortly after my dad left, Mom and I moved in with Aunt Seiya and Sora. It made sense and like I said, it made sense for family to stick together. I got to live with two of my favorite people in the world, and I got to be within walking distance of a third favorite. Of course, there were definitely some disadvantages to that, such as…well, how Kairi screwed me over. 

Did you think I wouldn’t say it again? Thanks for sitting through that introduction. I think we can finally get started on the first day of the story.

It was a hot day on the island in the middle of August, about a week and a half before we were supposed to go back to school. Convenient to our story (and also, you know, true) I was the only one home that day. Mom and Aunt Seiya were out shopping and Sora was over at Riku’s. I was perfectly content with my seasalt ice cream and watching a re-run of Laguna Beach, but of course I was fated to be interrupted. My cell phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket and even as I jumped in surprised I managed to catch my ice cream before it fell to the floor. Not before it hit my lap though. That would have been too easy. 

“Hello?” I’m sure it sounded more like “Hewrow?” around the ice cream I’d shoved back in my mouth though.

“Rox-as,” Kairi’s voice came from the other end of the line, drawing out my name in a way that convinced me she wanted something.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Do you think you could do me a favor?” 

“What--” I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before she was talking again. 

“So since Daddy’s busy at the office and my mom’s gone for the week, do you think you can come pick me up from work?” I barely stopped myself from groaning out loud. 

“Kai, do I have to? LC’s just about to-“

“Roxas.” I could practically hear the judgment dripping from her tone. “If you tell me you’re watching Laguna Beach I am going to walk home, then walk to your house, steal all of your ice cream and beat you over the head with the remote control. Repeatedly. You know that show is terrible!”

“So? The girls are hot.”

“Roxas!”

“Okay, okay.” Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed, but at least by then I was sitting upright and getting off of the couch to search for my car keys. Kairi always gets annoyed when I ramble about hot girls, but to be honest I always do it just to annoy her. “Look, I’ll be there in, like, ten minutes okay?”

“You better be here that soon.” She tried to sound threatening but I could practically hear the smile in her voice.

“You know it. See you in a bit.”

“Thanks Rox!” And then she hung up without waiting for me to reply. Shoving my phone back into the pocket of my shorts, I left and locked the front door behind me to head for my blue Highwind in the driveway. Normally I’d say that I know I’m fortunate for having a car, but I can’t feel that fortunate considering most of it was paid for with child support money from my dad. Am I still bitter about it? I might be. It got the job done though.

Speaking of jobs, I was pretty much the only one of my friends who wasn’t working that summer and that suited me just fine. Kairi got a job at the local coffee house right after school finished for the year and even though she’ll tell me all the time how much she likes it, nothing will ever convince me to join her and learn how to make cappuccinos. Selphie works there, too, and there’s absolutely no way I’m ever getting in the middle of those two. Not having a job meant I was a glorified chauffeur some days though so I drove across town to the Noon Moon café, parking on the curb and walking inside. Kairi was still behind the counter finishing up with a few customers. She smiled in my direction even so.

“Hold on, Rox,” she directed toward me and turned back to the man ordering his mocha. Or Americano. Or something. This wasn’t the first time I’d shown up early before her shift’s actually over so I made myself comfortable leaning against the counter and watching as she finished up before disappearing behind the swinging doors to the back room. 

Now imagine this. Imagine you’re just chilling, minding your own business and resting with your chin on your arms and arms on the counter not even bothering anybody. Imagine you’re probably humming your favorite song in your head, or you’re thinking about what you should eat for dinner or whatever it is people think about when they’re zoning out. And imagine some _asshole_ slamming their hands down on the counter right in front of your face and causing you to nearly slam your nose straight into the counter.

You have the perfect picture of what happened next.

Without warning a pair of hands slammed down right in front of my face, jerking me out of my tranquil state. Fumbling, I nearly lost my balance as I stood upright and got a look at the guy with a shock of red, spiky hair and vibrant green eyes. His uniform matched Kairi’s but there wasn’t a nametag in sight.

“Gonna order something or are you just gonna stand there and look pretty?” He raised an eyebrow but didn’t move from his spot. I think I stood there staring at him dumbly for a moment while I tried to take in what I was seeing. Further investigation led me to notice he had two little marks on his face, one under each eye, not to mention a silver hoop through the top of his left ear. It was hard to tell if the marks tattoos or scars, but that was less important than some other things. You know, like the fact that this guy just called me pretty? 

“Actually, I’m waiting for a friend.” He nodded knowingly and grinned down at Kairi as she reappeared from the back room.

“Hey Kai, your boyfriend’s kinda scrawny ain’t he?” Kairi, instead of actually trying to defend me, simply smiled politely before scrutinizing me.

“I suppose he could use a little more muscle on him.” This time she turned the smile toward me even if it was a little less polite and a lot more teasing.

“Hey! First of all, that was really mean. Secondly,” I added, glaring at the tall red-haired boy. “I’m not her boyfriend.”

“Sure, sure, whatever. I don’t know why you would deny it. Kairi’s a total catch.” A wink punctuated his statement and I was starting to get a little more than weirded out. Kairi didn’t seem to mind though since she just rolled her eyes and grabbed my wrist.

“Ax, I’m heading out. I’ll see you later!” 

“Sure thing. Don’t do everything I would do!” The guy finally shut up as another customer showed up, asking for another cup of coffee. Kairi led me out of the coffee shop and dragged me toward my car, waiting patiently on the passenger side for me to unlock it. I unlocked the car and slid into the driver’s seat, making no move to actually start the ignition or drive away. As she slid into her seat she looked over at me curiously.

“Um…aren’t we going to leave?” I stared back and narrowed my eyes, nodding toward the building.

“Who the fuck was that, and can I shove a stirring spoon up his ass?”

“That’s Axel. I think he said his last name’s Tamashi? He’s new, both on the job and in town. He’s going be in our graduating class this year. And no, you can’t do that because that’s both very unsanitary and also kind of rude.” Her explanation didn’t help much.

“Well if you ask me, he’s also kind of rude.” Finally starting the car, I turned up the volume of my stereo and pulled away from the curb. 

“Roxas…” I heard the warning tone, really I did, but I chose to ignore it anyway and turned up the volume again. “He’s actually not that bad once you get used to him.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to get used to him.”

“Roxas! Stop being difficult!” she shouted suddenly. It’s possible I had my music up a little too loud, but big deal.

“I’m not being difficult! I haven’t even known him for 10 minutes and he’s already insulting me!” I stopped at a traffic light and Kairi reached forward to turn down my music. 

“How was he insulting you?”

“He called me scrawny?”

“Roxas…you are scrawny. But then again, so’s Sora.”

“And…?”

“Does it really count as an insult if it’s true?” She raised an eyebrow. The light turned green and gave me enough time to stall on answering her.

“Of course it counts. It’s like rubbing salt into an open wound.”

“Honestly, you’re too overdramatic,” she sighed. “It’s not even that bad of an insult, I promise.”

“I’m not being overdramatic! I just don’t like it when people insult me.”

“No really, you’re one of the most dramatic people I know. You’re just a big personality in a sort of small package, get over it.”

“You’re lucky I don’t make you walk home.”

“Like you would. You love me too much.”

“Oh, totally,” I remarked and rolled my eyes. I wasn’t quite sure why this Axel kid’s remark had me all bent out of shape. I’m used to getting shit from people all the time. Being called scrawny shouldn’t have affected me like that. But it did, and that bothered me. The rest of the short trip was spent in silence and I pulled into Kairi’s driveway, putting the car into park and letting the engine idle.

“You coming in for a while?” Kairi asked me, not quite making an effort to get out of my car.

“Can’t. Dem, Sora, and I all agreed on having band practice at our house in, like, 15 minutes,” I replied with a quick glance to the clock. She sighed again and shifted in her seat to get a better look at me. I refused to look her in the eye by that point, and I think she noticed that I was glaring out the windshield because she began to speak again.

“What’s wrong, Roxy?” she asked me, giggling when my eyes narrowed even more at the use of the nickname.

Just for the record, I don’t really like being called Roxy. I only tolerate it from two or three people and if you have to wonder if you’re one of them, you’re not.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel and glancing at the clock again. Ten minutes left. She continued to look at me, staying quiet as I continued…pouting? Sulking? Hell, I don’t know what I was doing at the time, but I wasn’t the ray of sunshine she was probably hoping for. Suddenly I felt soft fingers on my face and the next thing I knew, Kairi had turned my head toward her, watching me with a concerned look on her face.

“…what?” I asked her warily, not liking the way her expression was changing and the concern was being replaced by a smirk. What came out of her mouth next was something that a.) caught me off-guard completely, and b.) brought on a huge plot point to this story.

“You think he’s cute don’t you?”

“Who?”

“Axel.”

“What?!” My eyes went wide and my jaw dropped as I stared at her in disbelief. And what did she do? She had the nerve to sit there and _giggle._ Giggle! I mean, here was her best friend, confused beyond all belief to why she would even suggest something as heinous and disgusting as that and all she could do is sit there and laugh.

What the hell?

“Kai, that’s just…gross!”

“Oh come on, Roxas, just admit it. You think he’s cute,” she repeated, poking me squarely in the chest. I swatted at her hand and frowned at her.

“Do not.”

“Do too. I can see it on your face,” she remarked triumphantly, poking me again.

I might have been even more insulted if Kairi wasn’t the only one who knew that I considered myself bisexual at the time. Nobody else knew, and honestly I wasn’t really planning on telling anybody else. It was one of those things nobody really needed to know about and I was happy keeping everybody in the dark. But since life decided to hate me for the entire year, things just happened.

We’ll get to that later.

“Kairi, seriously. I don’t think he’s cute or attractive or even nice. I don’t like him. End of story.”

“You’re just mad because he called you scrawny.” With that last retort, she opened the car door unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing out.

“Not even.”

She shut the door and stuck her head back in through the open window. “Whatever you say, but obviously you didn’t notice the blush on your face.” Out of pure instinct, I looked up at the rearview mirror and saw…nothing. Kairi laughed at me again and I glared at her, putting the car back into reverse.

“Whatever,” I mumbled back at her, ignoring the proud smile on her lips.

“Don’t deny it, Roxas! I know you better than that”

“Goodbye, Kai!” I cut her off and began backing out of the driveway, ignoring the indignant yelp from her. I waved over my shoulder and drove the few…yards down the street back to mine and Sora’s house, parking on the curb because Sora’s car was in the driveway. I turned off the car and pocketed the keys, hopping out and slamming the door shut, jogging up the walkway and into the house. 

“Hello?” I called out, unsure where Sora was.

“Upstairs, Rox!” he hollered from my bedroom. Running upstairs, I pushed open the door to my room and spotted Sora sitting in my desk chair with a drum pad and our other buddy, Demyx, sitting on my bed.

“About time you got here,” Demyx said to me as he looked up from the electric guitar in his hands.

“Sorry, had to pick up and drop off Kairi,” I explained as I shut the door behind me, grabbing my bass guitar from the floor.

“You can spend time with your girlfriend later. Right now, we have practice to take care of.” Demyx grinned teasingly.

“She’s not my -“

“Yeah, we’ve heard it plenty of times,” Sora waved it off, pushing off to spin the chair in a circle. 

“Oh shut up.” It wasn’t my finest retort, but I focused on locating my music folder from under my bed and flipping through the various sheets of music.

So…the band. You’re probably wondering about that because, well, if you’re in high school (or at least if you’ve ever been in high school), you probably know a couple of kids who think they can play music, throw together a band and pretend to take it seriously. The difference between them and us is that I probably take this way, way too seriously.

Ever since I was little I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. You know how in elementary school they ask you what you want to be and the typical answers were, like, a fireman or a vet? I decided from an early age that I was going to be a musician. A rock star. Famous. Which…is funny, I guess, given the whole “Roxas you used to be really shy” thing.

I’ve been learning to play music since I was a kid. My mom started me on piano and before my dad moved out, he taught me how to play guitar (electric and bass.) The last present I got from him in person before he left was the bass I have right now. I guess I’m pretty good at it; I mean, I could be better, but you get the idea.

Sora on the other hand was (and still is) a major band nerd. He started playing drums when we were in 6th grade for the school band after realizing that the sax just wasn’t for him. He hasn’t quit the school band (jazz, specifically), but he’s not as obsessive as he used to be. I guess it’s because he’s more focused on our band.

And then of course there’s Demyx. I can’t even really tell you how we picked up our faux-hawked freak, but we did. He’s got some great guitar skills too; before he joined our band, he was trying to be a solo artist under the name Melodious Nocturne. Needless to say, it didn’t exactly work out for him. And because he chose to skip school to try and chase after his dream, he ended up failing his freshman year of high school and ending up being held back in our grade. He wasn’t too happy about that, but he didn’t mind much once he found out that Sora and I were looking for a guitarist.

We officially became a band somewhere near the end of our freshman year. Sora plays drums, Demyx is the guitarist and back-up singer, and I’m the bassist and lead singer. Demyx and Sora both agreed that my voice was the best out of the three of us. They’re right, but I still don’t like the sound of my own voice. The people we play for do though. We haven’t had very many gigs over the years, just sporadic ones here and there. On the bright side, that’s given me plenty of time to write songs for us to try out and the shows we _have_ played have been pretty successful.

“Have you written anything new recently?” Demyx asked me as he tuned his guitar a bit, not bothering to look up at me.

“Dumb question, Dem,” Sora interrupted. “It’s _Roxas_ ; Roxas is always writing new songs.”

He’s got a point.

“I did. I’m not sure if I really like them though,” I replied for myself, handing over a sheet of music and lyrics. Demyx took them and scanned the notes quickly, playing the beginning chord quietly. He read over the words and raised an eyebrow, looking at me skeptically.

“Nice…but it’s not your best work.”

“Yeah, I know.” I probably shouldn’t have thrown the folder on the floor but it was a little late for that. “I just haven’t really been inspired lately.”

“Why not?” Sora stopped spinning, a foot gently stopping him so he had to tilt his head back and look at me upside-down.

“I don’t know. Just nothing’s really happened lately, that’s all.” I shrugged. Sora sighed and rose to his feet, shuffling toward my bed and settling on the floor in front of me and Demyx. It’s hard to say if he wanted to be close by or he wanted to read the music that had scattered from the folder. Either was likely.

If I had to be honest, most of our band practices aren’t really practices. We just hang out, discuss our music, end up talking about other stuff, and maybe, if we’re really lucky, practice a few songs before Demyx has to leave for work. Right now I was beginning to think that this practice would end up being a discussion session.

“It’s summer. Doesn’t really surprise me.” Demyx set his guitar down, stretching out on my bed. Normally I wouldn’t care, but Demyx has a problem with wearing clothes that don’t always fit sometimes, so he’s always showing off his abs. Nobody can blame me for looking.

…no seriously, nobody can. Everyone would agree with me, and even if they didn’t for some stupid reason at least Sora would.

It probably doesn’t hurt that Sora’s bi, too. Then again, Sora’s also got a boyfriend. Name’s Riku, remember him? I mentioned him earlier as Sora’s best friend. Yeah, unlike me who had his best friend screwing him over, Sora just had his best friend screwing him. Period. They’ve been “official” since seventh grade maybe. They went public in ninth grade and why am I even explaining any of this? That wasn’t the point. It’s an important point, but not _the_ point.

“So what, you think that as soon as school starts I’ll have more to write on?” 

“Well yeah, think about it. It’s our senior year. There’s bound to be heaps of comedy, tragedy, drama, and of course lo-ove,” Demyx drawled out that last word, winking at me.

“What? Roxas couldn’t write a love song if he tried.” Sora laughed and jumped onto the bed, wiggling his way between me and Demyx.

“What makes you so sure?” I wasn’t sure if I should feel offended or agree with him.

“Man, in case you haven’t noticed? You’re kind of…uh, lacking in that department,” Demyx reminded me with a sheepish grin.

“So? That doesn’t mean that I can’t write a good love song.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what it means,” Sora pointed out, leaning against Demyx’s shoulder.

“What?”

“Roxas, you can’t really write a love song if you don’t know what love is.” Demyx made it sound so easy, like he didn’t have to think of his words while he shifted enough so that he and Sora were more comfortable. “It just doesn’t work.”

I sat there for a few moments, contemplating what to say next. On one hand, Demyx was totally right. I didn’t know what love was. I was single, uninterested, and just flat-out boring and bored. Didn’t mean I wasn’t curious about the idea though. After all, who wouldn’t be infatuated by the idea of having a romance?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

And...it’s not like I’ve never dated. It’s just never lasted long enough to even consider a thing like love. Just because all of this was true though didn’t mean I had to lay down and take this. 

“Yeah, well…I bet you I could.”

Sora rolled over to face me again and mirrored my skeptical look. “You really think so? Bet you can’t.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“…yes. Yes it is,” Demyx chimed in. I hate when they tag-team me. Nobody should ever let the two of them make plans together because they’re usually evil and usually something goes wrong.

Usually.

“So what are the grounds for this ‘challenge’?” 

“Well…here’s what we’ve thought up,” Sora started out, glancing at Demyx for confirmation.

“Wait, you guys have been planning this?”

“Yeah, of course!” Demyx flashed me his “winning” smile. 

“…okay, so what have you got up your sleeves that I don’t know about?”

“I bet you that you can’t write a love song by the time Battle of the Bands rolls around,” Sora finally said, smirking at me in almost a Riku-like manner.

“What happens if I lose?”

“If you lose, you have to play at the battle.” Demyx paused for the dramatic effect. “Totally. Naked.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Then again, I wasn’t really that surprised. It definitely sounded like something the two of them would come up with to try and embarrass the shit out of me. 

“And if I win?”

“You won’t, so don’t worry about it!” Sora replied cheekily. I frowned slightly and just glared at him.

“Oh stop pouting, Roxas. It won’t do much for your image.” Demyx nudged me with his elbow. 

“I’m not pouting-“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Sora gained my attention again. “Look, the bet starts now, Rox. You have until May. That’s…how many months?”

“Nine,” I answered immediately. Then it dawned on me. “Nine months…you don’t think that I can write a love song in nine months?”

“Of course not. It’s because you’re Roxas.”

“…riiight.”

“Anyway, now that that’s taken care of, new topic,” Demyx intervened. “School starts soon. You guys ready?”

“I am.” Sora’s answer was immediate and just like that the bet was just another topic closed for the day. “Or I sort of am. I’ve been writing my speech for the ‘welcome back’ assembly and it’s almost done, but I have to figure out all of the organizational parts of the first pep rally and--”

“Roxas, what about you?” Sora didn’t seem to mind that Demyx interrupted him and I found two pairs of eyes staring at me. 

“School’s school.” I shrugged. “Should I really be excited?”

“Roxas, it’s our senior year!” Sora’s tone was probably supposed to change my mind, but I’m pretty immune to it. 

“So?”

“You’re not excited at all?” Demyx gave me another confused look.

“No…? What’s there to be excited about?”

“Oh my god, Roxas!” Both of them shouted simultaneously.

“What?!”

“You’re never excited about anything!”

“You’re boring, Rox!”

“How can you not be pumped for our last year of high school?”

“We’re _graduating!_ Think about it!”

The two of them continued to bombard me with such statements, each one growing louder than the last. I swear that they were trying to outdo each other just to annoy me. Luckily, I felt something vibrate in my pocket in the midst of Sora and Demyx’s shouting war.

Did I bother telling them to shut up? No, not really. I answered the phone instead. “Hello?”

“So guess what I found out?”

Kairi. Figures.

“What’d you find out, Kai?” I asked her idly, not really thinking it was something important. Sora and Demyx stopped their yelling and proceeded to make kissing noises and faces. You know, like boys used to do in elementary school?

I never claimed to have very mature friends.

“I think it’s important and I thought you should know,” Kairi continued from the other end of the line. I snapped my fingers and pointed toward the door.

“Out!” I ordered Sora and Demyx. The two of them kept laughing at me on their way out, still making those damn faces and noises. I followed them and slammed the door in their faces, locking it behind them. Peace and quiet isn’t something I get often when it comes to my bandmates, so even five minutes was kind of a blessing. “Okay. What is so important that you had to call me right away?”

“Axel’s single.” I looked at the phone incredulously, suddenly wishing that I hadn’t sent my friends away and flopping on my back on the bed again.

“And this should concern me because…?”

“Because you think he’s cute?”

“No. I never said that I thought he was cute. _You_ said that I thought he was cute. Oh, and by the way, I don’t think he’s cute!”

“Yeah you do, you just don’t realize it yet. Anyway, I just thought you should know. Just in case you were curious.”

“Wait, curious about what…?”

“Dating a boy? Or Axel in general.”

“Kairi, seriously, I don’t think I want to-“

“Roxas, listen to me. He’s single, he’s good-looking, and he’s right in front of your face! What’s so terrible about this whole situation?”

“Um, let’s try that he’s not gay?” I replied flatly. “Look, I…think I appreciate what you’re doing, but really, it’s fine. If I wanted a…boyfriend, it wouldn’t be somebody whose first words were an insult.”

“Are you still mad about that? He also called you pretty.”

“He did not. That’s just a figure of speech.”

“You’re being difficult.” I could imagine the annoyed sort of face she was making. “Besides, I bet anything he’s at least bisexual. I have great intuition for that sort of thing.”

While I couldn’t exactly say she was wrong, I also knew I wasn’t prepared for this conversation and I didn’t want to try. “…we’re not having this discussion.”

“But Roxas-“

“Bye Kai!” I said cheerfully and hung up.

So yeah, I can be an asshole sometimes when I have to be. But really, she was pushing it. Liking some asshole who insulted me for no reason? Daring to test out the dating world with somebody who didn’t even seem to be worth it? Questioning what it would be like to be with somebody that cocky and self-assured?

Oh yeah, she was definitely pushing it. That didn’t even sound like me at all.

The problem was that even if it didn’t sound like me, the thought was out there and I was forced to think about it and think about a red-haired boy I’d just met. Axel…who names their child after a car part? On the other hand, it was an interesting name. Something that made remembering the face easier. Remembering the wild red hair and the mischievous green eyes. Remembering that confident grin made of straight white teeth. Remembering that teasing voice that sounded so rich.

...you almost believed me, didn’t you?

I hate to say it, but I’m not the guy who waxes poetry and romanticizes other people or other people’s features. It’s always been as straightforward as possible. Axel was a douchebag with dumb red hair and dumber green eyes. The end.

On the other hand, I didn’t want to admit it but I hung up with Kairi ten minutes ago and I was still thinking about this kid. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I even care? This was all Kairi’s fault, I was sure of it. If she hadn’t brought up the idea that I thought this boy was cute, I wouldn’t be sitting here thinking about it. If she hadn’t needed a ride home from work, I wouldn’t have met Axel at all. If she didn’t even have a job at the Noon Moon and she’d been hanging out with me like we should have been this summer, I could have avoided all of this all together.

But the biggest thing of all, if she hadn’t screwed me over by knowing I’d do anything for her, I wouldn’t have started the journey to the best damn thing that’s happened to me.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...woof. Hey. Welcome. 
> 
> For any of you ff.net ex-pats who are still masochistic enough to be in this fandom, you might recognize this story as something I started back in 2006. Recently I decided the whole thing needed a facelift to tell the story I wanted to tell.
> 
> Word of advice? Don't go looking for the old story. It's defunct and it won't be relevant to this one.
> 
> A lot of this probably sounds old and backdated, but in the spirit of keeping the original story and the original charm, I'm keeping the setting in the year 2005-2006. You know. When the second game came out? Ah, yes, there's a method to my madness. Likewise, some of the writing style will seem a little funky and different styles will be introduced, but that's on purpose. 
> 
> Like the tag says, finishing this by the release of KH3 or bust. We've already got 7/11 pre-written chapters edited and chapter 12 well under way. Ready? Let's go.


	2. I Can See Through Everything You Say and All The Lessons I Never Learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fact of the matter was, the guy had some nerve and he wasn’t going to budge on his own. I had to think of a way to chase him off or get him to leave on his own. I knew there was a way, but I just wasn’t sure how yet. Slipping my sunglasses back on and closing my eyes, I pondered all of my options which were, well, not many to tell you the truth. Normally I could have easily devised a plan to get rid of somebody, but for some reason I was having trouble coming up with a set-up for Axel. Maybe it was because the guy was too damn smart and could blow me off again. Maybe it was because I was too preoccupied with the idea of school starting in a few days to focus.
> 
> Or maybe it was because part of me didn’t want to drive him away."

School hadn’t even started yet and I was in quite a predicament by that point in my life. Then again, maybe it was just me overreacting to something so small and insignificant that it turned into something much bigger. 

According to Kairi, I have a tendency to do that.

But why was I listening to Kairi? She was the one who got me into this mess in the first place.

After that phone call I spent the entire night thinking about what she said and arguing with myself on whether she was right or not. I mean, obviously she wasn’t right, but maybe she was partially right. I had already decided that I didn’t think Axel was cute or anything, but at the same time...no, never mind. He was just that annoying guy from the Noon Moon.

…wasn’t he?

*********************************************************

About three days after my first run-in with Axel, Kairi called to inform me and Sora that we had to go pick up our class schedules from school. It was easier for the three of us to go together, so we piled into Sora’s car and made the short trip to our high school.

“Do you guys even remember what classes you signed up for?” Kairi skipped ahead of us just a bit, turning back to watch us as we followed her to the cafeteria. 

“I pretty much know.” Sora folded his hands behind his head and stretched his shoulders as we walked, and Kairi gave him a knowing look.

“Let me guess, anything and everything with Riku?” 

My cousin grinned sheepishly all of a sudden. “About half? We’ve got the same Spanish class, and Creative Writing with you, Kairi. Plus we’re all in the same law class aren’t we?”

“Pretty sure! I think Roxas and I are in a few together without you guys, too, aren’t we?” Unlike Sora, I…didn’t exactly remember that far back. That was in May. May was way too long ago. Trying to remember what I might have signed up for and debating the merits of telling her I had no idea, I ended up stalling and running my tongue over my braces instead.

…right. I said it: braces. And why didn’t I mention that I had braces before? Because, rock stars don’t have braces, period. Besides, I wanted to sound cool.

…shut up. It’s my story, not yours.

“Yeah, I guess. I can’t really remember what we signed up for, but we’ll find out.” I shrugged and turned, walking into the cafeteria where a good majority of our high school was already standing around waiting to grab their papers and leave.

“…maybe we should have come earlier?” Sora scratched the back of his head, eyeballing everyone in front of us even as Kairi hummed in agreement.

“I bet they’re all underclassmen.” What she was saying really did make sense. The underclassmen always went to get their stuff early so that they could avoid the seniors.

After all, we did the same thing last year as juniors.

“Sooo...this is gonna take us forever.” I sighed and leaned against the wall, facing Sora and Kairi. Sora opened his mouth to reply but was soon cut off by the sound of his name. The three of us looked to the left and spotted someone heading our way, occasionally bending and twisting enough to avoid freshmen half his size. Sora’s eyes lit up and his smile grew wider as he tore away from us, practically pouncing on the kid.

“Riku! When did you get back?” Unlike most guys that would have been a little afraid of Sora’s death grip, Riku took it like a champ and even returned the hug. 

I’ll never tell him to his face, but that’s the thing I like about Riku. He’s always taken care of Sora no matter what and even if it kills my ego to admit this, I do worry about my cousin. Sora’s a smart kid, but he’s still naïve as all hell and gullible beyond belief. He’s so carefree about everything that I’m not even sure he would be able to handle himself if he got hurt. He’s got Riku to protect him though and maybe that’s all they needed. They’ve been best friends since before they were even born if you can believe that, and I’m not even sure they’ve ever been apart more than a few weeks. 

Kairi and Selphie both think it’s cute. Demyx likes to tease Sora about being the girl in the relationship. 

I, on the other hand, was jealous. Monstrously, massively, green-with-envy off the charts jealous. I didn’t want Riku for myself (man, no thanks), but at the same time...you know. It’d be nice to be wanted and liked as much as they want and like each other. 

_‘Roxas, if you would just let people in-’_

Save it. I don’t need the lecture.

“We got back at about seven last night. I was gonna call you but it was late and I was pretty wiped. Vivi seemed happy though. I take it you took good care of him?” Riku rested his chin on Sora’s shoulder. He’d had been gone for most of the month traveling abroad with his parents. He left Sora in charge of taking care of his dog, Vivi.

“Yeah! I took him home yesterday afternoon because I thought that you’d be back by then.”

“We were supposed to be back by then, but our flight was delayed for some reason or other.”

“Well, you’re back at least.” I didn’t even need to look up to notice Sora popped up on his toes to kiss Riku’s face instead. 

Without missing a beat, Kairi suddenly chimed in as she giggled to herself. “Cute!” Sora pulled away, smiling shyly. Riku on the other hand shook his head and laughed.

“Never gets old, does it Kai?”

“No way!” It was almost seamless the way Riku released Sora and pulled Kairi toward him to hug her next. Maybe I shouldn’t have thought it was hilarious to see him practically engulf her because she’s so much shorter than he is, but luckily neither of them heard the snicker I didn’t bother holding back.

“How’ve you been?” Riku didn’t let her go immediately. He never did, really. The three of them have been friends since they were five and before Sora and Riku became Sora-and-Riku I’m pretty sure both of them crushed on Kairi. I’ve never seen a trio of friends really work the way they’ve managed to, but they’ve held on this long.

“I’ve been great. I bet you have a lot to tell us about your trip. And all of the photos to share?” She poked him square in the chest. It’s a sign she meant “serious business”, but most of the time we just let her get away with it.

“Of course I do, but that can wait until later.” He finally released her and turned back to me. “And how’s our residential emo kid?”

Emo kid. Better than Blond Haired Kid which was another nickname Riku tried out for a while. I wouldn’t say I’m actually an emo kid (not…exactly…maybe a little), but the nickname stuck and I found myself with no escape.

“Fine I guess.” My answers weren’t too exciting, but Riku and I have always had kind of a weird friendship anyway. Before either of us could say anything else, I heard a huff of a sound. Sora had his arms crossed and his eyes gazing up toward the ceiling, the perfect picture of nonchalance but the kind that said “pay attention to me.” Riku snorted in response as he pulled Sora closer again.

“Relax, Sora. You’ll have me all to yourself tonight. Promise.”

I could have done without the self-satisfied look Sora gave him, but it’s my curse to bear.

“Anyway! Aren’t we here to get our schedules?” I interrupted them before they could do something gross like make out in line. (It’s happened before. It was too early in the day for a repeat performance.)

“Impatient-much?” Kairi quirked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged in return.

“The lines are starting to die down. Maybe we can get in there and get out now.” Without another word, I began making my way over toward my line. Sora and Riku shrugged and followed me to the K-T surname line. Kairi wandered off by herself into the line next to us and started talking to another girl that I don’t even remember the name of. Guess it doesn’t really matter. 

“Hey, Rox,” Sora broke the silence then as we shuffled closer to the table at the head of the line. “Riku and I are heading to the beach for one last day before vacation’s over. Wanna come?”

“Only if you promise I don’t have to witness sex on the beach.” Riku smirked and pulled Sora forward again.

“I hadn’t even considered it, but now…”

“Ugh, don’t. Please don’t ruin my last day of summer.” We had a few more days, but dramatic effect ran in our friends group. “But sure I’ll come with. What about Kairi and the others?”

“Haven’t gotten around to asking them yet,” Sora replied as he reached the table, placing his hands down on the surface. “Tanaka, Sora.” He grabbed his schedule as soon as it was presented to him, moving off to the side as Riku grabbed his “Masaki, Riku” schedule. I walked up behind them and grabbed mine, following them as we ventured off to find Kairi.

“So are we gonna go now?” My question wasn’t answered as I suddenly ran into somebody’s chest thanks to my complete inability to pay attention to where I was going. I stopped dead in my tracks and I looked up (and up, and up…) and met green eyes and unnaturally red hair.

It was then I realized that God hated me and wanted to spite me, just because he could.

“Fancy meeting you here, Shortstack.” Axel shot me his Cheshire-cat grin, stopping in his steps and placing a hand on a jutted-out hip.

Who the hell just strikes a pose like that?

“I have a name, you know.” 

“I should hope so. I just don’t know what it is.” Maybe it wouldn’t have been so irritating if he wasn’t staring down at me with that same stupid smirk on his face. “Enlighten me a little. What is it?”

“It’s Roxas.” Ignoring the weird looks I was getting from both Sora and Riku was easier than ignoring Axel, especially as he tilted his head to the side and gave me a once-over.

“Roxas, got it. Roxas what?”

“Mihara,” I answered before I even comprehended that I opened my mouth. 

“Hmm…Roxas Mihara…interesting.”

“Listen, jackass. I don’t know what your problem is, but you are seriously weird.” He blinked once, blinked twice, and promptly snickered under his breath.

“I have a name, too, you know.” The word choice was an obvious mockery. “Axel. Axel Tamashi. Got it memorized?” He stated rather than asked, poking me in the chest lightly. 

Yeah, I had it memorized. Didn’t mean I had to like it. Who was this dumbass? This kid was seriously starting to bug me and I was ready to pull my hair out in giant fistfuls when Sora suddenly yelled and practically blew out my eardrum.

“Demyx!” Axel and I both looked behind us and spotted the mohawked-wonder approaching us. 

“Hey, guys!”

“Hey, Myx,” I mumbled, returning my gaze to Axel who’d already returned to staring at me. (What!!) Demyx looked at Axel and his grin grew wider.  
“So I see you guys have already met.” 

“You know him?” The questioning tone and the blinks of surprise were simultaneous from both of us, and Demyx had the gall to beam happily.

“Yep. Axel, this is Roxas, my bandmate and one of my best buddies! And Roxas, this is Axel, my buddy from abroad! Oh, and Ax, the brunette’s Sora and the other guy’s Riku.”

“I’m not _that_ abroad,” Axel interjected while Riku looked marginally offended he’d been demoted to “the other guy.” Sora, on the other hand, wasted no time in peering at Axel curiously and shifting his focus toward him.

“So where are you from?”

Axel’s eyes flickered to his shoes and he shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter. Not something I want to discuss, ya feel me?” The casual brushoff was a little too suspicious and it just made me wonder what exactly he was hiding. It had to be something major if he bypassed the whole thing.

…or maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it. There are things I don’t ever want to talk about ever again, such as the sandbox incident of ’97.

…please don’t ask.

“Oh well, that’s okay. I think you’ll really like it here either way. I mean, what’s not to like? We’ve got the beach! And we have a really cool boardwalk and the shops are usually interesting ‘cause a lot of them change merchandise daily and there’s always the movie theater and the bowling alley and all kinds of stuff. If you want, you can hang out with us sometime to get a feel of everything.” Sora rambled out rather quickly, obviously excited about the idea of having a new person on our island.

Then again, like I said, Sora was always the social butterfly of our family. I have no idea how Axel managed to understand any of it but he laughed slightly and nodded.

“Yeah sure, that’d be cool.” He grinned and Sora’s own grin stretched. I probably should have felt bad for what I was about to do, but all I could feel was my eye twitching and I grabbed Sora by the forearm.

“Can I talk to you? Thanks.” I dragged him away from our group, pinning him against a wall.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you insane?!”

“Only on days that end with y.” It was a joke, but he was still eyeing me carefully. “Why do you ask?” I sighed and shook my head, nodding back toward Axel who was busy talking to _my_ friends.

“That guy’s an asshole.” Sora also glanced back toward Axel to give him another look.

“Really? He seems nice enough to me.”

“Yeah, that’s because you don’t know him. He called me scrawny and he keeps teasing me.”

“So? You are scrawny.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“You’re being a drama queen, dude. Axel seems harmless and maybe you guys just got off on the wrong foot.”

“But-“ I tried to protest but soon found a tanned hand slammed over my mouth.

“No. I don’t care. You are going to be nice because I said so. Or I’ll tell our new ‘friend’ about the sandbox incident.”

“Mmph!”

“Then will you play nice?” I had no other option than to nod. Sora removed his hand and began walking again with me trailing after him.

“I hate you.”

“Love ya too, Roxy!” He smiled cheekily and bounced up to Riku. Slow as I was moving, eventually I reached my group of friends and noticed two more people had joined us. Kairi had returned finally, but she brought along another friend of ours. Naminé’s a little younger than us (a sophomore now) but she and Kairi became friends right away last year when Kairi was her junior mentor.

“Naminé, are you coming to the beach with us?” I heard Kairi ask by the time I arrived. 

“I can’t, I told Marluxia that I’d meet him for lunch as soon as I got my schedule. Sorry.”

Did I mention that Naminé is also dating a cradlerobber? Maybe that’s a little harsh since the age difference isn’t _that_ much, but Marluxia did graduate last year and started dating Naminé when she was a freshman. I’ve never really understood how that happened but as Kairi likes to remind me I don’t have to understand it. They’ve been together for a year by now, but she deserves better. That’s all I’m saying. 

“Roxas, you’re coming with us, aren’t you?” Kairi shook me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, I already told Sora I would.”

“Awesome!” Sora suddenly appeared in front of me. “Oh, and Axel’s coming with us too,” he added, throwing another smirk at me. I blame Riku for that.

“Seriously? Why?”

“Because I said so. And like I told Axel, he can hang out with us a get a feel for the island. He’s still new in town and he could use a few more friends.”

“I’m all for him having friends but why does he have to be friends with _us_?” The words were barely out of my mouth before I felt a sharp slap upside the head. “Ow!” I whirled around and found myself facing Kairi’s infamous glare.   
“Roxas. Mihara,” she ground out, eyes ablaze and rooting me in place. “How could you be so selfish? You should be ashamed of yourself for wanting to shun away somebody just because you’re too sensitive to take a joke!”

“What? Too sensitive? Yeah right! Kairi, I just don’t like how cocky this guy is.” I tried to explain myself, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t going anywhere. Kairi glanced over to our left where Riku and Axel were deep in conversation with Demyx adding his two cents in every now and then.

“That doesn’t look cocky to me. I think you’re just being rude.”

“But--”

“Roxas, if you’re going to act like a big brat over one comment, then you can go home. Understand?”

“…yes,” I mumbled and looked at my feet, even though I still disagreed with her. But I guess my answer satisfied her because she smiled and gave me a one-armed hug.

I never claimed to understand girls. I just live with them.

“That’s better.”

“What did Axel say to him that was so awful?” Naminé’s asked the question I’d been hoping no one else would ask.

“He just called him scrawny.” Naminé’s eyes flickered over me briefly before returning to Kairi.

“He _is_ scrawny though…”

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Sora cut in. He didn’t say anything in my defense and instead he reached forward to ruffle my hair before walking off.

What. The. Hell. My friends were ganging up on me, Axel was worming his way into _my_ circle, and to top that off, I was pretty sure that I had already lost my schedule because it was no longer in my pocket.

“Guyssss, let’s go already! We’re wasting time!” Demyx hollered from the cafeteria doors. Even though he drew the attention of literally everyone else in the room, our group didn’t seem to mind and we left together. The chatter mingled together and eventually we decided to split up to regroup at our usual place. Watching Axel walk away with Demyx and Riku, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice or any sort of freedom in the decisions for the rest of the day.

It looked like my summer vacation…was over.

*********************************************************

So about thirty minutes, two stops, one exploding closet, and one boat trip later, we finally made it to our usual beach spot; our play island. Yeah, the same play island where I met everybody almost ten years ago. We still go to the island sometimes just to get away from everything. It’s perfect. Nobody can bother us and we can’t bother them. Sora, Kairi, and I hightailed it down to the paopu island. We were running late and everyone was already waiting for us, plus a stray the others seemed to have picked up.

“Guys!” Selphie bounced up from her spot on the sand and tackled Kairi onto the ground first. I wish I could say I didn’t let myself watch the two girls in bikinis wrestle in the sand for a few moments, but that would be a lie. Oops.

“Hey, Selph,” Sora and I greeted her while Kairi laughed and pushed the other girl off. Neither of them moved from the sand though as Kairi swept her hair out of her eyes.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here!” They hadn’t spent a lot of time together this summer outside of work. It wasn’t hard to see they were excited to see each other and have the chance to catch up. 

“Surprise!” Selphie exclaimed cheerfully before grabbing Kairi’s hands, pulling her up and bouncing back onto her feet. “The boys are already in the water and we’re not. What’s up with that? Let’s go!” And with that, Selphie dragged my best friend into the ocean with Riku and Demyx.

“Wait up!” Sora blew past me as he ran past the center of the smaller island and skipped the ladder to jump straight into the water (and onto Riku’s back. I was almost impressed.)

So what did I do? I followed at my own pace, climbing up onto the well-worn paopu tree and leaning back to watch from above. I wasn’t really a big fan of swimming and I could always work on my tan. I stretched out and closed my eyes slightly, keeping watch over my friends down in the water and doing a quick head count. Sora, Riku, Kairi, Selphie, Demyx...wait. Wait, someone was missing. 

What happened to Axel?

“Sooooo.” An unfortunately familiar drawl filled my ears. “What’s your excuse for not being in the water?”

I was almost sorry I asked, but I didn’t open my eyes any more than I had to and refused to look at him.

“I just don’t feel like swimming.” The answer was short, and when he didn’t move or respond I lazily lifted a hand to shoo him away. “Do you mind? You’re kind of in my sunlight.” I heard shuffling and then felt extra weight added to the tree. Peering over the tops of my sunglasses I noticed that he’d joined me instead. He was lanky and awkward and maybe a little imbalanced but he sat by my feet and stared out at the water. I didn’t know what to do about that, really. What are you supposed to do with someone who won’t take the hint and bug off when you’re clearly ignoring them?

…sometimes…I wish I wasn’t curious about things like that.

“Okay,” I finally said. “I’ll bite. What’s your excuse?”

A languid shrug followed my question. “I’m not much of a swimmer. Demyx tried teaching me a few times…but yeah, I wasn’t very good at it and eventually he got bored trying to teach me.” Axel laughed a little and even without really focusing on him I knew he was watching Demyx the way I was watching Kairi. They’re people who don’t need to be worried after, but you look after them anyway.  
His explanation didn’t surprise me much; Demyx was, like, born for the water. He’s the star of our school’s swim team, and I kind of got the sense he and Axel were closer than either of them were really saying. I didn’t respond even with the explanation. He remained silent for a few moments before sighing. Loudly.

“So. Why do you hate me?”

“Because you’re a douchebag,” I replied without opening my eyes.

“Oh come on! You don’t really think that, do you?”

“Yep.”

“…oh. I see,” he said quietly, almost like he was a bit hurt. If I didn’t already know the kind of person he was, I might have believed it. But there’s no way someone like Axel was hurt by something like that. The tree shook a bit as he slid down from his perch. He wasn’t even going to try to defend himself. …he was leaving? He was climbing down the ladder to head into the water. Wait a second!

“What are you doing?” I sat upright and lifted my sunglasses from my face, watching as he started to disappear from my sight.

“Well, since I’m a douchebag, I’m going to join the people that can tolerate me.” He threw a quick wink my way and jumped the rest of the way off of the ladder, swimming away to join my friends who were a little further out from the shore. I stared at him in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that he brushed me off that easily, just like the word douchebag meant nothing.

Then again, he’d probably been called one plenty of times before.

Fact of the matter was, the guy had some nerve and he wasn’t going to budge on his own. I had to think of a way to chase him off or get him to leave on his own. I knew there was a way, but I just wasn’t sure how yet. Slipping my sunglasses back on and closing my eyes, I pondered all of my options which were, well, not many to tell you the truth. Normally I could have easily devised a plan to get rid of somebody, but for some reason I was having trouble coming up with a set-up for Axel. Maybe it was because the guy was too damn smart and could blow me off again. Maybe it was because I was too preoccupied with the idea of school starting in a few days to focus.

Or maybe it was because part of me didn’t want to drive him away.

I really didn’t know what was going on, but I did know I didn’t like it. I mean honestly, I wasn’t supposed to be curious about some asshole who thought he could waltz into our lives and be easily accepted. But then again, that’s what was happening and there wasn’t much I could do about it other than accept that. My friends were convinced that he was a good guy and that I was just a basket case, but I was still determined to show them that he wasn’t what he seemed. I just didn’t know how.

*********************************************************

“Roxas, wake up!” I jolted suddenly and fell off of the tree. Kairi was standing above me and the others were down on the beach packing up and getting ready to head out. “Having a nice nap?”

I didn’t even remember falling asleep, but my sunglasses were askew, the sun was beginning to set, and there were definitely paopu branch imprints on my cheek. I didn’t reply to her immediately as I tried to piece together what happened to my afternoon, or why Kairi was grinning at me the way she was. There’s nothing wrong with Kairi smiling. I love when she does. It’s one of her cutest features…except for when it’s a knowing, teasing smile that says she’s got one over on you.

Which…was the smile she had now. Great.

“Um, are we ready to go?” I changed the subject, standing up and walking toward Kairi. She nodded and giggled slightly. “What?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, nothing. I just forgot that sometimes you say very interesting things in your sleep.”

“Wait, what? What’d I say?” She laughed again as she ignored the question, reaching forward to pat me on the cheek before grabbing my hand to pull me off of the island. “Kairi!”

“Nothing _too_ bad…but I probably wouldn’t call Axel a hot red douche canoe to his face.”

Perfect. It’d been a day and Axel was already invading my dreams. Judging by the fact that she was still fixing me with that knowing look, that wasn’t all I said but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

Scratch that. I definitely didn’t want to know.

“…whatever you heard it’s not true.” It was a stupid defense, but I had to try. She squeezed my hand as we arrived on the main part of the beach, catching up with our friends and heading for our rowboat to head home.

“Okay. If you say so.” And just like that she dropped it. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time she mentioned it, but around our friends she was going to play dumb and spare my feelings.

Sometimes I forget just how awesome she can be. But I guess she’s my best friend for a reason.

*********************************************************

So imagine lying in your bed, surrounded in the peaceful silence of the evening and enjoying your well-deserved sleep.

Now imagine that silence being pierced by a loud, vibrating sound and Sean Paul’s “Temperature” blasting right next to your ear. For the second time that day I jolted right out of my dreams and fell. From my place on the floor by my bed, I ended up groping around in the dark for my phone while making a mental note to kill Sora later for setting my tone in the first place. Finally wrapping my fingers around it, I flipped the phone open and answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“So are we going to talk about you dreaming about Axel or are we ignoring that?”

In that moment, I severely regretted knowing Kairi.

“What?”

“At the play island, you were dreaming about Axel, weren’t you?” she repeated, sounding wide awake. I almost had to give her credit for waiting a few days to confront me on it, but as I pulled the phone away and squinted at the display, I noticed it was just past two in the morning and I regretted everything all over again. 

“…what the fuck, Kai. Couldn’t you have asked me about this tomorrow or something? It’s two o’clock in the morning and I don’t know about you, but I was actually asleep.” I finally got off the floor to crawl back into bed.

“Yeah, but you tend to be more truthful when you’re groggy.”

“…Kairi! I want to sleep, go away!”

“Just answer my question!”

“Okay fine, yes I was dreaming about Axel, so what? Doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means you find him attractive,” she countered before I even finished my sentence.

“No, it means I was suffering from heat stroke.”

“Roxas, you can’t deny it forever.”

“Watch me,” I replied, growing more agitated as the conversation went on.

“I am watching and the fact of the matter is, you think he’s sex-“

Yeah, I hung up on her. If you haven’t noticed by now, we hang up on each other a lot. It’s just that I didn’t want to have to deal with Kairi’s crazy theories that early in the morning and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. As usual, I was right. I ended up lying there staring at the ceiling for about four hours, convincing myself that Kairi was still wrong and that maybe she had spent too much time in the sun, too.

Being burrowed in my covers didn’t do much to stop the morning from coming and the next thing I knew, I suddenly felt an extra weight throw itself on top of my chest and an ungodly loud voice yelled “first day of school!” in my ear.

“Sora, get off of me!” It wasn’t hard wrestling him off and shoving him to the floor. It also wasn’t hard for Sora to immediately pop back up.

“Roxas! First day of school!”

“Okay, Nemo, chill. I know it’s the first day, big deal.” I rolled my eyes and pushed him off of the bed again. But he jumped right back up and bounced on my mattress. How anyone had this much energy in the morning I seriously had no idea.

“Roxas, it’s senior year! You’re still not excited?”

“No, not really.” His face deflated and he finally got off of my bed.

“How lame.”

“Excuse me? _I’m_ lame? I’m not the one wearing Buzz Lightyear boxers!”

“You’re just jealous that they glow in the dark!” He left my room then to head back to the hallway and to his own room. I couldn’t let him have the last word though.

“Dude, you’re such a loser!”

“So’re you!”

“Fine!” I got up and slammed the door shut.

“Double-fine!” I heard him slam his door shut, too.

“Boys, knock it off!” Aunt Seiya yelled from downstairs. Now really, I love my aunt, but sometimes, she’s scary. It was then I figured I should stop yelling at Sora and start getting ready. School started in 45 minutes and I was still kind of a disaster. For all that I didn’t care about senior year, I also knew I had to make a somewhat good impression.

“Sora! Where’s my girlfriend shirt?” I pushed myself away from the closet and ran across the hall, barging into Sora’s room. Lucky for me he at least had clean boxers on.

“Your what?” The question was muffled as he slipped a t-shirt over his head.

“My girlfriend shirt!”

“Check the laundry?” he suggested and grabbed a pair of jeans off of the floor before giving them a tentative sniff. “Do these smell clean?” He thrust them under my nose.

“Man, stop that!” I swatted the jeans away and walked out, heading downstairs to hunt for my shirt. To get to the laundry room in our house you had to go through the kitchen, which meant passing by my aunt who was cooking at the stove.

“Morning, Rox. Breakfast?” Aunt Seiya turned to me and nodded toward the plate of eggs she had waiting for Sora.

“Just some toast will be okay, thanks.” It was a half-assed reply but I’ve never claimed to be a morning person either. I was hyperfocused on finishing my intensive task of actually dressing myself without being a hot mess and headed into the laundry room, yanking open the dryer. I probably could have helped out by hanging up some of the stuff that was in there, but I was working on a time crunch here. It didn’t matter if it was wrinkled still. As soon as I found what I was looking for I rescued my shirt from the pile of cloth and slammed the dryer shut again. The shirt itself was a gag gift from someone because of Kairi, but it fit and it looked good so I couldn’t care that much, even if it said “Define “Girlfriend”” on it.

Sometimes? I wish somebody would do just that.

I ran back upstairs and threw on a pair of jeans before speeding through the morning routine. You know, brushing the teeth, brushing the hair, trying to look like maybe I could take care of myself. I barely had enough time to shove some toast in my mouth and grab my car keys before jamming my feet in my sneakers and heading for the door. Sora had already left and it still remains a mystery how he managed to beat me but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I was running way behind and I still had to pick up Kairi.

Of course, because my best friend is awesome, she never fails to surprise me. I think I surprised her though when I opened the door and practically knocked her over.

“What are you doing here?” 

“I figured you’d be running late so I thought I’d just walk over.” She started heading to the car. I’m not sure if she noticed that I didn’t immediately follow, but she also didn’t need to know I might have been checking her out. Sometimes it was hard not to.

“Nice skirt.”

“Oh screw you.”

“I’d love to, darling, honestly.” Casual banter was probably our favorite game because we both knew we didn’t mean anything by it. Maybe the rest of the world didn’t get it, but it was never about the rest of the world. It was about her, it was about me, and it was about us. Driving to school together was our tradition and gave us time to be together without the rest of our friends.

“No, you’re rather screw Axel.” She let herself into the passenger’s seat as I groaned in response.

“Not this again.” 

“Roxas, if you would just stop being stubborn and see what I see...” she trailed off as I buckled up and started the car, backing out of the driveway.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Look, it’s the whole love at first sight thing.”

“No, Kairi.”

“No?”

“No,” I repeated firmly. 

“But-“

“ _No._ ”

She fell silent after that, eyeing me uncertainly as we made the quick drive to school. I felt kind of bad, but I still wasn’t in the mood for that conversation. I didn’t say anything to her until we parked in front of the school and even as I killed the engine I didn’t get out immediately.

“Does anybody else know I’m bi?” I finally asked her, and she blinked in surprise.

“What? No, of course not, but-“

“Then we’re going to pretend that I’m not.” And with that I got out of the car and began making my way inside.

“Roxas!” she yelled after me, fumbling to not only get out of the car but also lock it up for me before she could lose track of where I was going.  
“I’ll see you later, Kairi!” I waved and smiled to myself, convinced that I was home free.

“We have the same first period, dork!”

She…had a good point. I froze in my spot and it gave her enough time to catch up, linking her elbow with mine before dragging me along to our yearbook staff office. 

It sort of maybe felt like I was walking to my doom, but at least the road to hell had some good company.

*********************************************************

By the time sixth period rolled around, I was more than ready to go home. Kairi, who was in my first period yearbook staff class, my third period Government & Law class and my fifth period Pre-Calc class, kept bothering me about the Axel issue all day and I was also more than ready to tell her to get her own ride home. I knew that she was only doing it because she cared about me and stuff, but there’s only so much nagging a guy can take.

Riku and I had the same fourth period art class (photography for him, graphic design for me) and Sora was in my second period Chemistry class, along with Demyx. All three of them were in the same Government class Kairi and I shared, too. But sixth period I was pretty much on my own for AP English. I had heard a few horror stories about Mr. Teitzel already, but to be facing everything by myself?

I knew I was pretty far in.

I walked into class and sat down, waiting for everybody else to file in. I was pretty content minding my own business (rockin’ out with my iPod and maybe playing my air guitar very discreetly), but no; somebody _had_ to interrupt me.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Too bad it had to be _that_ somebody.

“Uh, kinda?” I answered truthfully and looked up at Axel, giving him what I hoped was a skeptical look. The kid was in a few of my classes already but I was at least able to avoid him for the entire day. But no, now I was stuck by myself, alone, defenseless, and staring at the face of true jerkishness. (That’s a word, shut up.)

“Yeah, well, I feel reeeeeally awkward standing here and this desk is the only one left available.” He gestured around the room. I looked up and realized that yes, the desk right next to me was the only one left. Fantastic.

“…fine, whatever. Sit.” The final bell rang as Axel made himself comfortable, leaning back in his seat. Mr. Teitzel walked into the room just then and the class went silent.

Now, you have to realize, Teitzel’s an old guy and to top that off, he was always really strict on his classes. After the customary roll call, he paused for a moment and stared us down. Nobody dared to even _breathe_ wrong until he made the next move.

“I expect that you all have completed your summer homework. I will be collecting that now,” he drawled out and stood in front of the room as all 15 of us passed our packets forward. The guy made us read a novel and answer a billion questions over the summer. Can you believe that? I couldn’t. Teitzel looked through the packets and raised his eyebrows, counting them again before looking at us. Or, more specifically, looking at Axel.

“Mr. Tamashi, your packet seems to be missing.”

“Here’s the thing, Mr. T. My dog’s pregnant. You know how pregnant women are, right? All of the mood swings and the crazy food urges. She just loves Charles Dickens, so she ate my packet. I’d have to be a monster to deny her. You have to think about her unborn puppies, sir. They need nourishment.” He said all of this so calmly as he shrugged in slow motion. I couldn’t help but laugh under my breath. It was so stupid it was funny.

“Do you think you’re funny, Mr. Tamashi?” Teitzel asked, peering at Axel over the top of his glasses.

“No, I think I’m hilarious. But I’ll take funny if that’s what we can agree on.” Axel was seriously pushing his luck and the worst part was that he he was making me laugh despite my best efforts not to. Teitzel didn’t seem to think Axel was amusing though.

“Detention after school, Tamashi,” he said flatly, turning back around to set the papers on his desk. Axel sulked as he slumped down in his seat and this time the laughter was maybe a little mean because he kind of deserved the punishment. It almost felt like a personal victory.

I probably got ahead of myself.

“Mr. Mihara, you’ll be staying after school as well.”

“What?! What did I do?”

“You’re encouraging him, that’s what.”

“But-“

“No excuses, Mr. Mihara. You and Mr. Tamashi will be staying here after school, 30 minutes.” He didn’t even give me a chance to argue before he turned around and began leading a discussion about the book Great Expectations. Kind of a lame book, by the way, not one I’d recommend. This time it was my turn to sulk and slump down in my seat. Folding my arms over my chest and glaring at the desktop, all I could do was pray that the day would just end already. Axel didn’t seem as distraught as I was. In fact, the moron turned to me and smiled slightly.

“So…guess we’ll be seeing each other again, huh?”

“Oh fuck you.”

“Mihara! Tamashi! Your 30 minutes have turned into one hour and will continue rising if you continue to be disruptive!” Teitzel warned us and turned around again, scrawling out notes on the blackboard. With a small groan I allowed my head to fall on my desk with an ungraceful thud, ignoring the fact that Axel was snickering at me under his breath.

So much for making a good impression.

*********************************************************

The final bell rang and everybody left the classroom except for me, Axel, and Mr. Teitzel.

“I have a meeting to attend to, but I will be back. No talking, no moving, no leaving. Am I clear?” Teitzel asked us, giving both of us a stern glare.

“Crystal,” Axel answered for both of us and Teitzel nodded, shutting the door firmly behind him. I was perfectly content with the idea of no talking, no moving and no leaving; after all, I just wanted to get the hell out of there. After quickly texting Kairi and telling her to get a ride home with Sora, I put my earbuds back in and turned on my iPod, randomly doodling in my binder.

“Whacha listenin’ to?” I heard Axel ask me.

“From First To Last.” The answer was quick and clipped in the hopes that he’d leave me alone.

I should have learned by now that didn’t work on him.

“Awesome…what CD?” He even went as far as to turn around in his seat to face me.

“Didn’t Teitzel say that we weren’t supposed to talk?” It was the best I could do on such short notice. He snorted in disgust and rolled his eyes.

“Rox, look around. Do you see Teitzel in here?” He gestured to the empty classroom. “I think not.” I huffed a bit and finally turned to face him.

“First of all, it’s Roxas. Rox- _as._ ”

“Rox-ass huh?”

“No! Roxas! Just…never mind,” I sighed in defeat and looked at my beat-up sneakers. He shrugged in return and drew his knee to his chest, resting his chin on it and watching me silently. It was kind of weird, having a new kid stare at you, but I managed to ignore him for the most part. What surprised me was the fact that he didn’t continue talking. He didn’t seem like the type to shut up so easily. So far my attempts to shut him up myself hadn’t worked either.

Maybe that’s what my problem was. Maybe I was spending too much time focusing on stereotyping him instead of getting to know him. Maybe I should give him a chance.

…or not. That would just be inviting him to converse with me and I really didn’t think I wanted that. I mean, the kid was weird, what could I say?

“Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Has A Bodycount.” There, that’s what I could say. Axel blinked and looked up at me through his bangs.

“What?”

“That’s…that’s the CD I’m listening to,” I said, unsure of why I was even offering him that information. As soon as his face lit up and his mouth started moving, I knew that I had just opened Pandora’s Box.

“Yeah, that CD’s pretty cool, I guess. Not my favorite, but it’s decent. What other kind of music are you into?” 

One of the things people quickly learn about me is that when somebody gets me talking about music, I find it hard to stop. I’m very opinionated about what sounds good, who sucks, who shouldn’t have died from drug overdose, what types of genres are overrated, all that jazz. Axel had figured out my weakness and he was using it against me. 

Dick.

“Well…I like a lot of rock…metal…alternative…punk, you know, whatever. Not a huge fan of country or rap, I’m starting to get into EDM. Oh and classical can be okay depending on the instruments, and I have to say I like jazz or Sora might kill me.” It was probably the most I’d ever said to him in one sitting that wasn’t an outright insult. I expected him to maybe be shocked or something, but he just kept talking.

“Demyx told me that you’re in a band.” Casual. Real subtle. Not.

“Yep.”

“…how long?”

“The last three years? Me, Demyx, and my cousin Sora. You know, the brunette that dragged you along with the rest of us.”

“That’s your cousin?”

“Yeah. Weird, right?”

“Yeah…you guys are like polar opposites.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” He paused then, giving me a cursory glance even while I wasn’t making eye contact.

“I think you’re more interesting?” he offered and I looked up from my shoes.

“What?”

He shrugged. “You seem more fascinating. Blonds usually have more of a story to tell anyway.”

“How do you figure?” It was hard to keep the skepticism out of my voice, but I figured maybe I had a right to be skeptical. What was he even talking about?

“Just do.”

“Okay, so what’s your story?” I challenged him, waiting for him to come back with another cocky comment.

“Don’t feel like sharing.”

“Yeah, well, neither do I,” I concurred and shuffled through the playlist on my iPod. Axel stayed quiet for another moment, obviously trying to wrap his teeny-tiny brain around some intelligent conversation.

“So…what do you think about Good Charlotte?” 

I think that was around the time I choked on my own spit.

“God, I hate those guys,” was all I could say and not fast enough, shuddering at the memory of listening to them for the first time.

“I know, tell me about it. One of my friends from back home loves them though. It disgusts me.” Axel shuddered as well.

“I don’t really blame you.”

“Okay, what about Simple Plan?”

“They’re okay, but overrated ya know?”

And that’s how it started. Axel and I talked about music for the rest of our hour, debating about who sucked, who was better, and who just needed to quit while they were ahead. It didn’t occur to me that most of the bands he quizzed me on were bands that played on the radio or were in the weekly top forty, but it was still a better conversation than I expected. Maybe it was just because it was something I felt like I could actually control. That was why I was surprised when Axel looked up at the clock and announced that it was time for us to go.

“So, did you notice that Teitzel never came back?” he commented on our way to the parking lot.

“Yeah. Wonder where he went.” I wasn’t wondering too much to be honest and I fished around in my pocket for my keys. I might have been a little distracted because I didn’t even realize where Axel was going until he walked up to a red 1969 Mustang Convertible. I’m not really a car guy, but even I couldn’t help but start to drool a little. Over the car. Not over Axel. Just so we are perfectly clear here.

“You…are full of surprises,” I finally managed to say once I realized Axel was unlocking the car. He didn’t look up but the grin was fairly obvious.

“Yeah, you might want to get used to that.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get used to it.”

“That’s fine. You can’t avoid destiny, Roxas.” He started the car, rolling the top down and looking over at me with another thoughtful kind of look.

“Destiny?” I repeated dumbly.

“Yeah, you know. Destiny.”

“…you really think being locked in a room together for an hour was destiny?”

“Could be. We’re on Destiny Islands, aren’t we? Who knows what could happen?” He revved the engine a bit, clearly satisfied with himself before fixing his gaze on me again. “And even if it wasn’t? I can’t complain about it.” He shot me another grin before putting the car in reverse, slowly backing away from me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Shortstuff.” And with that he drove off, leaving me standing in the parking lot alone. As I headed back to my own car, I couldn’t help but think about what Axel had just said. 

Destiny. I slid into the driver’s seat, staring out the windshield and at the sunset ahead of me and let the word rotate around in my head for a while. What a stupid idea.

“Destiny or not, he’s still a douche.” I could assure myself all I wanted, but even as I tried it was just a little too hard to ignore the slight smile on my face as I headed for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I have notes here? No? I'm not sure how often I'll be updating the pre-written chapters but probably every couple of days? Here's the first two for a sample. Leave me comments, leave me notes, or leave if this turns out to not be your jam after all. I'm all ears.


	3. Armed With an Eye For Contradictions, She Sees Completely Through Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This was about the point that my words came back to bite me in the ass. My eyes darted around the room briefly and landed on Axel. Somehow he was staring at me again and while it was unnerving, I didn’t want to linger on that for very long. Instead, I had a brand new problem to deal with.
> 
> There was no way I was going to sing my attempt at a love song in front of him. I just couldn’t. I had enough trouble trying in front of Kairi. It didn’t make sense to try and debut it in front of a practical stranger. I’d like to think that I’m smart and witty enough to come up with a plan B, but I can fully admit I’ve just gotten good at saving my own skin when I need to."

I’d never admit it out loud, but Axel was starting to grow on me. Barely. A microscopic amount, maybe, if I had to make an estimate. When he wasn’t being a douche canoe, he was actually sort of okay. Then again, when _wasn’t_ he being a douche canoe? Not very often. Still, he intrigued me for a couple of reasons but the main reason? I knew he had a story to tell, and he wasn’t sharing anytime soon. 

Kairi and Sora are always saying that my curiosity will be the end of me. They’re probably right but that’s never stopped me before and it wasn’t going to stop me when it came to this. I was determined to find out about him, make sure he didn’t find out a lot about me, and solve the mystery once and for all. And thus began my investigation.

*********************************************************

“Kairi, I need your help.” I let myself into her room and seated myself on her bed. Her bed is simultaneously the girliest and most comfortable bed I’ve ever seen. Three words: lavender. Silk. Sheets. She didn’t seem to mind that I just barged in given she was at her vanity and applying makeup.

“With what?” I didn’t stay on her bed for long after that. Getting up, I moved in behind her and glanced at her reflection in the mirror.

“Your eyeliner’s smudged.” Kairi blinked and squinted at herself.

“Dang.” With that said she immediately grabbed a makeup wipe to start over. “Anyway, what did you need my help for?”

“So. You’re sneaky, cunning, tactful, and know exactly how to get people to talk, right?” 

“Hey!”

“No trust me, it’s a good thing this time. Anyway, I need you to teach me how to do that and shit, your eyeliner’s still not working out.” Gently batting her hands away, I snatched the liner pencil from her hand and began applying it for her. I was done within seconds and after I let go of her face, she kind of glared at me and shook her head.

“Thanks,” she said flatly and pulled out a tube of mascara. “Do you trust me to put this on by myself? …Roxas?”

“Hmm?” I looked up from the eyeliner in my hand. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“If this color would work for me. You know, for whenever our next real show is.” I’m pretty sure I didn’t need to explain myself to her and I’m not sure why I was embarrassed. Kairi knows I’ve worn stage makeup before, but it’s not really something we talk about. She tilted her head and examined my face for a second, grabbing the pencil back.

“Close your eyes.” She hardly waited before she went to work. “Anyway, why do you need my help to be cunning and sneaky and all that other stuff you decided I was?”

“Because I want to find out more about Axel.” I could almost audibly hear the gears turning in her head and I shifted in place.

“Stop squirming or I’m going to end up stabbing you. And you want to find out about _whom?_ ”

“You heard me.”

“I know. That’s why I’m a little afraid. You can open your eyes now.” I opened my eyes and glanced in the mirror. “I think it looks better on you than it does on me. I’d offer to do your mascara for you, but your lashes are so long anyway.” She almost sounded disappointed, but I couldn’t let that distract us.

“Maybe later. I seriously need your help with Axel because he won’t tell me anything and I-“

“Need to stop being suspicious and not pry into his life?”

“Yeah, exactly. Wait, no!” I backtracked as Kairi started giggling at me. More often than not I feel like a lot of my life is made up of me saying stupid things and Kairi laughing at me instead of helping. You’d think I’d remember that before asking for her help, but maybe I’m just a sucker for her. “Kairi, I just want to know his story!”

“Did you ask him about it?” She reached into a drawer of her vanity and came up with a tube of lip gloss. 

“Of course I asked him. He told me no.”

“Well then obviously he doesn’t want to share.” There was a brief pause before she turned around and grabbed my face to dab some gloss on my lips.

“No sticky stuff!”

“Just testing.” The innocent smile didn’t fool me at all and I headed back to her bed, sprawling out as she headed into her walk-in closet with her work uniform in hand. It was Saturday; it had only been a few days since the detention incident but it was the first time I’d had enough time to try and bring it up. This wasn’t exactly working in my favor though. 

“Test on somebody else, like Sora. You know he’ll say yes to anything you ask.”

“So will you. _And_ you’re closer.” Even though I could no longer see her, the tone was pretty straightforward. Even she knew we were both suckers. 

“Whatever. Anyway, obviously Axel doesn’t want to share, but that’s why I’m enlisting you to help me make him crack.”

“Roxas. I love you. I support you. But I’m not going to help you. First of all, it’s none of our business, second of all, he must have a good reason for not wanting to tell us and third, I don’t feel like it.” She finally came back dressed in her uniform and gave me a skeptical look. “Face it, you’re on your own.”

“What the hell.” I rolled over onto my stomach and looked at her. “No help at all?”

“Nope. I’m hoping it will discourage you for the time being.”

“…and you’re my best friend…why?”

“Because I’m the coolest person you know.” Her focus was on strapping her black-heeled sandals around her ankles. The silence between us said enough about that statement. “What are you going do while I’m at work?”

“Please. It’s not like I don’t have a life that doesn’t involve you.” She gave me another skeptical look that said she clearly didn’t believe me and that was all it took. “…okay, so I was gonna call Demyx and ask if he wanted to come over for practice. I wrote a new song that I want them to hear.”

“For your bet?” She had moved on to rummage through her dresser even as she kept the topic casual. She already knew about the bet Sora, Demyx, and I made against each other. I told her the day after it happened and she’s been following along with both sides. Not that she should ever take a side that isn’t my own, but there’s pretty much nothing that remains sacred in our friendship. It’s just the way things have always been. She knows all of my secrets, I know all of hers, and although sometimes it sucks…

…yeah, I don’t have a follow up. Sometimes it sucks.

“Yeah, for the bet. I’m hoping so at least since it’s the best I could come up with so far.” I finally sat up again and watched her triumphantly hold up a white tie, beginning to loop it around her neck.

“So do I get to hear this song?”

“Do you really want to?”

“Of course I do.”

“But…I don’t have any music or my guitar or-” She sent me another flat look and tapped her foot against the ground.

“Stop stalling. I know you can sing without a beat, you’ve done it plenty of times.”

“But-“

“Roxas…please?”

“Ugh, fine. Just stop looking at me like that,” I muttered and racked my brain for the right pitch. I opened my mouth but closed it upon having a different thought. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Now why would I do that? You know that if I wanted to laugh I’d wait until you were gone.” She finally managed to get her tie on straight and gave me her full undivided attention. “Come on. I gotta leave really soon and you’re driving me there.” 

“Fine, fine, fine.” I couldn’t keep stalling because she had a point, but eventually the words came out. “I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold, I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul, you’re the one I wanna chase, you’re the one I wanna hold, I won’t let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul…” I stopped singing and looked at Kairi, only to find her with a look of approval on her face.

“…Roxas, that’s cute! It’s different than your other stuff. I like it though!” And as much as I appreciated the feedback, I still wasn’t satisfied. I couldn’t tell her that though. Kairi’s been one of our biggest supporters since we started the band and she’d just tell me the same thing she always tells me.

_‘Roxas, you’re being way too critical.’_

If I didn’t argue, I couldn’t give her the chance to say that.

“Thanks,” I said, and what else could I do? I didn’t have a follow-up that would make her happy and instead I shrugged and rolled off of her bed for the last time. “Anyway, let’s get going. You have work and I have a song to figure out.”

There wasn’t any argument and the drive over to Noon Moon was pretty uneventful. By the time I dropped Kairi off for her shift and drove back to my own house I came to two realizations. One, Demyx was already at my house and two, he was parked in my driveway. Mine! I’ve told him countless times to park on the curb so that I could park in the driveway, but no, he still doesn’t listen to me. Instead, _I_ ended up parking on the curb and ran into my house, racing up to my room without stopping and kicking the door open.

“How many times have I told you to _not_ park in my driveway?” Demyx merely blinked at me and shifted the guitar in his hands, ignoring the fact I was glaring and pointing a lot.

“Lots? Look, sorry, but you weren’t here and I took what was available.” It was about the kind of apology I expected, but given I wasn’t that mad it was good enough. I couldn’t help but glance around the room, curious to why Sora wasn’t busy defending Demyx.

He wasn’t even in the room. That was probably a good excuse.

“Where’s Sora?” I changed the subject as I picked up my bass from the corner of the room, noticing Sora’s drum pad at my desk.

“Downstairs grabbing sodas and stuff.”

“Actually, I’m right here.” Sora appeared in the doorway not long after, carrying an armload of chips and cookies.

“I thought you were grabbing sodas?” He shrugged before he dropped all of the junk food on my bed.

“I was, but Axel decided to grab them since I didn’t have enough hands.”

“Wait, what?” I immediately asked, whipping around and looking at the door just as the redhead came in carrying four sodas. He sent me a cheeky grin and set three of the sodas down on my desk a safe distance from Sora’s drums.

“Hey, what’s up?” he greeted me, making himself comfortable on my bed amongst the Oreos and Cheetos.

“I…you…what are you doing here?” I finally managed to spit out. I at least had enough tact not to say “why are you in my house.”

“Demyx brought me along.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d mind, Rox,” Demyx jumped in, looking up from his guitar.

_‘Then again, Myx, you usually don’t think at all.’_

Maybe it wasn’t entirely Demyx’s fault, but it was also kind of Demyx’s fault. All I could do was force my expression back into its usual cool façade and shrug my shoulders.

“Sure. Whatever,” I mumbled, trying not to let on the fact that I was irritated. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sora giving me a suspicious glance but I ignored him in favor of my bass. “Anyway, let’s get started. Dem, do we have any new gigs in the nearby future?”

“Nope, but I wanted to talk to you about that. I think we should just focus on Battle of the Bands and forget about all gigs until next summer. That way, we’ll have somewhat of an advantage to the other bands.” He joined Axel on my bed with his guitar in his lap, tuning it a bit as he went.

“I do and don’t agree with that,.” Sora settled into my desk chair, a cookie dangling from his mouth as he drew the drum pad to his lap. “We shouldn’t put our primary focus on shows, but I don’t think we should go dark to the public either. That’s not going to help us at the battle either.”

“You guys have your own battle?” Axel, who was attempting to open a bag of chips, sounded more interested than usual.

“Yeah, every year! We’ve been trying to enter for the past two years but we always end up either not making the cut or just not being able to enter. Point being, we’re gonna get in this year _and_ we’re gonna win something!” I only wished I felt as confident as Demyx sounded about the whole thing.

“We’re not going to win _anything_ if we don’t start getting our act together.” It was a little awkward the way the others stared at me the moment I cut in. “C’mon guys, look at us! We’re sitting on our asses talking about how we’ll wipe the floor with everybody, and yet, we’re not making an effort to do anything about it.” I couldn’t help that I was ranting. I’m used to ranting.

…okay, I lied. I never rant. In fact, I couldn’t care less if we didn’t get any work done until the week before the battle because I knew that we’d be able to pull it together. I knew I was ranting to make myself sound more important. Unfortunately, I had a feeling that I was doing just the opposite. If Axel wasn’t in the room I wouldn’t have had to make it sound like we were professionals and I wouldn’t have to prove we were. This is why practices should be closed! The others would never agree with me, and judging by Sora’s expression he would have been the first to disagree.

“Okay Roxas, let’s lay off the coffee for a while. But sure. We’ll get to work. You told me this morning that you had a new song to show us, didn’t you?”

This was about the point that my words came back to bite me in the ass. My eyes darted around the room briefly and landed on Axel. Somehow he was staring at me again and while it was unnerving, I didn’t want to linger on that for very long. Instead, I had a brand new problem to deal with.

There was no way I was going to sing my attempt at a love song in front of him. I just couldn’t. I had enough trouble trying in front of Kairi. It didn’t make sense to try and debut it in front of a practical stranger. I’d like to think that I’m smart and witty enough to come up with a plan B, but I can fully admit I’ve just gotten good at saving my own skin when I need to. Without any tells, I nodded and walked closer to my desk.

“Yeah, I did. Give me a second to find the finished draft.” It gave me enough time to grab my music folder and flip through until I found three sheets of paper. I’d written the sheet music for another new song I wrote about the time I was working on the song I sang for Kairi. Sora and Demyx wouldn’t know the wiser. I handed them their sheets and set mine on the floor, waiting for a few moments for them to read over the music and learn it a bit. The one thing I’m grateful for is that my friends are fast learners when it comes to this stuff. I must have been staring for too long though because Demyx suddenly raised an eyebrow and gestured to me.

“What are you looking at me for? It’s your start,” he informed me, pointing down at my own paper on the floor. 

So it was.

“Oh, right. Um.” I ended up shifting my bass that suddenly felt too big for me to be holding. Looking back at my bed, I caught Axel’s eye again. No matter where I looked it felt like he was watching me. I normally didn’t have a problem with distractions during practices, but having him here and in my personal space was a little more than I bargained for. I knew my bandmates were waiting on me and I knew Axel was going to watch no matter what. In the end, all I could do was start playing a low, slower chord knowing Demyx would start playing even after I started to sing.

“Hello again, this scene should end before it begins. You missed your mark, toyed with my heart, and pressed restart. Now that you’re here we’re shifting gears and breaking rules. You thought you knew what I would do, but you’re confused. You’re chasing my love, a spark of fire…it’s meant for you, but out of reach…it’s out of range, it’s so strange…”

The musical interlude gave me enough of a break to focus on Sora’s drums filtering into one ear and Demyx’s guitar in the other. I looked at my fingers solely so I wouldn’t have to look at Axel, playing the notes that I’d practiced by myself until the next set of lyrics rolled around.

“Give me some space, you know this isn’t a race, so let’s change the pace. Got nothing to lose, so give me some proof you won’t be a waste. Now that you’re here we’re shifting gears and breaking rules. You thought you knew what I would do, but I refuse. You’re chasing my love, a spark of fire…it’s meant for you, but out of reach…it’s out of range…it’s a dangerous trick, a game of chance, it won’t be long to break the trance, and move away, away and up and out of range…it’s so strange…

It was only during the last few lines of music that I dared to look up, fully expecting Axel’s attention to still be on me. To my surprise, it was actually on Demyx. And then it shifted to Sora. He was watching their hands and their expressions, absorbing what he was hearing and paying attention to the music itself. I couldn’t help but feel a little proud of myself for that, but as the song ended his eyes wandered back to me even when I turned to face my friends.

“So yeah, that’s my latest.” Even after I said it and even after we played it, Sora seemed perplexed.

“I dunno, Rox, that doesn’t sound like a love song to me.” 

“It’s not.”

“I thought you said that it was?”

“Not exactly.”

“Well whatever it is, it’s good,” Axel finally spoke up, stopping Sora and I from arguing any further and causing both of us to look at him.

“…really?” Like I said, I’m a little overly critical. I’m not even sure why I felt like Axel’s opinion had any weight at all. Maybe it was because we didn’t really know each other but something about someone else liking my music held a little more weight than Kairi’s usual praise. That alone was even more confusing and a little frustrating.

“Really,” Demyx took over. “I agree with Ax, it’s a cool song. But I also agree with Sora that it’s not a love song. It’s like, a hate song or something.”

“I’d like to see you do better.” I set my bass on the floor.

“We’re just saying that maybe you should focus more on writing that love song instead of…you know. Your usual stuff.” He didn’t mean it as an insult, but Sora’s lack of tact wasn’t exactly helpful. In the end he set his drum pad aside and stood up. “I want ice cream. Anybody else?” 

“Ditto.” Demyx set his guitar down next to mine and followed my cousin out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Axel and I alone and surrounded by snacks that were soon abandoned. Without looking up I could tell that he was watching me again as I slowly crossed the room, replacing the music sheets into my folder. It was silent as I stood at my desk, back toward him and only a few feet away from the foot of my bed. I heard him shift to turn and look at me but didn’t say anything as I continued occupying myself, starting to organize my music by date of creation.

I was definitely keeping myself busy so I didn’t have to talk to him, but I didn’t have anything to say anyway. It was my room, my house, and my space. I shouldn’t have had to say anything at all. Too bad it didn’t work for too long.

“I didn’t peg you to be one with a good voice,” he started out, shifting again to get more comfortable.

“Yeah. Surprise?” I shrugged and kept my back to him.

“You guys are better than I expected. I wasn’t sure what Demyx really meant when he told me about you.”

“Like I said, we’ve been together for three years. It comes from practice, I guess.”

“Can you just take a compliment from me without countering it?” To no one’s surprise, that was what finally made me turn to face him even with my folder still in hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It _means_ you’re being picky with what I can and can’t say to you.” There was an obvious “duh” tacked on at the end even if he didn’t outright say so. Setting the folder down I took a seat at my desk and turned to continue facing him.

“…remind me why you’re here?”

“I tried telling you that you couldn’t avoid destiny, Roxas, but did you listen to me? No.” He tucked a piece of loose hair behind his ear, but the smirk was fairly obvious, too.

“I mean, I didn’t listen to you because you sound kinda crazy. So really, why are you here?”

“I told you,” he started to say.

“No more of that destiny crap!” I cut him off. He gave me a flat stare.

“Actually, I was going to say because Demyx brought me with him.”

Oh yeah. Oops.

“…any reason why?” I asked in a futile effort to make myself stop looking like an ass.

“He needs a reason to bring me with him?”

Apparently making myself stop looking like an ass was a _very_ futile effort.

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“So what exactly did you mean?” There was something in his tone that wasn’t sitting well with me and as he started to glare I continued trying to shrink back.

“I-I just meant that…I mean…why…” I couldn’t even finish a sentence because it dawned on me just how much of a height advantage Axel had on me, not to mention how he looked when he seemed to be kind of pissed. It wasn’t a picture I liked and I realized that I was in trouble the moment he stood up and took a few steps toward me.

“You wanna know why I’d sit through your practice?” It was a low tone, unsettling almost. There wasn’t that much of a space between us to begin with but he closed it in a few strides.

“Uh…”

“It’s because…” He stopped talking and stood right in front of me so that my nose practically bumped into his chest, especially since I was still sitting.

“B-because?” Stuttering isn’t usually a thing I do, but there are some cases it happens. Like this. This was a good case.

“Because…I was curious to see how you guys sounded.” He grinned and stepped away, dropping the act while I stood there with a slightly dropped jaw and a dumbfounded look on my face. “Plus, it’s always fun to psych you out.”

I couldn’t believe that I fell for that. So of course, I did what came natural.

“You didn’t psych me out,” I immediately denied. It didn’t take a genius to know he didn’t believe a word I said.

“Uh-huh, okay. You keep telling yourself that.” He opened his mouth to say something else (probably to tease me again) when Demyx’s voice rang out from downstairs.

“Axel, let’s go! I have to get to work _and_ take you home now!” Axel moved away from me and grabbed Demyx’s guitar from off of the floor, giving me one last look.

“Hey Roxas?”

“Yeah?”

“Nice eyeliner. Off-black’s definitely your color.” He grinned widely, making a show of opening my bedroom door and waltzing out into the hallway. I gave him a blank stare for a few moments, trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about when I reached up and wiped at my eyelid, looking down at the small smear of black on my fingers.

I’m not sure if Axel took my total silence as confusion or embarrassment, but he didn’t seem to mind either way. Instead, he gave me a two-finger salute and twirled on the ball of his foot to exit my room.

“Until destiny makes us meet again!” And with that he was gone.

I didn’t move for a while after that, listening to the commotion downstairs as the front door opened and closed. Looking out the window that was above my bed, I watched as Demyx’s car drove out of our driveway and disappeared out of sight. Even after they were both long gone, I continued to stare out the window, puzzled by what had just happened and mildly embarrassed that I _let_ it happen.

“See anything interesting?” Sora’s voice caught my attention and my gaze jerked away from the outside world. He stood leaning against the doorframe, a bowl of ice cream in his hand and spoon spinning against the rim slightly.

“No…not really.” I shrugged, unsure of how else to answer as I dropped myself on my bed. Sora took a few bites of his ice cream slowly, seemingly pondering his next words. I wasn’t in any real hurry to hear them though; it wasn’t like I was going to leave anytime soon.

“So,” he started off after that long pause. 

“…so?”

“Axel seemed pretty interested in you today.” Sora’s never been great at being subtle but sometimes it’s like he’s not even trying at all.

“Yeah, he’s a weird kid with a staring problem. What do you want me to do about it?”

“It was just a comment.”

“Yeah, but you’re trying to imply something, aren’t you?”

That was about the point he lost his patience with me. It happens a lot for both of us. “Okay look, if you’re going to be offended by something stupid, I’m gonna go downstairs, put this bowl in the sink, and go to Riku’s. Have fun sulking.” Pushing himself away from the door, he used his free hand to grab the doorknob and shut the door behind him. Even as I heard his footsteps fade I half-expected him to come back.

“I’m not sulking,” I said to no one in particular, and it was then I realized I was finally alone. I like when things are quiet. I like when I can hear myself think. But I can’t say I always like my own thoughts, and this was one of those times.

I wasn’t sure why, but Axel kept worming his way into my thoughts once every thirty seconds or so. Just kidding, I don’t know how often it was, but it felt like it was that often. Was that normal? I was pretty sure it wasn’t. I kept wondering why he was looking at me like that and if that red really was his natural hair color. I also kept finding myself asking why he was convinced that our meeting everywhere was destiny.

Who knew? Maybe it really _was_ destiny trying to push us together. Maybe we really were supposed to meet and become…friends. Maybe we were just bound to find each other.

Oh yeah, and maybe there really was a chance that I’d sprout wings and fly away.

I don’t tend to believe in all of this supernatural stuff like fate and destiny. If it happens, it happens just because. There is no higher power controlling every move that I make. There’s no one I answer to but myself, and there’s no one who created me for a greater purpose I don’t know about. The idea sounded kind of scary, like being a pawn in somebody else’s game of chess. But whose pawn would I be?

…ugh. I’ve never been really good at this philosophical stuff. That’s more Kairi’s department. Hell, that’s even more _Axel’s_ department than mine. But what can you expect? Not much, I can tell you that. But maybe if I were a bit more philosophically inclined, I’d have an answer to what to do about Axel and how to get my brain to stop thinking about him.

Maybe I should have just settled for figuring out a way to stop my thought process all together. That would have saved all of us a bunch of trouble.

*********************************************************

Lucky for me, the rest of the weekend went by without any more incidents like Saturday’s. Monday rolled around and everything seemed to be normal…or about as normal as normal could get. The only difference was that Axel was suddenly everywhere. He’d decided that it would be okay to join us on our side of the room during our Government class, lunch, and art, acting like he was our friend.

Then again, everybody else was acting like he was our friend too.

I think that was about the time I clued in and realized that maybe I was being a bit unfair about the whole Axel thing. It’s not like he really did anything to me in the first place.

“Hey, Shortstack.”

…other than make fun of me every chance he could. I guess what I should be saying is that he didn’t really do anything to me when everybody else was around. But when we were by ourselves? That was a whole other story.

Sixth period was slowly becoming my least favorite class, especially when you added Mr. Teitzel to the mix. The guy should have retired years ago, but there wasn’t much I could do about that. Instead, since everyone else was trying to befriend Axel and bring him into our group, it was probably time I tried the same since it was something I could control myself.

“Um…hi.” I never said that my efforts were _good._ Axel didn’t seem to mind though and he settled into his desk, flashing another grin as he leaned his arms on my desk instead.

“No makeup today?”

“Fuck you.” 

“Can I?”

 _That_ certainly threw me off. I couldn’t help it when my head snapped up and I looked over at him, certain that I had the weirdest look on my face by that point.

“ _What?_ ”

A beat. Two beats. And then: “Just kidding.”

“I swear to god—“

“Relax, Roxas. You’re not exactly my type for that sort of thing, you know? I’d probably break you in half.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Well duh I heard him. I was just about ready to ask him about it again when Teitzel walked into the room, beginning to already lecture us about…something to do with Pip’s characterization in Great Expectations. I had a feeling we were going to be studying this book for a while and truthfully I couldn’t care less even though I should have been paying attention. Instead, my eyes kept drifting over to Axel, almost like they had a mind of their own. Despite the fact that Teitzel was pacing the room and lecturing us, all I heard was Axel’s voice with his stupid sexual innuendo echoing in my brain.

“Mr. Mihara, do you think you could help us out here?” Teitzel was suddenly in front of my desk, looking down at me.

Talk about cliché timing. I looked up from my desk and stared at Teitzel, unsure of what to say. First of all, I went completely blank because he put me on the spot like that and secondly, I didn’t even know what we were talking about in the first place. I knew I had to answer though if Teitzel’s death glare was any indication. My best bet was to say the first thing I thought of.

“Green!” I blurted out. Teitzel raised an eyebrow as a few giggles arose.

“Pip was fascinated with Miss Havisham and Estella because they were green?” he repeated, raising the other eyebrow.

In retrospect, saying the first thing I thought of _wasn’t_ such a smart idea. There wasn’t any way to make green fit into any sort of context that made sense and I found myself trying to come up with a better answer. Turns out I didn’t have to though. 

“I think what he meant, Mr. T, was that Miss Havisham and Estella were rich, i.e. green,” Axel quickly covered for me, looking over out of the corner of his green eyes.

…maybe green made more sense in _that_ context, at least. Even though I had just gotten busted for not paying attention, I found myself staring at Axel even as Teitzel accepted that answer and moved on, leaving me alone and continuing his lecture. I’m pretty sure that he thought it was some young hip teenage slang he wasn’t up on, but I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him otherwise.

“You could say you’re welcome,” Axel muttered out of the corner of his mouth. My eyes drifted back to my own desk instead.

“How about we settle for I hate you less?” 

“That works.” He shrugged and that was that. I was determined to ask him a few questions after class, but as soon as the bell rang Axel shot out of the classroom before I could even close my binder.

You can bet that added to my suspicions about him. What was he trying to hide? Did he have some sort of split personality? A double life? And goddamnit, why did he have to look so good in those jeans?

…so maybe that wasn’t one of my original questions, but inquiring minds needed to know. I was determined for answers no matter how hard I had to try and how much of an ass I had to make of myself.

I’ll tell you this right now; I 100% made myself look like an ass on multiple occasions.

*********************************************************

About an hour after school found me at my computer, browsing through my email and half-listening to Kairi on the phone.

“So what’s new?” I asked her, knowing she probably didn’t have a reason to be calling.

“Nothing really, working on homework. Although I think when I hang up with you, I’m gonna call Selphie and see if she wants to go do something. Oh by the way, I gave Axel your phone number and oh my gosh, my mom bought more strawberry ice cream!” She all but squealed. _That_ I caught though, despite how much I was tuning her out.

“ _What?_ ”

“I know, that’s what I said! She told me that she wasn’t buying me any more!” All I heard was the sound of her opening and closing the freezer and _not_ the sound of her explaining that bomb she just dropped on me.

“No, not that! You gave Axel my number?”

“Oh, yeah, that. Sure did.”

“Why!”

“Because he asked me for it?” I was slowly getting used to people with red hair ending their statements with invisible “duhs.”

“Well you could have lied and said you didn’t have it!” No sooner than I said it did I realize just how stupid of an idea that was.

“Yeah, because _that_ would be believable.”

“I can’t believe you gave it to him though! You could have at least asked me about it before you did! I don’t give _your_ number out to random cute guys!”

“Not yet you don--did you just call Axel cute?”

“Uh. No…?” Everything about the phone number suddenly didn’t matter once I realized I sealed my own fate. I should have realized that denial was not my best friend. 

Unfortunately, Kairi was my best friend and she was determined to not only humiliate me but also prove that she was right.

“I think you did,” she drawled out, on the verge of giggling.

“No I didn’t and you can’t pro-, okay, yes, fine, I said he was cute! Are you happy now?”

“I knew it! Roxas, when did you decide to admit it?”

“Just now apparently.”

“So…what does this mean?” I already felt the beginnings of a headache.

“Um, it means I think he’s cute? Look Kairi, I don’t know if there’s really any other meaning to—“ I was cut off suddenly by a beep on the line. “Hey, somebody else is calling, I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up before she could object and looked at my cell phone, not recognizing the incoming number.

“Hello?” I answered, leaning back further in my chair.

“Hey.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is about the time I lost my balance and fell out of my chair, sprawling out on the floor. The worst part was either the fact that the chair came with me or the fact that I let out a high-pitched yelp in response.

“You okay there?” Wonderful. Axel was ready to laugh at me, too.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine. Hi.” I finally just gave up on the chair and migrated over to my bed, scooting closer to the window.

“Hi. What’s up?”

…it was a weirdly normal start to a conversation, and nobody could (or should) blame me for being suspicious. “Nothing…just kind of hanging out. I was talking to Kairi a little bit ago.”

“Oh. That’s cool I guess.” He paused, awkward silence filling the line for a few seconds. “…sorry for just randomly calling; Kairi gave me your number after school.”

Was that why he rushed off right after the bell rang? It would make sense, not to mention that explained why Kairi was late meeting me at the car. Even if that were true, I didn’t quite understand it. Why would some guy I have no interest in suddenly approach my best friend for my phone number? Then again it’s not like they didn’t know each other already; they worked together, they had class together, and god only knew what they talked about when they were together. Were they talking about me? Did they have conversations about how to talk to me?

Maybe I was being paranoid, but it was better than just accepting everything.

“Yeah, she told me,” I said shortly.

“Oh. Uh…hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah…”

…and insert awkward silence take two. We sat there on the line for a few moments, both of us unsure of what to even say. As before, Axel was the one who broke the silence.

“Anyway, I just called to say hey.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

“…really?”

“Now really, Roxas, why would I lie?”

I could think of a lot of reasons he’d lie, but at the same time most of them didn’t fit. On the other hand I barely knew the guy and he was expecting me to trust him? Who said I could do that so easily? I was just about to point that out to him when I heard a door close on his end of the line, followed by another voice.

“Axel?”

Demyx?

“Hey,” Axel suddenly said. “I gotta run. Guess I’ll talk to you later?”

“Riiight…later,” I echoed and soon heard the dial tone ringing in my ear. Pulling the phone away from me, I dropped it next to me on the bed and began the process of trying to figure out what just happened.

Were all phone calls supposed to be that awkward?

Not to my knowledge, anyway. I’d spent years listening to Sora talk on the phone with Riku to know that conversations shouldn’t be that stiff. I’ve talked to Kairi for enough years to know that. Why was Axel so different? I couldn’t wrap my brain around it and truthfully, I didn’t really want to. In fact, I was ready to just forget about it all together.

Axel obviously had a different idea though because he called me again later that evening, right after dinner. Same stiff conversation, same awkward silence, same unresponsive me. I was sure that was going to drive him off this time. Who wants to talk to a silent asshole?

Despite my best efforts to ignore him, he called me again the next afternoon, and then the next, and even the afternoon after that. About a week into the awkward phone calls, I finally came to the conclusion that I was going about this all wrong. So, it was time to try the next best thing; actually having a conversation.

“Hey Axel,” I answered, turning the page of one of my textbooks.

“What’s goin’ on?”

“Working on that assignment for Government. Did you understand it? I mean, I understand part of it but I’m stuck on number three because seriously, we’re not answering five questions if each question has five questions inside of it.” I continued to turn the pages and was met with silence. Axel was silent for a solid minute and I was beginning to wonder if he had hung up on me when I heard his light breathing.

“Wow. I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me. Ever.”

Sure, _now_ he notices when I actually say a lot to him? Give me a break. 

“Yeah, yeah, can you help me first and gawk later?”

“Oh…yeah, hold on.” I could hear him rustling through his bag for his homework. “Okay so which part are you stuck on?”

“…all of question three?”

There was a sigh of mock disappointment. I could almost picture him shaking his head. “Roxas, what are we gonna do with you? Unable to get through one assignment by yourself? What a shame. Anyway, the answers in order are criminal justice, nine, supreme court, jurisdiction, and I didn’t get the last one because I was going to wait and ask you.” I paused in my writing and raised an eyebrow.

“So basically we’re both kind of screwed for the moment?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Great. Whatever, I’ll work on it later.” I shut the book and threw it on the floor by my backpack. “So what’s up?” Again, he paused for the longest time that I thought he hung up.

“You’re…actually talking back.”

“Yeah. Isn’t that what people do on the phone?”

I think he was starting to get a little suspicious about my plan. I probably needed to tone it down a bit so it didn’t sound so fake, but at the same time the result was fascinating.

“Yeah, but…wow, Kairi was right.”

“About what?”

“You.”

“…okay, I got that. But what exactly did she have to say about me?”

“Just that it took you a bit of time to warm up to people, that’s all.”

Well great. Thank you, Kairi, for completely blowing my cover. Axel now thought that I was acting civil on my own accord. But then again…it really wasn’t so terrible talking to him like a normal person. Besides, he wasn’t being a dick at the current moment; why should I be?

“Well…yeah.”

“Any reason why?”

“…it’s a long story.”

“Well…I’m not going anywhere, are you?”

“Not really, no…”

“So…?”

“So what?”

“Care to share?” he continued to prod. My shoulders sagged and I looked out the window instead of at my desk, thinking and choosing carefully what I was going to say.

“A few years back, somebody screwed up everything. That’s all.” I didn’t want to think about my dad right then and there, and maybe it wasn’t as long of a story as I made it out to be, but I didn’t know what else to say to him. 

“Sounds like a total dick.”

“Might be. I don’t really know.” Axel must have noticed the change of tone because he quickly changed the subject.

“Anyway, tomorrow’s Friday.”

“…good job,” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Now, what color is the sky?”

“Don’t be mean. I was going to say that you should come to Demyx’s tomorrow.”

“What for?”

“Just to hang out. I think he was gonna invite you and Sora tomorrow. Kairi, too. He doesn’t mind who’s here most of the time, so I figured I’d pass on the message.”

“Oh,” I replied, for lack of any other answer. “I think we’d have to figure out if we’re being forced into something else. Sometimes our Fridays get hijacked by Aunt Seiya.”

“Huh?”

“Sora’s mom. It’s a whole family bonding thing.”

“Oh.” He sounded a little confused, not to mention disappointed. 

I hate disappointing people, no matter who the person was.

“…on second thought, there’s always Saturday to hang out with the family if it comes to that.” The words were gone from my mouth before my brain could process them.

“Really?”

“Sure.”

“Sweet, that’d be awesome.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there.”

“Awesome. Anyway, I should go, I have to get ready for work. I’ll talk to you tomorrow though, if not later tonight?”

“Yeah. Sure. Uh, probably tomorrow though, I have a lot of homework I need to finish with,” I added quickly.

“Maybe for the best. My shift isn’t over until eight or so anyway. I’ll talk to you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah. We’ll…talk tomorrow.”

“Bye, Rox.” And he hung up before I could even correct him. Hanging up my own phone, I set it on my desk and got up, grabbing my backpack and hoisting it up onto my lap to dig for my math book.

I was maybe doing a bad job at diverting Axel’s attention and driving him away. In fact, I was pretty sure that I was doing just the opposite, pulling him further in and actually warming up to him. So what if my plan had gone off-course? Something was happening to us, but I just wasn’t so sure what it was.

And If I’d known I wouldn’t be so sure for a long time, I might have been a little more careful with my next move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I severely debated removing the Jesse McCartney lyrics since those have been there since the original draft was published in 2006, but then I decided it was funnier this way. Hate to break it to you, but this won't be the only chapter that features Roxas writing a song using J-Mac lyrics so if you're not down I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm also truly sorry for the actual lyrics that were written as I myself am not a musician. If you want, read them while listening to Metric's Black Sheep since that's the basic rhythm I had going at the time.


	4. So Let's Not Get Carried Away With the Process of Elimination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'd never even had a real crush on a boy before and there was no way in hell I was wasting my first one on Axel. It took me this long to get used to having him around without wanting to kick him in the dick. Why complicate it? Senior year was supposed to be easy. A piece of cake. A walk in the park. i.e. not complicated. It didn’t make sense to try and pursue a thing nobody even knew how to handle."

So have you ever heard that saying that’s like, “Your worst enemy could become your best friend”? Well, even if you haven’t, you just heard it from me so hah! Point being, I guess you could say that’s kinda what was starting to happen between me and Axel, other than the fact that he could never be my best friend. I mean, sure, I couldn’t stand him when I first met him but he was slowly starting to grow on me.

And between you and me, it was beginning to scare me a little.

Truthfully, I had no _real_ reason to be scared of our growing friendship but I really thought I did. Kairi was right. It took me a while to warm up to people and maybe I had attachment issues. So what? The other problem was I already thought that Axel was cute. Now that I thought he was sort of a cool guy, what would that lead up to?

I had to keep my distance from him no matter what before something disastrous happened. The last thing I needed was to get myself into another twisted relationship with somebody else.

But of course, nothing seemed to go as planned lately. Why would it?

*********************************************************

“So are you guys going to Demyx’s tonight?” Kairi asked us on the way out of the school as we headed to the parking lot. Classes were officially over for the week and all of us were just ready for a break.

“How did you even find out about that?” I countered back as we headed for my car.

“And how come I wasn’t even informed about this?” Sora complained as he lagged behind us, suddenly looking up from his phone. If I had to guess he was probably texting Riku.

“Axel told me last night at work,” Kairi answered first.

“And I was going to tell you about it when we were both at home,” I replied to Sora. He frowned briefly before shrugging and stopping at his car which was right next to mine.

“Okay fine, I guess I’ll let it slide. So are we going?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Think Aunt Seiya will object?”

“She’s not even going to be home. She’s got a date.” The tone was almost hilariously childish even as he rolled his eyes heavenward. 

“Your mom’s going on a date?” Kairi’s eyes widened, staring at my cousin in disbelief.

“Yep. Some guy from work that’s been into her for a while now I guess.” Sora was making it pretty obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it. 

“So, uh, guess we’ll go over there then,” I said, quickly changing the subject.

“Guess so. What time do we want to go over there?” 

“Demyx said sometime after eight because he has to work,” Kairi chipped in, jumping into my car as soon as I unlocked it. 

“…’kay, guess we’re going at eight then.” I shrugged and looked back at Sora. “Where are you going right now?”

“I have to go check into work, make sure they don’t need me.” Sora looked away briefly as he patted down his pockets to find his car keys and still holding onto his phone. Sora works at the local video store; so does Riku.

I’m surprised that they actually get any work done.

“I should be home by four.” There was a sudden noise of triumph as he found his keys. Waving to both of us, he ducked into his car and soon pulled out of the space next to us and disappeared from sight. Kairi glanced over at me as I slid into the driver’s seat, starting it up and leaving as well.

“He’s not really happy with Seiya going on that date, is he?” she asked me as I drove us back to our neighborhood, turning up the volume of my stereo just enough.

“How could you tell?” She chose not to say anything, looking out the window again.

“So you guys are really going to go to Dem’s tonight?” 

“Yeah, why not?”

“Because Ax-el will be there,” she said with a grin, turning her head back to me.

“Don’t do the name thing. And so what?”

“I thought you didn’t like him?” It was kind of unfortunate we’d stopped at a red light and I couldn’t ignore her for that long. I managed to until the light changed again, but I ended up shrugging my shoulders as an answer.

“Maybe I changed my mind. I mean, once you get to talking to him, he’s not so bad right?”

“Yeah, we tried telling you that from the very beginning.”

“So I’m a little slow on the uptake. What more do you want from me, Kai?” I pulled into her driveway and put the car in park, turning in my seat to look at her.

“The truth would be nice.”

“I _am_ telling you the truth though!”

“Roxas,” she said slowly, grabbing her shoulder bag from the floor. She looked at me for a moment before shaking her head and opening the door. Obviously she changed her mind. “It’s not important. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”

“No, what were you going to say?” She stopped in her tracks and stood halfway out of my car, keeping her back to me.

“It was nothing, really.”

“Promise?” I challenged her, waiting for her to crack. Kairi knows that she can’t lie to me; she’s horrible at it, in fact. Same with Sora. She turned to look at me and smiled reassuringly.

“Promise,” she answered firmly, finally getting out of my car and slinging her bag over her shoulder. “See ya later!” She slammed the door and practically skipped up to her front door, already grabbing her cell phone and holding it to her ear. I’m not saying that I didn’t believe her but…

…okay, that’s exactly what I was saying. But come on! Kairi was definitely acting weird and I didn’t like it. Then again, there wasn’t much I could do about it until she decided to tell me what was up. So, being the good friend I am, I backed out of her driveway and left, determined not to bother her about it. By the time I got home, I noticed that Sora’s car was already parked on the curb. With a quick glance at the clock, I saw that it was only a quarter after three. Parking my car in the driveway and heading to the house, I threw open the front door and slammed it behind me.

“Sora?”

“—no idea. But I’ll let you know if I figure it out. I’ll see you tonight,” he seemed to be saying to someone and as I moved through the front hall and turned right at the stairs I found Sora on the couch with his phone pressed to his ear. Hanging up, he tilted his head backwards to stare at me. “What is it?”

“I thought you wouldn’t be home until four?” I ended up sitting next to him, glancing at the TV briefly.

Oprah. He was watching Oprah. It was then I realized that Sora wasn’t actually _watching_ the TV.

“No, I said that I’d be home _by_ four. There’s a difference.” He didn’t leave much room for argument as he slipped his phone back into his pocket and he focused on the TV. There was an awkward silence for a moment, me watching Sora and Sora (seemingly) watching the TV.

“So…care to share what bit you in the ass?” Nice and casual. It seemed like a nice way to start a conversation. Sora obviously didn’t think so if the derisive snort was anything to go by.

“Only if you’ll do the same in return.”

“Wait what?”

“You heard me.” He finally looked away from the TV and settled his gaze on me. 

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I know what the hell you’re talking about.” I couldn’t help it when I raised an eyebrow. He continued looking at me for a few moments before shaking his head.

“Nothing.” He looked away and changed the channel. As a sudden sense of déjà vu set in, I snatched the remote from him and turned off the TV, forcing him to look at me again.

“No, no more of this nothing stuff. I want to know what’s going on!” Sora calmly reached up and pried my hands off of his shoulders.

“Roxas, relax. All I’m saying is that you’re suddenly acting different. Or maybe you’re finally going back to normal, that’s all.” He shrugged and got off of the couch, heading toward the stairs. Without hesitation, I got up and followed him up to his room.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned, standing in the doorway so that he couldn’t get through. Sora sighed and met my eyes again.

“It means that ever since the day you met Axel, you were even more high-strung than usual but now you’re starting to go back to being the cool Roxas everybody likes.” He shrugged again and leaned against the wall. 

“…was I really being that much of an ass?”

“Dude, everybody noticed it. Even Naminé and she’s hardly even around anymore because of stupid Marluxia. The main question we have is what made you change back?” Sora folded his arms over his chest and stared me down. Just because he was 17 already and I wasn’t didn’t mean that he had complete authority over me.

Besides, his glare made him about as scary as a goldfish.

“Nothing made me ‘change back’, dude. I wasn’t even really aware that I was being a dick, remember?”

“Yeah but something made you snap out of it.”

“Not really…I guess it’s just because Axel’s not as bad as I thought. Is that a problem?” I must’ve snapped without even realizing it because his immediate response was blinking at me in surprise and laughing slightly.

“Whoa, Rox, easy on the defense. It was just a question.”

“Well now you know the answer.” I couldn’t even explain why I was being so defensive. I just wanted the conversation to end suddenly and even though the rational part of my head told me that I was the one who started this I had to be the one to end it, too.

“Yeah, but I probably could have figured that out on my own.”

“So why didn’t you?” I snapped back. Sora was quiet again, watching me from his own doorway.

“…no idea. What time do you want to head to Dem’s?” he changed the subject just like he always did when he knew he was busted.

“Eight, remember?”

“Oh…yeah.”

“Who’s driving?”

“I guess I can. Are we picking up Kairi?” At this point he was refusing to meet my eyes, and maybe I felt a little guilty but not enough to apologize.

“Unless you’re delegating Riku to do it.”

“I could, but he’s working and probably won’t have time.” I didn’t respond right away, pausing to see what else he had to say. He finally looked up and continued to examine me quietly, scrunching up his nose in thought. It was kind of weird, the way he was staring at me.

“Sure. So…let me know when you’re ready to leave?” It sounded more like a question than a statement but I didn’t bother to correct myself before quickly stepping into my room and shutting the door before Sora could say anything else. I crossed the room and flopped onto my bed, staring at the door. I didn’t get what was going on. Sora was acting weird, _Kairi_ was definitely acting weird, and it had something to do with Axel because both of them had mentioned him. In a way it didn’t really matter though because nothing was going on with me and Axel.

Really.

Besides, they couldn’t prove anything even if they tried. Maybe I _was_ acting a little different now that Axel was around but I liked to think of it as readjusting, not being weird. Apparently my cousin and my best friend were both against me and that meant that I had to find a way to convince them that I wasn’t reacting to Axel.

Yeah. Easier said than done.

*********************************************************

At about eight, Sora and I left our house in his car, heading first to Kairi’s to pick her up, and then over to Demyx’s house. The ride over was pretty silent and I was kind of thankful when we pulled up and I could practically throw myself out of the car, hopping out and knocking on the door. You can imagine how surprised I was when Axel answered instead of Demyx.

“Hey guys, Dem’ll be home soon,” he greeted us and moved out of the way so that Kairi and Sora could enter the house. I on the other hand stayed out on the porch with Axel, looking up at him curiously.

“If Dem’s not even home yet, how did you get into the house?”

“I’ve got a key,” he brushed it off easily and that just led to even more questions

“Why would he give you a key though?” I knew it wasn’t my business, but everything about my friends is eventually my business. Before Axel could answer, Demyx’s car pulled into the driveway and he opened the door, pulling out four boxes of pizza as Riku stepped out of the passenger side with two bottles of soda.

“I see you collected your paycheck,” Axel said teasingly, opening the door for the two of them and promptly turning away from me. Demyx works at Pizza Hut and every time he gets paid, he ends up bringing pizza home with him. It works in his favor though since he lives on his own; his mom died at childbirth and his dad…well his dad’s a story I don’t really want to go into. He was raised by his grandparents until he was 18 and then he moved out. As far as I know the only reason he can afford his own place is that he’s renting from his grandparents, but I don’t ask him about the details too often. He doesn’t mind living by himself though; half of the time, he’s with us anyway.

“Yeah, figured I had to feed you free-loaders. Riku picked out the films though,” Demyx called over his shoulder as Riku scurried in behind him, dropping the sodas and three DVDs on the coffee table before crashing on the couch next to Sora. Axel shifted his gaze back to me and nodded toward the door.

“Coming in?” Without another word I re-entered the house, settling in on the couch as well. Axel found his way to the spot next to me, leaving Kairi and Demyx to the one reclining chair and the floor. Sora was sitting in Riku’s lap and already munching on a slice of the pizza Demyx brought with him while the mohawked boy was fiddling with his DVD player.

“What movies did we get?” I heard Kairi ask from the chair as we both grabbed for pizza.

“Well, this first one is especially for Sora,” Riku replied with a small grin, taking a bite of the pizza Sora held in front of him.

“Aha!” Demyx exclaimed, jumping away from the TV. “Got it!” He made his way over to the chair and lifted Kairi up, setting her back down on the arm of the chair and letting her legs drape over his lap. We didn’t even get a chance to ask why, exactly, this was specifically for Sora before a dolphin appeared on screen and the narration began.

_“It’s an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem.”_

“You rented Hitchiker’s!?” Sora’s voice suddenly cut over the narration and his eyes were wide as he turned to face Riku. “This is awesome! This isn’t even supposed to be out until next week!” 

“Yeah, there’s a reason I sent you home early. Surprise?” Riku had a pretty smug look on his face, but maybe he kind of deserved to feel a little smug. Sora had been talking about the movie for months since he missed it in theaters. He sat up a little to practically smash his face against the side of Riku’s laughing a little even as he kept an eye on the screen.

“I love it. I love you?”

“Do you love me more than the movie?”

“That’s debatable.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Kairi finally cut in, waving a free hand to shush them. “Demyx, start it over! We missed half of the narration already.”

Surprisingly, everybody kind of shut up once Demyx rewound to the beginning and the movie started over. About halfway through the movie, the pizza was finished and everybody had fallen into a calm sense of camaraderie while trading commentary and jokes. Everybody else seemed pretty comfortable, even the two that were sprawled on people’s laps, but I kept fidgeting. I wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Sora and Riku were flirting and sitting this close I could hear everything. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Axel was hot and also in my personal space. It also could have been both, but something just wasn’t right about that picture. I kept trying to get Kairi’s attention to get a little help with the situation but she was too busy watching the movie and talking to Demyx. Instead, I got unwanted attention.

“Stop moving around so much will ya?” Axel looked down at me, shifting again so that I wasn’t jostling him every time I wiggled around.

“Sorry.” Apologizing probably didn’t mean much when I kept squirming around anyway. I heard Axel sigh and before I knew it he had removed his hand from the spot next to me and draped his arm around the back of my couch behind my head.

“Is that better?” Somehow his eyes never even left the screen.

“Uh…sure.” I shifted again before forcing myself to sit still. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t much better because now he was actually touching me, but I figured that I had to tone it down before I was either thrown on the floor or made a fool out of myself like I always did. Somehow, I ended up leaning in toward Axel’s body so that I was half-laying against his side, all-the-while trying to keep calm.

Of course, that was kind of hard to do when Axel’s fingers kept brushing over my shoulder but at this point I wasn’t even sure I had the energy to care. This was just how things were going to be.

It was a longer movie, but eventually Hitchhiker’s Guide ended and Demyx pushed Kairi’s legs out of his lap so he could get up and swap out DVDs. It was a strangely fluid motion as Riku also dislodged Sora and began clearing the empty pizza boxes and napkins. I’m not sure if they planned this or what, but they made quick work of getting the garbage out of the way and putting in the next movie even while Sora was busy talking to Riku about every single thought he had about the movie.

“What’s this one?” Kairi didn’t bother moving from her perch on the arm of the chair

“You’ll recognize it when you see it.” Demyx settled back into his chair, shifting Kairi’s body so that they were both sitting comfortably. “Or Roxas will, anyway.”

“What?” It didn’t take long before the music hit my ears and I realized School of Rock had made its way on our screen.

I can admit I was obsessed with the movie for a while just because that entire scenario would be a dream for me. Jack Black’s not a bad actor, and the soundtrack was made up of some incredible songs.

“That’s cool, I guess,” I said as nonchalantly as possible to try and downplay the fact I was happy with the choice. Despite being wrapped up in Riku, I heard Sora snort from beside me.

“You guess. Says the guy who made us practice the titular song for a month just because he wanted to play it?”

“Says the guy who had most of the movie memorized?” Demyx chimed in, grinning from his seat.

“Says the guy who _broke_ his copy of the movie from overuse?” Riku got in on the act as he settled back on the couch next to Sora again. Kairi and Axel were both snickering to themselves and in the end I shifted back into the couch.

“Whatever, you’re just mad I sound good.”

“I’ve never seen it,” Axel said from my left and I looked up at him, not sure if he was serious or just making fun of me. Given his eyes were watching both me and the TV, it didn’t take long to figure it out.

“Well then prepare to get educated.”

I pretended he wasn’t laughing at me, but at least things were more comfortable now and he even listened as I explained everything there was to know about the movie. It was something that relaxed me and put me in my own element and I could feel myself melting into his side again even as I continued making notes about what was happening on-screen.

*********************************************************

I'm going to guess that I fell asleep shortly after that because I don't remember the movie ending. I probably would have been more disappointed if I’d never seen it before, but instead I was kind of content to go back to sleep. I was comfortable despite the fact that whatever I was laying on kept moving.

“Roxas…” 

I don’t think I said anything intelligent and swatted at whatever was poking me in the cheek. It was definitely a hand. Kairi usually does this to me and every time I swat her she thinks it’s hilarious. Don’t ask me what that’s all about. The hand continued but it was more of a jab than a soft poke. That’s what finally got me to wake up and I realized that I was staring at someone else’s black denim-clad inner thigh.

"Well good morning, Sunshine."

Correction, Axel's inner thigh. I instantly shot up and looked around the room. It was just me and Axel in the living room. I heard vague crashes from the kitchen but other than there, there was nothing.

"What's going on?" It probably wasn’t all that subtle to be scooting away from him to the other end of the couch, but who cares.

"You were kind of dozing when we started Sin City and you weren't awake at all by the time Mean Girls was over, so Sora, Riku, and Kairi left you here and headed home." 

It was in that moment I realized I didn’t have friends. I had a posse of traitors. 

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"Rox, it was 1:30 in the morning and you weren't waking up. Sora said he'd rather leave you here than deal with a cranky you on the way home."

I stand corrected. I had a posse of traitors and I was related to the king of traitors.

"What time is it right now?"

"About two."

"AM?”

"Yep. Like I said, we tried waking you up, but you seemed to be enjoying yourself.” The words were casual, but I knew that he was a little suspicious. And amused. I hated that it was both of those simultaneously and proceeded to glance at the clock on the wall instead.

"Um, yeah…sorry about that. I kind of do weird things in my sleep.” An understatement, maybe.

"Don't worry about it." I kind of just nodded and Demyx came out of the kitchen, instantly spotting me.

"Well look who's awake.”

"Why did you let Sora leave without me?"

"Because he was impatient and tired and you weren't waking up. Besides, you usually don't care about crashing here," he pointed out as he leaned against the back of the couch. There was just enough light coming from the kitchen to make out that he was watching me and he was watching Axel, eyes darting back and forth for the time being.

"…I guess it's okay," I mumbled, this time trying to avoid the fact that they were _both_ staring at me.

"You sleeping on the couch then?"

"What about the guest room?"

"That's where I'm sleeping," Axel filled in. "So unless you want to join me in bed or something…"

"…I think I'll stick with the couch.”

Axel shrugged and got off of the couch, stretching out a bit. “Suit yourself. I’m hittin’ the sack. Night guys.” Just as quickly as he had appeared when I woke up, Axel disappeared down the hall into Demyx’s guest room and shut the door. 

Demyx, on the other hand, didn’t move at all. He stayed standing behind the couch, leaning on the top and looking down at me.

"So…" he started off.

"So?"

"What's with you and Axel now?"

"God, why is everybody asking me that?" I groaned loudly, sitting straight up and staring at Demyx. "You, Sora, Kairi, everybody keeps mentioning him!"

"It's because you're starting to get attached."

Whatever I was expecting him to say, it wasn’t that. 

"What? I am not."

"You are." He nodded. "It's written all over your face, Rox."

"…well maybe I'm just starting to accept him as a friend. Is that a real problem?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Friends don't bury their face in their friend's crotch.” That at least answered how much Demyx actually saw before I woke up. Great.

"You know I do weird shit in my sleep."

"That was beyond weird though. I mean, seriously…you've never done that. The most you've done is lay your head in Kairi's lap."

"Speaking of, what's up with you and Kairi?" I switched the subject, just to get him off my back. Demyx is usually pretty easy to fluster, but he wasn’t budging this time. 

"I like her.” It was blunt and confident and for the second time in the span of a minute I was at a loss for what to say.

"Like…like her, like her?"

"Mmhmm."

"Since when?"

"You know interrogating me’s not gonna stop me from asking about you and Axel don’t you?" He grinned. “But it doesn’t matter. It’s a recent thing. Sometimes you just kind of notice things in a new light, you know? She’s really kind of awesome, and she’s pretty, and she’s smart...can you blame me?”

"I guess not…does she know?"

"Sort of.” 

I was starting to wonder what _else_ my friends were keeping from me. Or maybe I had just missed all of these developments in my crusade against Axel’s existence. The thought brought me back to thinking about Axel though and I thought about some things that weren’t adding up.

"Why's Axel here?" I changed my mind.

"Because he can be."

"But he was already here before you were home."

"Makes sense, he didn't have to work today." Demyx suddenly pushed himself away from the couch and went around the living room organizing everything. He may not look like it, but Demyx really is a neat-freak. It’s both endearing and terrifying all at once.

"What exactly are you trying to say, Dem?" I finally asked, getting tired of going around in circles.

"Axel lives here. I thought you already knew that?" He gave me an odd little glance before resuming to his cleaning duties.

"Like, with you? Like a roommate?"

"That's what I just said."

"Why?"

"Oh my god, Roxas, you can’t just ask people why they’re roommates.” I knew it was a Mean Girls reference but I still wanted to smother him with a pillow anyway. “He was living alone, I was living alone, it made for a match made in hell. Like a good kind of hell, not a bad kind? We’ve been friends for years but he’s kind of complicated...that doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?”

"No, not really."

It was unfortunate that he reached down to ruffle my hair instead. “Don’t sweat it. It’s been kind of nice though.” He left it there though and he moved to a hall closet to toss me a pillow and an extra blanket. “Need anything else?”

“I guess not.” Maybe a reality check? Or a map to navigate what the hell was going on. I was pretty sure Demyx couldn’t give me either of those so I settled further into the couch and waved him off. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

"Sure. Night, dude.” He disappeared just as easily and I was left alone in the dark and wide awake. I really shouldn’t have opened my eyes. Maybe then I wouldn’t be as confused about everything all of a sudden. I couldn't get my brain to stop thinking about everybody's accusations about me and Axel. 

It shouldn’t have even been a big deal since nothing was happening, but I had all three of my closest friends against me, convinced that something was happening anyway. I didn't even know how to get them off my back about it either. I was pretty much stuck. Kairi already knew that I thought Axel was cute or whatever, but that wouldn't strike up a big discuss-…wait.

Unless Kairi mentioned I was bi to the others? It’s entirely possible she accidentally let it slip and the other two decided to join her to conspirize about me and now they’re all worried about me and my sanity and maybe they even brought it up to Axel to figure out how to make it stop.

Oh my god, Axel knew.

…or maybe I was just being paranoid. No, I was _definitely_ being paranoid. Sometimes Kairi has a big mouth but I know she’ll always keep the secrets I want her to keep. I was overreacting to everybody else overreacting and it was a vicious cycle. It was about then that I decided to stop thinking about everything that was cluttering my brain and start thinking about other things instead. Everything else could wait. 

In case you care, I thought about the PowerPuff Girls until four in the morning before I finally fell asleep.

*********************************************************

By the time I woke up the next morning, I was still tired and disoriented, but at least I wasn't thinking about the PowerPuff Girls anymore. A quick glance at the clock told me that it was a little after ten already. I had no idea where Demyx or Axel were, but I guess it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was seriously regretting not using the bathroom once while at Dem's. Mornings and I aren’t the best of friends. There’s a reason Sora avoids waking me up unless he has to, and even I can admit I don’t function at full speed for at least the first hour I’m awake. My brain was foggy, my eyes were only half-open, and I found myself thinking about Demyx’s weird habit of closing all of the doors in his house as I approached the closed bathroom door.

Naturally, it wasn’t until _after_ I opened and entered the bathroom that I clued in that the shower was running and that there was an actual body in that shower. The figure was too tall and wiry to be Demyx's though.

"Roxas, what are you doing?" To his credit, Axel sounded more exasperated than alarmed but even as he looked around from behind the curtain I couldn’t help yelp in surprise.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I backed up the way I came, fumbling around for the doorknob. Obviously it would have just been easier to turn and face the door but...sometimes life hands you an opportunity. Did I look a little longer than I should have? Probably. 

"Uh…it's fine?" He still didn’t seem to care which was the strange part, and maybe his lack of shame amplified my own. I finally got my shit together and turned to yank the door open, bolting out of the bathroom and into the hall without another word. I didn’t get too far before I turned the corner and crashed straight into Demyx who also yelped, hands flying up to my shoulders to steady me and prevent me from falling on my ass. 

"Man, what are you doing?”

"It’s nothing. I just realized what time it is?” I couldn’t even bother trying to make it sound believable as I reached up to dislodge his hands. “Thanks for letting me stay the night, Dem, but I gotta go now, bye!" I blurted out and dashed out of the house, getting to the sidewalk before I realized that I had no way of getting home and I lived four miles away. 

But I guess that’s what feet are made for. Maybe the walk would wake me up, or I could spend all four miles reliving the height of my own humiliation. Neither of those options sounded that appealing, actually. I was about to the end of the street when Demyx drove up behind me, slowing down until he was going the same pace that I was and rolling down the window.

"Do you want a ride at least?" he asked me, watching me walk instead of the road in front of him.

"I’m already walking.” 

"Roxas, four miles is a long way to walk."

"I can handle it."

"Get in the damn car.” He finally stopped in front of me, even going as far as to open the door for me. At the rate things were going the morning couldn’t get any worse. And seriously, walking four miles _really_ didn’t sound appealing.

"Well since you asked so nicely," I mumbled and crawled into the passenger seat, closing the door behind me and waiting for Demyx to start driving again. It was quiet inside the car for all of thirty seconds before Demyx spoke up.

"…so you saw him in the shower huh?" He cast a side-glance at me, now keeping most of his attention on the road.

"Who?"

"You may be blonde but I know you’re not dumb.”

"…he told you?" I asked meekly, shrinking back into my seat.

"Mmhmm. He came out of the bathroom as soon as you slammed my front door and explained it."

"Oh…" In hindsight, yeah, that probably drew a lot of attention I could have dealt without. 

"So why'd you bolt?"

"Because I walked in while he was showering and that was probably humiliating for him?" He gave me a look that said he didn't' believe a word I was saying. I deserved that because I didn’t believe a word I was saying either.

"I think it was more humiliating for you than for him. I've known Axel for years and he's definitely not shy. You, on the other hand, are."

"”Okay, well, that still doesn’t change that it was really bad.” 

"Would you care if it were me in that shower?"

That caught me by surprise. "What?"

"Would you care if it were me?" he repeated himself, stopping at an intersection.

"Well, a little. But I mean, you're my friend so it's not that bad, right?"

"What if it were Kairi?"

"That's not fair, Demyx.”

"Why?"

"Because she's my best friend?"

"So let me get this right. You’re saying that it would make more sense to you to see Kairi, a girl, naked in a shower than it is to see another guy.” 

There was really no winning this conversation. I should have cut my losses, but… "I guess so." I shrugged. He just shook his head and snorted.

"You’re so...something.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

"It means that you aren't telling me the entire truth. That’s insulting, man.”

"Why is everybody insisting I’m lying about something?”

"Because you're you? And we know you."

"Okay, and what does _that_ mean?"

“You have a weird tendency to be open about the dumbest shit but the things that matter get avoided for as long as possible. Doesn’t that get exhausting?”

It did. But I wasn’t going to admit that, either, and maybe that just proved Demyx’s point. 

“Can you drop me off at Kairi’s?”

Maybe I should have just been grateful he didn’t ask questions and did as I asked. Once Demyx dropped me off, I didn't even bother ringing the doorbell and just opened the front door, running up the stairs to Kairi's room.

"Kairi!" Kicking open the door and stomping into her bedroom, I found her digging through her dresser drawers.

"Well good morning, Sunshine," she chirped, and I found myself wondering why both redheads decided my new nickname was Sunshine. She grinned and looked up from the skirt in her hand but continued digging anyway. "Sleep well?"

"Shut up. Why'd you leave me there?" It was hard to be intimidating when I wanted to just flop down on her bed, but holding my ground was also exhausting.

Everything about this whole day was exhausting and it wasn’t even noon yet.

"I'm sure everybody else has already given you a reason..." 

"Yeah, they all said it was your idea." Okay, so Dem didn't even mention Kairi, but a little white lie never hurt anybody.

"So maybe it _was_ my idea.” She turned to step into her closet to get dressed. "What's your point?"

"Why?”

"Because you looked so cute like that."

"And don’t say it’s because--wait, what?”

"You heard me. You looked absolutely adorable cuddled up to Axel and sleeping on him." 

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about that. On the one hand, it was annoying to know Kairi left me defenseless and to my own devices. On the other hand...it was a weird feeling, thinking about someone thinking I was adorable with someone else. 

"Sooo...you left me at Demyx's just because I looked cute with Axel?"

"Basically, yeah." She nodded and grabbed her uniform tie from the bedpost, hopping her way through her room to dig up her shoes as well.

"That doesn't make any sense, Kai.”

"Sure it does. If you think he's cute, it'd be nice to know if he thinks you're cute and let me tell you something, Roxas, I think he thinks you're cute.” 

I wish I understood more about how girls think. You’d think I’d get it after being friends with Kairi for so long but it doesn’t help that Kairi’s not an ordinary girl. Ask me about Selphie or Naminé, I can probably figure those two out better. Instead, I found myself rolling on my stomach and propping myself up on my elbows to watch her, contemplating that train of thought.

It was scary, but it sort of maybe made sense. If you squinted.

"…you really think so?" 

"Of course I think so. You should have seen the way he was looking at you last night.”

"I don't know about that.”

"Just trust me, okay?" 

“Do I have a choice?”

“No. And we’re going to have to talk about this later because I have to work and _you_ are just in time to drive me.”

"But Kairi…" It sounded whiny, but this was the most progress I’d made all day and now it was going on hiatus.

“Later!” It was a promising tone, and then it occurred to me there was a simple solution.

“I didn’t drive, by the way. Since you all _abandoned me_ at Dem’s, he dropped me off.”

“Shoot.” She frowned. “...if I leave now, I can walk.”

"Right. And since I have nothing else to do today, I’ll walk with you and _you_ can tell me what's going through that head of yours. Let’s go.” Grabbing her wrist, I pulled her out of the room and down the stairs, ignoring the slight shrieks of my name as we practically tripped. I was a man on a mission and Kairi was a hostage in...whatever the hell this was. An interrogation? Something like that.

"You're not being fair,” she pointed out as we hit the sidewalk to walk toward town. Kairi, luckily, lived close enough to Noon Moon that walking wasn’t a huge deal. (I’m pretty sure she just asks for rides because she likes hanging out with me when she can.) Maybe I wasn’t being fair, but...

"Neither are you! You left me sleeping in Axel's lap just because you thought it was cute? How do you think everybody else reacted?"

"Roxas, please. We all know that you're a snuggler."

"You could stop telling everybody that at any time now.” 

“It’s true. You’re kind of a huge softie that way.”

“Seriously, stop talking.”

I knew I’d made a huge mistake the moment Kairi’s mouth drew into a very thin line and she immediately stopped talking. She looked straight ahead and walked in front of me, going as far as to ignore the fact I was still holding her arm and trying to keep up.

"Kairi…" No answer. "Kairi, you can’t just ignore me.” The look she gave me clearly said “watch me” as she picked up the pace. I couldn’t help but sigh (loudly, I might add) before jogging to catch up to her side again.

“Okay, fine. Can you please just tell me why you believe Axel thinks I'm cute? That's all I'm asking, I promise." 

That seemed to be what she was waiting for because her expression broke immediately, turning into something more thoughtful and almost gentle, like she was trying to break bad news to me.

Who knows? Maybe she was.

"First of all, he didn’t seem to care you keep nuzzling into his lap which is pretty impressive for someone who’s still kind of a stranger. And...I don’t know. There was just something about the way he was looking at you that said he was completely fascinated.”

"But that doesn't make any sense." It wasn’t bad news, but it also didn’t make sense. That would imply that there was maybe something happening that I didn’t even know about, and I’ve been trying to stop that since Axel first showed up.

I couldn’t help but think about the destiny thing again. Ever since he brought it up it was hard to ignore even if I didn’t believe it.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, it's just weird to think about.”

"What's weird, that I might actually be right?"

"No. I dunno. You know this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me, so it’s hard to swallow. And anyway maybe you’re reading it wrong.” 

She didn’t reply right away, hands folded behind her back and a slight skip to her step as we entered the main part of town. The café wasn’t too far down the road, but she suddenly didn’t seem in a hurry to head there.

"You know what I think, Rox?" 

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"Sure am.” This was it. _This_ was the bad news I was waiting for. “I think you're getting a crush on him.”

"I…what?” It took a minute to settle in my head, but the words sounded so wrong. “No! Kairi that's not…no!" 

"Why not? You have all of the classic symptoms.”

"I do not!"

"Do you even know what it feels like to like somebody?" She abruptly asked and I found myself speechless again, words tangling up and trying to fight their way out of my mouth all at once.

"I liked Naminé for a while, remember? And I’ve had other girls I’ve dated before."

"Yeah but that's different. We were young, weren’t we? That barely counts." 

"How's that different?"

"There's a difference between puppy love and a real crush, that's all."

"And you think that I’m starting to get a real crush on Axel?”

“I know you are.” 

“Whatever.” Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed at her, but the idea was so ludicrous I didn’t know what else to do. We approached the doors of Noon Moon and I held it open for her to step in first.

"Just you wait, Roxas. You're going to realize that I'm right and then you'll be begging for more of my knowledge and expertise."

“Keep dreaming. Call me when you’re off?”

“You’re not hanging out?” She seemed surprised by that, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was pretty sure if I was stuck having to have this conversation I’d break every coffee cup in the place. That, and I had no idea if Axel would show up or not. I wasn’t quite ready to face that possibility.

“Nah. I’m gonna go home and kick Sora’s ass for being your accomplice. I’ll see you later.”

“Have fun, don’t get blood on the carpet!” 

It’s nice having friends who get my sense of humor. The walk back was enough to clear my head a little, at least, and by the time I got back to my house I found Sora laying on the couch in the living room watching The Lion King.

“Do you remember when we were ten and we did a duet to this song?” He gestured to the screen where Simba and Nala were singing about Simba being a mighty king. 

“You mean when we found out you weren’t cut out for singing?” I vaulted over the back of the couch and settled in next to him, staring at the screen even as he jabbed me in the ribs with an elbow.

“Shut up.” He was grinning anyway. “You’re back later than I thought you’d be.”

“Yeah, about that.” It was my turn to elbow him this time as I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be mad at him. “What the hell? You suck!”

"Ow!” It wasn’t even that hard of a jab but he made a show of rubbing his arm. “What’d I do?”

“You left me with the enemy? How could you?”

“Oh. That. You looked comfortable, Riku was distracting, and Kairi had a curfew. Are you actually that mad?”

I had to think about that for a moment. After everything that happened so far this morning, _was_ I actually mad? On the other hand...I guess in everybody else’s defense I was already leaning against Axel the night before and Axel didn’t care. 

Now that I was thinking about it, maybe I should have been looking at _Axel’s_ behavior a little more. 

“...just don’t do it again, okay? I’ll let you off easy this time.” He rolled his eyes, but he held up a fist anyway. Fistbumps were usually the easiest form of affection and I don’t even know how it started, but it always became an apology gesture. Turning back to the TV, he leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“Oh by the way, your mom said to remind you that you have an orthodontist appointment on Monday at 11 and she wants you to clean your room. My mom sends her love and says there’s leftover Thai in the fridge. Do you want me to start the movie over?"

It’s nice to know that even Sora could acknowledge there’s only one overachiever in this house. 

“Rewind. I’ll get the Thai.” 

Sora and I wasted a couple of hours on a movie marathon before I finally dragged myself upstairs to clean my room. As much as I like doing nothing on my weekends, I also like living and if I didn’t actually clean my room my mom would kill me. 

Being alone in my room also gave me some time to be...well, alone. Play music. Allow myself the privacy to even contemplate thinking about the current chain of events. I wasn’t sure how I couldn’t even tell what was happening when it directly involved me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Kairi said.

Why would Axel think I was cute? We were just friends; friends who just met a few weeks ago, in fact. Why would Kairi even think that I had a crush on him? I hadn't even told her about that morning yet and she was convinced I was crushing. What would she think when I told her about the shower thing?

Come to think of it, maybe I should just skip telling her about the shower thing period. It’d only give her ammunition. No thanks.

I'd never even had a real crush on a boy before and there was no way in hell I was wasting my first one on Axel. It took me this long to get used to having him around without wanting to kick him in the dick. Why complicate it? Senior year was supposed to be easy. A piece of cake. A walk in the park. i.e. _not_ complicated. It didn’t make sense to try and pursue a thing nobody even knew how to handle.

I soon came to realize that what was really bothering me was the fact that I was caught touching him, even if I was sleeping. Even worse, I was bothered by his total lack of a reaction. How do people do that? I admit, I was a little embarrassed and mad, but I finally was starting to get I was mad at the wrong people. It wasn't Kairi's fault that I was cuddling with Axel. Could she have bailed me out? Yeah, she could have, but at the same time her heart was maybe in the right place.

God. I really was kind of a softie. 

Without waiting another minute, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and punched in Axel's number.

"Hello?

"Hey Axel…it's me.” I don’t know if “me” was as descriptive as I could have been, but a little late for that.

"Roxas, long time no talk.” He came out swinging with a joke. I knew I was doomed from the start.

"Yeah.” We were off to a great start. I stopped talking after that, taking my time before speaking again. I had to figure out just how to word what I was going to say. I must have taken too long though since Axel spoke again. 

"…did you need something?" 

"I’m sorry.” The apology came almost immediately after that, and I could almost imagine the skeptical look on his face.

"For what?"

"Last night…this morning…everything?”

"Roxas, it's fine. You’re worried about nothing.” 

"Are you sure?" I still couldn't understand how he was comfortable (well okay maybe not comfortable) but tolerant of me doing everything I'd done in the past 24 hours. It was entirely possible he honestly didn’t care, but somehow that pissed me off even more.

"Man, you really need to let this stuff go." He laughed slightly. “Yes, I’m sure.”

"…if you say so.” 

This phone call was stupid. Why did I have to open my big, dumb mouth?

Axel seemed to be thinking the same thing since he didn’t let the silence linger for long before clearing his throat. "Anyway, Demyx and I are going into town to do a few things so I'm gonna have to let you go. I'll see you in class on Monday?"

"Yeah. No, wait, I won't be there," I corrected myself, flinching at how unorganized and spastic I sounded.

"Why not? Plan on skipping school?"

"Well I mean…it's not like that. I have an appointment and uh, yeah. I might be back for sixth period.” I kind of doubted it. I never went back to school after I got my braces tightened, but sometimes being optimistic was the best option.

"Then I’ll maybe see you then.”

"Right…maybe see ya Monday." I thought the line was going to go dead, but I heard him speak up again.

“Hey Roxas.”

"Yeah?"

"Seriously…don't worry about it, okay? I didn't mind." I couldn't help but stare at the phone for a few moments, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. I didn’t even get a chance to counter it because he hung up not long after that and the dial tone rang in my ears.

Despite my best intentions, I didn't think that the phone call did much for either of us other than confuse me and make Axel think I was a paranoid freak. 

Maybe Kairi was right. Maybe I was starting to become infatuated with Axel, but even when I tried to let myself think about it the idea seemed so blaringly wrong. It was driving me crazy not having an answer, but the obvious ones didn’t make sense. 

As much as I wanted to call Kairi and have her walk me through it, I knew I needed to try and handle this one on my own. I couldn’t tell her about what happened, and I couldn’t ask her to explain things to me. All I could do was turn up the volume on my speakers, pick up my dirty laundry and pretend that Saturday wasn’t a total disaster.

*********************************************************

Kairi must have gotten a ride home from someone else that day because I didn’t hear from her the rest of Saturday. In fact, I didn't hear from her for the rest of the weekend. I didn't get a chance to confront her about it on Monday either. Instead, I got to sleep in because of my orthodontist appointment. I finally got in gear at about ten and managed to be awake, functioning, and on time. I’m pretty sure I deserved a medal. I was still only half-grasping the world around me, but at least my orthodontist was in a really good mood.

I should have maybe clued in something was up, but instead I hauled myself into the bulky dentist chair and waited. 

"Good morning, Roxas!" He paused long enough to look at his charts, nodding to himself before facing me again. “Are you ready to take those braces off?"

At first I thought the whole thing was a joke. Then I thought maybe I was still asleep and I was dreaming. But no, looking at the calendar on the wall ahead of me said that today was definitely the day we’d agreed on at my last appointment to get my braces off. 

This Axel thing was _really_ messing with my head.

“Yeah. Yeah, definitely.” 

"Excellent!" 

I’ll spare you the details. It was disgusting and long and tedious, but one by one the brackets came off and I eventually found myself heading back to school with instructions to come back that afternoon for my retainers. I could have just skipped the rest of the day if I wanted to. It was the end of fifth period and I only had English left. There was almost no point in coming back, but I was a man with a half-assed plan. I practically ran down the hall to my pre-calc classroom where I knew I’d be able to catch Kairi. As soon as I walked up to the door the bell rang and everybody came pouring out into the hall. Kairi, thankfully, didn’t linger the way she does sometimes and when she walked out I grabbed her by the elbow and started dragging her toward the English hall.

"Thanks for calling me back, Kai.” Her eyes widened and as usual she didn’t seem to mind that I was dragging her. We drag each other, it’s fine.

"Roxas I'm so sorry! I was hanging out with Selphie on Saturday and then Sunday I had to babysit my cousins and I'm sorry!" 

"Considering the last time I saw your cousins your youngest one accidentally punched me in the nose, maybe I should be thanking you for leaving me out of it.” She’s the one who dug her heels into the ground to stop outside of my AP English class, free hand coming up to grab my chin so I’d be facing her.

"Hey, Roxas. Smile.” Normally I’d fight her on that, but this time I did it without being asked twice, smiling as wide as possible. She squealed in excitement and hugged me tightly.

"Roxas, you look fantastic! Just wait until Axel sees you." I slammed a hand over her mouth.

"We are never going to discuss me and Axel in that type of context inside these four walls. Got it?” She rolled her eyes, pushing my hand away before leaning back against the wall next to the classroom door.

"Okay, fine we'll never discuss him.” A fond smile was on her face and she patted my cheek again. “You really do look amazing. You’ll have you-know-who wrapped around your finger in no time.”

“Uh. Is that a good thing?” She didn’t get to answer as the warning bell rang, signaling that we had two minutes to get to our classes. 

“It’s never a bad idea to have boys wrapped around your fingers.” I knew she was teasing me, but she didn’t say anything else as she gave me a quick hug and said goodbye, bolting down the hallway. Without another word, I entered class and settled into my desk. It wasn’t a huge surprise that I’d beat Axel to class and it was even less of a surprise as he slid into his seat just as Mr. Teitzel was shutting the door to start the lesson.

"What’s up?” It was a typical greeting and he was only half-paying attention to me. I’m not sure what seized me to face him and hope he’d pay attention to me. I didn’t need the attention, but at the same time I wondered if he’d even notice. 

"Hey.” It was almost outright cheerful but it did the trick. He turned, glancing at me before fulling facing me and letting out a low whistle.

"Well what do you know. You can go through metal detectors now!" 

"You’re hilarious.” 

"Did you just get them off?"

"Yeah, a few hours ago.” I got what I wanted and it was easier to grab my notebook and face the blackboard instead of Axel. It wasn’t hard to see that he was still looking at me, and while normally the look of scrutiny would be enough to make me squirm, something had changed.

"Sweet.” I didn’t respond to him for a while, looking at the board and writing everything at an even clip. Teitzel was lecturing at the front of the classroom but that didn’t stop Axel from leaning over just enough to whisper to me.

"Hey. Do you want your homework from earlier today?" 

I could have gotten it from Sora or Riku, but if Axel was offering it made enough sense to get the assignment from him right after class was over. “Yeah, sure. That’d be cool of you.”

"Cool. I'll come over after school and show you what we're working on."

I should have expected that. I should have expected that, and yet Axel still managed to take me by surprise. 

"Wait, why can't you just show me here?" I asked, suddenly looking away from the board.

"Because I don't want to be here any longer than I have to, that's why. Problem with that?”

"No? No, no problem. I just have to go do something after school really quick, shouldn't take me more than five minutes." 

I wasn’t doing a great job proving I’m not actually paranoid, but Axel didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he just gave me another grin.

"After school then. I’ll follow you home?”

I didn’t even get to verbally reply before Mr. Teitzel chose that moment to focus on us. A minute nod of the head would have to do. 

It’s not like Axel’s never been over to my house before, but that was always when there were other people and also that was before...whatever was going on here. I couldn’t help but constantly think about the scenario I’d just set up for myself.

Me. Axel. Alone, in my house, for who knows how long.

Me and my big mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four is up and live, edits of chapters 5-8 are finished so expect posting over the next couple of days. Leave me comments, leave me notes, etc. Happy reading, y'all.


	5. But I Just Hate to Say Goodbye to All the Metaphors and Lies That Have Taken Me Years To Come Up With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was weird. We weren't exactly friends, but maybe we were. This wasn't exactly a date, but maybe it was. I really wasn't sure what it was or what we were doing when it was just us in this little sphere of the universe but I did know that this was someone who knew me better than I had anticipated and someone I didn't mind trying to get to know myself. Over the last couple of weeks, things with Axel had mellowed out and his company was almost wanted.
> 
> …I don't know who I'm trying to convince. By that point, his company was absolutely wanted even if I didn't have a clue what to do about it."

So see, here’s the thing about me. Even when I know people, there are some people I just don’t want in my personal space or people I don’t think about allowing into my space at all. If they aren’t close friends, they don’t get to come close enough.

 _Axel_ , on the other hand, wasn’t a close friend and I still had somehow agreed to let him come over again. Like voluntarily. Instead of coming along with Demyx.

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking but there was something that sort of made it okay to break my own pre-set rules. I thought maybe I was setting myself up for a disaster, but in the end? It actually went a lot differently.

*********************************************************

As soon as sixth period was over, I shot out of my seat and merged into the hallway with everybody else. I figured if I moved fast enough I could maybe ditch him and he’d give up. Unfortunately, I forgot about the fact that he has longer legs than I do and he cut through the crowd with ease. He was already waiting at my locker by the time I got there.

I didn’t want to think too much about why he even knew where my locker was.

"You know, you could have waited.” He was leaning on the locker next to mine with all the nonchalance in the world. Even though he was leaning back and had his head facing the flow of students, I could tell one green eye was trained on me anyway. You know the look cats get when they know you’re watching them and they’re waiting to see when they can get away with something shitty like knocking china off a cabinet? That’s it. That’s the way he was looking at me.

"Yeah, well, it's Teitzel's class. You really think I want to be in there any longer than I have to be?" It was a viable excuse, and it wouldn’t be the first time I bolted from a classroom, but something told me Axel didn’t believe a word I said. Instead, he was watching me struggle to open my locker as I continued spinning the combination around in circles.

“...need some help?” 

"No.” I had to cut him off quickly, if only because I could tell he was trying not to laugh. That didn’t seem to matter though since I heard a chuckle from above me as he suddenly leaned over to get a better look at the lock.

"You sure? What’s your combination?”

Cat. China. 

I didn’t even have a reason to tell him, but part of me wanted to just to see what he’d do with it. It wasn’t even about getting my locker open (which I still needed to do anyway) but it was about seeing how much I could trust Axel as a person. So far on a scale from 1-10 he was hovering at about a 3 and that was almost an improvement. I finally moved out of the way and leaned against the opposite locker so he could try himself.

"3-5-8. But I'm telling you, you won't get it open-"

"Got it," he interrupted me, swinging open the locker door. 

China. Floor.

I stared at him for a bit, trying to decide if it was disbelief that he managed to do it or aggravation that he proved me wrong. Truthfully it was a little bit of both but I didn’t really want to feel too much of anything about him. He merely smiled and stepped away from my locker, leaving it open for me. He continued watching me as I grabbed some books out of my locker and shoved them into my backpack, and even though I was trying to pack up to go I tried to keep an eye on him, too.

It meant dropping my math book on my foot, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Kickflipping it up into my hand I shoved that into my bag, too, before slamming the locker closed.

“Like I said, I’ve gotta make a stop somewhere. Do you want to follow me or--” I stopped myself suddenly, already thinking of the possibilities of Sora being home and alone with Axel. Not that I thought they would talk about me, but I think we already covered that I was being completely paranoid about this. “Actually, never mind, just follow me and then we’ll head to my place.”

“Sure.” He raised an eyebrow and banged on the locker once before pushing himself away to sashay down the hall. And maybe I was staring a little, but it was already a disorienting, exciting and weird kind of day. I was probably going to have to get used to that.

I tried not to think about it. I tried not to think about it as we split up in the parking lot and I started driving to my orthodontist’s office. I tried not to think about it when I glanced up in my rearview mirror and saw his stupid red mustang behind me. I tried not to think about it when I got to the office and was told I had to put two plastic molds in my mouth and be stuck with them for two weeks. 

Even that wasn’t enough to distract me though. Running my tongue over the smooth plastic, I didn’t bother saying anything as I left the office and led Axel back to my house. It was a lot harder to ignore the problem when it was right next to me, but I headed up the driveway with Axel in tow and let him step into the front hall.

"Sora?" I called out, vaguely alarmed by how muffled and awkward my voice sounded with my retainers in. Axel also looked surprised but he thankfully said nothing about it. Sora didn’t respond to me and a quick sweep of the house proved that he wasn’t home even though his car was on the street. 

“Probably at Riku’s.” I didn’t _have_ to offer an explanation but I also didn’t see a reason not to. With a shrug, I gestured for Axel to follow me up to my room.

"So how long have those two been together?" The question was asked as he shut the door, but I looped back around to keep it open. No way. Absolutely not.

"Five years? Officially, at least. They’ve been best friends since they were, like, born though.” 

"Real long time to be dedicated to somebody.” He didn’t finish the statement, but I heard the invisible tag-on. _’At this age.’_

"Yeah, most people say the same thing. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t work for anybody else but them but there’s some kind of weird magic going on there that I’ve never really understood. They didn’t even come out until about a year or something after they were dating.” God, why was I still talking? Why would Axel care? I settled at my desk and began pulling books out of my bed while Axel made himself comfortable on my bed. Belatedly, I realized maybe he should have been literally anywhere else _but_ my bed, but it was kind of too late to kick him off. He leaned back against the headboard, arms folded behind his head as he glanced around my room.

"So basically you have to do all of the reading from pages 60 to 75 and then answer questions one, two, four, five, and seven on page 78.

"That’s not so bad.” I didn't even bother acknowledging the weird look that was on Axel's face, going on my merry way writing the assignment down on a post-it note and sticking it to the first page of reading, shutting the book and dropping it on the floor.

"Anything else?” 

He shrugged. “If you’re asking if I got your homework for _all_ your classes, the answer’s no. I don’t have your schedule memorized. And anyway you heard Teitzel in class. We need to read the next three chapters of The Color Purple, do the next four pages in the reading packet, and do that other sheet he gave us at the end of the period.”

"So what you’re saying is I have a lot of reading and you’re here to distract me."

“You think I’m a distraction?”

Oh god, he sounded genuinely _delighted_ about that. Ignoring him, I scribbled out notes on purple post-its.

“That’s not a good thing, Axel.” 

“Of course it is.” 

“Oh yeah? How do you figure?”

“It means you’re thinking about me.” 

...couldn’t really counter him on that one. I didn’t have anything to say that wouldn’t be obvious denial so I did what I’m good at and ignored him again. Eventually the silence drove him crazy enough that he got off of my bed and wandered over to this massive stack of CDs I have in a corner of my room by my stereo.

“Jeez Rox, what’d you do? Rob a Best Buy?”

"Yes. That’s exactly what I did. I walked into the Best Buy we absolutely have on this island and robbed the entire store.”

“Feisty. But seriously, how many CDs do you have?"

"Uh…300, 400 give or take…" I was maybe a little embarrassed that I didn’t actually have a number. “I really like music.”

“Yeah, I see that.” He seemed to be reading off bands to himself, mouth moving silently as he read the labels. From my place at my desk I could see him rotating through Taking Back Sunday, Phantom Planet, Something Corporate and The Killers. "So what's your favorite?"

“Man, you can’t ask me that. That’s like asking a mom to pick her favorite kid.” I finally got up to join him, partially to see what I even had over there and partially to stop him from throwing my stuff everywhere. Even though I made a big deal out of having to pick a favorite I already had an answer by the time I stopped at his side and reached over to eject the CD that was in the player. Fishing it out, I held it between two fingers for Axel to read.

"Motion City Soundtrack. ‘Commit This to Memory?’”

"Yeah. It’s their second album, it just came out in June. They’re probably my favorite band.”

“Why?”

For once in my life, I expected the question. “I’ve never heard a single song from them that I don’t relate to. I want to simultaneously meet and be Justin Pierre.”

“I’m guessing that’s the lyricist?” 

“Yeah. Here, hang on--” I turned to place the disc back in the stereo, immediately turning up the volume to let the first song play. 

_”I am wrecked. I am overblown. I’m also fed up with the common cold. But I just hate to say goodbye to all the metaphors and lies that have taken me years to come up with…”_

The song continued to play and Axel tilted his head as he listened, but his hands never stayed still. He seemed to be picking up various discs and re-organizing them, maybe alphabetizing them from where he picked everything up. 

“Not bad.” It was a quick sentence to tell me he was listening and even though he wasn’t facing me I could tell he was watching me. “So music’s really your entire life.”

“...I’d try to argue that it’s not my _entire_ life but I think everybody else would call me a liar. It’s the biggest part of my life. Does that count?”

“Sure. I just wouldn’t have expected that from you. You’re...this weird enigma.” 

“And rockstars are transparent?” It sort of just slipped out, but Axel took it as a challenge. He straightened up, suddenly much taller than me as he glanced back at the stereo and then over to my bass in the corner.

“You only play bass?” 

“...and guitar. And piano.” 

“And you write the music for your band.” 

“Right.” I had no idea where he was going with this before he reached over to pause the stereo.

“I’ve got a test for you. We’re going to test your ear for music.” 

What.

“Uh.” He shushed me shortly after that, glancing around my room again.

“Got a guitar?”

“Duh? You’ve seen me play it.”

“Not your bass, dummy. An actual guitar. It’s not a test if you’re using the instrument you’re really used to.” 

I still had no idea where he was going with this before I nodded slowly, heading back toward my desk and reaching for a case tucked between the desk and the wall. Unzipping it, I pulled out the red guitar I didn’t use that often and raised an eyebrow. He waved a hand toward the amp on the floor and it didn’t take a genius to figure out he wanted me to plug in. 

Maybe it was a good thing nobody else was home. This was way bizarre and despite the fact I could have just told him to get the hell out of my house I found myself following his directions. Once I was plugged in I stood still and gave him another skeptical look, waiting for instructions. He grinned, looking back at the stereo and fiddling with the buttons and knobs until he seemed satisfied.

“I’ve never heard this CD,” he stated the obvious. “But I’m picking a random number and a random song, and I want to see what you can do.” 

“Like. Play along?” 

“Yeah. Prove me wrong. Prove to me that you’re a musician and not just another guy playing pretend in his parents’ garage.” 

It was a dick move, to be honest, but simultaneously I found myself wanting to meet the challenge and blow him out of the water anyway. And it shouldn’t have been that hard. I’d been listening to the CD almost nonstop since the summer, so I knew the songs like the back of my hand.

Then again, I wasn’t expecting him to pick the 8th track on the album.

_”Let’s get fucked up and die, I’m speaking figuratively of course…”_

...in a way, LG FUAD is a song that I both love and hate for my own personal reasons and it’s maybe why I ended up freezing and staring at Axel instead of doing anything. The music played, Justin’s voice rang from my speakers, and Axel gave me an expectant look. On the one hand, I could have just played dumb that I couldn’t pick up the notes and figure it out myself. On the other hand, I was still kind of annoyed by everything over the last couple of days with my friends and with Axel and constantly having to prove myself. At least this was something I could prove with ease and without having to defend myself. 

I jumped in about a minute after the song started, right around the second verse. 

_”Let’s get fucked up and die, I’m riding hard on the last legs of every lie, and the BMX bike of my life is about to explode, I’m about to explode…”_

It was a pretty easy song to pick up on once you found the rhythm and maybe I knew this particular song a little too well. I didn’t bother looking at him at all, focused on my fingers even though I didn’t need to be and playing my way through the end. It was easier to immerse myself in the sound and not focus on how Axel was judging me. It was easier to pick up on the pitch and the notes and do what I was good at. It was easier to drown out everything else, and the song came to an end a little too soon. I strummed the final note and finally looked up to glare at him even as ninth track started playing on its own.

“Like that?” 

...he had the nerve to chuckle, but at least it wasn’t loudly and instead he slowly clapped as he lowered the volume.

“All right.” He even sounded impressed and that was all I needed. “I stand corrected. Nice job.” 

I didn’t exactly get a chance to rub my victory in his face or even say anything before we both heard a pair of feet thunder up the stairs and Kairi dashed into my room, throwing her bag down. 

"Thanks for waiting for me after school, Roxas!" Shit. I knew I’d forgotten something important. 

“Kairi, I’m so sorry! I didn’t--”

"Sorry about that, Princess.” Axel cut in suddenly and smoothly placed his hand over my mouth to get me to stop talking. “I held your boyfriend hostage so that he could get his homework.” There was a skeptical look as her blue eyes flicked back and forth between me and Axel but after a moment she nodded. It was an acceptable excuse, and she knew I’d been gone all day anyway. 

There was a glint in her eye that said this wasn’t over though and a sudden feeling of dread drowned me.

"In that case he’s forgiven,” she laughed before giving Axel a quirk of a grin. “And he's not my boyfriend. Roxas is still single.”

_Subtle, Kairi!!_

"Best friend, whatever.” Axel didn’t seem to mind, but a glance at his watch made him wrinkle his nose in discontent. “I was gonna stick around a little longer but it looks like I’ve gotta jet. I’ll see you guys later?” It was more of a statement than a question anyway as he waved and started to head out, stopping shortly at the door. "And Rox? If you don't get anything I just explained to you, feel free to call." With that, he walked out of my bedroom. Kairi and I stood in silence as we listened to Axel head down the stairs and out the front door. She crossed the room toward the window to look down below, watching Axel’s car disappear into the distance before casting an amused look over her shoulder.

“You could have just said you had a date with Axel.” Despite my indignant squawking, she made herself comfortable on my bed.

"I did _not_ have a date. You heard him. He was just telling me what the homework was for the classes I missed. Which, by the way, you should fill me in on fifth period and what I missed there, too." It didn’t take long to put away my guitar and while normally I would have joined her on my bed I settled in my desk chair just to have some space.

"Don’t change the subject. And anyway, he had the Look.”

"What look?"

"The _look._ Capital L." She didn’t even bother looking up from her phone where she was texting but I was apparently supposed to know what the Look was.

"Kairi, I don't understand what 'the look' is!"

"He’s definitely interested in you." 

"And you’re definitely full of shit.” I rolled my eyes and turned around to face my desk, grabbing my copy of The Color Purple from my backpack instead. I could hear her shuffling around on my bed and making herself comfortable instead.

"Oh come on, Roxas! You can't keep denying this forever."

"Sure I can. Who’s going to stop me?” She didn’t reply immediately and I kept the book in my hand as I flipped the pages to my last stopping point. “So what are you doing here? Don’t tell me you came all the way over here just to tell me I left you at school.” 

"Of course not. Demyx gave me a ride here instead and we started talking.” 

"Oh yeah? What'd he have to say?" 

"Well for starters, you do realize that your birthday's in two weeks, don’t you?”

“What? No it’s not.” There was a rustling of covers again as she crawled toward me to hold her phone up and show off the calendar. 

"Today is October 10th. Your birthday is the 26th. That's 16 days, and if you round that, that's two weeks.” 

This just in: local boy doesn’t understand the passage of time.

"Okay, so my birthday's in two weeks. What's your point?”

"Sora claimed your 15th birthday party. I got to arrange your sweet sixteen, so Demyx feels like he should be the one planning your 17th. How would you feel about throwing a Halloween party mixed with your birthday party instead of splitting them this year?"

“I guess it makes sense. My birthday’s on a Wednesday anyway so a party on a Saturday’s probably easier.

“Exactly! We can do whatever you want on your birthday but we’ll go to Demyx’s that weekend. He also said something about Halloween costumes, so be prepared for that.” 

"When did you two suddenly get so close?" I thought about what Demyx had told me on Saturday, but it somehow made less sense to me that Kairi was talking about him just as much.

"Since we became co-chairs for the ‘Roxas still isn’t legal but we’re pretending anyway’ Brigade. And before you say it, I didn’t come up with the name.” 

“Did you get any details about this party out of him?

"Even if I did, what makes you think I’d tell you?” 

“Because you’re my best friend? The light of my life? My everything?” I tilted my head back to look at her. At least it got her to laugh even as she pushed on my face.

“Dork. I’m not going to be the light of your life forever.”

“Fat chance. You’re always going to be the most important person to me.” 

I couldn’t picture it otherwise. I’ve tried before, it was never a pretty picture. But this wasn’t the first time we’d had this argument and she settled for looking at the ceiling instead. 

“That’s sweet.” It’s all she said even as she seemed to contemplate that. “So...how long are you stuck with a retainer?” 

“Two weeks.” I hated being reminded of that and even while my tongue was busy running over the plastic Kairi was making her own mental notes...whatever they were. “Just in time for the party, I guess.”

“You heard about the party already?” Demyx’s voice echoed in the hallway as he stepped up the last few stairs and entered my room, shoving his car keys in his pocket and joining Kairi on my bed after depositing his guitar case next to mine.

“Where the hell did you come from?”

“Downstairs. I ran home for my guitar. Practice, remember?” 

“You’re early. And Sora’s not even here yet anyway.”

“Where’s Sora?” Kairi interjected even as she shifted enough to accommodate for the sudden-Demyx and still not looking up from her phone. 

“I don’t know. I got home and his car was here but he wasn’t in the house. He might be at Riku’s?”

“It’s a nine out of ten chance he’s at Riku’s.” Demyx rolled his eyes. “He’ll show up when he feels like showing up. What’d you tell Roxas about the party already?”

“Nothing!” There was that same teasing grin on Kairi’s face as she finally looked up. “Just that it’s going to also be a Halloween party and we’re doing a costume theme. What else was I supposed to tell him?”

“Could both of you maybe tell me what’s going on?”

“No way. It’s sort of like a surprise party but in reverse? Like you know we’re throwing a party but you won’t know what to expect.” 

“That doesn’t...sound like a surprise party, but sure.” I realized by that point I wasn’t going to get any sort of work done so I threw my books down and finally faced both of them. “Who’re we inviting? Am I in charge of the guest list?”

“You can be, but we share the same friends, dude. It’ll be everyone we know. My place is big enough for that.” Somewhere downstairs the front door slammed.

“You’re not going to let me help with the planning part of it at all, are you.”

“Absolutely not.” Demyx grinned just as Sora breezed into my room, dropping his backpack by the door and waving briefly.

“What’re we planning and not letting Roxas help with?”

“His birthday party.” A look of understanding dawned on Sora’s face.

“So _that’s_ what that text was about. You can count on me. I’ll make sure he’s clueless as usual.”

“Hey!” The other three started laughing even as Sora reached for his drumpad and settled himself on the floor by the bed. Band practice was now technically in session, but I wasn’t really sure how much we’d get done when I could barely talk, much less sing. “Are you actually here to work or are you here to make fun of me?”

“Why can’t we do both?” Sora grinned at me. “You know I like multitasking. Also what the heck is in your mouth?”

“Plastic. And shut up.” 

“Hey, you got your braces off!” Demyx finally seemed to notice and he grinned brightly, suddenly launching himself off of my bed to face me. “Smile.”

“Wha--get out of my face!” 

“Aw come on! Just do it!” 

I probably should have known that I would be expecting this for the next couple of weeks whenever I saw people, but it didn’t make it any less annoying to smile with my retainers in. The fun part of being braces-less had worn off already and would stay worn off until I could go without the plastic. Demyx seemed fairly satisfied though and nodded to himself.

“I can’t believe it. You’ve had your braces for years. It’s kind of weird seeing you without them.”

“Yeah, but it’ll make it easier to hear Roxas sing when he doesn’t have anything else in his mouth.” Sora helpfully pointed out. “Which, by the way, you can’t sing like that, can you?”

“Not really. Demyx might have to sing full-time in practices for a while. Sorry.” 

“No big. Should we get started? I wanted to show you guys something I picked up!” Demyx grabbed his guitar and played a few notes, immediately drawing our attention and leaving Kairi in full party-planning mode on her phone. That was how we spent the afternoon, and I almost believed that maybe two weeks wouldn’t be as agonizingly slow as I anticipated.

*********************************************************

To my surprise those two weeks went by pretty fast. I almost couldn't believe it when Kairi walked up to me and informed me that my birthday was the next day.

"Are you serious?" I looked up from my pre-calc notes in disbelief.

"Yep. Tomorrow you'll be 17 and then a few days later is Dem's party. I’m so excited! It’s going to be really fun and I think you’re going to love it.” Kairi got out of her seat as the bell rang, packing up her things and heading out of the classroom with me.

"It’s hard to believe we’ve been in school for almost two months though. I don’t get where the time went.” 

“It’s senior year, Roxas. Time’s going to fly by faster than you know it. It’s all the more reason we have to make every party and every free moment together count, right?”

For once, I didn’t actually argue with her. “You’re right. I never thought of it that way, but maybe we should be hanging out more often.”

“Well we’re still going to hang out after school tomorrow, aren’t we? The usual birthday tradition?”

Our birthdays very rarely land on days we can actually have parties, so Kairi and I started hosting movie marathons with each other to celebrate the day of. I think we were twelve or thirteen when that started and we’ve never thought about stopping it. It was easy to answer her after that. "I'll bring the movies, you bring the snacks?"

"Sounds like a plan!” We’d reached my English class and she stood up just a little taller to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. It’s a rare form of affection, but she’s allowed. Kairi’s one of those girls that you want to take every form of affection she’ll give you and bottle it up forever. Anybody would be lucky to have that. 

“Get out of here. You’re going to be late for class.” I knew I was grinning at her though and she laughed, waving over her shoulder and darting down the hall to her last class. I watched her go for a few moments before turning to head into class myself.

"Man. If you weren't constantly denying it, I'd think that you and Kairi were an item there.”

"Hey, Axel.” I didn’t even have to look up to see who was looming over me. The redhead was quickly becoming an everyday fixture in my life.

"How's it goin', Halfpint?" An everyday fixture with shittier and shittier nicknames, I might add. 

"Pretty good actually."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"Because.” I could have just left it there, but I already knew I’d be wasting time trying to keep it from him. "Tomorrow's special."

"So I heard. Birthday, huh? Yours or Kai's?" he stretched out in his chair, looking over at me.

"Mine.”

"Right on. The big one-eight?" It suddenly dawned on me just how little Axel actually knew, and even though there really wasn’t a reason to I felt myself flush a bit.

"Uh…not exactly. You're a year off." 

The silence that followed was deafening as he did the math. "You're 16?"

"I'm turning 17 tomorrow!" 

"Wow. I didn't realize you were so young.” I didn’t like that he was giving me another unreadable look, but I couldn’t exactly lie about this.

“Yeah. Sora turned 17 two months ago." On the other hand, I could have picked a better distractionary tactic.

"…then how did you…?" he trailed off, unsure of how to finish his sentence. I knew exactly what he was thinking though. It was the same question everybody asked every time Sora or I mentioned our age.

"Why're we seniors? Sora's actually really smart. He skipped fourth grade. And I just started school early, I guess. I don't really have a reason for being here. I just am."

"I'm sure you're smart though.”

"Nah...I'm pretty average, really."

"You're in AP English. Sora's not."

"That's because Sora took it last year as a junior.” Sora's goal was to take every AP class that the school offered and take the test. He passed all of them. Every single one.

"Wow. Well, think of it this way, Roxas. If you hadn't taken AP English this year, you wouldn't have been with me!" There was a wide smile and I rolled my eyes almost on reflex.

"Oh the tragedy.” He frowned slightly and tapped me on the nose with his pencil.

"Hey now, be nice. You might not get your present that way."

"Present?" Maybe I should have been more offended he just booped my nose, but he’d said the magic word and I was gone. "Present?" I repeated.

"Present. Or, at least, what I’m hoping passes as a decent present.”

"Depends. What is it?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white envelope, holding it between two fingers in front of my eyes. "I know how much you like music. I actually got some tickets to this underground show…it's not even underground, but it's from a band that's aiming for a major label. Anyway, my friend was supposed to go with me but he backed out and you know, I'd hate to put a good ticket to waste." He let me take the envelope from his hand and I pulled the tickets out from inside.

"Panic! At The Disco?" 

"Yeah. I've heard them play a few times before, I think you'd like them. So, what do you say?" When I looked up, all I saw was Axel giving me this hopeful look. I glanced down at the ticket again, weighing my options.

"What time does the show start?" 

"Like, eight or something. But it's over in Twilight Town? Not sure if you know how far that is, but--”

“Dude, I used to live there.” I was starting to get into the idea despite by best judgment. “I know exactly how far it is.”

“Four hours away, but we're going to want time in case we want food so I'm thinking we leave right after school. Sound fair?" 

I hadn’t even said yes yet, but he made it sound like it was a done deal. Then again, what were my options here? Free concert, free trip to Twilight Town, free ride. Or...no concert, no Twilight Town, and an Axel-free afternoon.

...Kairi would understand. Maybe. I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell her that wouldn’t give her the wrong idea, but I knew I had to find a way to rearrange my plans. It was just like Axel to throw a wrench into everything and leave me to figure it out, but it was getting harder and harder to see the cons in this.

"Yeah, sounds great.” I went to pocket the envelope, but Axel obviously had a different idea since he slammed his hand down on my desk and both tickets back.

"Not so fast.” The envelope disappeared into his pocket again. "I'm holding onto the tickets to make sure you actually come with me."

"What, you think I'd go by myself?" 

"Roxas, to tell you the truth, I don't know _what_ you'd do.”

"Hey wait, what's that supposed to mean?" An awkward little smile was thrown over his shoulder in response.

"Nothing. It just means that you're kind of one of those unpredictable people." 

"…is that bad?"

"Not always. But it doesn't matter." He waved it off, his normal charming grin returning to his features. "So do you just want to come home with me after school tomorrow and then we'll go from there?"

"Um…sure?”

"Then we're all set." The bell rang, Teitzel entered the classroom, and we stopped talking. Of course, now I wasn't going to be able to focus on the lesson but honestly, who would after hearing all of that? I didn't really know what to think. It was all a big blur to me and the more I tried to reason with it the more lost I felt. I did know one thing though. It was a date. With Axel. On my 17th birthday.

I suppose worse things could have happened that day.

*********************************************************

Kairi found me at my locker after school and immediately started chattering about…okay, I'm going to be honest and say that I wasn't really listening to a single word she said. I was still fixated on what tomorrow would bring. I was a little too grateful that she didn’t even notice as she just continued having her one-sided conversation as we drove home. While she told me about…Selphie I think (I guess, I don't know), I focused on Kairi herself. What was I supposed to tell her? There was no way I was going to flat-out say that I had a date for tomorrow. First of all, I’m not sure she’d believe me and second of all when she _did_ believe me she’d tease me mercilessly and offer a bunch of advice I wasn’t ready for.

That's when I decided that I just wasn't going to tell her at all. Was that a stupid plan? Oh, absolutely. But it'd be easier on both of us this way.

"So tomorrow after school right?" she asked me as I pulled up to her house, looking at me curiously. I paused for a little too long and her expression dropped a little.

“Something kind of came up with my mom. Can we raincheck?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, everything’s fine it’s just...you know. Family.” She nodded, eyes full of understanding and just like that I was off the hook.

“We’ll raincheck for Friday maybe. How’s that sound?”

"Sounds great.” My own voice sounded hollow to my ears. I couldn’t believe I’d just lied to her face. 

"Perfect! I’ll see you tomorrow!" She bid me goodbye and slammed the car door shut, heading up her front walk to her house. As soon as she closed her front door, I put my car into reverse and drove out of her driveway, turning around and driving straight into town toward the strip mall. Glancing at the clock, I realized that it was about 3:30. Perfect timing. I parked in front of the mall and walked inside, making my way to a store called Invincible. I looked around the shop, smiling when I found my target and heading toward her, draping my arms over her shoulders.

"Hey baby, think you can help a boy out? I'll make it worth your while," I drawled out, laughing slightly as she jumped. I wasn’t laughing for long when she playfully pushed at my shoulder but she grinned all the same.

"Roxas! How are you?" She briefly hugged me before returning to folding shirts but her attention was still focused on me. Olette and I have been friends since tenth grade. I met her through one of my other friends, actually. Like everyone else I knew, she got a job over the summer, too, and had been working at Invincible for a few months now. 

"I'm pretty good actually.” It almost surprised me to think about the fact that I was telling her the truth. "How about you? I haven't seen you at all this year."

"I've been busy…school, job, tutoring, all that fun stuff.” Olette's a hard worker; she's always working for a goal and uses her time wisely, so I wasn't too surprised by her answer.

"Sounds about right." I didn’t even notice that she was looking at me and leaving the shirts behind, giving me an inquisitive look even as my eyes drifted to a mannequin in the corner.

"All right, you, what's the special occasion?"

"Huh?" I blinked in surprise. "What makes you think there's a special occasion going on?"

"For one thing, you're _always_ with Kairi when you go shopping. Secondly, you're really fidgety." Out of all of the girls in my life, Olette was probably the most observant even if she didn’t always say so. She liked to watch people and figure them out that way. She and Naminé had that in common, but Olette was more likely to confront you if she noticed something was up.

Like right now.

"Okay…you're right, but you have to promise not to say anything.”

"Ooh, big secret huh? Maybe even a hot date?"

I didn’t even know how to answer that.

"Well, tomorrow-"

"Is your birthday!" Olette suddenly interrupted me. "Oh my gosh, Roxas, I almost completely forgot! And your party’s Saturday! Shoot.”

"Olette, it's fine. You’re coming Saturday?”

“Yes! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

She’s sweet that way. It’s one of the best things about Olette, I think, and it was the earnest way she said it that helped me calm down enough to clear my head. "You’re the best.” The look on her face told me she appreciated the sentiment but she was still interested in what I actually had up my sleeve. “Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to this concert and I don't really have anything good to wear. Think you can help me out?"

"Why didn't you just bring Kairi along?" She grabbed my hand and led me toward the guys' section without waiting.

"Uh, well, you know...she was busy.” Olette signaled for me to stop and began holding up different shirts and pants in front of me in a whirlwind of movement. I didn't want to tell her that the real reason Kairi wasn't with me because Kairi didn't know. They're friends, too; they could easily discuss things without me.

"Makes sense." She nodded and frowned at the items she was holding before turning to shove me toward the dressing room. "I'll go pick out some stuff I want you to try, you stay here."

"Huh? Wait a sec!" I didn’t even get to protest before she pushed me behind a changing stall door and locked me in. With a small sigh, I sat on the little bench and waited. About ten minutes later the door opened, revealing Olette weighed down by several shirts and pairs of pants before she dropped them on the bench beside me.

"Okay, babe, try these on." 

"All of them?"

"Yup! If it helps, try on the pants first. I'll wait outside the door, but I want to see them on you." She opened the door and walked outside.

"You're kidding me."

"You asked for my help, Roxas. My opinion comes with it!" I could hear her laughing even as she leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the door. She’d brought me seven pairs of jeans to try on and I didn’t even want to count how many shirts were there. I was losing valuable time though so for once I just listened to her and began trying stuff on.

I hate clothes shopping for a reason, and that reason is that most of the time the stuff you try on doesn’t even fit at all. Six out of seven were way too big for me in all different ways and I was half-tempted not to bother with the last pair. I knew Olette wouldn’t let me leave if I didn’t though so without hesitation I snagged them and stepped out of the ones I was wearing, pulling on the pair in my hands. Weirdly, they didn’t feel too bad. A little tight, but not enough to feel uncomfortable. I looked at myself in the mirror, turning at all different angles to get a better look.

"Roxas?” I must have been quiet for too long because Olette’s voice sounded closer. “Let me see.” I opened the dressing room door and walked out, earning a whistle of approval from her. "You're a total stud! I love them!" She walked closer and grabbed me by the shoulders, turning me around to get a better look. "They look awesome!"

"They're kinda tight…are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. Go try on some of the shirts." She ushered me back into the dressing room, this time following me.

"Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?" She settled on the bench next to the shirts, beginning to fold the jeans I'd thrown all over the room.

"Being productive so that I won't get fired. Besides, it's not like I haven't seen you shirtless before. Need I remind you of two summers ago?" 

Okay, so...maybe I didn't exactly introduce Olette properly. Let me start over. 

This is Olette, my ex-girlfriend. I’m not even sure it really counted as a relationship considering we dated over the summer before junior year and broke up before school started. It wasn’t a bad match or anything, it just didn’t feel like enough chemistry for both of us. She told me that she liked me as a friend rather than a boyfriend, I never found myself wanting any more than just holding her hand and sometimes kissing her, and in the end we decided to go back to being friends. Nothing changed between us since then and now other than the fact she was apparently now getting paid to see me half-naked.

"Fine, fine. Just don't make fun of me for being scrawny.”

"Who said you were scrawny to begin with?" She looked up, suddenly wrinkling her nose in distaste. "Green's not your color."

"Some guy.” The green shirt came off and a blue one was swapped for it. 

"Very descriptive."

"Well seriously, it didn't matter to me that much."

“Of course it doesn’t. That's why you just told me not to make fun of you," she teased. "And try the next shirt." Rolling my eyes, I did as she said.

"Okay so maybe it did bother me a little, but it's in the past, whatever," I rationalized, slipping the black t-shirt over my head. Olette opened her mouth to answer but a thoughtful noise replaced all words.

"That shirt is _very_ you. And very concert-chic." It was black (which didn't surprise me, I look good in black) with white graffiti all over the front in the shape of scribbles, musical notes, guitars, and speakers with the words "Do Your Music" amongst the entire mess. It was just enough to be eye-catching and subtle enough to be a multi-functional concert shirt.

"…I like it," I agreed, smiling slightly as I looked between the mirror and Olette. "Nice job." I started changing back into my own clothes, not really bothered that Olette was still in the dressing room with me.

"Don't you want to try on the other shirts?"

"Nope, that's definitely the one I want." I opened the dressing room door, dropping all of the rejects into the barrel on the side.

"Okay then, give them to me.” She didn’t even wait before she plucked them out of my hands, marching her way to the check-out and leaving me to follow. By the time I got there she was already adding up the amounts. “So that’s be $40.23." She pressed a few more numbers and reached for her purse under the counter, pulling out $25. She took a small bit of change and dropped it into her purse, handing the receipt to me. "And this is where you can say 'thank you, Olette!'" She grinned.

"…did you just…?" 

"Think of it as a birthday present at a 40 discount."

"You're incredible, Lette. Just flat-out incredible." I took the bag out of her hand and shoved the receipt into my pocket.

"Just have a lot of fun tomorrow, okay?"

"I will." I felt a lot more optimistic, at least, and I pulled her in for another hug. “I’ll see you Saturday.” I made my way out of the shop and drove myself back home, glancing at the bag with my new clothes in it every now and then. 

As far as I was concerned, this was the current update. I had a concert date with Axel the next day, it involved an indie band, and I was pretty much going to be the hottest thing on two legs. What could possibly go wrong?

*********************************************************

To nobody’s surprise, there were going to be a lot of problems with the whole plan. First of all; there was no way I was going to wear my concert clothes to school, mainly because I didn't want to attract too much attention and I didn't want to get them dirty which was maybe stupid, but I still wanted to look good for that night. Secondly, it _was_ my 17th birthday. I attracted attention even though I didn't want it.

"Happy birthday, Roxas!" Selphie tackled me as soon as she spotted me, clinging to me.

"Thanks Sel.” Even if my head was spinning a little from the attack I let her cling for a bit as Kairi joined us and draped her arms over my shoulder to look at both of us.

“Do you and your mom have big plans for today?”

I stared at her for a few minutes because at first I couldn’t even remember the lie I’d told her, but I shook my head and picked up the slack. “Nothing too big? I think she just wants me to herself for the night. You know how parents are. We’re all set for Friday though, I promise.” 

“Wait is _that_ why you made me trade shifts with you?” Selphie suddenly pouted, thankfully pulling herself away from me to latch onto Kairi instead. “That’s totally unfair!”

“Sorry, Selphie!” Kairi wasn’t that sorry though since she was grinning anyway. “It’s really important...and we’re both off Saturday for the party anyway, right? I’ll make it up to you and take your shift next Friday.”

“Hm...okay, deal!” The bell rang above us and both girls looked at me. “We should probably get to class. See you later?” Selphie was a year younger than us, but she and Kairi still shared an elective class that they were heading to.

“I’ll catch up with both of you at lunch.” 

“Sounds good. Say hi to your mom for me!” Selphie waved and immediately linked arms with Kairi, merging with the crowd as the two of them were swept up and disappeared. 

"Why are you saying hi to your mom for Selphie?” Sora appeared out of nowhere, falling in line with me and also scaring the shit out of me.

“Don’t! Do that!” 

“Sorry. But seriously. I thought you were going to Kairi’s after school anyway for your birthday marathon.” 

This was the first flaw in my brilliant plan. I’d managed to lie to Kairi and Selphie, but I’d need someone to cover me in case that lie fell through. That cover was going to have to be Sora, but he didn’t exactly know that yet. 

“Yeah, about that. I can’t exactly make it so I might have told Kairi I was hanging out with my mom today…?” 

I could have done without the judgmental look Sora was throwing me, but I also had to play my cards right at this point. 

"What do you have to do that's better than hanging out with Kairi?" 

“...you can’t tell Kairi under any circumstances. I’ll tell her later after everything’s over but she can’t know right now.” 

“What? I mean okay, sure, but that seems really suspicious, Roxas, even for you.”

“Do you want to know or not?”

“Obviously.” He sighed. “I have to know what lie I’m protecting, don’t I? What is it?”

“I owe you. I’m kind of going to a concert.”

“Where?”

“Twilight Town?”

“Are you joking?” He suddenly didn’t look too happy with me either. “Roxas, that’s a four hour trip. One way.” 

"I know! I know, I know. I’m going with a friend, I’ll be fine.”

"Who?" 

"Does that part really matter?"

"A little, but you’re not going to tell me so I can’t tell Kairi, are you?”

“You’re so smart.” I couldn’t help but grin. “Trust me. If my mom asks, I’ll be coming home from Kairi’s late. If Kairi asks, my mom and I are out. Got it?”

There was silence as we walked to our next class and for a moment I thought Sora was actually going to tell me no. He hated lying to our friends, too, and I could tell he still wasn’t sold on the idea. Eventually he sighed and shook his head, stopping in front of our Chemistry classroom.

“You owe me. Majorly. And happy birthday.”

I took that as a sign he was going to cover for me even as he turned his back on me and walked ahead of me, purposefully getting his textbook out to pretend to read before class started.

*********************************************************

It should have been smooth sailing from there, but I was so racked up with nerves it took all of my willpower not to squirm around every ten seconds. I really didn't know which I was more nervous about; going to the concert with Axel, or Kairi somehow finding out. I didn't think I was going to make it to sixth period, but I did. That was probably a mistake since my nerves amped up to twenty by then and it didn’t help that Axel was already waiting for me.

"And there’s the birthday boy now." 

“I’m going to take that as “Happy Birthday, Roxas” and say “thanks.”” 

He waved it off and leaned back in his chair. “Are you going to be ready to go right after school's over?" 

"I guess…I kinda wanna drop my car off at my house first? That cool?" I wasn’t going to take no for an answer because I had to stick with my story. It would look even worse if my car was gone _and_ I wasn’t home. Plus I still had to change. I had a lot on my mind and maybe I didn’t sound as confident as I wanted to feel but Axel didn’t seem to notice.

"We can do that. I can just follow you home and then we'll go from there."

The bell rang which meant I could stop talking for a while, but for the entire period I couldn’t focus on anything Teitzel said, but rather about what I was going to do. I mean…anything could happen and this was pretty much a date wasn’t it? If what Kairi said was true, maybe Axel did see some weird sort of potential in me. What if he tried to hold my hand? Worse, what if he tried to kiss me? I wasn't prepared for that kind of thing! I didn’t even know if I wanted that kind of thing. 

No, wait, correction. I didn’t want to want that kind of thing. I think that was the more honest truth. 

Either way, I couldn't help but give him the once-over. Knowing Axel, he wasn't going to change clothes or anything before we left for Twilight Town. Besides, jeans, a t-shirt, and beat-up sneakers were suitable enough.

That just meant that I was going to look better than he did.

I spent the entire period blanking on what I was supposed to be learning and focusing on my battle strategy. I had to prepare myself for anything and I was thinking about it a little too hard because there was suddenly a hand waving in my face and class was over. 

"You ready?” Axel was already standing and waiting for me to do the same. I quickly shoved the rest of my stuff into my bag and practically tripped out of my desk but it was a smoother transition as we headed for the door and exited toward the parking lot. It didn’t make sense for me to go to my locker when I’d already resigned myself to not bothering with my homework that night. 

"We're taking your car to the ferry station and then taking the car on the ferry to take to the main land aren’t we?” 

"Something like that. You’re going to have to help me navigate a little. I don’t know where I’m going.”

“I’ll figure it out. I’ll see you at my place in a bit.” 

"Will do," was the last thing I heard before I shut the door, starting my car and pulling out of the parking lot. On the bright side, Sora was taking Kairi home, so I had that much extra time. I arrived at my house about a split-second before Axel did, parking my car out front and running inside. I should have won a medal or something for how fast I dropped my backpack, changed into my new outfit, grabbed my wallet and keys and flew back out the door. I’m not even sure I was looking as I jumped into Axel’s mustang and buckled myself in. 

It was about then I realized the car wasn’t moving. The car was on, Guns ‘n Roses were playing from the stereo and Axel was staring at something behind me. It was only after I looked over my shoulder and made an idiot of myself that I realized that he was looking at _me._

"What?" 

After a long, lingering pause he grinned at me. "You look good." He didn’t say another word and put the car in drive, heading out down the street. That was just it. No making fun of me for changing my clothes, no stupid jokes, nothing.

It felt like progress, but I didn’t want to think about the weird butterflies in my stomach.

We drove in silence for a short while until we reached the ferry station, driving the car up onto a different compartment of the boat and paying for our tickets, departing only a few minutes after that. 

Growing up on an island for so long I’ve gotten way too used to the ocean, but looking over at Axel I saw him staring at the water below us as the ferry chugged along. It was almost a look of awe as green eyes darted back and forth as though he was hoping to spot fish in the waves. We stood in silence for a while before I finally chose to break it.

"Did you ever see the ocean before you moved here?" He blinked and looked away from the rolling waves under the boat.

"Nope, can't say that I have." He grinned and leaned against the railing, now facing me entirely.

"Ever?"

"Nah. My hometown was too far away from the ocean to really ever have a chance to go see it. I always wanted to though. Demyx used to tell me about it in his emails...had to come see it for myself."

“You moved here just to see the ocean?”

He sighed softly. “I moved here for a change of scenery. Where I’m from...it’s pretty dark and miserable. People don’t talk to each other, it rains all the time...it’s pretty depressing! I like it here a lot more.”

Something about the story didn’t entirely add up. “And your parents were fine with you moving for the school year?”

"They’d trust Demyx with their own lives.” There was a strange tinge in his tone as he said it but before I could ask him any more questions, the ferry pulled into dock to the mainland. "Come on, let's go get my car and get out of here." 

Getting off the ferry took a little bit of time since everyone else had cars to drive off, too, but eventually we were on our way on the main road. You’d think that maybe being stuck in a car with someone like Axel for four hours was a recipe for disaster, or maybe the perfect set-up for an awkward outing, but...I don’t know. It was kind of weird, but in a way I was sort of intrigued by the idea of having zero interruptions for as long as I could.

Plus it’s not like I was the one driving. He was driving, I was navigating, and all I had to do was talk to him. 

“Did you know that you could be actually kidnapping me right now and I don’t even know your favorite color?” I could have maybe said something less stupid, but for some reason Axel liked me and my stupid words if the laugh was any indication.

“What do you think it is?” I took a quick look at what he was wearing, not at all surprised to find it was all black again. Black jeans, a black t-shirt, a black hoodie…

“Black…?”

There was a sound like a buzzer going off and telling me I was wrong, and I was only half-surprised to realize it came from Axel’s mouth. “Wrong answer! Wanna try again? Think real hard about it.”

“...red.” 

“Bingo.” He grinned to himself even as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. 

“Is that even your real hair color?” 

“Sort of. It’s a little darker but I like it better.” That answered that at least. It was the willingness to put up with my inane questions that made the time go by. In those four hours he told me a lot and answered a lot of what I’d call shallow questions. Favorite color: red (“and black, so you were sort of right.”) Favorite song: Lithium. (“You should play it for me sometime.”) Favorite snack: Skittles. (“The slogan’s hilarious, what more do you need?”) Favorite animal: Dragons. (“I don’t care if they aren’t real, they count. But I also like dogs.”) Favorite holiday: New Year’s. (“I like the idea of new beginnings. And fireworks. I love fireworks.”)

Every time I tried to ask him questions about himself though and his life before the islands he found a clever way to dodge the topic and turn it around on me. I couldn’t pin him down to get the answers I really wanted, and he didn’t seem to mind asking me all of the same questions and then some. I found out a few things I didn’t know, like he was in art with me and Riku so he could pick up painting and that he used to be a cross-country runner but quit before sophomore year. It was little pieces that made up the beginnings of a picture but there were huge gaping holes in what I knew as Axel Tamashi. 

Traffic in downtown Twilight Town was surprisingly a little more crowded than usual, but it didn’t help we were driving right into the heart of the city. Cars were already lined up and the parking lots were filling up fast around the concert venue.

"I thought you said this was an underground band?" 

"I did…but this is also a pretty popular club. I thought you said you used to live here?" He frowned out the windshield, immediately cutting someone off to try and find a space to park.

"Yeah, when I was little. I moved when I was a kid." Axel sighed and shook his head in mock-fashion, finally turning around and pulling into the alley of the club. “This isn’t a parking spot, dude.”

“It is now. Let’s go.” He got out of the car and waited for me to do the same, locking it and safely putting the keys in his pocket. Handing me my ticket, we jumped into line with everybody else. It was still a bit of a wait to actually get inside but the band was just starting to set up by the time Axel and I walked through the doors.

"C'mon, we can get further inside this way." I barely heard him before Axel suddenly grabbed my hand, holding onto it tightly and pulling me through the crowd of people.

Was it normal to feel a shock of electricity jolt through your body when somebody held your hand? For a feeling of warmth to start pumping through your veins as the other person's hand tightened around yours? I didn't think so, but that's what happened. Or maybe I was just focused on my palms probably being sweaty and not tripping over my own feet as I kept up and dodged people’s shoulders.

Axel and I finally stopped about 15 feet away from the stage, looking up at the band. They were finally ready to start and I realized the timing was just right. The lead singer was at the mic and grinning at the crowd while his drummer tapped out a test beat and his guitarist and bassist tuned their instruments one last time. The guy introduced himself as Brendon Urie and introduced his band as Panic at the Disco before they launched straight into a song called “London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines.”

It wasn’t bad, to tell you the truth. The beat was good, Brendon’s voice wasn’t bad, and it was enough to catch my attention at least. Me being me, I watched the bassist like a hawk, watching his fingers slide between the different chords and frets. It was only when they rolled into the chorus that I looked at Axel and saw he was only bobbing his head along and for some reason it just felt...wrong. I’m not sure what encouraged me to do it, but I stepped closer and jabbed a finger into his side to get his attention.

"Ow! What?”

"You're not dancing.” I gestured to the crowd around us dancing to the music.

"Yeah…that's another thing. I don't really dance."

"…you brought me to a club and you don't even dance?"

"You got it."

I’m not sure if it surprised him that I _do_ dance with a good beat, but he was giving me a level stare even as I refused to back off on this. The thing about music is that it’s an artform that deserves to be appreciated, and the way that people can honor artists is by dancing or singing along. Since I didn’t know the words and I know he didn’t either, this was the next step. It wasn’t as simple as arguing though. No way. By now I realized that the only thing that really worked on Axel was some kind of reverse psychology or even just threatening to take myself out of the picture for some reason.

So that’s what I did. 

"Fine.” I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible as I began to back off. “Since you don't dance, I'll go find somebody else who does. See ya." 

I didn't even get two feet before Axel grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back toward him. "No, don't do that," he said, pulling me even closer until I was standing at his side once again.

"Problem?” I knew exactly what I was doing. I looked up at him with slightly wide eyes and a tilt of the head. The perfect picture of innocence. (It was a trick I’d learned from Kairi years ago, frankly, but it always worked on me.)

"…first of all, it'd be pretty stupid of you to go lose yourself in a crowd, especially around these kinds of people and when I'm your ride home. Secondly, _I_ don't want to stay by myself." He waved a hand briefly like he was so inconvenienced by the idea of me ditching him.

"Yeah, but I wanna dance.” He didn’t say anything immediately, and it was about then I pulled out the big guns. “And it’s my birthday. Remember?” 

I’d never heard such a pathetic noise as his shoulders slumped but he shook his head and pulled me back to our original spot.

" _Alright_ , alright, you win. I'll dance…only a little bit though!" 

"Good." I couldn't help but smile up at him as the band started in on their next song. I suppose Axel’s idea of a little bit was different than the rest of the world’s because he danced next to me and with me for pretty much the entire setlist. It wasn’t a long show and it wasn’t anything unique and unusual, but it was _fun_ and I didn’t even think about the fact that for once I was genuinely happy to be hanging out with him. The lyrics were easy to pick up on (especially during “Time to Dance”) and it just felt good being around someone that would play along. The show almost ended too soon and I was disappointed as the last note was played. The club began clearing out and making way for the next band that had a time slot at the club. 

It was wordless, but Axel took that as a cue that we should get going and once again grabbed my hand. Even though my hands were definitely sweaty this time I didn’t worry about it. I followed him back out of the club and toward the alley as the chill night air slapped me in the face and brought me back to reality. The car, surprisingly, was still there, but a bright pink slip was tucked under the windshield wiper.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Axel sighed and let go of my hand then, sauntering up to the car and plucking the parking ticket off of the window. He looked at it for a minute before crumpling it and shoving it into the pocket of his hoodie, turning back to face me. “What do you think? Gotta be home right away?”

I didn’t even look at my phone to see what time it was before I shrugged. “No. Got something in mind?”

He didn’t bother to reply as he leaned down to open the door for me, shutting it once my limbs were inside and slouching down into the driver’s seat and driving out of the alley.

It was maybe 9:30pm when Axel and I found ourselves in the parking lot of this ice cream place I knew about and had missed more than anything. He didn't say anything when he parked but when I tried to follow him into the shop he told me to stay put and wait. I wasn't huge on following orders, but I was a little too curious to question him and waited alone. It wasn't long after that he came out with a small box and climbed back into his car, handing it over to me.

"You. Got me a cupcake." I know I sounded skeptical but the vanilla cupcake with blue frosting was unexpected. Axel suddenly reaching into his pocket and jamming a candle into the top was just as unexpected and with a flick of his wrist he produced a lighter and lit the top.

"Make a wish, kid." I could have argued with him that I wasn't exactly a kid (and I wasn't _that_ much younger than him) but the gesture wasn't lost on me either. The flame flickered before my eyes and Axel lifted both eyebrows, seemingly waiting for me to act. Or smash the cupcake in his face. I don't really blame him for thinking that. I didn't have to think that hard on a wish either and when I blew out the candle the smokey tendrils crawled up toward the ceiling and out of sight.

"…thank you, Axel. For everything." Plucking the candle out of the cupcake, maybe it was a little gross to lick the frosting off but I didn't care. It was my birthday. Why should I? Axel gave me a half-smiled and leaned back in his seat still fiddling with the lighter in his hand.

"What'd you wish for?"

"Man, you know if I tell you it won't come true. Don't try to destroy my wish." Holding the cupcake in my hand, I tried to figure out how to break it in half without getting frosting all over my hands. For the record? There really wasn't an easy way. In the end I took a bite out of my side and held it out to him. "Seasalt frosting." 

"You seemed like a seasalt kind of guy." He looked at the cupcake presented to him, genuinely surprised by the offer before taking a small bite himself. "Was I wrong?"

"Not even." 

It was weird. We weren't exactly friends, but maybe we were. This wasn't exactly a date, but maybe it was. I really wasn't sure what it was or what we were doing when it was just us in this little sphere of the universe but I did know that this was someone who knew me better than I had anticipated and someone I didn't mind trying to get to know myself. Over the last couple of weeks, things with Axel had mellowed out and his company was almost wanted.

…I don't know who I'm trying to convince. By that point, his company was absolutely wanted even if I didn't have a clue what to do about it. He was a friend and we had a lot of things in common and things to share with each other, but that still didn't mean much in the way of the crush department. Axel and I were just two people figuring it out, and he wasn't interested in me like that enough to do anything about it. I could live with that. I could live with someone with a dumb sense of humor and good taste in music who knew what I would like without asking and just be friends.

I could still look at him, and…maybe just being friends would make the whole thing go away. Crushes were a flash in the pan as my mom liked to say and this one was getting squashed before it could even begin to cook. That analogy got mixed up, but I already told you I'm not the best author.

The two of us sat in the parking lot sharing a cupcake and listening to Stone Temple Pilots for a while. There wasn't a lot that needed to be said, but it was a comfortable kind of companionable silence I could appreciate. Axel, surprisingly, had been to a lot of concerts before and spent most of the time telling me everything there was to know about different venues and different genres. He knew the scene better than I did which was impressive on its own, but for once he sounded like he was sharing instead of lording it over me.

It was just another change I noticed.

The drive back was long and I'm pretty sure I slept for part of it, but the parts I remember were trading more stories about shows we've been to, favorite movies and favorite books. ("Invisible Monsters." "…I think I've heard that before?" "Read it to understand everything there is to know.") Everything was getting locked away in a mental folder with everything I knew about Axel. That collection was growing more and more every day and I still didn't have a clue how to feel about it. 

Watching the ocean at night as we traveled on the short ferry ride back to the island gave me a little time to try and clear my head. Axel watched the stars and the water and everything he possibly could while I found myself watching him and wondering how much of what he was telling me was truly him and how much was a fabrication of himself. Even if it was all fake somehow and maybe if he wasn't telling me everything, I was starting to really like the things I did learn.

"Pop quiz," he said to me as he looked up at the sky. "Where do stars come from?"

"The galaxy, isn't it?"

"Well yeah. But the galaxy has to do something to make the stars and allow them to be born. It's the dust and the gas and the combination of gravity that compresses gas atoms together to create heat energy. Clouds get hotter and hotter and glow and grow. It's the rapid expansion that creates a main sequence star and depending how big it is will determine how long it'll live." 

I didn't know if that was true, but it sounded about right. He'd told me that his favorite subject was science because there was always a loophole for everything but I hadn't realized he maybe actually knew what he was talking about. 

"So what you're saying is you like the stars." 

There was a lingering pause before he let out a small huff of air, bowing his head to look at the water again. "Who wouldn't like something that lasts forever? And anyway I like the constellations. They make cool pictures. Check it out, you can just barely see the north star from here."

It was another dip of something a little too real quickly smothered by a distraction and it was a game he liked to play. It was something that had initially pissed me off but once I started learning the rules I found it was easier to be patient. Sort of. It was still frustrating to know I was missing big pieces and maybe that was just the kind of friendship we were destined to have.

I immediately got mad for associating destiny with him, too.

By the time we drove back to the island and down the street by my house it was almost two in the morning. We both still had school the next morning but considering Axel looked the way that I felt I had a feeling neither of us would be getting much sleep before then. 

"So hey." He stopped a few blocks down so I wouldn't draw anyone's attention at my house. The walk wouldn't be terrible, at least. "I just…tonight was really cool. I had a lot of fun." 

"You weren't such bad company yourself." The tone was light but there was a quirk of his lips that was all I needed to know. "I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll think about it." Unlocking the door, I unbuckled my seatbelt and stepped out on the sidewalk. "Thanks again for everything."

"Yeah, sure." I thought maybe he was just going to let me go but he suddenly turned to face me. "Hey, Roxas."

"Yeah?"

"Anybody ever tell you you're pretty incredible?" He didn't even give me a chance to answer before he shifted the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. He was driving slow enough it was easy to watch him leave and I stayed rooted in my spot for a while. 

Incredible wasn't a word I heard often, but somehow…it was nice. I didn't want to think about the fact that it had an effect on me, or on the fact that I was probably blushing, but I started walking down the street and started looking for my house keys. I didn't even get that far though before a buzzing started from in my pocket.

"Who the hell would be calling me at 2am?" I murmured to myself as I flipped my phone open. "Hello?" 

It was in that split-second I remembered exactly the kind of person who would call me at 2am, and I realized I was in absolute deep shit.

"Look up." Kairi's tone was firm and left little room for argument as I turned and came face-to-face with her house. Letting my gaze shift up to the second floor, I traced a map to the window on the far right and noticed the silhouette of my best friend staring down at me.

"You have a lot of explaining to do." She promptly (and rightfully, truthfully) hung up on me and slammed the window shut, taking away every single good feel I had in an instant.

Somehow…I had a feeling that tomorrow wasn't going to be as great as today was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, a few of you have chimed in about how excited you are for me to continue this and have mentioned reading the original and I'm so immensely pleased and flattered. Thank you guys SO MUCH for taking the time to say something! I'm so excited to know there are people out there who do remember the original iteration of the story, and I hope I deliver on this version.
> 
> Going forward, chapters 6-9 so far are all new content with brand new scenes, new dialogue, and essentially an entirely different frame. This isn't the original story, but it is.
> 
> Happy holidays to those of you who celebrate! May all of your wishes come true, etc etc. Leave me notes, leave me comments, etc. Next chapter will be up sometime in the coming week.


	6. If Memory Serves, Then Mark My Words This Game's Called "Catch Me If You Can"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re kind of the center of attention here. Was I supposed to look somewhere else?”
> 
> “...no. I kind of like when you look at me.” Perhaps it’s not something I would have said normally, but at least I had the guise of alcohol to hide behind if I needed to.
> 
> “You’re very interesting to look at.”
> 
> “...Axel, I--” I didn’t even bother finishing the sentence, squirming to sit up a little taller. I’m not sure what I was trying to accomplish outside of making sure I had his full attention and that he didn’t misunderstand me. He stayed still and watched curiously, hands shifting to help me sit up all the same. “I think I want…” 
> 
> To kiss him. That much was clear to me suddenly because it didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense to continue ignoring something I knew I wanted on a base level even if I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand a lot of things about Axel or how I felt about him, but I was willing to try.

There is no greater evil than a woman's wrath. I know that's not how the quote exactly goes but you know what? I'm 17; I'm allowed to screw up stuff. 

Which...is good...because man did I screw stuff up. I know I shouldn’t have lied to Kairi and I know I should have expected the other shoe to drop at some point, but I was hoping I’d at least have a little more time. I would never admit this in person, but Kairi really does freak me out when she's mad. It doesn’t happen often and it never lasts long, but “batten down the hatches” has never applied so strongly.

Now that Kairi knew that something was up? I had an even bigger mess to fix.

*********************************************************

After a pretty much sleepless night, I dragged myself out of bed the day after my birthday, half-assing my way through my morning routine even more than usual. The sheer dread I was feeling was probably palpable since no one in the house spoke to me or tried to get me to hurry up and leave. I drove as slowly as I could to Kairi’s and as I arrived in front of the Harada house, I tapped on the steering wheel nervously and waited. As soon as Kairi got in the car she was going to explode and I was going to feel like a huge asshole and it was going to be a mess.

But when she exited the house and got in the car, she did the exact opposite.

"Uh…morning, Kai.” I had to handle this with some sense of tact, but even giving her a slight grin I was met with silence.

"Cute skirt.” More silence, and this time she turned to look out the window instead. I let the silence linger between us as I drove us to school, and it was once I saw the parking lot ahead I tried one more time.

"Man, that pre-calc test yesterday was hard, huh?" And again, more silence. I parked in a space close to the building and killed the ignition not long after. "Look, Kairi-" 

She didn't even let me finish before she got out of the car and grabbed her bag, slamming the door behind her. I scrambled after her, nearly locking my keys in the car and slamming the door on my fingers in the process.

"Are you ignoring me on purpose?" I finally asked her probably the most obvious question in the world, and the _look_ she gave me was enough to give me chills. I could swear that her eyes even changed from a warm blue to an icy tone before she marched forward and entered through one of the doors, not even bothering to hold it open for me. Narrowly avoiding getting squished between the doors I darted in after her and followed her down the hall.

"Kairi come on! Talk to me. Please?" She barely turned her head and raised an eyebrow at me before rolling her eyes, promptly turning and walking into the girls' bathroom. The door swished closed behind her and I knew I lost my chance.

"Harsh, dude.” Of course Sora had followed us in and witnessed the whole thing. Why wouldn’t the universe want to screw with me like that? Wordlessly, I turned around and headed for my locker, Sora right on my tail.

"Okay be honest. How mad is she?”

"Oh, she's not mad.” It was a matter-of-fact tone as Sora reached into my locker and grabbed a spare granola bar from the top shelf as soon as I opened the door.

"Oh thank god."

"She's furious." 

"Seriously...?"

"Yeah, and I can’t say I blame her.” That same judgmental look was back even as he ripped open the wrapper and shoved half of the bar in his mouth. “It was kind of a jerk move, dude.”

“I thought you were covering for me.” 

“Yeah, I tried. You probably should have remembered she would come in the house.” 

He’s right, I should have. Kairi loves my mom and...if I was actually doing what I’d said I would be she would have just joined us. That was the biggest flaw in the plan. 

I did feel like an ass after that, in case you were wondering.

"How badly did it go over…?”

“Well.” Sora swallowed what was in his mouth as he fell into step with me again. We usually take the same path, but most mornings I’m with Kairi and he finds Riku immediately. He took his time in explaining as he hitched his bursting-at-the-seams backpack up onto his shoulders again and folded his arms behind his head to stretch. “She yelled at me for a while. And then she threw a box at me. And then she said she was more disappointed that you lied to her instead of being mad you ditched her. So I’d say you just hurt her feelings more than anything and you have a lot of ass-kissing to do to get back in her good graces." I knew he was right, but somehow it made me feel even worse to hear him say so. He looked pretty serious about it, too, but he stopped outside of the ASB office and squeezed my shoulder instead.

“Just be honest with her. I don’t know why you didn’t tell her the truth in the first place, but...it’s not hopeless.” There was a shrug and a wave as he disappeared, bidding me good luck over his shoulder before I went to face my doom.

Kairi and I both have Yearbook first thing in the morning. Kairi’s really big on this kind of thing and she wanted something for the two of us to do together, not to mention “Roxas, it’ll look really good on college applications. I promise.” It wasn’t exactly hard and I _did_ like designing the pages, but at times like these I would have donated all of my organs to the black market just to be anywhere else. 

Two minutes before class started and three after the warning bell rang, she turned up, silently settling in her chair and scooting about as far away as she could while still being in front of her computer. It was a little funny seeing her stretched out as far as possible, but it was less funny once I picked up on the implications. The bell rang to signal the beginning of the day and Sora’s voice crackled through the intercom for the morning announcements just like it did every day. It was easy enough to tune him out and instead I turned to my computer and pulled up my layout page. Someone thought it would be hilarious to give me one of the sports layouts knowing damn well I have no idea about most of our sports teams, but at least it looked pretty awesome. 

I wasn’t the only one who thought so. It wasn't long until I felt a presence looming over my shoulder and I spotted Kairi examining my work, nodding slightly.

"Nice job.” It was stiff and it was awkward and she started to roll her chair back to her desk when I hooked my ankle around one of the wheels to stop her. 

"Kairi, wait a sec.”

"What?"

"Okay look, I know you're mad at me, but what if I told you I actually have a really good excuse?” I could see that she wanted to ask even if she still wasn’t looking at me. The seconds ticked by and she finally huffed as she leaned back in her chair to face me.

"You better have a good explanation.”

I took a look around me to make sure nobody else was eavesdropping, but to my relief everyone seemed immersed in their own projects and conversations. That didn’t stop me from leaning in as close as possible to murmur under my breath.

"I think I had a date with Axel." She pulled back very suddenly, eyes wide and a startled gasp leaving her lips.

"You _what_?" My hand flew over to immediately cover her mouth and keep her voice down for her. Likewise, she immediately batted said-hand away with enough force that I almost smacked myself in the face. “Tell me everything. What do you mean you think? And why didn’t you tell me that in the first place yesterday?” 

“Um.” I didn’t exactly have a great excuse, I knew that much, but I bit my lip and shrugged instead. “I knew you’d make it into this whole big thing and...I don’t know. I was already nervous enough as it was. I didn’t need the extra pressure of having to remember everything to give you details later.” 

“I suppose that’s true.” She conceded fairly easily and looked at my monitor, eyes narrowing before she placed her fingers on my keyboard and fixed a typo I’d made in my layout. “But you _are_ going to give me details, aren’t you? I think you owe me that much for ditching me _and_ lying to me, Roxas.” 

“Alright, alright. But you have to promise you’re not going to interrupt.”

“I’ll think about it.”

The pointed look I gave her probably got the message across, but she simply beamed at me instead. “So anyway. He surprised me a couple of days ago saying he had some tickets for this concert from some breakout band that was playing in Twilight Town on my actual birthday that someone bailed on and he wanted to know if I wanted the extra ticket. Since I’m not an idiot, I said yes. We had to leave right after school and the show was pretty short but the music was good, he bought me a cupcake, you busted me at 2am and I gave myself an ulcer worrying about how to make this all up to you. And that’s about the extent of my birthday that was really important.”

She was silent which wasn’t exactly a good thing. It wasn’t an immediate bad thing, but Kairi being silent meant that she was thinking something over and I was sort of afraid of what she might end up thinking about when it came down to this. 

"He took you to Twilight Town.”

“Yes.”

“Which is four hours away.”

“Yes.”

“For a concert. Because he knows you’re a musician and you’re into music.”

“Yes.”

“And he bought you a cupcake.”

“Yes.”

“And you guys kissed.”

“Ye-- _no._ ” I couldn’t believe I almost fell for that, but she almost looked disappointed by the change in answer.

"What? Roxas! It's not a date if you didn't kiss," she pointed out.

“Why not?” 

“Because it’s not. Did either of you actually call it a date?”

...that was kind of an important detail, wasn’t it. I didn’t have an answer for her and I could only give her a wide-eyed look as I considered that. Was she right? Was it not a date even if it definitely felt like one and we kind of flirted and he thought I was some semblance of attractive?

But then again, she had a point. Neither of us had officially called it a date and I frowned at the realization before shaking my head.

“I’m not really sure what else to call it. But no. It wasn’t called that.” She didn’t reply even after I’d said it and she seemed to be mulling that over before she chose a different route.

“Did you have fun at least?”

“...it was the best night I’ve had in a while.” I couldn’t tell what, exactly, she was fishing for but that answer seemed to satisfy her as she smiled again.

“We can talk more about this on Friday when we’re alone.” The tone was quiet, conscious of the fact that people were still around us and I wasn’t even considering coming out to anyone else inside these four walls. “Okay?”

“Deal.” It was almost immediate, but I needed my best friend and more than that I didn’t want her to stay mad. She turned back to her computer and began telling me about some movies she had picked out for Friday, but my thoughts kept looping back to what she’d said about my birthday date not being a real date. 

So what did that mean? Did that mean that Axel and I were hanging out as friends? As more than friends? What was this? I hated not knowing, but I really didn't have anybody to ask other than Kairi, and I already had her answer. Besides, there was no way I was going to walk up to Axel and ask him. With my luck, he’d take it the totally wrong way and I’d have an even bigger mess on my hands.

The only thing I could do was put the subject in the back of my mind, tell Kairi why we weren’t going to watch seven chick flicks back to back, copy and paste photos into my layout and ignore the Axel thing for later. I was getting really good at this avoidance thing...so why stop now?

*********************************************************

I think I must have been off for that entire morning because I had no less than six people ask me if I was okay and call me out for being a spacecase. I didn’t really know how to answer that, and I had a feeling that if it was obvious to other people in my classes it was probably going to be obvious to my friends.

So, I did the absolutely courageous thing and skipped heading to the cafeteria with everybody else under the guise that I had some stuff to work on in the library and that I’d catch up with them later. The problem with that was the fact that I had to actually go to the library and back up my second lie in the last 24 hours and that meant not actually getting food. If I timed it just right, I could grab a snack just before the bell rang for afternoon classes and still avoid everybody until I got my head on straight.

The thing about our library is that it’s one of the nicest school libraries I’ve seen. There’re couches and tables and walls and walls of books both fictional and non-fiction. If I’m honest, reading has always been a thing I liked even if I haven’t made time for it in the last several years. During this time of day not a lot of people were actually in the library. There were a few people who were studying on their own and had lunch in front of them and one or two people lingering the aisle looking for something to read. I let my mind wander some more as I drifted down an aisle in the middle, completely bypassing non-fiction and jumping right into something a little less real. I’ve never been big on YA novels (especially when someone (named _Selphie_ ) kept trying to get me to read a book about vampires that came out a few weeks back) but something about actual fiction was comforting.

I was wandering the aisles when something from last night surfaced to the front of my head.

_”Invisible Monsters. Read it to understand everything.”_

He didn’t even give me an author, but that’s what computers were for. The catalogue system of the library’s easy enough to figure out so it didn’t take long for me to find what I was looking for and dash forward to an aisle down at the end. Wiggling the black and rainbow-colored book out from where it was wedged, I looked it over and scanned the back really quick. It seemed easy enough, and maybe by reading it I really _would_ understand everything. I still had about twenty minutes left of lunch by that point and I’m a fast reader. I could get through a couple of chapters. With that in mind, I settled into one of the couches in the back near a window and cracked the book open, immediately immersing myself in the text.

It was maybe about ten minutes later that my phone buzzed with a text from Kairi. Blindly groping for it in my pocket, I flipped my phone open and squinted at the screen.

_where are you??? you just missed a pop quiz in calc!_

“What?” 

It didn’t matter that I was immediately shushed for being too loud. Kairi’s text didn’t make sense and I shut the book as I glanced at the clock above me.

Lunch was over. _Fifth period_ was over. I had three minutes to get to sixth period and I had already finished about half of the novel.

 _”Shit.”_ I practically vaulted off of the couch with the novel in my hands, completely forgetting to check it out of the system and dashing my way down the hall to my English class. Teitzel was just closing the door as I barreled my way inside, crashing straight into my desk and breathlessly looking toward Axel.

“Can I borrow a pen? And like four sheets of paper?” 

I’d forgotten my binder in my locker, too, and all I had on me was the library book and a sense of horror dawning on me knowing I’d spaced as hard as I had. 

“Where’d you disappear to?” Even as he handed me the requested items I got the sense he was trying not to make fun of me. I had to give him some credit for being marginally successful.

“Shut up, this is your fault.” I didn’t explain beyond that, using a sheet of paper to hide the novel on my desk before looking up at the board to write down that day’s notes. 

“What’d I do?” He lifted an eyebrow even as he followed suit and wrote everything down as Teitzel scrawled on the board ahead of us. “You’re the one who told me you didn’t have a curfew last night.”

“That’s not what I meant!” I did my best to keep my voice low so we wouldn’t get busted for talking in class, but it was hard not to answer. “Never mind, just pay attention to what you’re doing and know that this is your fault.” 

The derisive snort didn’t assure me that he was going to listen, but he remained quiet as we settled into the lesson. Both of us were on our best behavior and trying to pay attention, but my mind kept wandering both to the book and to the boy next to me and how they both connected. So far I wasn’t getting it, but at least the story was interesting...and weird. Definitely, definitely weird. Not a word was exchanged between us for the rest of the period and when the bell rang I grabbed my papers and the book, tossing the pen back onto Axel’s desk.

“What, no explanation?” He got up from his desk and followed me out of the classroom toward my locker.

“Nope. I have to meet Kairi and come up with an excuse for why I skipped fifth period.” 

“What’s the real reason?”

“I already told you, it’s your fault.”

“I’m not even in your fifth period.” 

Once we were at my locker, I whirled around and thrusted the book up toward his nose, shaking it back and forth for a moment.

“This! You told me to read this and I started to and then I lost track of time. You didn’t warn me about this!” Taking a step back, he pushed my hand away to get a better look at what I was practically blinding him with and had the audacity to smirk at me.

“I didn’t think you’d listen.” There was a pleased sort of note in his tone and for once instead of aggravating me it felt a little...nice? Was nice the word I wanted? It made me feel like I did something right, like maybe I was special for doing something unexpected but wanted.

God, I hated that.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have. You’re a bad influence. Making me go on an eight-hour trip with you, making me go to a concert, making me share a cupcake and stay out late with you…”

He didn’t reply for a moment and it was the silence that got me to look up from where I’d already turned back toward my locker. The door was open and I was halfway inside grabbing my bag when I clued in he wasn’t answering and instead leaning over the top of the door. “What?” 

“Nothing, nothing.” He waved a hand. “Just that you look a lot better when you’re smiling like that instead of bitching at me.” 

I hated that even more, especially knowing I wasn’t even aware I _was_ smiling. I didn’t even know how to respond to that, but luckily I didn’t have to. I heard Kairi call my name from somewhere behind me and Axel pulled back, giving me another look before he turned on his heel. “I’ll see you later, Roxas. Let me know what you think of the book.”

Stupidly, I stood there and watched him leave as Kairi approached my side and stared in the same direction I was staring. 

“What was that all about?”

“Nothing.” The word was immediate and broke me out of my trance, giving me time to gather everything I needed for that night and shove it into my bag. “How much was the pop quiz worth?”

“Not much. It was mostly attendance points.” She began leading us out of the building and toward my car, still trying to read my expression as I shoved Invisible Monsters into my backpack, too. “Do you have an excuse for skipping? You didn’t fall asleep somewhere, did you…?”

“Of course not. I’m not Sora.” I didn’t have enough in me to actually feel offended and as I unlocked my car she skipped ahead to let herself in. “I just lost track of time in the library, no big deal. Do we have math homework?”

“You’re really bad at changing the subject. But no, no homework. I have to work though, can you drop me off at Noon Moon after I change?” 

“Sure.” Truthfully I didn’t have anything better to do anyway. “I might stick around to get some homework done. I can’t concentrate if my house is too quiet.” 

“Sora’s working today?” 

“Think so. Let’s just get out of here.” For some reason being in the hallways were making me nervous, like Axel was still around watching me somewhere. Without even really waiting for her, I made sure my locker was locked tight and headed toward the parking lot.

*********************************************************

I won’t lie. As soon as we got to Noon Moon and Kairi clocked in I sat at my usual place at the counter near her and immediately pulled the copy of Invisible Monsters back out of my bag. I knew I had other homework I should be doing but I was slowly becoming obsessed with understanding and I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus otherwise.

The café was pretty quiet that day to say the least but it was a steady slew of kids from our school and kids from the local college and the like. Kairi kept herself busy and I flipped through pages and pages at a pace that was fast even for me.

The sound of porcelain clinking on the countertop got my attention though and when I looked up Kairi had set a mug of hot chocolate in front of me. 

“You’re really invested in that book.” The line of customers had dwindled and it allowed her time to lean her elbows on the counter and watch me. “What is that?”

“Something Axel recommended.” I didn’t have a problem telling her that much, and instead I looked down at the book again and blindly groped for the mug. 

“Is that why you missed class?”

“This is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read in my life. I don’t even know how to describe it other than a bunch of people with secrets and hidden identities and non-linear timelines.” 

“Are you reading it because you like it? Or because Axel told you to?”

It was a valid question but I still couldn’t help but snort into my cup.

“Please. Like I’d just do whatever he asked me to do.”

“You know that point has kind of worn thin considering you let him talk you into going to a concert four hours away on a school night. I’m just pointing that out.” Grabbing a rag, she began wiping down the counter. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve really read something that wasn’t required for class. I just like the break.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, silently working and observing me as I finished a chapter and took a sip of my drink. I could almost picture the look on her face without actually looking at her. 

“...I really am glad you guys are getting along,” she finally said. “Axel’s...weird, but he fits in pretty well and he’s actually nice once you get to know him. But it sort of sounds like you’re getting to know him way faster than the rest of us.” 

“I’m going to stop you right there before you say anything.” I looked up again. “I still have a lot of suspicions about him.” 

“Aren’t you sort of suspicious of everyone though?”

I didn’t even get a chance to answer before my phone chimed with a text. Flipping it open, I scrolled to find the new message.

_bday dinner. mom and aunt kia want to take both of us out. where r u?_

Sora. I guess because I’d bailed the day before I had a lot of catching up to do...and it meant having to put the book down. Again. 

“I gotta go.” I tucked the novel into my backpack and drained the rest of the mug, ignoring the way the liquid chocolate burned my tongue just a little. “Mom wants to do birthday dinner with me and Sora and Aunt Seiya. For real this time.” 

“I should get my own ride home?” She didn’t seem too put-out at least. “I can see if Riku can get me on his way home. Go have fun.” 

I didn’t know how to tell her I was still distracted but in the end I grinned and waved her off, disappearing from the café and heading home.

I could tell you all about the details of birthday dinner with my family, but in the end it’s...you know. Family. We went to my favorite place (Trident’s has the most amazing seafood) and even with a giant lobster tail in front of my face my mind kept wandering to the events of the day before, Axel, and Axel’s stupid book. Nevertheless it was nice just having dinner with the four of us even as Sora was talking about early applications opening for the university of his choice and my mom not-so-subtly hinted she knew I wasn’t at Kairi’s last night but wasn’t going to openly ask me about it.

My mom’s pretty good that way, I guess. Things were a little rough after my parents split up but my mom’s always been the most supportive person even if sometimes her support is a little...overbearing. 

...I know what you’re thinking. “Roxas, if that’s true, have you considered coming out to her?”

Absolutely not. 

Supportive though my mom may be...it was still hard sometimes. With Sora and Riku being Sora and Riku, I got a lot of the jokes about how I’m the only hope for grandchildren for both my mom and my aunt and even though she knows Kairi and I are just friends there’s been more than a handful of comments about how we’re a perfect match.

Dramatic though it may be, I wasn’t entirely ready to crush her dreams yet.

Dinner went for a couple of hours and even though my thoughts were elsewhere it wasn’t hard to relax around my family. On the other hand, then it was going back to the house and receiving birthday presents and having dessert and a few rounds of Scrabble because that’s just what we do as a family. Bonding. Board games. Taking up a lot of my time when I had a lot of stuff I wanted to be doing. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful. Really! I love my family and I love hanging out with them like this...but I also could acknowledge I had this weird thing with a cute boy and something to prove and that meant finishing a book about drag queens and models with missing jawlines. 

Luckily it was Sora who called it quits first at about ten, yawning and stretching his arms over his head before citing he had a lot of homework to finish, plus some stuff for the ASB, plus some other itinerary of stuff he needed to do. To be honest sometimes I’m not even sure what he’s actually involved in anymore because he’s always busy. It wasn’t hard to notice the slight bags under his eyes and it occurred to me that maybe he was doing too much.

But simultaneously, selfishly, all I thought of was the fact that it meant he’d leave me alone and I could get away with what I was doing. Bidding everyone goodnight I practically vaulted up to my room and carefully shut the door, ignoring pretty much every bit of homework I had with the idea I’d do it in Yearbook first thing in the morning. The book was ripped out of my bag and I dove straight into my covers, flicking on the bedside lamp to keep reading.

...I think we’ve already established I’m bad with the passage of time, but by the time I finished the book at 2am I couldn’t even comprehend that this would be considered late for some people. It felt like a bomb had gone off in my chest, gut-wrenching and volatile and uncertain. The ending of the book was a lot to unpack, a lot to address and a lot to understand but there were some things in particular that stood out.

Without thinking about it and working on autopilot I grabbed my phone from the pocket of my pants (that I was still wearing, because changing into pajamas hadn’t even occurred to me) and I dialed Axel’s number on the automatic. Looking at it now I’m surprised he didn’t get angry for calling him at such an early hour, but when he answered his voice sounded strangely awake.

“Little late, isn’t it?” He sounded a little taunting but his tone suddenly changed as he listened for a moment. “...are you okay? You sound like you’re crying.”

I was too stubborn to tell him that I _was_ and instead glared at the phone.

“What the fuck did you just make me read?” He was polite enough not to point out I was sniffling. “Holy shit. What?”

“Ah. So you finished the book.”

“ _What the hell, Axel?_ ” 

I was stuck on that, glancing back at the pages again where I’d flagged certain passages and quotes.

_"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."_

_”When did the future, Ellis once wrote on the back of a postcard, switch from being a promise to a threat?”_

_"Our real discoveries come from chaos," Brandy yells, "from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish."_

_”Ellis writes: Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct.”_

_”Here's my first real dead end in my life. There's nowhere to go, not the way I am right now, the person I am. Here's my first real beginning.”_

_”There's no escaping fate, it just keeps going. Day and night, the future just keeps coming at you.”_

Was this...what I was supposed to understand? Were these things Axel agreed with, or were they simply things he also understood? I wasn’t sure how to process any of that and it was only when he spoke up that I paid attention to the call again.

“What’d you think?” He prompted me, and angrily swiping my eyes I grabbed a notebook to start copying down quotes.

“...I loved it even though it was pretty fucked up. Is that how you’re supposed to feel?”

“Yes.” I heard the squeak of a mattress, envisioning him laying on the bed in Demyx’s guest room. “That’s generally how it should leave you.”

“You said that I should read it if I wanted to understand everything, but I feel like I don’t understand anything at all. Did I do this wrong?” 

There was a thoughtful hum. “...give it a few days, Roxas. Or weeks. Maybe even months. But one day I promise you’re going to look back on this and it’ll all make sense.”

“That’s weirdly cryptic of you.” 

“That’s what you get for calling me at 2am.” A beat followed. “Do you...want to talk about it?” The offer was hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he should keep me on the line even though I called him.

I couldn’t guarantee that I’d ever truly understand what it was he wanted me to, but I kept him on the phone for two hours to dissect the story and felt a little more enlightened than I had in a while.

*********************************************************

I suppose I should have been grateful Kairi didn’t point out how dead tired I was Friday morning when I picked her up, and equally grateful everybody just gave me space and let things go as they were supposed to go. The day was a blur and the promise of the weekend was on the horizon anyway with a sleepover at Kairi’s that night and Demyx’s party the next night.

Lunch was busier than usual, too. A lot of people kept stopping by our table to talk about how stoked they were for the party the next evening. Eventually Demyx waved everybody off to focus on our full circle.

...I’m being generous when I say a circle because it never ceases to amaze me how we manage to fit everyone around our lunch table. It was me, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Demyx, Axel, and Selphie crammed at what should have been a four person table. Somehow we made it work though even as Demyx shifted to try and look at everyone. 

“So I think we have everything settled and planned. Axel and I are taking care of most of the snacks and drinks.”

“And I’m bringing Roxas’s birthday cake,” Sora interjected while also taking a bite of a slice of chocolate cake on his plate.

“I’m coming by to help unload everything and set up.” Riku reached over to take Sora’s fork, stealing a bite of the cake for himself.

“Roxas and I still have to get costumes for tomorrow night. Anybody want to come shopping with us after school?” The fork was then passed to Kairi as she followed Riku’s lead.

"Can you guys go get your own damn cake?" Sora smacked both of their hands away, shielding his cake from them. The two of them merely snickered but they did pull away.

“Yours tastes better,” they said in unison.

“I think we’re good on costumes!” Selphie suddenly chimed in, green eyes bright and also hungrily eyeing Sora’s cake. “Tidus and I picked everything out last week. What’s everybody else doing?”

"I'm gonna be a secret agent.” Sora eventually gave up on his cake before sliding the rest to Riku and Kairi to split.

"Well it's not a secret now, is it?" Axel grinned at him, finally choosing to join the conversation even while he was focused on peeling an orange.

"…crap. Whatever, fine, I have a better idea _and I’m not telling anybody._ Except for Riku. We’re going to match, right?” 

I’ll admit. There’s nothing funnier than seeing Riku look like a deer caught in the headlights as he warred between his pride and also giving in to anything Sora wanted.

“I...guess?” he sounded baffled and unsure and maybe it was mean to laugh under my breath before bringing up another point.

“Music. What are we doing about music?” 

Demyx shrugged. “Figured we could actually do a show? I know it’s your birthday, but what do you think?”

“And there’s a piano if you want to add to a creepy kind of vibe.” Sora shrugged as he leaned against Riku’s shoulder.

“You could dress up as the Phantom of the Opera?”

“Okay first of all, I’m not dressing up like the Phantom. Second of all, that’s actually not a bad idea. Getting Sora’s drums to your place shouldn’t be too bad if we haul everything early in the day, and my bass is portable. We have about a half hour’s worth of covers and originals we can use…”

Planning somehow made it feel more official, and even while the three of us started discussing the logistics of performing tomorrow on such short notice, and even while Riku and Kairi and Selphie talked costume options, Axel remained silent and watched the six of us. He pretended to pay more attention to his orange, but I’d grown a little too used to picking up when he was watching me from the corner of his eye.

I hadn’t decided if that was better or worse than openly staring though.

On the other hand, he at least seemed a little more relaxed around me when I got to sixth period later that day and we spent the whole class passing notes back and forth about Invisible Monsters and other book recommendations.

_how have you not read good omens yet???_

_I’ve been busy! how have YOU never finished catcher in the rye?_

_...touche._

It was just another thing to get closer to him and in a way it sort of felt...I don’t know. Like it was our thing. A special thing. That thought sort of carried me out of sixth period on Friday afternoon like I was floating on a cloud, and by the time I met with Kairi at my locker she simply laughed at me and linked arms with me, hauling me out of the building and toward my car.

Halloween is actually one of my favorite holidays. Sora’s always preferred Christmas but I’ve always liked the idea of dressing up and disguising who I am for a night, being whoever I wanted. Despite the fact we should have figured out costumes days ago Kairi and I went to the mall and found ourselves wandering from store to store.

“So hey. Do _we_ want to match?” She asked me even as we window-shopped, arms still linked and eyeing our options. 

“I don’t know. Do we?” Kairi and I have done matching costumes before, but I could tell we were both thinking the same thing. Now was really not the time to give people the wrong impression. “Maybe the same idea but not exactly matching? I don’t even know what I want to be.” 

“...most of our options are pretty romantic, aren’t they?” There was a slightly discontented hum as she thought it over, perfectly manicured nails tapping on my elbow. “I was thinking Fred and Daphne. You know, Scooby Doo? You’d look cute with an ascot and I have the perfect dress I can use.”

On the one hand, it _did_ sound fun. It sounded perfect to be honest, lowkey and recognizable, but I must have hesitated too long because she paused, tilting her head and peering up at me inquisitively.

“No? We can think of something else.”

“Do you ever just.” I stopped not long after that, looking at a magician costume to my left. “...you know. Think about how people must see us?”

“...you mean think about the fact that people assume we’re together even though we’re not.” She rolled her eyes, but there was a smile to soften the blow. “Of course I do, Roxas. I think about that all the time.” She began to lead us forward again. “It’s sometimes hard, you know? Having people approach me and only address me as “Roxas’s girlfriend” even when it’s not true.”

I didn’t know about that and the surprise must have shown on my face given that she quickly laughed. “It’s fine, I promise. I always tell people that you’re too good for me and you deserve better.”

“Shut up.” I made a face, using a free hand to push at her head even as she laughed harder. “If anything it’s the other way around and you know it.” I pointed to a set of Batman and Catwoman costumes and was quickly met with a disapproving noise. “You deserve the best there is for everything, Kai. Boyfriends, best friends, whatever. And I know I’m not always what’s best, but I--”

“Am going to stop talking.” She cut me off, suddenly turning to get me to face her. “You’re amazing. And sweet. And yes, okay, you’re a little prickly and sometimes you’re selfish but that’s part of being human, Roxas. I love you regardless.” 

We usually don’t drop the l-word that often for a lot of the reasons already mentioned, but it’s not the first time it’s been used in this kind of manner. I didn’t know what to say immediately and maybe that was okay. Maybe she wasn’t expecting an answer from me because she continued anyway like she hadn’t stopped at all.

“I don’t really care what people say about us because I know it’s not true. And _you_ know it’s not true, and if you’re worried about certain people thinking it’s true...are those people you really want to be around? People who won’t even ask you?”

I couldn’t help but sigh. “Why do you always know the right thing to say?”

“Call it female intuition.” She squeezed my hand, turning her head to look in the window of the next shop. Whatever she was going to say though seemed so slip her mind as she suddenly stopped, pulling me closer to point through the glass. “Those. Roxas, those are _perfect!_ ” Looking up I followed her line of vision and felt my eyes widen as the possibilities suddenly came flooding through my head.

She was right. They were perfect, and without another word I dragged her into the shop to get everything we needed.

*********************************************************

Friday night was spent with a barrage of chick flicks despite my protests, pizza, and crafting last-minute things for Halloween. I’m not exactly a hands-on creative person, but Kairi is and she was willing to help my perfectionist ass with accessories that weren’t even necessary. As Bring it On played in the background and Kairi took a pair of scissors to her pale green tights, I looked up from the black felt I was stitching and cleared my throat.

“So. I thought about what you said. The date thing?” She didn’t look up, but the way she raised her eyebrows was enough to tell me I had her attention. “...maybe you were right. I’m not even sure it was a date since we didn’t kiss or anything. But how would you even know? I don’t want to believe that _every_ date ends with a kiss.”

“There’s a couple of other pretty big signs, I think, when it comes to someone who finds you attractive.” Snip, snip, snip. Rips and tears were going through her tights as she began to sew up holes and patches. “It was obviously just the two of you. Did anything else happen that you should maybe mention?”

I stopped to try and replay the events from Wednesday night in my head. “...we talked a lot. He got me a cupcake. And we held hands kind of? Or, like, he took my hand to lead me around and he wouldn’t let me walk away.”

“That just sounds sort of possessive.” 

“Kairi!”

“I’m sorry! I mean in a good way. Sort of.” There was a short yelp as she pricked one of her fingers, dropping the needle before shaking out her hand. “What do you mean he wouldn’t let you walk away?”

“I mean I threatened to leave if he didn’t do what I asked and he bent over backwards to make sure I wouldn’t go.”

It was an embellishment, but I think we both knew it. “...what did you ask him to do?”

“...dance.” She raised her eyebrow higher. “It was a club, what do you expect from me?”

“And he did it. Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

There was a soft and thoughtful noise as she turned toward the TV to watch one of the cheer routines on screen. “I still don’t know if I would call that a date, but it’s interesting to think about. Did you want it to be a date?”

“I don’t know. I’m still not sure.” It was as honest as I could get. “I thought about it all day and when the time came I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kiss him or if we wanted to just be friends or if I wanted to bail.” I ran a hand through my hair, ignoring the dried, flaking white paint on my palm. “It was never this hard with Olette or Naminé or anything. Why’s it hard _now?_ ”

“Do you want a real answer? Or the nice answer?”

“What do you think?”

Kairi, as sweet as she can be, is also the first one to give me brutal honesty.

“You’re overthinking it. You want something so badly you’re overanalyzing everything to make sure it works out and that’s not always a good thing.”

“...so what do I do?”

“Act natural.” That was a real shock. Really. “Act natural, see where Axel takes it, and let yourself be open to not following your plans exactly. You have a really big problem with that.”

“So what you’re saying is stop trying to be a control freak.”

“Now you’re getting it!”

I’m not saying I threw a handful of popcorn at her after that, but I’m not saying I didn’t either.

She had a point, maybe, even if I didn’t want to admit it. Even if I didn’t want to think of myself as a control freak I knew that when it came to stuff like this I really was. At the same time, the idea of not being in control was a little...terrifying’s not the right word, but it’s the first to come to mind.

The rest of Friday night and most of Saturday morning went into getting ready for the party that night. I fielded a bunch of texts and calls from my friends figuring out driving arrangements, equipment runs, last-minute prep and everything. In the end it was decided that Riku would be there early like he said, but Kairi and I were picking up Selphie and Sora on the way. It was a Demyx party...which meant we’d all be drinking and crashing at Demyx’s that night. There wasn’t any other way around it and if I was the only one with keys…

...well. The temptation to leave was less. 

“Sora, come on!” I yelled toward the house, blaring on the horn where I was parked in the driveway. Kairi was in the front seat and laughing at me even as we waited for my cousin to show up. It was about five minutes later that he stumbled out, locking the front door behind him and carrying a backpack.

The Jack Sparrow look should have surprised me, but in the end I could only accept that Sora never stopped being five years old. He tossed his stuff into the trunk with mine and Kairi’s before diving into the backseat, buckling up before looking at both of us and gasping in surprise.

“Whoa! You guys look awesome!” He grinned brightly as he leaned forward between us. “Somehow Jack and Sally really suits both of you. And that face paint’s pretty sweet.”

...Halloween’s my favorite holiday. Sometimes I go all out and that means painting my entire face with black and white skeleton make-up. 

“And look at you, Mr. Sparrow,” Kairi teased even as she patted Sora’s cheek, leaving me to navigate myself to Selphie’s.

“Ay. It’s Cap’n Jack to you, lass.” 

“Don’t. Ever. Use that accent ever again.” 

“Shut up, Roxas.”

The trip to Selphie’s was quick at least even after I had to whine at her for getting glitter all over my backseat. If someone had told me she was doing the Tinker Bell thing this year I might have reconsidered my offer, or at least put down a towel. At the same time though I couldn’t be too mad. I was frankly kind of excited for that night, and I couldn’t even pretend it wasn’t because I wanted to see Axel, too.

Parking at Demyx’s, everybody piled out of the car and grabbed their bags to bring inside. The front door was open and the house was decorated with pretty much every bit of Halloween decor you could think of. Cobwebs and coffins and candy bowls where everywhere, fake skeletons chained to the walls and (hopefully) fake blood stains on floors. It wasn’t Demyx who greeted us at the door though as Riku appeared from the kitchen, grinning at the four of us.

“I feel like I missed the Disney memo.” It was a dry comment, but if Sora’s expression was anything to go by the pirate outfit Riku picked for himself looked just fine.

“Nonsense. It looks close enough to Will’s costume from the first movie anyway.” He grabbed his hand and immediately pulled him away. “Help me with the drums?” 

And off they went. 

I had my bass with me and I set it down to the side as the girls traipsed down the hall to Demyx’s bathroom for make-up touch-ups even though it’d only been five minutes since we arrived. 

That left me to my own devices. Demyx was probably in the kitchen with Axel if I had to guess by the sounds from the house. And speaking of sounds, I realized the first thing I _should_ be doing is checking that Demyx’s piano was still in-tune. The piano itself used to belong to his grandparents, but Demyx has never had the patience to learn to play. 

Nevertheless, the piano was covered in dust which just added to the spooky atmosphere and I lifted the lid of the keys. Settling on the bench and letting my coattails hang over the edge, I pressed a few keys to test the notes. It was easy and comfortable, a sort of familiarity I could sink myself into and what started as a few notes soon became a litany of notes. It was maybe a sad sort of melody, gloomy and nostalgic and what Sora would have called “haunting.” 

In a way though, it was the one I understood the most. 

I wasn't playing for very long before a shadow cast itself over my hands and a mouth hovered by my ear.

"And here I thought you were making the piano thing up.” I was getting much better at _not_ reacting when people sneaked up on me, but Axel was a little trickier. At least I didn’t do something embarrassing like bang on the keys.

Oh. Wait.

"Where the hell did you suddenly appear from?" Picking up the notes was easy even if I’d botched the middle but Axel didn’t seem to mind.

"I've been around helping Dem set up some stuff and getting dressed.” That was about the point I bothered looking up, glancing at him for a moment. The black and red cape billowed around him dramatically and dark kohl smeared across the edges of his eyes. The suit was tailored to fit him perfectly and when he grinned upon appraisal there was a hint of prosthetic fangs sticking out. 

Let's put it this way: I'd let him bite me anywhere he wanted.

"Nice." The grin somehow amplified itself once he caught sight of me and the facepaint.

“This is the most effort I’ve seen from you yet. Love the bat tie.” 

“Thanks.” I wasn’t sure why I felt a little sheepish but I ducked my head to look at the keys again. “I just really like Halloween.” 

“And it obviously likes you.” 

I had no idea what to say to that, and before I could even ask I heard Demyx yell from the kitchen. Affronted, Axel turned on his heel and the cape fluttered in my face before he disappeared. Sora and Riku were still setting everything up despite the fact that I could hear more than one sword innuendo, and Kairi and Selphie came tumbling out of the bathroom and barreled right into the kitchen to help. Before my eyes, the entire place transformed again with three large bowls of punch, a keg, at least ten kinds of chip with a monstrous tray of 7-layer dip, piles of cookies and bowls of candy and more. 

The last bowl was barely set down when the doorbell rang, and that’s about the time all of us sprung into action. There was Demyx in his Aquaman costume answering the door, greeting guests and ushering people in. There was Axel who was working the make-shift open bar. And there were the rest of my friends immediately thrown into the fray to mingle. 

And then there was me, left alone to my own devices at the piano. It was almost instinct how I slipped into playing music from Nightmare Before Christmas but it set the tone well enough. I knew that we were waiting until later in the evening to play but I didn’t mind the solo performance. It was my birthday, sort of, and I was in a place I loved doing what I loved doing despite the slight spike of nerves that came whenever people watched me for too long and I was under scrutiny. I didn’t get a chance to look behind me to see what Axel was doing but it wasn’t hard to pinpoint voices even above the noise of the crowd. A lot of our mutual friends and kids from our grade arrived, along with kids who graduated last year that were friends of Dem’s. The piano was positioned enough I could keep an eye on most of the room, too. Olette immediately flocked toward Kairi and Selphie, her Red Riding Hood hood pulled over her eyes even when she blew me a kiss. Marluxia and Naminé were still by the doorway as Alice and the Mad Hatter, and though I couldn’t hear what was happening Naminé didn’t look too happy about something he’d said. Part of me wanted to go over there and jump in, but that would be a little too suspicious.

I stayed where I was, continuing my observations. It became clear why Selphie was Tinker Bell the moment I saw Tidus as Peter Pan, and even though Sora had a drink in one hand and he was sitting in Riku’s lap he was using the other one to gesture emphatically about some story he was telling our friend Wakka. 

I figured that sooner or later someone would tell me we were ready to perform. Until then, I played for as long as I was allowed. 

The party started at eight, and about nine-thirty Demyx signaled for Sora and I to take our places. Which was good, actually, because I’d quit playing about half an hour prior to save my hands for later and the music that was playing wasn’t exactly my favorite. My nerves were still there, a little wary about performing for a bunch of people when we haven’t been on stage in so long, but it was going to come back to me. I had learned how to own my stage fright at this age and didn’t bother hiding that it still made me nervous. It was better just to go with it than pretend I wasn’t.

(And that was a lesson that was learned the hard way.)

Still, the crowd seemed to know a live band was about to play and I saw Tidus lower the stereo until it was silent. Strapping my bass to myself, I faced everyone head-on for the first time since the party started. Demyx stood beside me and Sora spun on his stool just once, softly tapping cymbals as he went.

“Hey.” A basic greeting, a basic smile. It was easy to play the part if I didn’t directly look anybody in the eye. “Didn’t you guys have anything better to do tonight?”

The ripple of laughs and comments was reassuring, at least, and I saw Kairi give me a thumbs up from her place by the piano.

“No? Well lucky us. We are Title Pending, and I’ve gotta say….Tidus? The music you picked sucked. Ready for some real tunes?” 

My banter needed work but it seemed to be working. Sora began tapping out another gentle beat as Demyx’s fingers shifted on the frets.

“Go ahead and sing along if you know this one.” It was the only warning we gave them before launching right into a Ramones cover. I’m not Joey Ramone by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve played “I Wanna Be Sedated” enough times in my life I could probably sing it backwards, in six languages, and in my sleep.

Actually, most of the songs we played that night were things we’d worked on for ages. Covers and some original pieces and some freestyle. We had to wrap by ten to make sure we didn’t get nailed for noise complaints but overall it seemed like a huge success. Everybody seemed to be having a good time, dancing and singing along. It was a perfect party atmosphere and maybe the best thing of all was that I found Axel couldn’t take his eyes off of me as he leaned against a wall by Kairi. I didn’t get a chance to look at him often but every time I got brave enough to try his gaze was focused solely on me.

It was weird. I wasn’t even drunk, but somehow it felt intoxicating all at once.

At the end of the set I signed us off with a quip about going back to boring party beats, setting my bass to the side as the crowd dispersed to dance to the music by DJ Tidus, get snacks and mingle. I didn’t even get a chance to say anything to my bandmates given that Sora turned to jump straight onto Riku’s back to be carted off elsewhere (“for treasure!” was the last thing I heard) and Demyx found himself being lured away by--

“--whoa, hey!” Kairi smiled then, not even sorry about the fact her fingers were intertwined with Demyx’s. “Where are you two going?”

“Don’t worry about it!” Demyx was wearing the same smile. “We’ll catch up with you later?” 

Demyx maybe had something in mind, but when I looked back at Kairi I noticed she was pointedly staring at something over my shoulder. She slipped away unnoticed as I turned, finding myself staring up at Axel. He didn’t say anything at first, and I’m not entirely sure what came over me next. Maybe it was the sudden confidence that came from playing a show despite how small it was, or maybe it was being drunk on atmosphere. It was hard to say, but as the seconds ticked by I finally spoke up.

“Like what you see?”

I expected him to maybe be taken aback or shocked. I expected some sort of reaction to direct flirting, but all he did was give me that same self-satisfied smirk I got used to seeing.

“You look like a Sex on the Beach kind of guy.”

“I--what?”

Any sort of game I had disappeared right away and left me grappling for something to say. He laughed, hooking an arm around my shoulders and steering me back to the bar.

“You’ve avoided the keg the whole night but you kept looking at the bar. Not a fan of beer?”

He was right, but it’s not like I was going to admit I kept looking at the bar because he was the one bartending. 

“Not really.” It was bitter and gross and I never really got used to the taste of it. On the other hand, fruity drinks were more my speed and I was a little afraid to ask how he knew that. Nodding to the current bartender he held up two fingers and somehow the guy knew what that meant because a few minutes later two red cups were pushed into Axel’s hand. He gestured with his head, indicating that I follow him out to the back porch and away from the crowd.

It was cold out even with a full suit on. The temperature on the islands had dropped and even though we never stood a chance of getting snow or anything it was chilled enough to see my breath on occasion. On the other hand, it was private and secluded as Axel handed me one of the cups and flopped down on one of the steps gracefully. Sitting on the step below him, I knew I probably looked overly cautious as I sniffed the drink before taking a sip. 

Turns out I was a Sex on the Beach kind of guy after all.

“It’s kinda cute that you and Kairi match,” he said suddenly and seemed to scrutinize me again. I wasn’t sure what he was fishing for but I allowed myself to be examined anyway. 

“Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. She’s kind of been my partner in crime forever. But like. Not romantically. A platonic partner.”

There’s was a chuckle from Axel as he took a long pull from his cup. “I believe it. She’s told me enough about your friendship not to.” 

The idea of Kairi and Axel talking about me still felt foreign, but I had to pretend I wasn’t freaking out about it. I can be a good actor when I have to be.

“You’ve talked about me that much?”

“You’re one of the most complex subjects I’ve ever encountered.” He didn’t even give me a chance to interject though before he nodded up toward the sky. “Check it out. Clouds are parting.” 

All I could do was look.

For a while we sat out there nursing the drinks and staring at the stars and even though his words were a tiny bit slurred Axel was able to point out every single constellation in eyesight and tell the story attached to it. I don’t know why astronomy was a turn-on but somehow it worked for him and it worked for me. As soon as my cup was empty I found myself nudging it against his elbow, waiting patiently for him to go refill it.

This happened at least twice, and it wasn’t until about the third drink in that _all_ of the vodka hit me. It was fuzzy and pleasant and everything still tasted like fruit juice even as I found myself leaning against Axel’s legs and staring at the sky. 

“...I’m glad you came.” 

“To what?”

“The party, dumbass.” 

I ignored the fact he was laughing at me. “Roxas, I live here. Where else am I gonna go?” He had a point, but instead of mentioning that I think I snorted and waved it off. The chill was still there but not nearly as bad. Being next to him and hearing the music from the house and having his entire attention was maybe the best kind of party. 

“...you kept watching me.” It was a little uncomfortable to bend back as far as I was, but it was important for me to be looking at him. It didn’t seem to matter to either of us that my head was in his lap or that my make-up was smeared or that his fangs were starting to shift. He stared down at me, cradling my head even as he laughed under his breath.

“You’re kind of the center of attention here. Was I supposed to look somewhere else?”

“...no. I kind of like when you look at me.” Perhaps it’s not something I would have said normally, but at least I had the guise of alcohol to hide behind if I needed to. (Either that or I was actually drunk, it was hard to say.) His fingers were running over the sides of my hair.

“You’re very interesting to look at.”

“...Axel, I--” I didn’t even bother finishing the sentence, squirming to sit up a little taller. I’m not sure what I was trying to accomplish outside of making sure I had his full attention and that he didn’t misunderstand me. He stayed still and watched curiously, hands shifting to help me sit up all the same. “I think I want…” 

To kiss him. That much was clear to me suddenly because it didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense to continue ignoring something I knew I wanted on a base level even if I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand a lot of things about Axel or how I felt about him, but I was willing to try. 

I didn’t get the chance to express that though because the backdoor suddenly banged open as Sora sprinted outside. He grinned widely and I realized somewhere along the way he’d lost his pirate hat.

“There you are!” His voice was a little louder than usual and he leaned forward to grab my hand and Axel’s. Sora’s...what one would call a very affectionate and happy drunk. It’s his usual personality amped up by a lot and while normally I think it’s funny I couldn’t help but think about how this was just another attempt at everyone around me trying to ruin my life in brand new ways. “Come inside! A bunch of us are gonna play a game and you have to come because Kairi said so.”

“What game, Captain?” Axel gave me a curious, bemused look before he got up and hauled me with him.

“Suck and Blow.” It was matter of fact despite the fact Sora waggled his eyebrows. “It’ll be fun, we’re changing up some of the rules and we’re playing in Demyx’s room. Coming?”

I had just enough comprehension left in my booze-addled brain to realize that Kairi was the worst person I knew and I was going to kill her as soon as I could feel my fingers again. 

Suck and Blow’s not the worst game we could have played, but simultaneously knowing she purposefully sent Sora to come get me and Axel to play it felt like a personal attack. Keeping an arm around my shoulders, Axel began to follow Sora back into the house and led me along. A lot of the guests had left by then and a glance at the clock told me it was somewhere around 1am. I had to wonder, again, how I lost so much time with Axel even as he kept me close to his side.

“Explain this to me. What’s Suck and Blow?”

“It’s a game!” Captain Obvious seemed very proud of himself as he marched back to Demyx’s room. “You have a card that you have to pass around with your mouth. If you mess up, you kiss the person you’re passing to and you have to drink.” 

Entering Demyx’s room, I found the usual crowd was seated on the floor plus some stragglers. 

...normally the idea of playing didn’t wig me out, but now that I would be playing with someone I actually liked the stakes felt a little higher. Or maybe I was being paranoid. I wanted to stay by Axel’s side and continue leeching bodyheat from him (and seriously, somehow Demyx’s house felt like it’d dropped a few degrees), but the panic switch was flipped and I stumbled over to Kairi and immediately squeezed my way between her and Selphie.

“Roxas what are you doing?” Kairi sounded a little exasperated, but all I could do was smirk at her. Take _that_ , evil temptress. She wasn’t going to win this one. Axel didn’t seem perturbed and dropped onto the floor next to Demyx instead. 

Riku had a few bottles of booze in front of him along with several shot glasses and a pile of cards. “Alright, alright. Name of the game’s Suck and Blow. Most of you have played, some of you haven’t. Pick your poison and Sora and I will demonstrate.” He stopped talking long enough to place the king of hearts to his lips, suctioning the card before pressing it to Sora. Blowing on it as Sora tilted his head the card was transferred successfully until Sora dropped it, mouth clumsily hitting Riku’s.

“And that’s the game!” 

“So how do you win?” Axel was watching all of us and all I could do was lean against Kairi’s shoulder. 

“Does anyone really win at Suck and Blow?” Selphie drawled out instead, reaching for a bottle of rum to uncap. “Let’s start!”

For the most part the game was a blur. It was fun enough because these were my friends but simultaneously I knew I was pouting because I couldn’t kiss Axel for real. Even worse, I knew that Kairi knew I was pouting and was pointedly prodding me in the side to tell me it was my own fault. But looking at him playing along and watching as he and Demyx completely messed up, I realized maybe I’d made the right choice.

I refused to let my first kiss with him be because of a game like this. Or because I was drunk.

It was a little easier to stick to that decision, too, when I noticed Axel was back to watching me. Somehow that still felt like a win.

The problem with letting Riku be the dealer was that Riku also knows all of the best games to get all of us completely fucked up. Normally he’s the responsible one, but earlier when he started shuffling for Kings he’d said something about how he didn’t feel like being the role model for the night and he just wanted to have fun. It didn’t stop him from monitoring Sora though and making sure he was drinking water but at least he tried.

...I wish I could say I remember what happened next, but most of the details are a little fuzzy. We played Kings and Ride the Bus and we were going to start with Never Have I Ever until Sora tapped out, mumbling something to Riku. It was late by then and all of us that were left were either spending the night or had DDs to take us home. The house was quieter and a slower playlist echoed through the living room. Demyx had sobered up enough to start the clean-up process, trashing a bunch of cups and moving things around so people could change and go to bed. It was the seven of us once again and I looked around the room as Demyx went to work.

The couch would fit one of us. There was enough floor space for a few of us. Axel and Demyx had bedrooms. And somehow I found myself trying to count out everything and found it a little distressing that I couldn’t figure out how to move the table we were using as a bar. 

More distressing was that Sora had gone weirdly quiet and was clinging to Riku and while I wasn’t sure what to do Axel approached me and draped an arm around me again.

“You...should come with me.” If the words didn’t do it, the tone did and I kind of hated the way I shivered. 

“I’m worried about Sora.” 

“He’ll be fine. He’s got Riku and _you_ aren’t looking so hot yourself.” I wasn’t sure what he meant and in the end I followed him back to his room. I didn’t know how or why my backpack was already in Axel’s room and the room was starting to spin as I stepped through the threshold. 

“Roxas.” I heard him call my name, but it didn’t matter. It was dark but that didn’t matter either as I shuffled my way toward where I knew the guest bed was, immediately crawling up onto the mattress and laying down. “Roxas, come on. You need to at least take the make-up off.” 

“Later.” Laying down was maybe even worse as the world spun faster. There was a scoff and my first thought was that I had to prove I could actually hold my liquor. The last thing I needed was for Axel to think I was some stupid little kid instead. The door opened and closed again, Axel’s footsteps light as he puttered around his room. 

“Sit up for a sec.” I didn’t really have a choice as his hands grabbed my shoulders again, forcing me upright before one hand held me steady and the other maneuvered what felt like a warm, wet washcloth over my face. The moves were slow and deliberate and it was obvious to me that Axel wasn’t the most sober person either.

“That was my eye!” 

“Well quit squirming and I won’t poke you in the eye. You’re not sleeping here and smearing this shit all over my pillow.”

“It doesn’t smear.” Only half of that sentence registered to me. Either that or I was too tired to have yet another freak-out about being close to Axel. Up-close he smelled like a weird mixture of shampoo and fruit and maybe a hint of chocolate which wasn’t the worst thing to happen. Eventually Axel gave up and a sad _plop_ of the washcloth hitting the carpet was heard. 

“Don’t sleep in your suit either, kid. Pajamas. Where are they?” 

“Not a kid, Ax.” It was grumbled but sitting up gave me enough of a second wind to fall off of the bed and crawl across the floor to my bag. “Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Close your eyes so I can change.”

“Roxas it is pitch dark in my room.”

“Do it or I’m not staying here.”

Trust me, no one was more surprised than I was that something like that worked.

Trying to get out of a suit while mostly drunk and in the dark and hyperaware of your crush somewhere behind you is, to say the least, a really bad idea. And hard. Insanely hard. I found myself fumbling with the sleeves of my blazer and yanking on the tie but eventually I was in cut-offs and a t-shirt before making my “triumphant” return to Axel’s bed.

Triumphant, in the sense, that I only tripped twice in the span of five feet.

“You can stop laughing at me any time, thanks.” 

“Beauty and grace. I like that in a boy.” He was still laughing as he pulled on my arm to get situated on the mattress. The guest bed was a full mattress so it was a little roomier, but with how worn it was anyone who lays on it always rolls to the middle. I felt myself roll toward the dip and toward Axel and I did absolutely nothing to stop it. My eyes shut again even while turning to bury my face into a pillow.

“Shuuuut uppp...how can you be so mean to me after all this time? I thought you liked me by now.” 

There was a pause. “I do like you. That’s why this is hilarious.” 

I’m sure there was something layered in that phrase but I couldn’t puzzle out what it was. The world was rocking, Axel was warm, and my head was starting to throb even as I let darkness claim me.

“If I wake up hungover this is your fault. Gonna make it up to me?”

“...sure, Rox. Tomorrow morning.” A blanket was tugged up over my shoulders and he settled next to me. “Just go to sleep.” 

He didn’t have to say it twice and I didn’t want to think about the fact it was three in the morning as Axel’s fingers ran through my hair and I continued inhaling a scent that was quickly putting me to sleep. The only thing I had left on my mind was that Axel’s arms were just long enough to hook over my hips and the fingers in my hair were helping the pressure in my head.

...it was nice, admittedly. I just didn’t know what to do about that. 

Overall? I came to the conclusion that I still loved Halloween, and I was sad to see October go, but I had a feeling November was about to get weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, other stuff happened and I forgot nearly a week had passed. Happy New Years Eve, I'm excited to keep going and expand as usual. I was hoping to get the Christmas chapters up around the Christmas season but that'll probably be sometime in January...something to look forward to, right? 
> 
> Anyway! Chapters 7 and 8 are done, 9 is in the works for its rewrite, and for updates on what I'm doing or just to follow along with my screaming as I rewrite you can always catch me on twitter at @sparkwired /fingerguns


	7. Can We Fake It, Can We Make Believe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Was this flirting? I still had no idea if it was casual banter or if it was actual flirting and I fully blamed my many years of observing Sora and Riku. They’re a good couple and they’ve been together forever, but they weren’t exactly shining examples of how differently you should treat your friends from your boyfriends.
> 
> Not that Axel was a boyfriend. Or even boyfriend material. Was he? Man I had no idea at that point and I wasn’t prepared enough to try and figure it out just yet. One step at a time. Work up to actually kissing him, and then figure it out."

You’d think falling asleep in bed with him would have made this whole thing a lot easier. Right? Like that should have been it. It should have been sharing a bed, cuddling up and saying “hey, I like you.” It was a fool-proof plan but for some reason I was incapable of actually going through with it right then and there.

What was wrong with me? I really would have liked to know, but as it turned out, I didn't need to figure it out.

Everyone else was going to do it for me bit by bit.

*********************************************************

I wasn’t even sure what time it was the first time I woke up, but I could still feel the extra weight in bed next to me and I couldn’t see the sun. I assumed that meant it was too early to even consider being active for the world and rolled over instead, burrowing my face into one of Axel’s pillows. It’s hard to say if I imagined it or not, but it felt like his hand was in my hair again lulling me back to sleep.

The second time I woke up it was to the sound of voices coming from the kitchen. Axel’s room was kitty-corner to where the kitchen itself was and his bedroom door was left open a tiny crack. Light tried to stream into the room but fell short of the doorway, and it was then I realized the room was so dark because it now came with blackout curtains. 

My head was pounding but I managed to sit up, squinting through the dark before getting out of bed slowly. Keeping a hand on the wall, I shuffled my way forward toward the exit of the room and tried not to hiss too loudly as I entered the bright light of the hallway. 

“You’re impossible.” Kairi’s laughter echoed off of the kitchen walls and a small beeping was heard. “How can you work at the café and still not know how to use Demyx’s coffeemaker?” 

“I’ve never thought about it before.” Axel sounded a little sheepish and even if I couldn’t see them from my place in the hallway it wasn’t hard to picture them. Both of them were probably still in their sleep clothes (lavender pants and a tank top for Kairi, sweats and a t-shirt for Axel if I remembered enough) and judging by the banging around Axel was beating the crap out of Dem’s coffee machine. 

“You’re going to break it!” She was still laughing and I heard cupboards opening and shutting above them. “Here, it’s not working because you didn’t put enough water in it. You have to hit the minimum fill line.” 

There was silence for a few moments as the sink ran and soon enough the coffeemaker burbled to life. 

“See? Easy.” She sounded satisfied. “...it’s really sweet of you to do this though. I know he gives off that impression, but he doesn’t like just plain--”

“I figured.” Axel cut her off smoothly and the fridge opened somewhere. “He’s not exactly subtle about the fact he has a sweet tooth. Think he’ll like cinnamon cream?”

“I think so. And since you filled up the reservoir with more than enough water there should be enough for all of us.” 

I had no idea what was going on, but my brain felt too fuzzy to really try to process anything so I did what came naturally at this phase in my life. I turned around and headed back to Axel’s room. 

A glance to the living room told me that Selphie was already gone and the nest of blankets on the floor where Sora and Riku probably crashed was empty. The bathroom light was on though and voices echoed off of the tile in soft whispers. Part of me rationalized that it meant one of them was probably sick, and if I had to guess by the cadence of words it was Sora, not Riku. I didn’t want to interrupt whatever was going on or hover. There wasn’t a lot I could do anyway but wait. The door to Demyx’s room was open halfway and I spotted Kairi’s overnight bag on the floor by his dresser.

I was too hungover to even raise my eyebrows and decided to let it go.

Practically crawling back to Axel’s room I shut the door to the same amount it had been open before, guiding myself on the wall again back to the bed. There was a little more clarity now that I was sort of awake and despite the heavy curtains it was easier to see what Axel had done to the room. The comforter of the bed was a dark red, black sheets stretched across the mattress even though they were a tangled mess from the night before. His desk was crammed with books just to the right of it and flush against the wall to double as a nightstand. There was a second nightstand to the left and it looked like there was a glass of water and some aspirin left there. Across from the bed there was an old beat-up TV and the closet door was partially open and still pretty sparse. There were a few glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling and a few posters I couldn’t quite make out, and as I looked at all of this from my place on the bed I wondered if either of us thought this would be a possibility.

I had barely accepted the fact I wanted to kiss him. Admitting that I would have been okay going to bed with him was maybe a little too much for my blood.

I could hear a few more bumps and giggles from the kitchen even as my eyes drooped shut again, but it was only a matter of moments before the door swished open and dragged across the carpet. Axel’s same light footsteps padded into the room. I couldn’t figure out why, exactly, his steps were a practiced ease of sneaking around or why he was going so slow until he reached the bed and sat down. Two cups of coffee were in his hands and he set both on the nightstand before turning to me.

I must have looked like I was still asleep given the way his fingers carded through my hair carefully, flexing into a slow scalp massage. It didn’t last too long, but the gesture was nice.

“I know you’re awake.”

Shit.

There was a pause and I’m pretty sure my sudden fake snore did nothing to convince him seeing how he snorted in response.

“C’mon. Open your eyes.” 

“Why?” It was mumbled and it made my mouth hurt to speak, finally realizing for the first time how dry it was.

“Because.” It wasn’t an answer, but he certainly tried. “How’re you feeling?”

“Tired.” I didn’t try to sit up but I rolled onto my side to face him. His feet were on the ground next to the bed and a long arm stretched forward to pull one of the mugs closer. The cinnamon-y scent hit me like a sack of bricks, along with the realization that what he’d been doing was preparing a cup of coffee for me. It was...sort of a weirdly sweet gesture and I thought maybe I was imagining it or I was still drunk, but he sat next to me and nudged the cup into my hands. 

“This should help a little. And then water.” He swung his legs up onto the bed then, leaning back against the headboard and stretching out to sit up while I attempted to prop myself up with an elbow. The coffee was still hot but it was a little sweet and a little sugary. It was just the way I liked it, really, and I figured it was easier to ignore the implications than anything else.

“...thanks.” It burned my mouth a bit but these days I’m used to that. He didn’t say anything afterwards, simply sipping from his own cup with one hand and navigating something on his phone with another. The room remained dark and he didn’t seem in a rush to press me to say anything which was both appreciated and unusual.

Mostly unusual. I had never known Axel to know how to shut up. 

“Where’s everyone else?” 

“Mm.” He swallowed another drink before using the cup to gesture at his bedroom door. “Kairi’s trying to get Demyx to wake up. Selphie left real early this morning, bright and chipper as ever which was kind of disgusting to watch. And your cousin’s been having a rough morning but he and Riku are fine and probably back out in the living room by now. You woke up pretty late.” 

“What time is it?”

“About eleven? Kairi said something about making waffles but only if everybody was up for it. If it’s just the six of us it won’t be so bad, but no rush.” A glance to my right was enough to notice he was texting someone. I didn’t try to read over his shoulder, but I had to admit I was curious anyway.

“You seem surprisingly okay. Not hungover at all?”

“Oh I’m absolutely hungover.” There was a slight chuckle. “But nothing I’m not used to.”

I didn’t get a chance to ask what that meant before I heard a knock on the door and Kairi poked her head in, giving both of us an amused, questioning look.

“Hey boys. Up for breakfast? Demyx finally told me where the waffle iron is.” I already knew I wasn’t going to hear the end of this whenever Kairi and I got a chance to be alone, but Axel didn’t even seem bothered as he grinned at her. 

“Sure, we’ll be there. Give us a few minutes.” Without another word, Kairi left even though I could hear her talking to Sora and Riku in the living room and I finally started to shift to sit up. The world was less spinny but my head was still throbbing enough my vision blanked out for a moment. I figured I must have winced because Axel moved to grab the bottle of aspirin, shaking out a few to hand over to me.

“These’ll help until the waffles are done.” It was weird. He seemed pretty serious about making sure I was okay, watching me like a hawk until I took the pills from him and swallowed them down. He continued to examine me over the rim of the coffee cup even after the aspirin were gone and I was fully upright. I was pretty sure I still had some of last night’s face paint on and my hair was a mess but for once I didn’t care about how I looked in front of him. 

It’s not as romantic as you think. I was just focused on trying to remember my own name.

“Sure. Thanks.” It seemed appropriate to say before another sip. “Is there any more coffee left?”

“We can make a new pot if we need to. Finish that first and then a glass of water. I’m serious.”

“Why...are you so adamant about this?” I had never seen him this vigilant before, and while it was nice it was also a little freaky. He shrugged, draining his own mug before answering me.

“First hangover, right? You’re barely a day over seventeen, Roxas. I know you.”

I thought about arguing with that, but given he had my coffee order right I didn’t have a leg to stand on.

“I didn’t know you swapped for blackout curtains. This room used to have these lame lacy ones Dem’s grandmother liked.” Somehow that felt safer. It was idle conversation to bring me back to myself and not think so hard about why Axel was treating me as well as he was or if that meant something other than he felt like being nice for once.

It was hard not to wonder after the night before, but I didn’t know how to ask. I didn’t know if I _wanted_ to ask what he was doing or what he thought. Part of me thought I must have been amping this up in my head, assuming he’d let me sleep in his bed and that he was taking care of me for some other reason than moral obligation. I couldn’t assume something like that. Not when Axel and I were still in a weird position of uncertainty.

Curtains were a safer topic than my over-the-edge crush on him.

“They’re better for sleeping. The sun comes up a lot earlier here than I’m used to.” He looked toward the windows, almost seemingly debating opening the curtains before he decided against it. “Shades are still drawn in the living room, too, until everyone decides to face the day. Ready to get out of bed and join everybody else?” 

I nearly kicked myself for thinking that I’d prefer to stay right where I was. It was warm and comfortable and strangely...safe wasn’t the word I was thinking of, but it was close enough. Still, I knew everyone else would be waiting and if I spent more time in here alone with Axel it’d raise more questions. I felt myself nod even if I didn’t quite know I was moving and he grinned before pushing himself off of the mattress again. He stood there, looking down at me before he used his free hand to reach down and offer it to me.

...I didn’t take it. 

I should have, maybe, so I wouldn’t fall directly on my ass, but in that moment I was too stubborn and determined to prove myself. I didn’t need to be taken care of like this even though it was a sort of nice gesture. I didn’t need someone thinking I couldn’t handle something like a hangover and I didn’t need more ammo against me while going out to face my best friend.

It was stupid. Trust me, I know it was stupid but it’s what happened. Pushing his hand aside, I handed him my coffee cup instead to get to my feet by myself before taking it back and shuffling toward the door. At least that way I didn’t have to see the look he was probably giving me. He silently followed me as we headed for the main rooms, Axel veering off to help Kairi in the kitchen and me approaching the living room. The shower was running in the bathroom which meant Demyx had finally dragged himself out of bed, and seated on the couch were Sora and Riku. Riku was tucked into a corner of the couch with Sora pretty much settled in his lap and leaning against his chest, Gamecube controller in hand as he started through a path in what I recognized as Paper Mario. Riku was awake and nursing a large mug of coffee while keeping an arm securely wrapped around Sora’s waist, and even though he was a little too pale and also wearing one of Riku’s spare shirts Sora seemed awake and content.

“Morning.” He didn’t even look away from the screen but there was a grin anyway. Riku moved his feet so I could join them. I almost expected some questions about where I had been and where I had slept the night before, but Sora didn’t have any. In fact, he didn’t seem bothered at all by the fact I’d just come from Axel’s room, and it soon occurred to me that he must have been _extremely_ drunk the night before and didn’t even notice. 

“Hey. Are you okay?” I remembered what Axel said about Sora having a rough morning and that came to the forefront of my mind instead of worrying about Axel and everything else. The grin changed to something a little more embarrassed.

“Yeah, I got it out of my system this morning.” He paused, waiting for Riku to bring the coffee cup up to his lips to take a drink instead of taking the mug to hold it himself. I didn’t even have to look to see it was just plain black. “I’m not sure why I got so sick.”

“Mixing liquors,” Riku sighed suddenly, tugging at one of Sora’s hair spikes in irritation. “I tried to tell you last night but you wouldn’t listen to me. _And_ you wouldn’t stop talking about why the rum was all gone.”

There was an inaudible mumble from Sora as his focus went back to the screen. “Whatever. I’m still calling the party a success. I woke up to, like, thirteen separate texts from people about the band last night. It’s sort of exciting.”

I’d almost forgotten about that. I’m not sure how but my head was still a little fuzzy. It didn’t surprise me though. Sora was usually the one who had the most connections out of all of us just by basis of being the busiest and most involved. I didn’t even think to check my phone, and truthfully I had no idea where it was. I’d have to look for it later. 

The morning, if you could even call it that, was a weird sort of relaxing thing with the six of us. Sora continued playing Paper Mario with Riku’s guidance (i.e. bickering) about where to go while Demyx puttered around doing damage control and cleaning from the night before and Kairi and Axel brought out a huge stack of waffles to share. I didn’t move from my space on the couch the entire time, able to hear the two of them talking from the kitchen and unwilling to move other than shifting to give Kairi room to sit next to me on the couch. The look she gave me as she set down the plate was enough to say that she had a lot of questions for me later. My only response was to shove a waffle in her face in a sign of maturity.

Eventually we had to split up. Axel had a shift at the café and Sora said something about needing to prepare for a quiz the next day. It kind of gave me the perfect out to spend the rest of the day at Kairi’s and give him space to study. Then again, given I knew she was anxious to pounce on me for details I was starting to wonder if that was my smartest idea. I tried not to think about the way Kairi and Demyx exchanged looks as we left the house, kind of the same way I tried not to think about the way Axel held his pinky and his thumb up to the side of his head. 

_Call you later._ That message was pretty clear to not only me but to Kairi who started giggling on her way out.

Sora and Riku were distracted, thank god, but it wasn’t that hard to distract the two of them when they were around each other anyway. Sora caught a ride with Riku and it meant it was just me and Kairi once again.

I barely pulled away from Demyx’s house before she immediately turned in her seat, eyes wide and arm practically clutching mine even while I drove.

“Okay, spill it.” 

Knew it.

“Spill what?” I knew I probably sounded more annoyed than I felt, but the fog in my head still hadn’t really cleared up.

“Where did you even go last night? I only sent Sora after you because he has this weird Roxas-tracking sense that I haven’t perfectly refined yet.”

“You grabbed me to play Suck and Blow and you’re telling me you don’t know where I was? Give me a break, Kairi.” She let go of my arm then and stuck out her tongue, leaning back in her seat as we drove back to her place.

“You were outside with him for, like, three hours. Maybe longer? I don’t really know, but I hope that means you at least kissed him this time.”

“...about that…”

And then came the exasperated sigh. “Seriously, Roxas? _Seriously?_ ”

“I was _thinking about it_ before you unleashed good ol’ Captain Jack on me! But...I dunno. I’m kind of glad I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because we were both kind of drunk?” I pulled up to the curb in front of her house and killed the ignition. “If I’m really going to kiss a boy, I’d rather it be one who’s not drunk. And also when I’m not drunk. That’s preferable. I want it to be because we both want it and I want it to be perfect. It was almost there but not quite, so...I’ll wait.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, tilting her head in thought as she examined me.

“Roxas…” Her eyes softened, but her lips were turned up into a smirk. “That’s really sweet. And really gay.” 

It was maybe smart of her to immediately bolt into her house after that even as I chased her down, yelling obscenities at her.

*********************************************************

Kairi’s parents weren’t home, as usual, so she let me borrow her shower and get cleaned up even though all I did after that was promptly lay down in her bed while she worked on some stuff for the yearbook and put on some reruns of Smallville. I know she was trying to talk to me, but once I was laying down again I could barely keep my eyes open. I’m pretty sure I slept through the rest of the afternoon while she worked. I knew I had homework to catch up on, too, but I just couldn’t concentrate. Every time I opened my eyes she was in another part of her room doing homework or chores and I’d immediately go back to sleep.

It was dark by the time she joined me, sitting next to me and shaking my shoulder just enough to jar me.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” It was the same sort of amused tone she liked to use on me when she didn’t want to startle me and I was conscious enough to appreciate that. “It’s six. Are you staying for dinner?” 

“Mm…” It wasn’t exactly an answer, but the time at least alerted me to the fact I should probably take my ass home. Sitting up took a lot more energy than I wanted to admit, and I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell I was still hungover like this. “Thanks, but I should go. My mom’s probably going to start calling if I don’t show my face in the next couple of hours. I’ll pick you up tomorrow though?”

“Sounds good to me.” She watched me again, seemingly making sure I wasn’t about to fall off of her bed or down the stairs. It was easy enough to grab my backpack and slip on my shoes and as she followed me down to the front door I concentrated on each step. There’s no way I could show up this disoriented and face my mom. Not if I didn’t want to face a bunch of questions anyway. Kairi reached around me and opened the front door to see me out. 

“...you should probably know that you were maybe right.” She seemed confused when I spoke, but I wasn’t going to elaborate for her. I lifted a hand instead, pulling her into a one-armed hug and only staying for a few seconds. “See ya.” 

She didn’t try to stop me from walking out the front door but when I glanced back she was still in the doorway following me with her eyes. I knew she was left with a lot of questions, but I had too many of my own to solve. I’d have to try and resolve some things the next day, but all I wanted to do right then was go home.

My mom was just getting home about the same time I was with what looked like a bag of burgers. For some reason, my stomach turned just looking at them but I wasn’t about to admit that. I heard her ask me questions (“How was the party? Did you take pictures? Did you spend the day at Kairi’s?”) and I heard myself answering almost on autopilot. It was easy to be automatic and as we headed for the kitchen Aunt Seiya came in from the back garden. Sora was sitting at the table wearing a pair of headphones plugged into his mp3 player, using two pens as makeshift drumsticks and apparently making zero progress on his Spanish homework. There was a startled yell as Aunt Seiya yanked the headphones off of his head and swiped one of the pens, a small victorious smirk on her face as she walked away and left Sora to his own devices. 

Most days, my family tries to eat dinner together when we can. We usually only go out when it’s a really special occasion like birthdays or something, but the kitchen table’s seen plenty of meals over the last several years. Mornings are usually too busy for us to have breakfast together, and with Sora and I working on everything for our last year of school and our moms’ work schedules, it was a little harder these days. I should have been kind of ecstatic, actually. Sora pushed his textbook off of the table and immediately started plating burgers and fries while my aunt and my mom settled in. It was quiet but excitable chatter while I heard Sora talk about the party and the performance the night before. The three of them talked enough that I could comfortably sit out of the conversation and zone out. I probably could have gotten away with not saying anything at all and excusing myself from the table, but just as Sora was gearing up to tell a story about something Riku did the night before a loud, almost tinny song began to play from my pocket.

_”I like it, I’m not gonna crack, I miss you, I’m not gonna crack…”_

There are definitely worse ringtones I could have had at that moment, but I also knew it wasn’t exactly the most appropriate. Mom raised her eyebrow, Sora narrowed his eyes, and Aunt Seiya...was singing along, which was actually pretty acceptable.

“Roxas.” My mom’s tone was just stern enough to tell me she wasn’t going to let me take this at the table. I wasn’t exactly eating in the first place, but if I left now after not being home all day it’d just be a bigger hassle. I hit mute on the phone and sunk down just a bit in my chair.

Axel had the worst timing in the world.

I choked down about half a burger and some of my fries before pawning the rest off on Sora and absconding to my room. I was already dialing Axel’s number before I even shut the door and by the time I collapsed at my desk he answered me.

“I was starting to wonder if you were gonna ignore me.” The slow, easy tone seeped its way out of the phone and settled comfortably in my head. I cradled the phone between my head and my shoulder while digging around in my backpack.

“Funny. I had family dinner, sorry. What’s up?” 

“What are you plans for tomorrow?” 

“Uh. Tomorrow’s...Halloween, right? Probably nothing since we did our whole Halloween thing yesterday. Maybe hand out candy to the neighbor kids with Sora? Why?”

“A couple of us are going to a haunted house festival over in Traverse Town. Wanna come?”

Traverse Town, at least, wasn’t as far as Twilight Town was. The drive was maybe half an hour out from the mainland and while the idea was tempting…

“Who’s us?”

“Me, Demyx, some of our other friends. I promise you’ll be cool with them. They were at the party last night and everything. The place is supposed to be packed since it’s five different houses, but figured it’d be fun.” I could practically hear him begging me to come along. Haunted houses usually aren’t my scene, and I wasn’t really sure if I trusted Axel’s judge of character when it came to other friends, but it would be Axel and it’d be Demyx and worst case scenario I could leave early.

“I’ll think about it.” I’m pretty sure we both knew I’d made up my mind, but at least he was polite enough to pretend I had better options. “If I do go though I’m driving myself there.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“What? Of course I do, it’s just...you know. Just in case you guys want to hang out after and I don’t.”

“Roxas.” He was laughing at me even if he was trying not to. “Are you worried about meeting my friends?”

“Shut up, that’s not it.” It was exactly it, but again, shut up.

“It’ll be fine. They’re a mess on their own but pretty hilarious together. You’ll have a good time, and if you don’t I’ll make it up to you. Okay?”

“Okay, okay.” I almost stifled a yawn but not quite. “I’ll meet you there at what, eight?”

“Try six. We’re gonna be in line for a while and the place closes at midnight.” There was a pause, followed by a light hum. “Tired? It’s pretty early still.”

“Yeah, well, _someone’s_ snoring kept me up.” I had passed out almost immediately the night before. I had no idea if Axel snored or not, but the mock-gasp was a good enough response.

“Well now that’s just rude. See if I ever let you into my bed ever again.” 

“Like you’d say no?”

Was this flirting? I still had no idea if it was casual banter or if it was actual flirting and I fully blamed my many years of observing Sora and Riku. They’re a good couple and they’ve been together forever, but they weren’t exactly shining examples of how differently you should treat your friends from your boyfriends.

Not that Axel was a boyfriend. Or even boyfriend material. Was he? Man I had no idea at that point and I wasn’t prepared enough to try and figure it out just yet. One step at a time. Work up to actually kissing him, and then figure it out.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I wouldn’t be kissing him in a haunted house or in front of his friends, so the next day was out of question.

“You’ll just have to ask, won’t you?” 

I don’t know why, but his answer flustered me enough that I went quiet and stared at my chemistry book instead. There was silence on both ends of the line before I found myself rolling my eyes.

“Get real. Maybe in your dreams.” It was easier to laugh it off than broach a topic I’m not sure either of us were really ready for. He seemed to agree since I heard him laughing, too, but nothing came after that. “I should probably finish my homework and go to bed though. It’s been a long weekend...see you in class tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Sure.” His voice sounded a little far away, but it must have been my imagination. “See you then, Roxas.” 

He didn’t even wait for me to say goodbye before he hung up, leaving me in the silence of my bedroom with textbooks scattered around my desk and a weight pulling at my eyelids. I couldn’t waste more time thinking about the weird turn of the conversation. I had a lot of stuff I needed to get done before the next day, and if I was planning on going out again that night I probably needed to make an effort to get ahead of the game, too.

In case you were wondering, I got through about half of my homework and fell asleep at my desk before I could even think about moving to my bed.

*********************************************************

I woke up with a little more clarity on Monday morning but my head still felt kind of weird and disoriented. It wasn’t enough to stop me from getting in gear and packing up to get to school, but it was persistent enough I had to root around in my locker for some aspirin.

The school day itself was pretty chaotic in the way it usually is on a holiday, even if that holiday’s Halloween. Most of my teachers were nice enough about letting us goof off a little and even handed out candy, and I don’t think I got to move more than ten feet in any direction during lunch without someone coming up to me to talk about Demyx’s party and the band. The crowd must have been bigger than I thought because I hardly recognized half of them. I spotted Olette across the cafeteria balancing what looked like two trays of food, and even though she couldn’t wave she grinned before turning to head toward what was probably the hallway. More than likely she was tutoring someone through her lunch break. 

It sort of made me wonder about someone else I hadn’t seen for a long time. I was kind of hoping I could ask Olette, but she seemed busy and before I could make a decision to go after her someone else blocked my path to talk about one of my original songs.

The attention wasn’t bad overall. Sora and Demyx were getting it, too, and over the lunch period both of them seemed to be discussing a strategy for selling merchandise somehow. Kairi was letting Selphie braid her hair while she and Riku were going over flashcards for the Spanish class he shared with Sora, and Axel had his face buried in a book and seemed to be watching me over the pages. 

So. The usual.

Teitzel, unfortunately, wasn’t one of those teachers who was going to let us off that easily and I spent most of sixth period learning to hate the sound of his voice all over again as Axel and I played tic-tac-toe on a spare sheet of paper. Class ended soon enough and I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Axel before Kairi approached me but the small flutter of his fingers was enough of a message. I’d be seeing him later anyway so maybe it wasn’t so bad.

A buzz from my pocket told me that he’d texted me the address and as Kairi and I headed to the car I decided I had to be more honest than I was last week. 

“So hey. Axel invited me to this thing tonight…” 

“I had a feeling.” She didn’t even sound surprised as she let herself into my car, sliding into the passenger seat and tossing her bag in the back.

“Do I even want to know why?”

“He’s a little easier to read than you are. So where are you going?”

“Some haunted house thing in Traverse Town? Demyx is coming, too, and I guess a few other people are. It’ll be fine. I might even be home early.” 

I didn’t want to tell her I was nervous about meeting Axel’s friends or curious about who they were. She probably already knew anyway. 

“Somehow I doubt it, but okay. Take me to your place? The boys and I are doing a horror marathon and passing out candy before we go see the second Saw movie tonight.” 

Even with Kairi being my best friend, sometimes I forgot that she still did things with just Sora and Riku. It was a reassuring thought that I wasn’t exactly ditching her and it gave the three of them time to hang out. I didn’t even have to ask why I wasn’t invited in the first place. I hated the first movie way too much.

The few hours between when we got to my house and when I had to leave passed pretty quickly, especially since Kairi corralled all of us into doing our homework as soon as Sora and Riku stepped into the house. I debated taking a nap instead, but with Kairi around that was pretty impossible. On the other hand I managed to catch up as much as I needed to by the time I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. It didn’t matter to me if Sora and Riku knew I was hanging out with Axel and Demyx. Demyx was my barrier even if he didn’t know it. Nobody would suspect a thing if I was hanging out in a group.

Or, at least, that’s what I told myself as I drove onto the ferry and then onto the mainland toward Traverse Town. It’s what I had to hope for and pretend. 

I pulled up almost right at six on the dot and parked, stepping out and gazing at the long lines winding their way through the five districts of Traverse Town. Axel wasn’t kidding when he said the whole thing was going to be busy. I wasn’t even sure where I was supposed to go, but before I could grab my phone to text Axel or Demyx I heard a girl’s voice behind me.

“Roxas!” 

Whipping my head around, Naminé came into my line of vision dressed down in jeans and a white hoodie as she ran toward me.

“Naminé, hey!” I hadn’t thought about the possibility of running into other people I knew, but maybe that was also wishful thinking. “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t the boys tell you?” She and Kairi had nearly identical amused looks, the kind that said “you weren’t paying attention, were you?” It was sometimes uncanny how much they mirrored each other, but I always figured it was from the mentor thing. Maybe that’s just how some people are though. “It’s okay, don’t worry. The others are buying wristbands to get us into all of the houses.” 

I was officially lost on what she was saying, but I nodded along anyway as I felt her take my hand and begin leading me toward the front of the lines. All I was getting from this was that Naminé was apparently one of the friends Axel neglected to tell me about, and if Naminé was here--

“Oh. It’s you.” Marluxia gave me a once-over as Naminé approached him. His expression was about as arrogant as usual even if there was a hint of interest in his tone. I’m not sure why, but Marluxia had an infuriating habit of both looking down on me and being polite enough at the same time. It always made me feel like he was observing me to see how I could be of use to him and it was uncomfortable, to say the least, but for Naminé’s sake I tried to keep the peace.

She hadn’t let go of my hand yet but she was beaming up at him anyway. “So that makes six of us! That should be pretty fun, don’t you think?” I also could never tell if Naminé knew that Marluxia and I didn’t always get along or if she was turning a blind eye. 

“Oh yeah, _oodles and oodles_ of fun.” A drawling voice came from somewhere to my left and I didn’t even have to turn to recognize it. Every inch of me recoiled almost instantly and I kept my eyes glued to my shoes. Larxene’s footsteps were distinct, the heels of her boots clicking on the pavement as she bounded back up to us with three bright orange wristbands clutched between her fingers. She was already working on snapping Marluxia’s on for him as she gave me an almost-disgusted look.

Then again, I’m not her biggest fan either. Never have been. We’ve done well to keep our distances despite being in the same grade and being in some of the same classes last year, but she was Marluxia’s best friend and an even bigger pain in the ass than he was. 

“What are you doing here?” It was half a question and half a snarl and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to piss her off so immediately. I had been standing in Traverse Town for five minutes and already had to figure out how to hold my ground. I was about to explain myself, figure out a way to make it sound less lame than “I was invited but didn’t know you’d be here” when Axel finally made his grand appearance.

“Chill. I invited him.” He looked over her head toward me and smiled, almost completely disarming me. Almost. “That cool? A little late to say no, by the way. We wouldn’t want to be rude and tell Roxas he can’t join us, would we?” He seemed to put an end to that as he slid past a few people toward me. Naminé took it as a sign to let go of my hand as she held it out to Marluxia, waiting for him to place her wristband on, too. Axel had two more orange bands in his hand, and Demyx was finally joining us and waving around a map of the city where the houses were set up. He seemed excited enough to see me before getting distracted arguing with Marluxia and Larxene about which house to go through first. 

Axel used the opportunity to approach me and snap on his wristband, grabbing my hand without warning to do the same. With Demyx in the lead and the mismatched trio following, Axel and I brought up the rear.

“You know,” I finally said as I glanced at the Halloween decorations in the first district. “You could have just said your friends were Marluxia and Larxene. I’ve known them for years.” 

“Have you?” It almost sounded like nonchalance, but there was a hint of guilt in his tone as well. I wasn’t dumb. I knew that he must have figured that out by now and his shoulders hunched a little as we jumped into line for the first house. “Guess I forgot. Whoops.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes and looked around again. The city had really gone all out this year. “So what’s with the secrecy? Didn’t think they’d agree to let me come along if they knew?” 

He sighed heavily even as we shuffled forward. Demyx was in the middle of telling a joke and Larxene looked half-way to pushing him out of line, but it was a good enough distraction. “ _No._ But I was kind of thinking _you_ wouldn’t agree to come if you knew who they were.”

“Sooo...you tricked me.”

“It worked.” There was a half-hearted grin. “...if it really bugs you that much, you can go home after the first house. I just wanted to hang out with you tonight, alright?” 

It was hard to believe, but then again we _were_ hanging out a lot more than we used to. And I couldn’t exactly say I didn’t enjoy it. I did. A lot. And he’s not as stupid as he tried to make himself out to be. He knew it, too.

But he also knew exactly how to play me and while that should have pissed me off, maybe I had just resigned to my fate.

“...we’ll see how things go after the first house, okay?” It wasn’t exactly a promise, but the way his face lit up you’d think I’d just proposed to him.

Man...what’s there to say about the haunted house fest? Let me break it down for you in an itemized list:

-First house: it was a warm-up house, little jumpscares and a dark maze filled with spooky sounds. The six of us weren’t exactly enthralled with it but it just made the anticipation of the other houses even greater.  
-Second house: Scary laboratory and a zombie breakout. We ran a lot in this house. A lot. Naminé accidentally punched one of the workers in the face and Demyx knocked over a setpiece trying to find a new path, but it was still minimal damage.  
-Third house: haunted mansion. The actors were more talkative, following us at a slow pace and hiding in plain sight, spooking all of us by simply speaking up. The way the rooms were set up meant actors could hide on the ground without us knowing as we looked for obvious traps. Larxene and Marluxia’s twin screams were a thing of beauty, but nobody needed to know I practically jumped back into Axel as a pendulum swung down in front of my face.  
-Somewhere between the end of the third house and waiting in line for the fourth house, I realized how cold it was outside. I was shivering, but at the same time I was kind of enjoying myself and didn’t feel like leaving.  
-Somewhere between me starting to shiver and entering the fourth house, Axel gave me his hoodie.

...look, that maybe wasn’t such a big deal to anyone but me, but it sort of meant a lot. It was warm and it was large, comfortable to burrow into and even though it smelled faintly of smoke and cinnamon I couldn’t complain. He waited until the others weren’t looking to squeeze my shoulder and scratch at the back of my head, and while I’m not really into the idea of any form of PDA the sentiment was nice.

Still wasn’t a date, but I would take what I could get.

Maybe that made me just a little bit pathetic.

-Fourth house: a fairytale set-up that led us over the river and through the woods where Grandmother had a chainsaw. At one point we all got separated in the house and had to find our way back and Naminé looked a little more than upset.  
-She perked up by the time we hit the fifth and final house though, this huge and sprawling underground labyrinth. It was pitch black and freezing, pulling out all stops with puzzles for us to solve, jumpscares, and the only way out was to fall directly through the floor.

In the end...even with Larxene and her snide comments and the fact I’m not a huge jumpscare person, I had fun. I could handle Marluxia and Larxene if I had everyone else on my side, and it was admittedly kind of nice to catch up with Naminé while I could. Axel kept everything lowkey enough that nobody was suspicious of anything and as we parted ways I didn’t even realize I still had his sweatshirt until I was halfway home.

The drive was what wore me out. I didn’t know how, but my headache came back almost in full force as I headed back toward the ferry station. There was a pounding somewhere behind my eyes but there was a comfort in knowing I didn’t have far to go. By the time I pulled up to the house it was a little after midnight and the lights were off except for a soft glow in the living room. Entering the house as quietly as I could, I kept the lights off and peered through the dark. The sounds of a movie playing were coming from the main room, so naturally that’s where I went.

From behind the couch I could see Kairi on the left with her head tucked against Sora’s shoulder, clearly passed out instead of paying attention to what was on-screen. Riku, similarly, was in the same position to Sora’s right. Sora was awake though, laptop in front of him and working on what looked like a paper for one of his classes.

It was quiet enough he must have heard me because he suddenly turned his head, grinning at me through the dark.

“Hey. Have fun?” 

“...yeah.” It was dark enough he couldn’t see what I was wearing or the fact that I had to lean against the wall because I was suddenly too dizzy to stand upright. “Are they staying the night?” 

“Nah. I’m just finishing this paragraph and I’ll drive them home.” He already went back to looking at his screen, frowning in fluorescent light as he made an adjustment to his document.

“...hey Sora.” There was a hum of acknowledgement, but he still wasn’t looking at me. “Have you considered taking a break? You’ve kind of been going non-stop since school started.” 

There was a laugh, but it was uncertain all the same. “I don’t know if I have time, Rox. I have a lot of deadlines to make. Early admission closes on Friday.” 

I didn’t even have to ask what for. Sora’s only talked about one college for pretty much our entire lives, and I had a weird, sinking feeling he wasn’t even going to apply to other schools until he was sure about this one. Twilight University was his top choice and something he’d worked for since he was a kid. It’s one of the most prestigious schools in the area (maybe even _the_ most) and incredibly hard to get into. Going for early admission was a smart move on his part. 

It meant that if, somehow, he didn’t get in he’d still have time to figure it out.

“Are you going to make it?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely. I just have to finish my personal statement tomorrow and get another copy of my transcripts to mail out. It’ll be fine.” His fingers clacked on the keys in front of him. “...you sound tired, dude. You should head to bed.” 

“Promise you’ll consider the same in an hour?” 

“One more paragraph and dropping off these two and I’ll be out. I promise. Go get some sleep.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I was worried because we’ve had the same conversation before. We’ve had that argument before and I’ve found Sora facedown on his books at 4am more than once. But it seemed like maybe he was going to listen this time, so all I could do was say goodnight one more time and head for my room.

Don’t ask me how the hell I made it to my bed. I don’t remember, but I remember falling asleep in Axel’s hoodie and only faintly thinking about setting my alarm.

*********************************************************

The only reason I woke up at all was because Sora came into my room and told me I had fifteen minutes to get ready if I was still planning on picking up Kairi. I strongly considered telling Kairi to walk, but I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. Fifteen minutes meant skipping a shower and not even brushing my hair, fully aware I was going to school in the same jeans as the day before and Axel’s hoodie. I had just enough consciousness left to slip on one of my wristbands for some semblance of fashion before heading out to pick up my best friend.

I wasn’t sure if Kairi was wary or fascinated by my appearance when she got in the car, but she didn’t say anything. I was too busy forcing my eyes open and ignoring the weird, swollen lump in my throat to even try to engage in conversation. 

I’m pretty sure she felt bad for me because she didn’t even ask me about the night before and instead ventured off to the cafeteria to buy me a coffee from one of the snack stands. It helped a little, but she kept her distance and I kept myself burrowed in Axel’s sweater. There was a roman numeral eight stitched into one of the sleeves that kept catching on my fingers and it kept me alert enough to walk from my locker to first period. By the time the morning announcements were over, I managed to at least tell Kairi about the haunted houses and about the group of people we were with. She wordlessly tugged on my hood and lifted both eyebrows, grinning a little too gleefully when I nodded.

She had work to do and it kept her busy, but as the minutes ticked by it became very clear to me that I was _not_ feeling good. Rolling from first period to second period that only intensified as my vision blurred every now and then and Axel’s hoodie didn’t do a good enough job keeping me warm. 

But. I was already there. School was still school and I figured it had to do with not sleeping well and that if I could get to lunch I’d figure it out. Or nap in my car. One of the two. 

Besides...maybe it was stupid, but I was kind of looking forward to third period so I could see Axel. Shut up, I know, but he’d become this fixture in my life that wasn’t going away. Now that I was allowing myself to, I realized I kind of liked that.

Demyx updated Sora on the events of the night before while we worked on a lab in chemistry and since those two can talk enough for at least eight people I found it easier to shut my mouth and focus on my work. Sora was listening and asking questions, but every now and then I caught him looking at me with a concerned sort of frown. Normally we stay out of each other’s business when we’re at school but...that’s Sora for you. Sometimes he can’t help himself.

I didn’t even fight him when he started pulling me by the hood to third period while Demyx remained oblivious and chatty as usual. Sliding into my desk, I waited for Sora to let go before allowing my head to drop with a dull thud and refused to move. My friends were gathered around me and chatting, getting themselves settled in and updating each other about everything they could think of. Lunch was after third period but at the same time it’s hard for them not to be like this. Demyx was telling more stories about the haunted houses again and I felt more than saw Axel’s presence looming somewhere behind me before long fingers subtly rubbed at my scalp.

I’m not even sure when this became our thing, but it was a pattern that seemed to develop on its own. If he recognized that I was still wearing his sweater he didn’t call me on it and Kairi poked my elbow with the end of her pen.

“Roxas, sit up. Class is starting soon.” 

I think I maybe mumbled an affirmative and hauled myself into a seated position, propping my head up and curling a hand into the oversized sleeve of Axel’s hoodie. I know I was sitting at my desk surrounded by my usual group. I know we were going over discussion notes from the day before. I know we had a video to watch that explained the politics and local branches of government on the island. And I know that I slept through pretty much all of that even while I was sitting upright, so I don’t know what Kairi thought she was accomplishing. 

The bell rang and everyone around me started to get up from their seats, packing up their binders or bags and sweeping everything off of their desks. My friends were getting ready for lunch and chatting with each other...and left me there. So that was nice. All five of them somehow got to the door of the classroom before they noticed that I wasn’t following after them and Kairi suddenly realized I wasn’t responding to her. I was half-awake by then and I heard Sora following right behind her, a hand flat on my desk to balance himself and another hand immediately flat against my forehead.

“Ouch.” It was murmured and his hand continued to move over my face. “I thought it was weird you slept in this morning.” 

By that point I’d caught on that I had a fever and I was sort of dying but it still took way too much energy to care about that. Eventually prying my eyes open, I watched Sora’s hand continue its movements before he crouched down to face me. 

“C’mon. Can you stand?” It was a quiet tone and it was a lot easier to see he was worried when he was this close. I wasn’t sure how to reply so for the moment I didn’t. “Roxas. Can you hear me?”

“...yeah.” 

“Why didn’t you just stay home?” Kairi’s voice was somewhere to my right but the thought of even trying to turn my head was less than appealing. 

“You know why.” It was mumbled and maybe I snapped a little, and maybe she didn’t actually know but if she was my best friend she’d pick up on exactly what I was saying. The reason had red hair and green eyes and had a scent that lulled me to sleep and wasn’t in this classroom anymore which disappointed me beyond belief.

The problem with admitting to a crush on the guy was that it seemed to give my thoughts license to be as outlandish as possible. 

“Whatever it was was a stupid reason.” Sora sighed and suddenly moved, shifting his books in his arms to use the other to wedge under me and lift me out of my desk. “If you can’t even get up I’m not even sure you should be driving. Kai, can you take him? I have a student council meeting I can’t skip.” He at least sounded like he regretted that and Kairi shook her head in response. With both of them flanking me on either side we started heading out of the classroom. My head was spinning and while I wouldn’t say it outright, Sora was right. I didn’t think driving was the smartest move either. 

“I can’t either. I have a yearbook interview set up at lunch for the drama department. Maybe Demyx?” 

Like hell I was letting Demyx drive my car. 

“Okay, not Demyx.” Sora held back a snicker, alerting me to the fact I’d actually said it out loud. We stepped out of the classroom and into the hall by then where the others were lingering and chatting. Axel’s attention abruptly shifted back to me and an unreadable expression appeared. 

“What’d you do to him?” It was a joking kind of tone but somehow his eyes were glued on me and his arms were folded almost defensively over his chest.

“I woke him up.” Sora was starting to sound a little stressed and I knew this was cutting into his meeting. Kairi exchanged looks with Riku and Demyx finally seemed to realize something was up but none of that mattered. All that mattered was Axel in my line of vision, the only thing I could actually see outside of the rings of black spots circling me, and I dug into my pocket before lobbing my car keys at his chest.

“Drive me.” 

“What?” 

“Drive me home. You have nothing else to do and Sora won’t let me drive.” 

Looking back on it, maybe I shouldn’t have sounded so demanding or so whiny but it seemed to solve the problem. Sora and Kairi exchanged looks before both of them looked at Axel. I’m not sure how he didn’t melt having three pairs of bright blue eyes on him but he held his ground pretty well. He spun the keyring around on his index finger, seemingly thinking it over before he reached forward and draped an arm around my shoulders to herd me down the hall.

“I’ll deliver him in one piece,” he called over his shoulder to everybody else. It didn’t take long after that for everyone to disperse in opposite directions, but I knew I was fading pretty fast and using Axel as a crutch to stay upright. The walk to the parking lot felt like forever and I’m pretty sure judging by the way he was looking at me he thought about picking me up and carrying me to my car. Slowly but surely we made it though and I crawled into my passenger seat, barely paying attention to where I was dropping my stuff from third period. Kairi or Sora could break into my locker and get my backpack. I didn’t care. I was tired, I was congested, I was suddenly nauseous and I was at the point it made more sense to sink into the darkness and not come back for a few days.

It made sense to me why everything felt so off on Sunday and Monday. Axel didn’t start the car immediately, sitting in the driver’s seat to not only push the seat back (his dumb, long legs didn’t exactly fit well) and also adjust the mirrors. Even after that though he didn’t move right away.

“Did you feel this bad last night?” 

“...not until after I left.” I knew what he was thinking, and no. Being outside for so long last night didn’t make me sick. Saturday might have, but I was pretty sure I was already incubating whatever the hell this was before then. Axel didn’t have to know that I would have gone with him the night before anyway, and he had no way of ever knowing. “I wanted to return this.” Pulling at his sweater, I did absolutely nothing to remove it.

“Silly…” He shook his head. “You could have kept it, I don’t care.” 

Silence. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say “why” or “thank you” so I chose to say nothing, simply burrowing myself further into the sweater. It was mine now and he’d have to rip it from my corpse if he ever wanted it back. Having the hood pulled up meant it came down over my eyes and the added layer of darkness was a relief. Starting the car, both of us winced at the sudden volume of the CD I had playing.

_”Midwest love affairs, I bend when I am bored. Late night liquor blue will lead me to the floor. Can we fake it, can we make believe, I’m so full of love it deeply sickens me…”_

I might have cringed for another reason. I had been telling Axel the truth when I said that I could relate to every Motion City Soundtrack song, but I had to hope he wasn’t reading too much into that. He lowered the volume to something less ear-piercing and backed out of the space in the lot, making the easy drive back to my place.

I dozed a little with my head against the window as Axel took the wheel and I didn’t even think to worry about that decision. Axel got us to Twilight Town in one piece; I could probably trust him to drive ten minutes to my house. By the time we got there and he’d parked, I was even less conscious than usual and had just enough coherency left to tell him that the key that was painted bright blue was my house key. No one else would be home at this early in the afternoon.

He must have been debating for a while. It was unlike Axel to just act without having some kind of ulterior motive or calculated plan and so when he got out of the car and came around to my side to open the door I had to wonder what he was thinking up. I felt myself being pulled out of my seat and up off of the ground, shifted in Axel’s arms into a princess-carry before he started hauling me and my dead weight to my front door.

Still not as romantic as you’d think, by the way. His elbows are bony and he didn’t exactly have a great grasp on me like he was afraid of touching me too much. That could have just been because carrying people isn’t his forte. I’ll forgive him for that. It meant I didn’t have to walk and I didn’t have to climb the stairs and that realization alone was almost enough to make me cry.

Almost. I spent most of the laborious journey with my face burrowed in his sort of thin ribs and listening to the dull, steady thump of his heart if you really want to know. Axel had only been to the house a couple of times but seemed to remember the exact path up to my room. I half-expected him to dump me on the mattress and leave me there with a cheery “see ya later, Shortstop!” but he seemed to have other ideas.

I watched him for a while as he buzzed around my room, closing the blinds, grabbing a glass of water and some aspirin and even going as far as taking off my shoes. All of this happened in a short span of time and it slowly dawned on me what was going on.

“Dude. You’re such a mother hen.” 

“I’m not sure the guy who almost ate concrete twenty minutes ago really has room to say anything.” He took the jab in good grace though and even more interesting he didn’t deny it. Instead, he continued what he was doing, dragging my trash can over to my bed before grabbing the throw blanket I’d balled up at the foot of the bed and spreading it over me. I was still in my jeans and his hoodie but moving seemed pretty overrated. With the permission to just relax I curled up under the covers and let my eyes close, pulling the hood down further to block extra light. There was a weird sort of pressure on my head through the fabric, pads of strong fingers working slow circles over the top and the back of my head.

“Are you going to be good if I leave you here and head back to class?” I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not, but the question gave me something to process. In theory, yeah, I would have been fine on my own. I was 17 and fully capable of taking care of myself. On the other hand, I was 17 and very curious how far I could push Axel. 

“...stay for a while? At least until I fall asleep.” 

I thought maybe I’d pushed too far. Axel didn’t reply at first and I was already starting to drift off before he could properly answer. It was a good try, but between you and me I would have fallen asleep without him. It was the thought though. It was something I wanted to see happen, something I wanted to test and Axel still didn’t give me a verbal reply before I felt the bed dip next to me and the hand continued moving over my head. It wasn’t the same soft touch that came from him playing with my hair, but it was relaxing all the same. 

“I should tell you about this book I’m reading.” His voice had taken on a softer tone and if I didn’t know better I’d think it sounded fond. I felt myself press up into his hand and also press my face into the mattress, bundled up and slipping away.

“Tell me everything.”

To this day I can’t tell you what book Axel was reading in early November. I couldn’t remember the plot or the characters or why he was even reading it in the first place. But I could at least describe the way he sounded as his voice put me to sleep and the way his hand never let up, and the last thing I remember was falling into a deeper sleep with him settled next to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who else is losing their minds that KH3's coming out in three weeks? Chapters 8 and 9 are coming, chapter 10's in the rewrite phase, and then I have chapter 11 to rewrite and then...you know. Brand new content never before released. Now that's just terrifying.
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and lovely comments! They're appreciated <3


	8. I'm Also Fed Up With The Common Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Little hard to write a love song when your love life’s dead, isn’t it?” 
> 
> “...yeah, about that.” 
> 
> It was something that got his attention and he paused halfway between taking another bite of his burger. I almost laughed but the topic was something I had to play safe. I trusted him, but I also wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. 
> 
> “You datin’ someone?” 
> 
> “Not exactly.” The interest didn’t waver, so I took that as a good sign. “I mean maybe? We’ve never said anything about it or agreed or anything but it’s...a thing I’m thinking about.” 
> 
> “Is it really that hard to figure out?”
> 
> “I don’t know. I didn’t really think about the fact that it was a possibility until recently, and we haven’t come to the point I think it has to come up. I wouldn’t mind, I guess, but it’s still so...complicated. Like I said.”
> 
> He paused then, finally putting his food down and giving me a critical look. “You’re doing a really good job avoiding pronouns, Rox, so why don’t you just tell me who he is?”

By that point I figured out there really was no point in lying to myself. I liked him. Plain and simple. I liked him a little too much and things were starting to feel a little too much, but I didn’t know how to put on the brakes or what I really wanted from all of this.

I thought I should have tried to figure it out myself, if only because letting other people meddle with my affairs usually got messy.

The real problem was that I had no idea where to even start.

*********************************************************

I’m not sure what time Axel left, but the next time I woke up he was gone and I was shivering all over again even under the throw blanket and his hoodie. Everything was off-kilter and I was too disoriented to even process much beyond my base response of “it’s too cold.” A series of forceful sneezes punctuated the silence and the pressure in my head shifted enough I collapsed face-down on my mattress again.

“Roxas?” Sora’s voice was somewhere in my room which was weird since he should have been at work or at school. It was getting harder and harder to pin him down without booking in advance. There was a slight rustle and the bed dipped again. “Hey dude. Are you feeling any better?”

“...no.” My voice sounded awful to my own ears and trying to use it sent a wave of agony up my throat. It was a huge mistake but it gave Sora the chance to slip his hand beneath the hood of my sweater and up against my forehead again. 

“Axel didn’t make you take anything for your fever, did he.” He sounded pretty annoyed even as his hand moved from my forehead down to my cheeks, jaw and neck, checking for swelling and heat. This probably would have been weird if it weren’t someone I’d grown up with my entire life, and also if Sora wasn’t planning on becoming a doctor and already had a few basics under his belt. If it made him feel better to play pretend and let him think he knew what he was doing, fine, whatever.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work? Or somewhere else?” 

“Traded shifts with Riku, brought my donation drive posters home and I can do my homework wherever. I was worried about you.” He finally removed his hand and got up from the bed. “Can you sit up? Sleeping in your jeans probably isn’t that comfortable.” 

I know I called Axel a mother hen, but Sora’s maybe a little worse than that. He has a tendency to nag and needle and pry if I’m not feeling well or if he thinks I’m too depressed or whatever. I gave up on trying to stop him years ago. Besides...I can’t say I don’t appreciate it, and it was sort of nice to hear he ditched everything to come home and check in. I wasn’t answering his question though and he sighed to himself. 

Sometimes I just let things happen around me. If I don’t move at all, everyone just proceeds as though I’m not there and life moves on. In this case, I didn’t move and Sora headed for my dresser, grabbing a pair of pajama pants and dumping them on my head before he started moving around the room. The aspirin was still on the bedside table and the water was untouched. Axel...tried...but Sora was right. He didn’t really make me do anything except sleep.

“Seriously, please change. I’ll be right back.” And the whirlwind known as Sora walked out the door and down the hall to the bathroom we shared. It took effort but I figured out how to kick myself out of my jeans and into the pajama pants without actually getting up and I was a little too proud of that feat. By the time Sora came back I was more awake and less mobile. He had a bottle of orange juice in his hand and two blankets draped over his shoulders along with what looked like actual cold medicine. There was a thermometer tucked between his fingers, too, as he approached me and automatically spread the blankets over my bed.

“This is the drowsy stuff. Sorry.” One hand was busy popping open the blister pack of pills and one was shoving a thermometer in my mouth while he wasn’t even looking. In a way, I guess becoming a doctor made sense for him since it meant he could multitask all he wanted. Judging by his expression seconds later when he read the display, my fever wasn’t doing that great. I was hoping he didn’t expect a huge response or anything because all I could do for the most part was watch in a daze as he coaxed me through swallowing pills and burying me in my covers. “I texted your mom, she’ll be home as early as she can. Do you need anything?”

“...besides the sweet embrace of death?” It got him to laugh a little at least, worry lines easing up. 

“Good to know you’re not actually dead in there.” He settled back on my bed again, hauling his gigantic backpack up into his lap to start digging through it. “Go back to sleep. I think you probably got hit with that flu that’s starting to go around.” 

“Doesn’t that mean you’re going to get it, too?” 

“If I was going to get sick, I would have already gotten sick.” He made a good point. Our house isn’t exactly the best quarantine zone, especially considering we share...you know, everything. He found what he was looking for (his calculus book from the looks of it) and gave me a slight smile instead. “I hate to say it, but you’re stuck with me.” 

I tried to say “I’ll be fine”, but I inhaled a little too much and sent myself straight into a coughing fit, doing absolutely nothing to prove the point that I could handle myself. He wordlessly leaned over to hand me the lukewarm glass of water and waited until I could breathe again. “...there are worse people to be stuck with, I guess.” 

It wasn’t really doing that much damage anyway. Sora could make himself feel better by standing guard and I could have someone making sure I didn’t choke on my own mucus in my sleep. It was sort of a win-win situation for both of us.

Sora didn’t move much through the course of the afternoon. Not that I was really conscious for most of it, but for the parts I drifted in and out of sleep I remembered him working while seated on my bed before moving to my floor as he created posters to advertise for the school’s canned goods drive over the next couple of weeks. At one point I blearily stared down to watch him rotate in a circle, reading a few pages of each of his textbooks and working on admissions stuff for TU before finishing a line on a poster and starting over. I still had my own reservations about how much Sora was taking on, but he wouldn’t listen even if I said so, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. At another point he must have gotten bored because the TV was on and he was watching the Disney Channel at a low volume. Judging by the fact he was singing along to the theme song under his breath, it was the Kim Possible Power Hour. 

It was dark the next time I bothered waking up for longer than thirty seconds and my mom and Sora were speaking in hushed whispers. I heard talks of a one-hundred and two degree fever and no school the next day and “Sora you’re going to get sick” and a bright little laugh even as Sora finally cleared out of my room. I wasn’t awake enough to say anything to my mom but it was the third time that day someone felt my forehead even as she fluffed my bangs a little with her fingers so they weren’t matted to my face. I might have imagined her asking me if I wanted to take off my hoodie for something warmer, but ignoring her was a better plan.

And that’s how things went for a few days. Waking up periodically in a feverish daze and too tired to do much but lay in my room and sleep. Every now and then I checked texts on my phone and it was the only way I knew what day of the week it was.

On Tuesday, the day I’d gone home sick, Kairi texted me three times a couple of hours apart.

_feel better babe :(_

_hey is everything ok? axel never came back to school after he went to drop you off_

_i’m going to come over after school tomorrow with your homework and to see your face_

Tuesday night, Axel texted me a few times back to back.

_you’re probably asleep and if you’re not go back to sleep_

_or text me back? that’d be cool too_

_nope, definitely asleep. probably still in my sweater, aren’t you. keep it, it looks better on you anyway_

I slept through most of Wednesday, too, waking up to sip some water, suck down some pills and roll away from the window. Kairi came over that afternoon as promised but I was still asleep when she showed up. At one point I opened my eyes and found her and Sora on my bedroom floor making more posters. Kairi’s art skills are a lot better than his so I couldn’t say I was too surprised. I could hear them talking to each other in low whispers and I briefly wondered where Riku was and how Sora was able to be home after school two days in a row. But there he was side by side with my best friend, heads ducked together as she drew an outline that he designed. 

I’m not sure why, but I slept a little easier with both of them there.

Wednesday was another slew of texts I squinted at somewhere around 2am.

Demyx texted a picture of him and Sora pouting at the camera with “miss ya buddy!!” attached which was nice and somehow very Demyx-ish. There was another stack of texts from Kairi, too.

_mornings aren’t the same without you. hope you’re feeling better today xoxo_

_selphie sends her love and “super duper well wishes” too_

_he keeps looking for you. it’s pretty cute_

_i’m still coming over! i’m bringing soup too because knowing you you haven’t eaten yet_

_i didn’t want to wake you but i couldn’t stay very long...sora has your soup and your homework’s on your desk. i’ll come back tomorrow, promise <3_

There was only one text from Axel though.

_there are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired._

I didn’t even want to try to puzzle that out. 

Thursday was a little better. I was still pretty immobile because every time I tried to get up longer than five minutes I ended up nearly blacking out, but I was also starting to get bored being on strict bed rest. I figured there was some kind of progress though since I was awake for longer chunks of time. I managed to text Kairi back to assure her I wasn’t actually dead and at some point Sora came home during lunch to microwave some of Kairi’s soup for me and bring it upstairs. 

“Looks like your fever’s finally going down.” It was so casual and conversational I almost found it funny. Sora sat at my desk and had an energy drink in his hand as he flipped through some notes on his phone. I was sitting upright and holding a bowl of soup so I guess he decided to ease up a little. 

“Good. This sucks.” It was hard to breathe and the pressure in my sinuses made my head throb steadily. “How long is this supposed to last anyway?” 

“A week’s about average, but you’ve been sleeping so much you might be able to come back to school Monday. Kairi’s gonna come over to help you catch up with everything from third period and your math class. I can get you updated on chem when I get home. You’re kind of on your own for your art and English classes though.”

“I’ll ask Axel. He’s probably paying attention for once now that I’m not there.” I was too busy sipping my soup to catch the first half of Sora’s reaction, but the second half meant seeing him staring at me with an unreadable expression, can halfway to his lips as he hummed in thought.

“So you guys are finally getting along, I see.” It was an understatement and we both knew it. “About time.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that, again, I was right and Axel’s pretty harmless once you get past how annoying he can be sometimes.” 

“You say that like there’s anyone in our group that isn’t a little annoying every now and then.”

“True.” There was a slight smirk as he downed the rest of his drink and put his phone back in his pocket. Class started in fifteen minutes, which meant he had to get going soon. “You’ve been hanging out with him too haven’t you? That’s where you were on Halloween.”

It was supposed to be a statement, but the way Sora said it made it sound like a question. I took my time in answering, letting soup coat my throat and ease the swelling a little. “Yeah. I don’t know, he usually knows about some cool things to do and I get invited along. No big deal.” 

He gave me another look, allowing himself to glance at Axel’s hoodie that I was still wearing days later. Even though I could tell he was trying to work something out, I don’t think he knew exactly what to think about that statement and Sora being Sora knew how to pick his own battles. I’d already won in this case; he wasn’t going to try and pick apart what I was saying when he didn’t have any proof.

“At least you’re making _some_ new friends.” He settled on that and grinned, getting up from my desk chair and taking the empty soup bowl from my hands. “Need anything before I head back? Kairi’s going to come by after school but I have to stay for a bit to work on a few articles for the paper.” 

On top of everything else, Sora was also the editor of our school paper. I’m pretty sure he’s not even sure how he got the job, but he’s taken it in stride. Waving him off I crawled back under my blankets and grabbed my remote for the TV.

“I’m good. Thanks though.” 

“Okay. DayQuil’s on the nightstand if you need it again, and maybe try to consider doing some of your homework before Kairi gets here? You know she’s just going to make you focus on catching up.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and throw a small pillow at him.

“Go back to school, Sora. I’ll see you later.” The pillow sailed across the room and landed in my lap as Sora scooped up his binder and calculus book from my desk.

“Text me if you need me!” And just like that he was gone.

I only had a few hours between lunch and when school let out and it gave me enough time to work my way through some of my homework, mostly graphic design. I had sketches that were due next week and even though I kept having to stop to blow my nose I made some sort of progress by the time I heard the front door open and delicate footsteps thunder up the stairs. They stopped just outside of my bedroom door and lingered in the hall, and I couldn’t help but laugh under my breath.

“I’m awake, it’s okay.” Kairi pushed the door open and left it cracked halfway, immediately striding across the room to throw herself onto my bed. I know I’ve said before that I’m not the kind of guy to wax poetry, but if I were I’d liken it to a breath of fresh air that blew away the smog of yesteryear, a bright new dawning and something something something.

I was just glad to see her. 

“You must be feeling better.” She seemed chipper and she smiled at me, picking up one of the drawings I was working on. 

“A little, yeah. I think I’m still staying home tomorrow but I don’t want to fall too far behind.” There was a sympathetic click of her tongue as she looked at her schoolbag she’d abandoned on the floor. It was almost as if homework had betrayed her and she kicked it over with her foot, turning back to face me and ignore the books for a while.

“I’ll be here for a little while. I traded shifts with Axel so I could come here and see you and get you caught up on everything.” 

It hadn’t even been five minutes and she was already bringing him up. It was both impressive and depressing all at once but I also found myself wanting to ask anyway.

“And he was just okay with that?” 

“Yeah.” She cut me a glance as she reached inside my blanket nest, unearthing my phone and holding it between two fingers. “Will you do me a favor and text him back already? He’s starting to get a little needy.” 

The idea of Axel being needy wasn’t one I’d ever considered, and it almost sounded fake even as I took the phone from her. “He’s been asking about me?”

“Obviously.” She made herself comfortable and side-stepped the used tissues littering my bed. “He keeps asking me if I’ve heard from you and how you’re doing since you aren’t talking to him. I think he’s still worried? You were _not_ looking great when you left.” 

It was a sweet thought, I’d admit that much, but I also was perfectly happy to ignore the skeptical look Kairi was throwing me as I reached for my phone to check my messages.

“Have you been sleeping in his sweater since Tuesday?” 

“Uh. Sort of. I’ve been pretty out of it since then and also it’s kind of mine now. I think he gave it to me.” 

There was a handful of texts from Axel that had come in that morning. Most of them were idle conversation and updates about class and how boring the day was and how terrible Mr. Teitzel’s class was without me. Some of them were pictures of things including the beginnings of a painting he was working on (and that looked like streaks of colors to me and nothing else.) And the last one…

_kinda weird that i miss you, huh? don’t make me come over there_

I quickly shut my phone once I realized Kairi was reading over my shoulder, going as far as to bury it into my pillows. I still had no idea how to handle the very purposeful flirting. There was no denying that’s what it was this time. For both of us. We were both flirting with each other and I knew there was some kind of tension we weren’t ready to cut into yet, but it was a step in the right direction. At least I hoped so.

“I’ll text him later.” 

“What’s going on with you guys?” It was the question she really wanted to ask, but even as she did so she was grabbing her law book to start laying out my assignments I needed to get caught up on. It was an out if I wanted it.

“...I have no idea.” I pushed myself to sit up and lean against my headboard, grabbing a stack of notecards to start writing things down. “I think we’re still sort of feeling each other out.”

“Wouldn’t it just be easier if you felt each other up?” 

“Kairi!” The worst part was that I could feel half of my brain agreeing with her and I had to shake off the idea before it made itself comfortable. “That’s. _Come on_.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Roxas, but it’s starting to get a little obvious if people know what they’re looking for.” Her tone was still light and friendly but her expression was serious as she tabbed through pages. “Nobody’s said anything yet, but it’s starting to look a little…”

She didn’t have to finish her sentence for me to know what she was getting at. It was starting to look a little suspicious behaving the way I was around Axel when I’ve been presenting as straight for as long as possible. I knew she was looking out for me and trying to warn me, but I still felt myself bristle a little at the topic. I wasn’t ready to be out yet, but why did I have to be? Why couldn’t I just figure this out with Axel and then go from there? The two things shouldn’t have been mutually exclusive, but Kairi had a point. With our friends it would have been and the thought was just enough to shut my ideas down completely.

“...I don’t think I’m ready for that.” There was that sympathetic smile again the moment I said it.

“I know, babe. And that’s okay. You know that, right? It’s okay if you want to wait, but if that’s the case you really need to think about what you’re doing and what you’re going to do with Axel.” It was the reality check I didn’t ask for but the one I sorely needed. Everything with Axel was going full speed ahead even if I didn’t know what we were doing or what he thought this was, but it also meant coming to terms with the fact that people would start asking questions if we weren’t careful. 

“What’d I miss in class so far?” I knew I was avoiding the subject, but I didn’t want to think about it right then and there. I wouldn’t have to see Axel in person until at least Monday, and even if I knew it was useless I could stall for a while. Kairi, thankfully, had enough sense to drop the subject and showed me the pages she had flagged in her own book.

“We’ve got a lot to go over.”

Kairi stayed at my house for several hours but somehow we only talked about school and homework and watched a rerun of Supernatural to prepare for the following week’s episode. She stayed for dinner and I felt more awake and alive than I had in days. The problem with that was the crushing sense of responsibility and consciousness I didn’t actually want to deal with at that moment. Even while we were keeping ourselves busy and even after Sora and Riku joined us that night my thoughts kept drifting like swiftly tilting planets, circling around me but never quite touching anything.

Kairi went home at about 11pm and Sora and Riku absconded to his room for a while. It was still technically a school night and we’re usually not allowed to have overnight guests during the week, but I had a feeling Riku was going to keep Sora occupied for several hours. 

Fine by me. Kairi left and I found that I could finally stand up for a while and hauled myself into the bathroom for a shower. The steam at least helped unclog my nose a little and while it was disgusting I felt a lot better after that. It also meant that my thoughts were sharper and more clear now, fixated on the Axel thing and the fact that I still hadn’t texted him back. 

The truth was that I didn’t know what to say next. I didn’t know how to flirt back in a way to say I was interested but not too interested, that I liked him but I wasn’t sure how to handle dating yet. Thinking about it, it was maybe the stupidest problem in the world but when your options for opinions are limited you get stuck in a vicious cycle of thought.

I’d finished a lot of my homework by then, so for a while I sat up watching late-night cartoons on Cartoon Network and Disney. Keeping the TV on I found that sitting up was still treating me okay and I chanced the move from my bed to my desk. 

I hadn’t checked my email in a few days but it wasn’t like I got a lot on a good day anyway. Mostly a few stray Myspace comments or forwards from my friends. The internet was a weird, quiet place this late at night and signing into my instant messenger proved the same thing. Mostly everyone on my friends list was either signed out or had an away message. Kairi wasn't signed in, Sora's away message consisted of a heart (his usual when he was with Riku), and Selphie wasn't signed in either. Demyx’s away message was actually a string of lyrics from one of our songs which I found kind of funny, and I didn’t let myself linger on the idea of asking Axel for his next time I saw him. I was supposed to be doing something else, not thinking about how to talk to him.

As my thoughts continued to shift and I stared blankly at my screen, something floated to the front of my mind. My options for opinions were maybe low, but as I came back to myself I remembered something I’d been trying to figure out for the last week. There was someone who was important that I hadn’t seen for weeks. Someone who usually stuck to the background because his own schedule was erratic. Someone I could rely on anyway even if I rarely saw him these days, and it was someone I knew would be signed in this late at night even if he was set to invisible. Double-clicking on the screen name CoinOperatedBoy, I sent a message seeing if I would get an answer.

_Hey, you there?_

I didn't even minimize the window before I got a reply back.

**of course.  
about time you said something, bonehead**

I couldn’t help but snort as I read the words and pulled my keyboard closer.

_Well excuse me for being busy. And also dying? I’ve definitely been dying and this is how you treat me. Some friend._

**lmao shut up  
are you still dying??**

_Lowkey. This is the most I’ve been awake for the last couple of days._

**you’re bored as shit, aren’t you?**

_That’s not why I messaged you…_

**yeah, okay. I’ll take you on a field trip. Cid’s in ten minutes?**

_What? Are you kidding me?_

**...**

_Are you buying?_

**whatever. just get your stupid ass downstairs  
CoinOperatedBoy is away at 3:23:16 am.**

_Wait a minute!_

**Auto response from CoinOperatedBoy: bros before hoes**

I knew Dr. Tanaka would bar me from leaving the house, but if he was busy being wrapped up in his boyfriend he couldn’t exactly stop me. Without a second thought I grabbed my phone and my keys, slipping back into Axel’s hoodie and heading downstairs.

His beat-up piece of shit car was sitting in front of my house by the time I locked up and he leaned over to open the door for me. I didn’t bother looking to make sure Sora wasn’t watching through the window or something before I ducked into the passenger seat.

"I can't believe you want to eat this late.” The window was rolled down on his side and he barely looked at me, cigarette rolled between his lips as he gave me the most languid shrug.

"And I can't believe you aren't used to this by now.”

"Are you drunk?"

"Not right now."

This is Hayner.

Once upon a time I didn’t have Kairi as a best friend and I lived in Twilight Town. When I was in preschool, I met a boy who had a major attitude problem but decided he liked me enough to take me under his wing. Hayner and I have been friends for a really long time and even after I moved to the islands we kept in touch with emails. I took every chance I could to see him when we visited the city, but before sophomore year Hayner had never been to the islands.

The problem with Hayner is that he’s a hothead with issues, someone who needs someone else to help him control his temper and his wild ideas. Without me, he kind of became a local problem and in the end his parents decided trying to enroll him in the military was a good idea. He made it through boot camp, but afterwards managed to somehow strike a deal so he wouldn’t have to enlist. If he agreed to their orders and allowed them to take him out of the city, he wouldn’t have to be sent away. They were still getting what they wanted, but uprooting him seemed like the kinder option. So that’s how he ended up here with us.

It’s been years and he still won’t tell me what he did to get in so deep in the first place. He also won’t tell me how he managed to work out that deal either. But we never really talk about it. Hayner’s relationship with his parents has always been a little strained but he does what he can to get by and avoid them as much as possible.

Hayner and I fell back into the same easy friendship we’ve always had, but the problem was that Hayner himself changed. He was what my mom would call rough around the edges and someone who needed a little TLC. I wasn’t exactly the best person for that, and the adjustment period was pretty hard, but he’s doing better these days.

That’s what he’ll tell me, at least. Some days I don’t even know how to approach him anymore, but days like this one meant letting Hayner call the shots and going along for the ride.

The drive to Cid’s diner wasn’t that long and Hayner parked in an alley behind the place before snuffing out the cigarette and heading inside. Leading me to a back booth, he gave Cid a wordless wave before snagging two glasses of water and two menus for us.

“You’re off the clock, aren’t you?”

“Call it a habit.” He settled across from me, barely glancing at the menu before pushing it aside. Hayner’s been working at the diner almost full-time since the middle of last year. He says he likes that it keeps him busy, and Cid pays him under the table anyway so it’s not a huge deal, but I had to wonder to myself when he ever found the time to sleep. There were prominent bags under his eyes but he was wide awake and drumming his fingers on the tabletop. One of the other waitresses came by and took our order before disappearing to the back and leaving Hayner and I uninterrupted.

“So hey. I haven’t seen you since, like, August. What the fuck’s up with that?” There wasn’t a lot of bite in his tone but the message was pretty clear to me. _’Where have you been and what’s wrong with you?’_ I wasn’t sure why I felt a little guilty about that. It wasn’t like it was _only_ my fault. 

"I know. Things have been busy.” The answer sounded lame to my own ears and I couldn’t meet his eye when he gave me a scrutinizing look. Hayner’s always been a better bullshitter than I am. I don’t know why I thought I’d try.

“Busy huh? Too busy for me?”

“You’re the one who didn’t come to my birthday party.” The answer sent him into silence and I looked up again. He almost looked apologetic, but mostly it was barely restrained frustration. He’s worn that look a lot in recent years.

“I tried. Olette told me about it and we were gonna show up together but some stuff came up. Do you really think I would have agreed to wear a wolf tail for anyone else?”

At first I didn’t get what he was saying, but the memory of Olette from the Halloween party resurfaced. A red hood. Waiting for someone. It suddenly made sense. Olette and Hayner have known each other for a while, too, and she always manages to somehow have his balls in a vice grip any time she looks at him. He’s pretty hopeless, but maybe I wasn’t one to talk anymore. He would never blow me off on purpose, and with the added addition of Olette I knew there had to be a good excuse for why he bailed. I sat back to give him another curious look.

“Absolutely not. But...what happened? Is everything okay?”

There was a bitter sort of smile and he traced his finger around the rim of his water glass. Something was up. I didn’t know what to do with that sort of knowledge but before I could press again Hayner raised his other hand to lazily wave the question off.

“I’m more interested in what you’ve been up to that’s got you so busy. I’ve seen more of Kairi this year than I’ve seen of you.” 

“Hayner--”

“Roxas.” 

Whatever had happened was heavy. Whatever he wasn’t telling me was too much for him to say right at that moment and he was begging for a distraction. If I didn’t know him as well as I do, I would have missed it entirely. Our waitress came back with a cheeseburger and fries for Hayner and a plate of fruit for me. As much as I was tempted, I wasn’t sure I could stomach something that greasy yet anyway. It was sort of the same way that as much as I was tempted to push Hayner again, I wasn’t sure I was ready for the consequences yet.

“...senior year, man. You know how it is.”

“Sure. I’m there, too.” He passed some of his fries to me. “Classes, Olette tutoring me to make sure I don’t fail everything and being captain of the basketball team this year’s taking up a lot of time. But there’s you. Aren’t you the one who kind of prides himself on not doing extracurriculars?” 

I couldn’t say he was wrong. While most of my friends had jobs or sports or clubs, I had a skateboard and a guitar to occupy my time. Music was sort of everything to me and I spent most of my free time focusing on that and just doing whatever I wanted. Being on the yearbook staff was about as school-spirited as I got and even though Sora’s tried to get me to join one of the bands and Kairi’s subtly hinted I should do something else, I’ve never bothered.

Hayner, on the other hand, has been playing basketball for years. His goal’s been to be good enough to be scouted by a college for a scholarship out of here. I don’t know much about sports, but even I can tell he’s good at what he does.

I was proud of him, but I was also mildly insulted.

“I’ve got stuff.” He lifted an eyebrow but didn’t verbalize what he was thinking. “No, I do. I have classes and stuff, plus I’m working on new material for this year’s Battle. Writing a love song takes time.”

“A love song?” Somehow everyone I’ve told has met me with skepticism and I had to wonder what that really said about me. 

"It's this stupid bet I have going with Sora and Demyx. I have to write a successful love song before Battle of the Bands."

“Battle’s in May, you’ve got plenty of time. And I’ve seen you pump out songs in thirty minutes, what’re you so worried about?”

I found myself chewing on a piece of starfruit instead of replying right away. I hadn’t even told Kairi what I was worried about when it came to my music. “...Sora and Demyx said I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’m starting to think they’re right. Love is this weird, complicated thing and I never really realized it and I’m just thinking about it and coming to find that everything I write isn’t quite right.”

“Little hard to write a love song when your love life’s dead, isn’t it?” 

“...yeah, about that.” 

It was something that got his attention and he paused halfway between taking another bite of his burger. I almost laughed but the topic was something I had to play safe. I trusted Hayner, but I also wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. 

“You datin’ someone?” 

“Not exactly.” The interest didn’t waver, so I took that as a good sign. “I mean maybe? We’ve never said anything about it or agreed or anything but it’s...a thing I’m thinking about.” 

“Is it really that hard to figure out?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t really think about the fact that it was a possibility until recently, and we haven’t come to the point I think it has to come up. I wouldn’t mind, I guess, but it’s still so...complicated. Like I said.”

He paused then, finally putting his food down and giving me a critical look. “You’re doing a really good job avoiding pronouns, Rox, so why don’t you just tell me who he is?”

...I promised I would be truthful in this story. There are secrets I’ve kept from a lot of people for a long time, but things were starting to unravel and come to light whether I wanted them to or not. And maybe it’s ironic that I gave Hayner a shitty, untruthful introduction, too, considering I’d given Olette a similar one. Let’s backtrack a bit.

This is Hayner. He’s a boy who was one of my best friends and also a boy I found myself attracted to enough that we’ve made out a couple of times. 

I’ve never told Kairi because I know she’d be furious if she knew exactly what happened. She didn’t need to know about sixteen year old me and seventeen year old Hayner at my birthday party where he was drunk and I wasn’t as he kissed me locked in Kairi’s closet. She also didn’t need to know the part where I’ve kissed him a few times since then where he was drunk and I wasn’t and I was desperate enough to latch onto feeling something because that’s what it was. It was feeling something I wasn’t getting before and it was crazy-addictive.

Hayner himself can be a little crazy-addictive, but he’s always told me he only kisses guys when he’s drunk because everyone’s fair game. I’m still not even sure I believe him, but it doesn’t matter. He walked out of that situation with a nice little memory and I walked out with a sexuality crisis. No big deal.

I’d stalled too long that I couldn’t even deny the statement. “Are you jealous?” 

“As if.” He wasn’t quite looking at me which was fascinating, but I couldn’t do much about that. “I’m just curious about what your type is now. Not that I get much say on what your type is because, I mean, _I'm_ your type."

Did I mention that Hayner's never let me live down the fact we've made out? I don’t ever get to mention it to him, but he likes to hold it over my head every chance he gets.

“You probably don’t know him. Name’s Axel, he’s new this year--”

“Really tall, red hair, has a tendency to follow your guitarist around. I know who he is.” He shoved another couple of fries into his mouth. “Seriously, Roxas?” 

“What?”

“He’s so...not what I’d picture you with. And before you say it, I know enough. We have a couple of classes together. I can never tell what his motivations are.” 

“Does it matter if you get it?” I never really had to worry about being rude to Hayner because that’s just how our friendship operates. “It’s just a thing and I’d be the one dating him, so I should be the one who knows what his motivations are.”

“Yeah, sure, but _do you?_ You’re the one who just said it was complicated.” 

“...I’m just not really sure what to do. That’s all.” Either he had a change of heart or I really looked pathetic because he gave me another level stare before he rolled his eyes.

"Are you seriously asking me for relationship advice? I'm so bad at that."

"I'm not asking you for relationship advice.” I answered probably quicker than he expected, but I wanted to clear the air right away. "I'm asking you for advice because I’ve always trusted you to be honest with me and you always have something to say whether I want to hear it or not." 

“Thanks a lot.” But there was a slight grin. “Okay. Fine. Catch me up to speed. What’ve I missed in the saga known as Axel and Roxas?”

The diner was empty enough I didn’t have to worry about being overheard. Cid was behind the counter reading the paper and the few waitresses still around were keeping themselves occupied. It gave me the time and space to tell Hayner everything I needed to say from the first time I met Axel to our phone conversations to our weird form of flirting to the events of last weekend and now. It felt like I’d been talking for an hour non-stop but he was patient enough and thoughtful enough to listen even as it edged closer toward 1am.

“So. I’m going to ask you something,” he said once I’d finished explaining myself. “Why haven’t you kissed him yet?”

“I don’t know. Do you kiss everyone you flirt with?” 

“Most of the time.” 

“...you’re a bad example, never mind. But fine, same question. Why haven’t you kissed Olette yet?”

“ _This_ isn’t about me and Olette.” It should have been, frankly. Hayner’s been in love with her since before Olette and I tried dating. He’s never been great at taking what he dishes out, and I knew I’d hit a sore spot when he threw a fry at me. Watching it bounce off of my forehead he narrowed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest instead. The perfect picture of sulking. “Anyway you know why, so let’s go back to you. Don’t be a dumbass. It’s pretty obvious he feels _something_ for you. Wait, god, hold on. Are you doing that thing where you have to plan everything to a T before you actually make a move? You can’t do that!” 

“Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t work that way, Roxas. Plans aren’t always going to go the way you want them to. Look I know you’re kind of a control freak but if you don’t break out of your comfort zone you’re going to end up in the friends zone instead.”

“Friends zone…?” 

"The friends zone. It's that place you go to when you like somebody but they don't see you as more than a really good friend and you get stuck in a cycle where they won’t even consider dating you, period.”

I was pretty sure he and Olette were in the friends zone, but I wasn’t going to be the one to point it out.

“Okay. So if I don’t want to be there, then…?”

"Step it up. Surprise him. Surprise yourself, shit, I don’t know. But you have to expect the unexpected sometimes. That’s just what growing up is.” He seemed to have run out of steam for that conversation, throwing money down on the table before gesturing for me to follow. “Come on, I’ll take you home. I’ve got class tomorrow and Sora’s eventually going to notice you’re gone.” 

He was right. It was still technically Thursday night bleeding into Friday morning and just because I was still skipping out didn’t mean everybody else was. Wordlessly following him back to the car I didn’t bother saying anything as he rolled down the window and lit a second cigarette.

“...what’s going on with you?” I finally broached the question as we drove back to my place, determined not to let it slide. “You’re being weirdly mature about stuff and more MIA than usual.” His jaw was tense in the moonlight and I knew he was grateful for an excuse not to look at me. He stopped at a traffic signal halfway home, drumming his fingers on the wheel.

“They kicked me out, Roxas. So. Like I said. You have to expect the unexpected sometimes and surprise yourself.” 

“Wait they...what? When? Why?”

“About a week ago? Maybe two now. I’ve lost track, and it doesn’t matter why. It was a good excuse to leave anyway. Cid’s letting me stay in a room above the diner and Olette’s been helping me keep up in school until I can get off of this dumb island.” 

I knew his relationship with his family was always on the rocks and that Hayner’s been trying to keep his head above water for the last couple of years, but I couldn’t help but entertain a bunch of thoughts to why he got kicked out. Knowing them, they could have just kicked him out because he wasn’t doing what they wanted. Hayner’s not exactly the best example of obedience, but it was still hard to wrap my head around. My mom’s been mad at me plenty of times, but never enough to throw me out like that.

But mostly I think I was just surprised he never said a word to me, and again I wondered what else I’d been missing while focused on my own problems.

“Why didn’t you call me? You could have stayed with us for a while.” I didn’t know that, actually, but my mom likes Hayner enough and it’s not like anyone in the family would turn away someone who needed help. 

“Please. Your house is a little too Disney squeaky-clean for my blood.” He was joking, but the tone fell flat and he let smoke unfurl from the corner of his mouth. “This is something I have to figure out on my own. I would have had to figure it out next year anyway, so really I’m just getting a head start. They should be proud.” 

I didn’t know what else to say to that and the rest of the ride was spent in silence. Pulling up to my house, Hayner didn’t move and I made no moves to exit the car.

“...man, I don’t need your pity.” He finally looked at me. “I didn’t tell you so that you’d feel sorry for me.” 

“That’s not it.” 

“Then?”

“...I kind of feel stupid coming to you with my own stuff when this was going on. A heads up would have been nice.”

A derisive snort followed. “Why, so you could beat yourself up in private and not tell anyone except maybe Kairi? Forget it. Your shit’s still important.” There was a pause. “Axel’s the first guy you’ve actually really liked, isn’t he?”

I didn’t even have to think this time. I knew my answer without hesitation. “...yeah. He is.” 

“Then we’ll make sure you don’t fuck this up.” Holding up an arm, his hand curled into a fist and waited for me to fistbump on that agreement. It was a deal. I had Hayner in my court now and I’ll be honest, having another guy’s perspective (even if it was Hayner) was helpful. I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t just ask Sora if that’s what I wanted, but it was different. 

Sora’s always been so involved in all aspects of my life by obligation and by blood. This time, I wanted this to be for my own doing. I’d tell him later, maybe, but he didn’t need to get wrapped up in this, too. He had everything else in his hands as it was and I...wanted to take my own journey instead of the comparisons of his relationship with Riku.

It wasn’t a perfect solution by any means, but it did make me feel better knowing I had someone else to rely on. I was going to need it a lot sooner than I thought.

*********************************************************

The adventure with Hayner tired me out pretty fast and by the time I got back to my house I sneaked back up the stairs and into my room. I could hear Sora and Riku talking still and while it occurred to me Riku was breaking the rule about guests on school nights I didn’t bother seeing what they were doing. It was their business and I didn’t need to draw attention to the fact I’d left in the first place.

The next time I woke up it was to the sound of my phone buzzing next to my head. A quick glance at the time said it was at the end of third period and without the sound on I didn’t recognize the caller right away. I had to look at the display first and as I blinked away the sleep I found myself freezing again. I hadn’t given enough thought to what I wanted to do or say to Axel’s last text, but I was starting to think I was running out of time. Just as the phone was about to stop ringing, I flipped it open and clamped it between my ear and my pillow.

“...hey.” 

“You’re a real hard person to get ahold of, you know that?” His voice was smooth and teasing all at once and it was a little too easy to imagine his stupid self-assured grin. “I was beginning to think you didn’t like me anymore.”

Blatant flirting again. It was a lot and Hayner’s words from the night before were still resonating with me, but I found myself grasping for straws on this one. I liked Axel a lot and I was okay playing this game, but Kairi’s words were still echoing in my head, too. It was becoming noticeable. 

“Don’t flatter yourself. I never said I liked anything.” It was a risk, blatantly blowing him off like that, but Axel’s always surprised me before. I had to hope he’d surprise me this time, too. He didn’t even seem to miss a beat after the words were said. 

“Ouch. You wound me, Roxas.” I could hear the grin in his voice. It was hard not to grin right back. Maybe it was a good thing he couldn’t see me. “How’re you feeling? I haven’t heard from you much since Tuesday.”

“Better.” Talking to him put me at ease despite my best intentions, and everything I was supposed to be thinking about went out the window. It wasn’t so important now. I didn’t think about sitting up and instead curled up in his sweater again and kept the phone pressed to my pillow. “I’ll probably be back to school on Monday. Am I missing much?”

“Well, since you clearly aren’t missing me, no.” 

“Shut up.” He was being smoother than usual. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” 

“So you _do_ miss me.” 

“Still not what I meant…” He didn’t respond, clearly waiting for me to continue that thought. Did I have a continuation of that thought? It was hard to say, and silence wrapped around us. “So maybe things are a little quieter and more boring without you around. Happy?” 

“Ecstatic.” There was a little laugh from him and I was more than happy to take credit for that. “What if I said you could see me sooner than Monday?”

“You mean like coming over after school today?” 

“Uh.” He finally sounded a little embarrassed. “I mean more like I’m actually in your driveway?”

“--you’re what?” I sat up suddenly and looked down through the window, spotting Axel’s Mustang parked below. Axel was leaning back in the driver’s seat on his phone, doing his best not to look up at me. 

“You didn’t answer my last text so...I wanted to make sure you were doing okay.” 

_’Don’t make me come over there.’_

“Oh my god you were serious about that.” I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t have been serious, but sometimes Axel just says things and I never really make the connection. “Just...get out of the car, I’ll meet you at the door.” I didn’t wait for a response before hanging up, scrambling out of my bed to head downstairs. If he was here that meant he only had the duration of our lunch period to hang out. It would have been shitty of me to waste his time.

...and I guess I was a little excited to see him.

Nobody needs to know how fast I booked it downstairs, kind of like no one needs to know exertion was only half of the reason my face was pink when I got to the door. Axel stood on my doorstep with his backpack slung over his shoulder, awkwardly hunched with a hand in his pocket and the other clutching the strap. His fingers fluttered in a light wave but he made no other movements. 

“You look a little flushed.” He raised an eyebrow and I felt myself blush further before turning away to let him come into the house. 

“Shut up. You only have until fourth period starts don’t you? That’s not a whole lot of time.”

“I still get to see you, don’t I? I’d call that a win either way.” He grinned again and ambled toward through the front foyer to the kitchen. Axel knew the layout of my house enough to navigate himself, waiting for me to follow before he began digging through his backpack. Meanwhile there was me who was too dumbstruck by the fact that he was so openly talking about just wanting to see me it didn’t matter he’d only get to be at my house for about twenty minutes. I didn’t actually clue in to the fact that Axel was still moving around until I found him opening our cabinets and digging through our drawers.

“What are you doing…?”

“I brought lunch!” The cheerful note in his tone wasn’t lost on me and I watched as he finally found two bowls and two spoons, taking note of the two cans of soup on the counter near our microwave. It was a wordless five minutes as Axel busied himself with microwaving soup for us (chicken and stars, because what the hell else would Axel have) and I sat at the table watching him and trying to understand if this was real. 

He was fairly self-sufficient. He didn’t bother asking me where to locate things or what to do and he focused on his task while I coughed into the sleeve of his old hoodie. He didn’t seem to have anything to say about that either and as I followed his movements with my eyes I took the time to think about what Hayner and Kairi were saying. Again.

There was obviously something going on. Axel had been far too lenient and far too open for this to just be a friends thing. On the other hand, I thought about a lot of the things Axel had done for me and that we’d done together and every time I allowed myself space to think, I found myself thinking that these were also things Kairi would do.

That realization came about the time he set a bowl of soup in front of me, sitting in the space across from me and sipping from his own bowl like I wasn’t having an aneurysm from this onslaught of information. I must have been making a weird face at the bowl because he gently kicked me under the table.

“I promise I know how to microwave soup. Demyx leaves me to fend for myself all the time.” 

Picking up my spoon, I gave myself another excuse not to really talk to him. You’d think that’d bother him, but he genuinely seemed happy just to see me in person as we silently ate lunch and just shared the same space. He didn’t try to force conversation with me and he didn’t do much besides occasionally eye me and eat his soup. It was slightly awkward in the way it always is when silence lingers for too long, but I suppose I was equally okay with just being together. It had been about three days since we’d spoken and that was the longest amount of time since we met in August. 

I’m not going to lie and say that my days felt empty and meaningless without Axel. That wasn’t true and that was giving him a lot more credit than he deserved at that point. My days would have been empty without Kairi or without Sora or without music. But I could at least admit that my days always felt a little better now when I saw him or spoke to him. Like making an okay day into a good day. Knowing his ins and outs a little better, I found myself less frustrated and more engaged with him. 

I needed to know what he wanted out of this too though. So far I was lost and suddenly had new questions to answer, but maybe it wasn’t so complicated for Axel. Maybe he already knew exactly what he wanted from me, and if I asked he could help me figure it out myself.

“...hey Axel.” The bowls were nearly empty and he only had another five minutes he could stay before he had to head back to school. I told myself I’d clear the dishes later but he was already up and rinsing out his own bowl to put in the dishwasher.

“What’s up?” 

This was it. This was my moment of truth when I could finally start getting some answers. This was the time for honest answers, something to clear the air. He stood near the dishwasher and I sat in my seat still, a wide distance between us as I tried and tried again to rephrase the question.

“What do…”

...I couldn’t do it. Every time I tried to force the words past my lips, they got tangled up and refused to form. He gave me another look before I looked away toward my soup again.

“What do you have planned after school today? Or anytime this weekend. I still need to get caught up in AP.” 

There was a barely-there sort of laugh as Axel came back to me, taking my bowl once he noticed I was done eating. 

“I can come by after my shift at the café tonight. How’s that sound?”

Terrible. It sounded terrible because it wasn’t the only thing I wanted, but I nodded in agreement and got up. My bowl joined his in the dishwasher and he grabbed his backpack, noticing the time and turning toward the front door. I followed to walk him out, letting my thoughts drift aimlessly. 

“That sounds good to me.” We reached the door and I grabbed the handle to open it, allowing Axel to bypass me for the front step again. We stood there facing one another, Axel waiting for me to continue and me waiting for my brain to wake the fuck up and quit stalling.

It felt like paralyzation. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move and I couldn’t breathe as I wrestled with the heaviest question I had. We didn’t have enough time for me to explain. So...I didn’t try.

“Thanks for coming by. I’ll see you tonight?” 

He nodded slowly, words kept to himself before a hand reached forward to ruffle my hair. For whatever reason instead of feeling like “our thing” it just made me feel like a child again.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way.” There was a fleeting smile as he pulled away, backing up to step off of the front step and walking toward his car. He didn’t turn away from me as he did, retracing steps toward the vehicle and keeping his eyes on me. “Think about what you wanna go over first when I get back though.”

I couldn’t tell if the phrasing was coincidental or if Axel was aware there were other things I needed to say. It didn’t matter though. All that mattered was that I had a tangled web in my hands and only a few hours to figure out what to do next. I knew what needed to be done, but I also knew I had to get over myself first and also delve into this new discovery I had made. It was something that needed to be addressed before the Axel thing as much as I didn’t want to, and as I closed the front door to head upstairs I could only think one thing. 

_’Fuck my life.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello, chapter 8 is here! And yeah, it's kind of a filler, oops. But chapter 9's finished its rewrite as of this morning and I'm slamming full-force into chapter 10 which is going to be another monstrous rewrite. I should maybe be realistic this won't be finished by KH3 but the journey's been fun, hasn't it? Thank you to everyone who's read so far, you're all awesome! (And an extra thank you to those who've left kudos or comments, those are beautiful.)
> 
> Finally, for those of you inclined or who feel like seeing me scream in real time about updates for this (and future projects) catch me on Twitter at @sparkwired. I tend to talk about the writing process, chapter updates (when to expect them, etc), and general character notes.


	9. I Know What You're Thinking, This Probably Sounds Rehearsed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Axel. What are we doing?”
> 
> “Seeing a movie.”
> 
> “No, not that. What are we doing? You and me.”
> 
> “Hm...still not sure what you’re asking me here, Rox. Think you could spell it out for me?”
> 
> I wanted to reach through the phone and punch him in the face. 
> 
> “If you’re going to ask me on a date, can you maybe do it properly so I can know for sure?”

Supposedly, the truth shall set you free. Supposedly, when you embrace the truth and share it with people around you, you’re stripped of your bonds and you’re able to rise above your own problems and things work out.

So what happens when you come across a truth that makes things a little harder? You end up like me and realize something very important to this story.

Maybe it wasn’t so much that Kairi screwed me over. I’m pretty sure I was doing a great job of that by myself.

*********************************************************

I’d originally thought about taking another nap or something after Axel left, but my mind was too busy racing in several thousand directions that that idea went straight out the window. I thought maybe if I wore myself out with thinking I could sleep this off and not deal with the inevitable. That worked for all of ten minutes before I found myself flipping out again just a little.

I had a couple of hours to kill before school would let out for the weekend, so instead of being productive or napping or anything I maybe should have been doing to take care of myself, I went back up to my room and sat at my desk to work on writing something new. I might not have been able to say the words to Axel or to the other people I had to say things to, but I could at least try to phrase it in a way that made sense.

I was still struggling with trying to write a love song, and that should have been my primary focus, but instead I found myself scratching out phrases to myself and little lines and bits that could become something. It wasn’t anything I could really use as they were, but some of my favorites included “you’ve blown my mind and that’s not all I want blown”, “I was terrified and I know you know”, “Hey Axel I really like you can you just say it for me” and “holy shit can I crush on two people because that sounds like a mess.”

...I never said they were good. 

One of the ones I did like though went something like:

“So our time is ticking fast and I wanna make this last but it’s a tangled up and unreal mess. There are some things to say to you that would make a wish come true but I don’t know if I deserve that yet. Just give me some more time, I know I’m running out of time, but I don’t wanna blow my chance. I’ve gotta keep you in my view or it’s the end of me and you before this thing called romance…”

It needed a lot of work but I felt better at least having something redeemable in the future. 

I stayed at my desk typing and handwriting anything that came to mind, letting iTunes shuffle music for a while and drowning out the world around me. This...was how Kairi found me a few hours later, melodramatically singing along with Brain Stew by Green Day and typing out how much I hated everything about my stupid melodramatic brain. She gently knocked on the door and I looked over at her, leaving her to assess my expression before she entered my room and made herself comfortable on my bed. I really needed to have a talk with her and Sora both about spreading germs and how they should both be more conscientious of that, but it didn’t seem that important at the moment.

“To use a vocab word for the day, you look positively morose.” She gave me another curious look, folding her legs under her and looking at my desk again. “What’s wrong, Roxy?”

I think I’ve mentioned before that I hate being called Roxy and only a few people can get away with it. Up until Axel came into my life and forced the issue, the only people who could do it were Sora and Kairi (and my mom.) There were a lot of little things that were falling into place the longer I thought about them, and I didn’t even know what to say with or how to start with everything I needed to say to Kairi. There was a truth that needed to be dissected and resolved, something I needed to tell my best friend but something that also involved her so deeply I didn’t know how to ask for advice. I must have been staring at her for too long because she sat up and crawled closer to me, seating herself at the end of the bed nearest my desk. 

“Roxas?” She tried again. “Did something happen?”

“I think I have a crush on you.” 

She stared.

I stared back.

I think we both would have assumed I was joking if I hadn’t frozen up and continued staring at her waiting for some sort of reaction. I had reached that conclusion earlier in the afternoon and while it wasn’t one I should have stressed about, I found myself wrestling with the implications for the larger part of the early afternoon. Kairi gave me a once-over before she frowned, quizzical expression taking over.

“No you don’t.” She sounded about as incredulous as I felt about the idea initially but I shook my head anyway. 

“Yeah, I do. I’ve been thinking about it. That’s what this is.” 

She looked like she was ready to argue with me, but some of the fight drained from her face and she sat back, hands folded in her lap as she studied me closely. 

“Okay, sure. Let’s go down this path. What makes you so sure you have a crush on me? And don’t say “I just do” because you and I have been friends for eight years, Mihara, and this has never come up. _Ever._ So what changed?” 

How was I supposed to explain all of this in a way that would make sense…

“Did you know you get away with a lot of things I would never let anyone else get away with? Think about it, Kai. We’re a little too close to be platonic, don’t you think? We have dumb nicknames and jokes, I think you’re really cute, sometimes you kiss me, we’ve shared a bed, you’ll play with my hair and tell me the world doesn’t suck and want what’s best for me, we flirt, like, all the time...stuff like that.”

Even as I said it all and even though everything I said was true, the words sounded rehearsed and a little forced. 

“Roxas.” Ah. That tone. I knew that tone. It was the tone that she used whenever she was getting ready to tell me why everything I was saying was wrong. “Are you describing me, or are you describing Axel?”

It always astounds me how Kairi’s able to get right to the source of the problem whether I tell her or not. I sunk down into my chair a bit, giving her another frown before shrugging to myself. 

“Both? So if I have a crush on Axel wouldn’t it reason that I have a crush on you, too? That’s the problem with everything.” As the words left my mouth she sighed to herself as she shook her head. 

“First of all that's definitely not how it works. Crushes aren’t interchangeable and you can’t treat them like they are. That’s insulting to both you and the person you have a crush on. And second of all, we’ve been this way for years and I know you aren’t an idiot. If you really thought you had a crush on me you would have noticed a lot sooner than now, so why don’t you just tell me what you’re actually worried about so we can get back to you being on track?”

Have I ever mentioned that what I love most about Kairi is her ability to cut straight through my bullshit even when I keep trying?

That was the thing. I loved her. Love. Present-tense. I have loved her and I would always love her in ways that I can’t give or obtain from other people. Kairi was what held me together when I couldn’t and wouldn’t rely on anyone else. She was my biggest confidant, my other half and my muse. No one could ever replace her for me and part of me wondered if that was normal and if that was something people could accept. It’s normal to introduce the person you’re dating to your friends and want your friends to like that person. But was it normal to decide that if the person you liked was a threat to your relationship with your best friend you’d just dump them and move on? It wasn’t so much that I thought Axel was threatening my friendship or that he’d replace Kairi, but the thought of the roles changing was a little scary...and maybe it was a little bit of a fear that he’d take her place without meaning to. 

“...how do I know I’ll be able to have room for both of you in my life?”

“What do you mean?” It was clear that whatever she expected me to say I’d thrown her for a loop instead. “Roxas, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know. I know, I’m just...you know how we’ve barely seen Naminé without Marluxia or because of Marluxia? And how Selphie will disappear half the time because she’s wrapped up in Tidus? I don’t want that to happen to us. And I don’t want Axel taking time away from us, but…” I looked at the ceiling instead. “...Kairi, I really like him. He’s the first person who’s ever come close to treating me like you do, and I don’t understand why I fell for him and not you.” 

It was a tough thing to admit. I remembered how I felt last year when I realized I was also into guys. I remembered the difference between trying to force myself to like another girl a few months after Olette and I fizzled out and when Hayner and I started fooling around. And I remembered the one thing that stayed on my mind for several months after the fact when I was still in denial and didn’t know what to do with suddenly not knowing who I was.

_’Why can’t I just feel anything for Kairi?’_

“...do you wish it were me instead?” Her tone was gentle again. This wasn’t a topic we’d ever approached before, and while normally I’d tell her off for handling me with kid gloves I couldn’t muster up the bravery to do so. Now that it was out there, I couldn’t take it back.

“Sometimes.” I still couldn’t look at her. “Sometimes...I wish it was, because then I wouldn’t have to figure out everything else like how to come out to people, or worrying about this impacting the band or me or upsetting my mom or a thousand other things that are going to change the minute I veer too far in one direction.” 

“People are a lot more accepting these days.” She seemed thoughtful as she spoke. “Remember Sora’s entire campaign last year when he was running for president?”

It wasn’t hard to remember what she was talking about. Our school has a zero-tolerance policy for harassment of any kind, but all of us knew Sora got a lot of backlash when he started being open about his relationship with Riku in ninth grade. (Truthfully I think people were too scared to confront Riku themselves, so Sora became an easy target.) I don’t know if he’s ever told any of us everything that was ever said or done to him, but Sora’s not the kind of person to take bullying laying down.

His campaign was partially fueled on wanting to make a difference, and partially on spite and rage. Sora made sure that his campaign focused on an outreach to the entire student body including people who weren’t often heard from. He promised that as president he’d enforce more functions, rules and regulations for all groups at Destiny High and that he’d focus on creating a legacy to leave behind so that no one would ever feel like they were left in the dark and alone.

He’s been doing a great job, actually, but that didn’t exactly make me feel too optimistic in the moment. 

“No one’s going to be stupid enough to say anything to Sora now, especially with the insane amount of power he has over the entire school. That doesn’t change what people are going to say about me.” 

“Do you really think your mom’s going to be upset?”

“She wants me to marry you, so maybe?”

“That’s sweet, but you’d make a terrible wife.” 

“Wha--why am I the wife?!” She started laughing then, a playful smile on her lips as she watched me. 

“Because, and this is just if we’re going with societal norms and rules, I’m the one with the job who goes to work and brings home the money while you get to sit back and look pretty. When have we ever followed the rules?” 

“Never.” 

“Exactly.” She shook her head again. “...your mom might be a little surprised, but she’d love you regardless. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” We were getting further and further off track, and I didn’t really want to get into why I was still worried about telling my mom in the first place. “...I saw Hayner last night.”

“How is he? Also when did you even have time to see him? I left pretty late.”

“He picked me up right after you left and he’s Hayner.” I wasn’t going to be the one to tell all of his secrets. “But um. He knows. About the bisexuality thing.”

I hated the way her eyes lit up as she immediately got the wrong idea. “You told him? I’m so proud of you! It’s only one person but it’s a step, isn’t it?” She paused then, lips pursed in thought. “Did you tell him about Axel, too?”

“I wanted a second opinion.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I hadn’t come out to Hayner the way she thought I did or that he knew about my newfound sexuality before she did. “So I asked him what I’m supposed to do next and I’m not sure I like his answer either, but at least there’s something.” 

“What exactly did he say?”

“He said that I should step it up a notch and that I was being a dumbass. And he called me a control freak.” 

“...”

“...really?”

“Wellll…” she trailed off, picking an invisible piece of lint off of her skirt. “It’s okay, we still love you. We’re also just trying to look out for you which is why as much as I can’t believe I’m saying this, I agree with him. I think you’re trying to find excuses to draw this out longer than necessary so that you have reasons not to ask him. If you can’t ask him, you can’t risk being rejected.”

“Can you like. Maybe knock before you enter my head?” It would almost be annoying if it wasn’t so much of a relief to have her reflect the thoughts I couldn’t give words to. “...I’m not afraid of rejection. I’m worried I’m reading this wrong. Like I said, you do pretty much all of the things that he does and then some and you and I apparently aren’t interested in each other like that. So what’s the difference? What changes between you and Axel when it comes to me?”

“You know I can’t answer that, Roxas. I’m not Axel. The only one who can truly answer that is him and you have to ask him. When’s the next time you’ll see him?”

“He’s supposed to come back later today after work. I need to get caught up in English.” 

“I’ll be gone before then.” It occurred to me that Kairi would probably know Axel’s work schedule. “Do me a favor? When it’s just the two of you, consider asking him what he thinks. I have a feeling you’ll actually like the answer and you just have to suck it up for five minutes.”

I didn’t have a polite way of telling her that it was sort of frustrating she thought I could just move on from revealing something that personal about myself if Axel didn’t feel the same way. There was more of a risk here than I think she knew. Kairi was usually pretty aware of how I felt about my privacy and details about myself, but when it came to this sometimes I think she had her own agenda, too. There were pros and cons of confronting Axel myself. The pros were, of course, that he’d feel the same way and we could maybe figure out what to do from there. The cons were that I was making this all up in my head, he’d know I had a crush on him, and things would get awkward and weird and he’d officially know I wasn’t straight and I didn’t know what he’d do with that information.

Go ahead. Call me paranoid again. But this was something I couldn’t be too careful with. Instead of promising Kairi anything, I gave her a half-smile and turned around in my computer chair again.

“I only have a few hours with you in any case. Get me caught up on what I missed today.”

I knew she was glaring daggers at me, but it was pretty easy to pretend I missed them, at least.

*********************************************************

True to her word, Kairi stayed at my house until she abruptly decided to leave at about 6:30, opting to walk down the street to her place. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest when Axel showed up in my room somewhere closer to seven. I didn’t bring up what I needed to and we only focused on homework. I technically wasn’t breaking a promise to anybody, but I was still feeling kind of guilty that I avoided the entire subject. At first, I tried to lie to myself that I’d talk to him about it when I went back to school.

The rest of the weekend blew by and I was back in class on Monday still avoiding the subject and proceeding like everything was normal. I finally stopped wearing his hoodie everywhere (mostly because it desperately needed to be washed) and even though we were still seeing each other and texting and talking on the phone I continued running away from the idea of asking him anything. This went on for a while, and that whole time I hung out firmly planted in the friend zone.

Fuck me.

It was my own fault and I knew that, and I continued ignoring it even though Kairi continued shooting daggers at me and I’d come home to a barrage of IMs from Hayner on the subject. Both of them were pushing me to do this, and while I knew they were right I also knew I had to do it on my own time and not just because they were conspiring against me. 

It was about a week later that I finally snapped. It was halfway through November. I had been back in school for about a week and was finally caught up with everything again. It was Wednesday afternoon. Axel was jabbering to me on the phone while I worked on my chemistry homework and he was less than sympathetic to that fact.

“Sorry, what are we talking about?”

“I was _saying…_ if you’re not busy this weekend, we should hang out. Go see a movie. Harry Potter’s out on Friday. This one has dragons and--”

“Dragons breathe fire. Yeah, I know.” 

“I was gonna say this one’s the pinnacle point of the series but yeah, that too.” I wasn’t at all surprised that Axel had actually read the books. I’ve never been huge on fantasy so I’ve only seen the movies, but he sounded pretty excited about the whole thing. Plus, come to think of it, I hadn’t seen a movie in theaters for a while. 

“I don’t think I have any plans, so sure. Movie sounds cool.”

“Okay. So I’ll pick you up on Friday?”

That was the moment I caught up with the conversation and I looked at the phone, suddenly feeling a little annoyed at how casual this whole affair was. Don’t ask me why out of everything this was the moment that pushed me over the edge. I didn’t have an answer then and I still don’t have an answer now. All I know is that I shoved a post-it note between the pages of my textbook and slammed it shut, leaning back in my desk chair and gave the conversation my undivided attention.

“Axel. What are we doing?”

“Seeing a movie.”

“No, not that. What are _we_ doing? You and me.”

“Hm...still not sure what you’re asking me here, Rox. Think you could spell it out for me?”

I wanted to reach through the phone and punch him in the face. 

“If you’re going to ask me on a date, can you _maybe_ do it properly so I can know for sure?” I couldn’t help but snap at him, and the amusement from his tone suddenly vanished. The laughter stopped and it was silent again as he let those words sink in. 

“...huh.” 

Oh god. What the hell was “huh” supposed to mean? Was that a good thing? A bad thing? Indifferent? I knew it. I had read all of this wrong and now he was going to analyze me for what the fuck was wrong with me to develop this stupid crush on him while he was just being himself.

“I was starting to think you really weren’t that interested.” There was a sound almost like relief and I felt my heart stop in my chest for a few seconds. “But in that case...go out with me on Friday?”

There was no question about it this time. _This_ time Axel was actually asking me on a real date. I didn’t have to wonder if it counted because we didn’t kiss, I didn’t have to try and figure out how to ask what he really wanted from me, and I didn’t have to fumble around learning how to flirt with a boy. 

“Yes.” I didn’t let myself think about it for very long in case my brain did something stupid like stall or say no. “Friday. It’s...a date.” The words sounded strange to me, but they were the words I’d wanted to mean for longer than I cared to admit. 

“It’s a date,” he repeated after me, and even though he started talking about the plot of Goblet of Fire I stopped listening to everything he was saying. I figured we’d be seeing the movie Friday anyway so I wouldn’t be too lost on the plot, and as long as I said “uh huh” and made comments every now and then he was never the wiser. 

I’m not saying that I immediately opened my chat client to IM Kairi, but I’m also not saying I didn’t do that. It wasn’t hard to search my list for _BubblegumHeart_ given I have her sorted into her own category and while Axel told me something about a maze and a tournament I set up a new chat.

_Date on Friday. Freaking out a little. SOS?_

She was at work, but I know she has access to her chats via her phone. I was surprised that her response was immediate.

**date? or like “i’m going to call it a date but i won’t ask like a dummy”?**

_I take great offense to that. And I totally asked, and it’s a date, so shut up._

**and he said it was a date?**

_Yeah. We’re going to see that new Harry Potter that’s coming out this weekend, and NO you’re not allowed to come._

**even if i just happen to be there :P?**

_I will actually kill you if you spy on my date. Because it’s a date. And it’s mine._

**you just really like saying the word date, don’t you?**

_I HAVE A DATE!!!!!_

**do you realize that you could have had a date with him weeks ago if you’d just asked?**

_Can you just be happy for me?_

**babe, i AM happy. ecstatic. but i can also acknowledge that you’re a bonehead.**

_Thanks a lot, Kairi. But...that answers that, doesn’t it? If he likes me, too. He wouldn’t have agreed to a date if he didn’t like me a little._

**i’ve been trying to tell you this for weeks. i really wish you guys would listen to me. sora did the exact same thing when i tried to tell him about riku in seventh grade. axel likes you. like. really REALLY likes you. i am pretty sure he’s been waiting for you to throw him a bone since the beginning of october.**

_Okay well...the easy part’s over. I still have no idea what I’m supposed to do on a real date. Olette and I were never really serious about that kind of stuff. Am I supposed to do something in particular?_

**be yourself? don’t stress out? and most importantly you might want to consider telling him about your PDA policy and the fact you’re not out yet.**

I felt myself pause then. I knew she was right to bring it up, but it was still something I wasn’t really interested in thinking too heavily about. I didn’t want to discourage him from doing what he might feel like doing (the idea of holding hands again or actually kissing him was a little too appealing to discount entirely), but I also knew that the island wasn’t as big as some of the other places I’ve been and lived in. People here see everything, and even if they don’t see it first hand they know someone who has. Was I ready for the possibility of someone seeing me on a real date with Axel even though that was something I wanted?

_I’ll figure it out. You think he’ll understand?_

**...i hope so.**

It wasn’t the most encouraging response and nerves washed over me all over again. I didn’t want to blow my chances right away by bringing it up not even a full hour later, but by the time Axel and I hung up the phone and I ended my chat with Kairi I still didn’t have an answer. 

I had two days to figure it out and no idea where to start. I was going to need a miracle to get exactly what I wanted, but I never said I was lucky either.

*********************************************************

"So, I heard you have a date this weekend." A pile of books slammed down next to my head on the table I was sitting at in the library. It was Thursday and I was just as lost as ever, but the appearance of Hayner didn’t exactly help matters.

"Yeah and I heard that you're failing your science class.” I didn’t bother meeting his eye, focused on a paper for English I needed to have done before sixth period. Hayner rolled his eyes and pulled out a chair, sitting across from me. "How'd you even know I was in here?"

"I didn't. I’m only here because I told Olette I’d try to study on my own. I have to skip a session with her after school for double-practice."

“Double-practice? Don’t you also have a free period you’re using for extra practices?”

“Yeah, but dude. Big news. You know the game next Friday?” 

It was hard not to know what he was talking about. If Hayner wasn’t being a dick about the Axel thing, he was talking to me about sports I still didn’t entirely understand. It didn’t help there were posters all over the halls for the pep rally leading up to the big game and the dance that was following right after it. It was hard to say what was drawing the bigger buzz at the time. 

“I might have heard something about a game. What about it?”

“Coach told us there’re scouts from Daybreak coming. And scouts from Radiant. And scouts from Traverse. Do you know what this means?”

He finally had my full attention, if only because Hayner’s talked about this a few different times before. College scouts have always been important to him, and even if I didn’t understand the ins and outs of basketball, I knew what this meant to him.

“If you’re scouted, that’s a sports scholarship.” 

“Free ride, baby!” It was a little louder than it should have been and we were shushed by several other people in the library, but Hayner’s enthusiasm hardly wavered. “If they see my skills, it’ll be a bidding war for who’ll recruit me first and offer me my ticket out of here.” 

“I can’t believe it’s finally happening. You’ve been talking about this for years, but it just doesn’t seem real. Are you ready?”

“Of course I’m ready. What do you think all of the practices are for? I’m not going to let anything stop me, Roxas. I can’t.” He paused, taking the time to actually open one of his textbooks then. “You’re coming to the game, aren’t you? I could use all of the support I can get.”

“Man, of course I’m coming. I wouldn’t miss the chance to watch you wipe the floor with the other team.” 

There was a pause as he looked me over. “Roxas, what’s the name of the other team?”

“That...is not important.”

I did my best to ignore the fact he was laughing at me but he seemed satisfied enough with the answer. “Close enough. So hey, anyway, back to you. Who’s the date with?”

"Who do you think? How'd you find out anyway?"

"Kairi told me. She figured it'd be cool since…y'know, we both know. Or at least she told me that she knew I knew. Did she really not know I knew?"

"I'm going to kill her." I didn’t want to get into why, exactly, Kairi was in the dark when it came to Hayner knowing things. I should have considered myself lucky he didn’t press. 

"Relax…you know you would have told me anyway. So. Where are you guys going?"

“Movies.” If Kairi already knew, it was better to have Hayner hear it from me instead of a secondhand source. “I think we’re seeing the new Harry Potter movie? He’s read the books and stuff and made it sound pretty okay.”

"…that's your date?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Just…seems so simple." He raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t get to call my dates simple when you’ve never even been on a real date.”

"At least I know how to have a good time." It was a quip I could have done without. I didn’t need to think about those implications. 

“I’m not going into this just to sleep with him, you know.” 

“But it’s crossed your mind, I’m sure.”

“Man, not all of us are as casual about this as you are, so lay off.” 

"Roxas, you wound me." He must have taken me seriously though because he looked down then, tugging on my notebook instead to draw my attention elsewhere. "Please tell me this isn’t an itinerary for your date." I relinquished the notebook with very little effort and let him read everything over.

"Shut up. They’re just songs, to be honest. Battle's in five months and I haven't really found anything that can work as a love song." He made a hum of acknowledgement as his eyes scanned the pages, reading over my faulty lyrics and disjointed melodies. 

“These are fragments. You know that, don’t you?” Snatching the notebook and putting it in my bag, I shrugged in response. 

"Yes, thank you for your insight. I know they aren’t finished but I don't know what they're supposed to be. It's harder than I thought it would be, and everyone said it would be easier for inspiration if I had some form of romance in my life but that’s just made this even worse.”

“...you’re not interested in him just for song material, are you?”

“What? Of course not.” The idea actually didn’t even occur to me until he said it and I started to gather the rest of my books to put away into my bag. Hayner had a break but I had class to get to.

“Just checking. So you’ve got a date with him and that’s just it.” To his credit he was setting up to actually study now that I’d moved my stuff out of the way. I was almost proud of him. 

"Yes."

"Are you going to try and take it further than that?"

"I don't know. Don’t ask me something like that, I haven’t thought about it."

"Roxas it's Thursday. You have until what, tomorrow to figure it out? I suggest you work fast. This could be your big opportunity."

"Why do you both make it sound so easy? You guys don’t get it.”

“Then explain to me what we don’t get.” He looked up then, brown eyes narrowed and focused. “What part of going on a date do Kairi and I not get?”

“It’s not about the date itself. It’s about everything else.” I didn’t get a chance to elaborate though as I was saved by the bell. Slinging my bag over my shoulder I got out of my chair and stood next to the table. “Forget it, I’ll see you later.”

“Quit freaking out, Roxas. And give me details later.” That seemed to be enough though and he waved me off, going back to his books and leaving me to exit the library to head to fourth period. Walking down the hall and merging with the foot traffic of the rest of the student body, I realized part of my panic came from not having the slightest clue what I was supposed to really do on a date. When Olette and I were going out, we never really went on date-dates. It was never anything very officially and usually we were hanging out with a group of friends. She just happened to be a friend I kissed sometimes. In retrospect that might be part of why we really broke up and realized we worked better as friends. With Axel though...I wanted to avoid that from happening again.

Axel and Riku were waiting for me by the time I got to class and I had to pretend the moment Axel smiled at me didn’t completely knock me off my feet. I needed to get this back under control and figure it out before the next day. It meant maybe branching outside of my comfort zone and seeking the help of other people. Unpacking my sketchpad, I weighed my options for a short while before coming to a horrific conclusion.

I didn't want to, but I knew exactly where I needed to go for the best possible advice.

*********************************************************

"So. Can I ask you a hypothetical question?" A latte was set in front of me as playful green eyes watched my every move, a grin stretched over her lips as she switched off a few machines behind her.

"Hypothetical huh?" Selphie finished wiping down the counter before leaning on her elbows and staring me in the eye. "Lay it on me."

I knew I was taking a really big chance asking _Selphie_ of all people for advice about my date with Axel, mostly because Selphie has the biggest mouth ever. But on the other hand, she was a huge romantic and always gave out really good relationship advice. Seriously, ask anybody in our group. You need help with that kind of thing, you ask Selphie and she always knows what will work.

Axel and Kairi weren’t on shift with her today. I’d said my goodbyes to Axel after sixth period, and I’d dropped Kairi off at her house before turning around and coming to Noon Moon to seek the wisdom of an eleventh grader. It wasn’t exactly private, but it was the best I could hope for on such short notice.

"Okay. Let's say, hypothetically, a good-looking guy has been flirting with somebody for a really long time. Like, the past few months."

"Okay. You've been flirting with somebody since school started.”

"I didn't say it was me!"

"I know but really, Roxas? The only time anybody uses a hypothetical question is when it's about them and they're too embarrassed to say so." I wasn’t sure if I should be a little offended that she was right or a little happy she agreed I was good-looking. In the end, I ignored both instincts and continued.

"…okay so anyway, point being, I have a date tomorrow and…you know me, I don't usually date."

"Are you asking me for dating advice?" The way her eyes widened and the pitch of her voice made me almost reconsider entirely, but I couldn’t back out now that we’d already started talking about it. That, and I knew that if I didn’t explain everything to her myself she’d just badger Kairi about it. 

"Something like that. I just want to know like…well if it was your first date with someone new, what would you expect from him?"

"Depends. Where are you going?"

“No way. I’m not giving out that kind of information right now.”

"Why not?" She tried the puppydog look on me without realizing I was pretty immune by now. "You gotta tell if you want my help!"

"Sorry, Selph, that's not going to work. Come on, can't you just help me out of the goodness of your heart?"

"Maybe."

"I'll leave you a nice tip when I leave."

"…deal." She placed the tip jar in front of me and pursed her lips in thought. "Can you at least tell me if you’ve hung out in a date-like setting before?"

Thinking back to my birthday, I nodded. "Something like that." That seemed to give her something to work with because she nodded to herself and not-so-subtly pushed the tip jar into my elbow.

"Even if it's just a casual date like dinner and a movie, I would expect the guy to treat me like a princess. Y'know, open doors for me and pull out my chair and pay for the meal and hold my hand and stuff." A dreamy look was in her eyes and I'm pretty sure by that point I looked a little exasperated. There was no way in hell I was going to let Axel treat me like a girl and pull out chairs for me, ever.

Paying for my meal was still up for debate though.

"Got it...I don't have to dress up or anything, right?"

"No, not if it's a simple date. Unless you're going to a fancy restaurant."

"We're not."

"Just make sure you wear something semi-nice though. First dates are supposed to give off a good impression and if you dress like a slob you'll ruin that effect."

"I guess I'll have to figure that part out then."

"Maybe you should tell me where you're going so I can advise you on what to wear.” The tone was one of nonchalance, but the too-casual grin wasn’t helping her case.

" _No_ , Selphie. Give it up, I'm not telling you where I'm going."

"I can’t believe you’re using me like this, Roxas. You ask for my help and I give you great material, and all you do is use me!" Sighing dramatically, Selphie covered her eyes and pretended to really be upset about it. Lucky for me, I knew her better than she thought.

"Oh quit it. I have one last thing to ask."

"What's that?"

"Do you think kissing on the first date's okay? Or is it like…a taboo thing?"

"Isn't Taboo a game?"

"Not the point, Sel."

"Right." She finally removed her hand from her eyes and looked at me again, looking pretty serious for the first time in the whole conversation. "I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, personally. Tidus didn’t kiss me on our first date and that was fine but I know plenty of people who end dates with goodnight kisses. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with. Just don’t go into it thinking that’s your endgame because that’s just degrading to your date, you know? Be natural about it.” She paused, raising an eyebrow in my direction. “You weren't already planning it, were you?" 

“I don’t know. Maybe? I’d like to, I guess, but--”

"Roxas, if you’re going to listen to any of my advice listen to this part of it. If you _do_ end up kissing on the first date, it's got to be because the mood feels right. Otherwise it'll just get awkward and weird. You can’t plan that kind of stuff or you’ll blow your chance at a second date. Trust me. That’s the best advice I can give you right now.” 

"And surprisingly it helps.” It was nice not having to lie to her. The advice gave me a little more to think about, and it meant downing the rest of my coffee and tossing a five dollar bill into the tip jar before sliding off of my usual stool. "Thanks for everything, Selphie."

"Anytime. Promise to tell me if it goes well?"

"…we'll see." Giving her another grin and waving goodbye, I left Noon Moon to contemplate my options and really think about everything she said to me. It was going to take a while to process everything.

*********************************************************

It wasn't until later that evening that I realized something very important about my conversation with Selphie.

I started out asking her about a good-looking guy who's been flirting with somebody for a while. Then she just kind of went off on her own from there.

The thing was, I wasn't even talking about myself. I was actually referring to Axel.

What surprised me even more was that Selphie didn’t ask who my date was with and I suspected she assumed it was some girl she didn’t know. It was still weird though because Selphie’s the type who wants to know everything whether we tell her or not. It’s always been that way, but for once she took pity on me and actually helped. I'm not sure if that was a relief or a concern.

It was probably for the better though. Selphie would be the kind of person to _really_ make a big deal out of my first real date with a boy and grill me almost more than Kairi. (It’s what makes the pair of them so scary when they’re together.) I at least didn’t have to really worry about her finding out for a while, but it also left me thinking about a lot of stupid things. You know, like who was the girl in this date scenario. 

The worst part was that I knew it was me, and I hated that.

With those thoughts occupying my time Friday came a lot faster than I expected. Friday night came even faster. One minute I was handing in designs for some stickers I was going to start making and the next I was in the bathroom I shared with Sora stressing out about what my hair was doing. Here’s a hint; it wasn’t doing anything good.

I had gel coating my fingers and a comb between my teeth when Sora knocked on the door and let it swing open, examining my current stance before letting himself grin.

“What’re you…?” He shook his head and scooted past me, bumping me out of the way to grab his toothbrush. 

“Shut up, Sora.” I was already frustrated and when my hair refused to stop flipping up I growled and washed the gel off, trying to get the gunk out of my hair to start over. “I don’t really have time.” He turned toward me with his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, a thoughtful noise escaping before he clamped the brush between his tooth and grabbed a can of mousse. All I could do was stand there while he worked his fingers through my hair to fix it, styling it for me before he went back to brushing his teeth.

“...thanks.” He gave me a thumbs up and it was silent sans the sound of bristles over enamel. Once he finished and spit and rinsed in the sink he shifted again, folding his arms over his chest to give me a once-over.

“Relax.” It was all he said before he opened the medicine cabinet to grab a can of body spray. He had enough decency to step into the shower before uncapping it and spraying it and letting it mist over him. “You look fine and date-appropriate.” 

I wasn’t going to ask him how he knew that’s what was going on. Sora somehow knows how to read everything without me saying a word most of the time so as long as I didn’t incriminate myself we’d be okay. Instead, I looked in the mirror and found myself biting my lip. 

“You sure?” 

“I’m sure.” The can was aimed for his back as he sprayed again. The bathroom was suddenly filled with a woodsy and pomegranate kind of smell and I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose. Looking at him I realized he was actually more dressed up than I was in a nice button-down and jeans, tie loosely hanging from his neck. I was just going to the movies so I was in jeans and a t-shirt, but I still wondered if it was a little too casual.

“Where are you going? And why do you keep using that shit?” 

He rolled his eyes, stepping out of the shower and putting the can on the counter near the sink. “My artist boyfriend is more excited to see some photography exhibit than he is to see me, so that’s date night.” Even with the dig at Riku Sora didn’t seem to mind as nimble fingers began doing up the tie. “It’s supposed to be pretty cool, but he wanted to get there a little early since it’s the grand opening. And I use it because Riku likes it. Why else?”

The answer was and wasn’t surprising. “...would you still use it even if you didn’t want to just because Riku likes it?”

A shrug. “Depends how I’m feeling. I don’t mind most of the time and it drives him crazy.” There was another grin, and I made a face because I didn’t need to know what turned Riku on at any point in my life.

“TMI.” But I found myself picking up the can anyway to examine it. “So...it works? Like it smells good and stuff.”

“Yeah. Just don’t overdo it if you’re going to use it.” That was the only warning I got before Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love” started echoing off the tile from Sora’s pocket. His eyes widened and he grabbed for his phone, flipping it open. “Hey! Are you downstairs?” He brushed past me again, squeezing my shoulder and mouthing what looked like “good luck” to me before he dashed back to his room for a jacket and his shoes. I heard him dart down the stairs and the front door slammed a few moments later, silence filling the house as he and Riku took off for the night. My mom and my aunt were off at some wine and pottery-making class thing (they like to try things like that and I’ve never understood why) and that meant I had space to myself for the next fifteen minutes before Axel was supposed to come get me.

I ended up using the body spray before I could talk myself out of it, and by the time I manned up enough to do it a car honked outside and I took that as my cue to get up and head out the door.

Axel idled on the curb, top rolled up of his car and windows cracked just enough to hear the steady streams of The Clash filtering through. Locking the front door behind me I didn’t waste a lot of time before slipping on a jacket and letting myself into the car.

"Hey.” I barely had time to shut the door before he pulled away and onto the road again. 

"Sup.” It was all he said, but he turned his head just enough to look at me instead and give me an easygoing grin. I wasn’t going to think about how I was growing weaker and weaker to it, but I’m pretty sure he was using it against me anyway for that reason.

"We're leaving pretty early aren't we?"

"Maybe a little, but it’s Friday night of opening weekend. It’s gonna be packed. Besides, you know you want to spend as much time with me as possible.” He batted his eyelashes and all I could do was bring a hand up to push at his face even if I was laughing against my own will. 

“Don’t flatter yourself. And watch the road.” The thing was we both knew he was right even if I didn’t say so. There was something different in knowing we were both counting this at a date, and I was hoping I wasn’t imagining that he was as into it as I was. The short ride was filled with dumb trivia about British Punk I didn’t know I needed to know and as Axel turned into the theater he parked somewhere in the middle of the huge lot before killing the engine and looking back at me.

“End of the line. You sure you wanna go through with this? It’s not too late to turn around.” He was trying to make a joke out of it, but after extensively examining Axel (obsessively, really) I could pick up his little tells he tried not to let show. The smile was a touch too strained, fingers tapping on the wheel anxiously and eyes still locked on me as he seemed to be holding his breath.

It dawned on me that he was just as nervous as I was and even if I didn’t know why the thought was comforting. I knew this should have been the cue for me to tell him the important things like my policy on PDA or the fact I wasn’t even out to people, but logic sort of went out the window the longer I looked at him. I could always bring up those points later. Why ruin the moment now with overplanning? Isn’t that what everyone was trying to get me _not_ to do? 

It could wait. All that mattered to me was the fact that we had both acknowledged it was a date. Together. 

"Shut up and let's go.” Satisfied with that answer, we headed for the theater and Axel strode forward, grabbing the door before I could and directing us to the long line leading to the ticket counter.

Dating point one, holding the door open for me.

I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going or what I was doing as I tried pulling my wallet out of my pocket. A first date probably meant paying our own way, but Axel seemed to have another idea seeing how he distracted me in line. By the time we got to the front he leaned on the counter and grinned at the girl behind the plexiglass, holding up two fingers as he dropped a debit card in front of her.

"Two please.” With the tickets bought I found myself following along after him as he waltzed his way to the snack counter, pushing on my hand to get me to put my wallet away.

“I’m getting popcorn. Want anything?”

"Uh…Sour Patch Kids?" He ordered both snacks without any hesitation, paying for them and handing me the box of candy before grabbing a soda as well and shifting things around in his hands to grab my wrist. It was almost impressive before I remembered Axel’s used to juggling. 

"We might be in time for the previews." He held onto my wrist, fingers lightly tapping against my palm briefly as we headed down the hall to our theater with snacks in tow.

Dating points two and three; buying my "dinner" and "holding my hand".

Maybe Selphie did know what she was talking about.

By the time we found our theater the place was pretty packed, as Axel had guessed, and we hiked our way up to the very top and back row in a corner. The screen was big enough it didn’t matter we were there and even though it was filled with rows of people near the front and the middle, Axel had picked seats a little separated from everyone else. Not that it seemed to matter to him. He seemed more occupied with his popcorn and waiting for the previews, tossing kernels in the air and catching them in his mouth.

"Pre-warning, I don't know the Heimlich if you choke." I was concentrating on opening the plastic packaging of my candy but I could see him shrug in my peripheral vision anyway. 

"I don't choke on anything.” The way he said it was casual, but I wasn’t stupid and I could feel myself trying not to blush anyway as I kept my eyes on my own hands. 

“Whatever. So you read the book, didn’t you? Have you read all of them so far?”

“Yeah. The sixth just came out last summer. There’s one more book in the series, I think, and that’ll be the end of it. The fourth is probably my favorite though.”

“What do you like about them?” 

“Worldbuilding. Say what you will about magic and fantasy, but it’s some kickass worldbuilding that’s hard to forget. That’s how you know it’s a good story.” While I had my music thing, I had come to realize that Axel’s thing was books. It felt like he was reading something new every time I talked to him, so the answer wasn’t that shocking. “Not to mention the wizarding politics. You’ll get a little bit of a sense of that in this movie, I think. It’s the first one where we see other wizards besides the adults and the students of Hogwarts.” He went quiet not long after that, gesturing to the screen where the previews started to play. For a time, the only sound was the crunch of his popcorn and whatever was happening in front of us. Without thinking about it I felt myself reaching for his soda and taking a sip, watching him from the corner of my eye just to see how far I could push him.

I took the half-hearted smirk as a good sign.

The silence didn't last long though. As soon as the movie started, I had an Axel with his lips against my ear whispering about everything that was happening on the screen and also being one of those people who compared everything to the book. I learned a lot more about the Goblet of Fire than I probably ever wanted to know, but every now and then he seemed to pause just to breathe next to me. 

The movie was a lot longer than I expected. An hour went by…followed by two. The ending was drawing near and Axel had stopped whispering by that point, caught up in what was happening on the screen. At some point his arm had wrapped around my shoulders and fingers were twirling strands of my hair around. The packaging for my candy was shoved into the empty popcorn container on the floor by our feet, and the soda had moved to Axel’s other side so it wasn’t between us. It was surprisingly comfortable and it felt sort of like watching movies on Demyx’s couch, leaning up against Axel’s side and letting him do whatever. I’d been keeping up with the plot for the most part and I was pretty proud of myself for focusing even when I had a cute boy doing nice things. 

They were in the maze on-screen and working their way out. It was intense and hard to look away from, but the problem was that I could feel myself being watched instead. Being friends with Axel meant getting good at knowing when his eyes were straying elsewhere and when he was focused on what he needed to look at. Currently, he was looking at me instead but I figured he wasn’t missing much if he’d read the book. 

"…what's up?" I whispered, keeping one eye on the movie and one on Axel.

He didn’t give me a direct answer, still staring at me. There was a short lull in the film, action paused and not quite as intense. He glanced at the screen and then at me before his free hand came forward to cup my chin and hold my face steady. I knew exactly what was going on, but that didn't make it any less surprising when Axel tilted his head and closed the distance between us, pressing his lips up against mine.

For the first ten seconds, I'm pretty sure I just sat there wide-eyed and shocked. Here I was in the back row of the movie theater with a boy wizard waving a wand around on the screen and I had one of the hottest guys that I've been infatuated with for the past two months finally kissing me. 

Instinct kicked in somewhere around the time the voice in my head said _”Kiss him back, dumbass.”_ Axel didn’t get to move away or anything as I adjusted the angle of my neck to kiss back, blatantly aware that not only was this whole thing a huge teenage cliché, we were missing part of the climax of the movie. 

It wasn’t my first kiss. It wasn’t even my first kiss with a guy, but it was _our_ first kiss and also my first kiss with an actually sober, eager guy. It was different. It wasn’t perfect by any means and I was a little too nervous to even try slipping tongue (what if that was too fast?) but it was surprisingly easy to sit up a little taller and meet him for an open-mouthed kiss that lasted probably longer than either of us expected.

Almost as abruptly as it began it ended as Axel pulled back, giving me a small smirk and letting his hand rake through my hair once more before dropping to my shoulder. Fingers danced along my shoulder and up my neck but Axel's eyes were fixated on the movie, infuriatingly calm as he began to murmur in my ear again and explain what was happening and what we had just missed. I tried paying attention to the last bit of the movie but it was _kind of_ hard to focus.

It wasn’t long after that moment that the credits began to roll, the music swelling and overtaking the theater and the house lights flickered on. Almost in sync with the lights Axel’s arm left my shoulders and he stood up in one fluid motion, giving me a curious look and absentmindedly licking his lower lip.

"Ready to go?" The tone was innocent but I knew better, and even as I got up and nearly tripped over my own feet all I could do was backhand him in the chest and speedwalk my way out of the theater.

Judging by the fact Axel was right on my heels? I wasn’t the only one who was ready.

*********************************************************

I wish I could say I didn’t know exactly how I ended up in the backseat of Axel’s car with his mouth latched to my neck and the dip of my shoulder, but that’d be a lie. To our credit, we managed to keep to ourselves as we left the theater and drove back to my house, killing the headlights and letting the car idle once he pulled up to the curb. My family was still out and I had half a mind to invite him inside, but my family’s also unpredictable.

So. Backseat it was. 

He’s still a lot taller than I am but he’s skinny enough we made it work, and the second time I kissed him was even easier than the first. He still managed to surprise me by running his tongue over my lips and coaxing me into following suit. I also wish I could say I didn’t know how Axel kept figuring out ways to get me to do what he wanted, but that’d be an even bigger lie.

This was maybe as romantic as you’d think. It was dark, the radio was playing Coldplay and Axel and I ended up making out for...you know, a while. At some point he’d found himself bored with my lips and moved to see what else he could get access to, and that’s about the point we were at with him next to me and sucking lightly at the pulse point of my throat.

“Hey…” It wasn’t even really a protest, but he grinned and pulled back anyway. 

“Okay, okay…” He didn’t do much else to move that far, hand coming up to touch my hair again even while he continued watching me. Apparently it was up to me to say something.

“Thanks for tonight. It was fun.”

“Fun enough to do again?” The edge of hope in his tone wasn’t lost on me and maybe it was a dick move to smirk and pat his cheek, but I knew he’d understand.

“If you’re lucky.” I finally sat up and stretched, rolling my shoulders back and trying not to react _too_ much to the fact he took that as an opportunity to kiss me again.

“Harsh.” The grin was a little too wide and excited for him to really be offended, but he reached over to open the door for me. “I’ll call you later then?”

"I'd hope so." I wasn’t exactly thrilled to untangle myself from Axel and get out of the car, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Once I was on the sidewalk I watched him shut the door, crawl back up to the driver’s seat and wave at me, putting the car into drive. 

I waited until the car disappeared around the corner before bolting into the house, running upstairs without even bothering with the lights and practically skidding across my bedroom floor to reach my desk. Nudging the mouse on my desktop, my fingers were flying over the keys faster than I could actually comprehend as I made quick work to access my chat client and pull both Hayner and Kairi into a group chat. 

_So I’m making this easier and updating both of you in one fell swoop. Date accomplished, we made out, and I am pretty sure I set myself up nicely for more dates in the future. You should both be happy to know I also didn’t plan this to death._

Kairi didn’t answer, strangely enough, but a message from Hayner showed up not long after that.

**that’s my boy  
so it went well??**

_Well enough. I don’t know what’s going to happen next but I don’t know if I care? It’s pretty much like we’re official, right?_

**yeah I guess so. It’s not like I’ve seen him dating other pretty blondes lately so maybe you’re onto something  
can’t believe you made out in public though. you’ve come a long way**

_Ahh...does a dark movie theater and then the dark backseat of his car count as public?_

**lmao you really have no sense of “don’t kiss and tell”, I love it  
also it sort of counts, yeah. it’s still somewhere someone could have seen it**

_...do you think that’s possible? We were pretty high up and in a corner, I didn’t think anybody would notice if it didn’t last that long. And he had all of the lights off in the car and it’s really dark out already._

**I’m sorry I said anything. you’re fine. it’s fine. ok? don’t start freaking out now. if anybody saw you know they would have said something right away. did anybody say anything right away?**

_No._

**then you’re in the clear to keep making out with him in secret or whatever  
and I guess I’m proud of you or whatever. you made progress**

_Yeah. It’s kind of nice to think about.  
Are you off tonight?_

**break. I’ve gotta get back, but keep me posted on your not-quite sexcapades. ttyl?**

_Sure. Later._

Hayner set his status to Away and that’s about the point I realized that Kairi hadn’t chimed in because her own message was set to away. I tried to think about what she could have been doing but I was drawing a blank. I didn’t _think_ she was with Sora and Riku since Sora called it date night, but I’ve known Kairi to third-wheel with them more times than I can count. It wasn’t _that_ late; looking at the clock I saw it was about 11:30pm. Kairi wouldn’t mind if I dropped in unannounced since that’s sort of what we just did to each other. With that thought in mind I got up from my desk and grabbed my keys again, heading back downstairs to walk out the door and down the block to Kairi’s. Her house has never been that far but it felt like the walk was taking forever even while I was practically jogging down the street. Maybe it was just because I was anxious to talk to her, or I was still amped up from my date with Axel. Either of those were likely.

As I approached her house though I noticed that the porch light was on as the front door opened. Quickly stepping behind a tree I stood there and watched as first Demyx came out and then Kairi. I was still too far away to hear what was being said, but there was a quick hug from both of them before Demyx waved and walked down the driveway to his car. I waited until he pulled away from the house, leaning against the tree as Kairi shut the front door again and the porch light flickered off.

 _Why_ Demyx was there was an answer I didn’t have and I didn’t want to admit the idea made me nervous. It wasn’t hard to remember what he’d told me about how he felt regarding Kairi, but I’d never thought about the fact that maybe, just maybe, she’d think about reciprocating like this. It was almost enough for me to back off and leave it alone, head back to my own house and continue keeping the details of my date to myself.

Almost. 

I let myself wait for about five minutes before feeling for my phone in my pocket, shooting her a text not long after. Five minutes later the porch light came on again and I made my move, ambling up the driveway and onto the covered porch to knock on the door and pretend I hadn’t been lingering for the last ten minutes. 

“Roxas!” She greeted me cheerfully even as she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me inside. I couldn’t help but frown when I noticed the rest of the house was dark except for a light from the kitchen and the light in her bedroom.

“Are you home alone again?”

“They’re at some gala thing, they’ll probably be back later.” 

Kairi’s dad holds a government position on our island and her mom’s just as involved. I like both of her parents a lot, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always been a little weird to think of just how often they leave Kairi by herself. She doesn’t seem to mind though. Kairi’s pretty independent, so I didn’t have a lot to worry about. 

“I’ll head home tonight. You didn’t answer my IMs so I figured you were busy.”

“What?” She looked surprised even as we ascended the stairs to head back to her room. “Sorry, I haven’t been at my computer for a few hours. Is everything okay?” I didn’t even get to answer before she suddenly gasped, stopping me in the doorway of her room. "Oh! Your date!”

“Yeah, that.” She made a face and yanked my arm a little harder, herding me to her desk chair so she could sit on her bed and give me her undivided attention. Even with the lingering thoughts of Demyx in the back of my head, it was easy to ignore those and focus on Kairi.

"Do you really want to know everything, or do you just want me to skip to the important parts that really matter?"

"Give me the highlights. How was the movie? Tell me you at least got up the guts to hold his hand or something.” 

“...will you settle for the fact that I kissed him?” I was maybe a little too smug about it, but it was worth it to see Kairi’s eyes widen.

"Seriously? Yes!” I couldn’t help but laugh when she pumped her fist in the air, legs kicking in some kind of victory dance. 

“You’re acting like _you’re_ the one who got kissed here, Kai.” 

“Shush! I’m just happy for you. I’m gonna guess he kissed back? You wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.”

“Oh, you know, only a couple of times.” 

It occurred to me that I was actually having this conversation with her. I was actually gossiping about a date with a cute boy and while the roles have been reversed before it was sort of foreign to me. I didn’t really have a problem telling Kairi what she wanted to know, but her next question threw me for a loop.

"Is he a good kisser at least?"

"Wha--jeez, I don’t know! How do you even measure something like that?”

“Probably by the hickey on your shoulder?” A pointed look directed my attention down to my left shoulder where a small darkening spot appeared under my collar.

“Damnit.”

"I'll lend you some foundation to take so you can cover it at home. I think I still have a color that’ll blend well with you.” Even before she finished the thought she got up from the bed, buzzing her way over to the vanity to root around in the drawers. “So what happens next? Are you guys dating now?"

"Uh...I don't exactly know. I don't think we actually talked about it."

"Rox-as.” I was more than happy to ignore the fact she was glaring at me. "Isn't that what got you all twisted up last time? Not talking about it?"

“I hate to tell you this, but talking wasn’t exactly on my mind.” She rolled her eyes and threw the tube of foundation at me. 

“...I mean he _does_ like you a lot. Maybe he thinks it’s a given? But you can never be sure without asking.”

“I think I’m just going to celebrate my victory for tonight and worry about talking later. Is that okay?”

She looked like she wanted to argue, but she bit the inside of her cheek instead. “Soon. Promise?”

“...promise.”

“Good.” She smiled then, hand cupping her chin as she watched me again. “...I really am happy for you, you know. I haven’t seen you smile this much in forever.”

“Is it weird?”

“No.” She paused as a slow, devious smile spread across her face. “You think he’s goooorgeous, you want to kiiiss him, you want to--”

She didn’t get to finish before I tackled her back onto her bed and she settled for laughing at me instead. 

What a night.

*********************************************************

"So I was thinking-"

"Which usually isn't a good sign," Demyx cut Sora off with a large grin on his face. Saturday afternoon found the three of us upstairs for band practice. Or, what should have been practice and was quickly turning into my drummer and guitarist fucking around while I drew stick people in my notebook.

"Do you want to know what I'm thinking or not?" The tone was flat, but Sora seemed to be directing the question more to me than Demyx this time. 

"Depends, does it involve this band?" Unfortunately for him I was more focused on lyrics I was trying to mend. "What rhymes with vicious?"

"Bootylicious?" Demyx shrugged, carefully replacing a string on his guitar.

"Now see, you're not even trying to be helpful now."

"Hey! I got us a gig and you're not even listening!" Demyx and I instantly looked up from what we were doing to face Sora. He had his arms crossed and he was almost pouting at both of us, but the look of annoyance wasn’t much of a deterrent. 

" _That's_ because you weren't saying the right words. What are you talking about?”

"So okay. You know the dance next weekend right?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you organize that?”

“Yeah. It was my idea for a mixer and as part of the new political agenda.”

“I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” Demyx commented idly even as Sora threw one of my pens at him.

“Shut up. It’s the first dance we get where you can ask _anyone_. Girls can ask guys, guys can ask guys, girls can ask girls, I don’t care. The point is that we might have gone a little over our budget for decorations and the photographer and we were having trouble finding a good DJ in our price range. Sooo...I told them I knew this band that would be absolutely honored to play at the dance for the night for half the cost of the DJ." 

"A paying gig.” Demyx raised an eyebrow. “That’s…”

“Impressive.” I cut him off, finally looking up from my notebook to face my cousin. “The more exposure we get, the bigger fan base we'll get, and the bigger fan base we get, the better chances we have at battle. And weren’t you two talking about merch anyway?"

“It just sounds really official. In a good way. I’m not against merch and I’m not against playing but if that’s true we really should start practicing.” It was sometimes spooky to see Demyx be serious, but he was starting to calculate for us. “You figure the dance is a couple of hours. We have enough new material and covers for a half-hour set, plus a lot of our old stuff and covers that’ll buy us another hour. We can rent equipment and DJ ourselves, can’t we?”

“In theory, yeah.” Sora brought a hand to his face, pulling his lower lip in thought. “Could ask the drama department to borrow their stuff. It’s just for the night and it’s not like it’s going anywhere anyway.” 

"We can probably ask Selphie?” That was my only suggestion when Demyx suddenly snapped his fingers and pointed at me.

“Speaking of, Roxas I forgot to mention this. I was talking to Selphie and she wanted me to ask you if you were doing the winter musical this year.”

"Wait what? I just saw her a few days ago and she didn't ask me herself."

"Why would Selphie do anything herself when she already asked someone else to do it?” He had a point. “Anyway if I don’t get her an answer she’ll do that annoying whiny voice and puppy-eye me until I cave and I hate that.” 

"...I don’t know. Battle’s in May and I want to focus on that, but--”

"Roxas," Sora protested. "For you _not_ to do the musical would be blasphemy. You've been in every musical since we started high school except for that semester you broke your leg. Besides, I don’t know if there’s anyone else who can work with Selphie the way you do. Plus she’ll be pissed if you don’t.”

"Not to mention Mr. Holloway. He practically hands you the lead role anyway.” Demyx was already reaching for his phone presumably to text Selphie. 

"What about the battle?”

"Battle of the Bands isn't going to look as good on your college résumés as being in high school musicals will."

"Sora, I don't need anything on my college résumé." 

"Wait, wait wait. What about that shit you fed us last year about using musicals as a new way to exercise the range of your vocals?" Demyx asked, obviously taking Sora's side in the whole thing.

"That was just an excuse because I wanted to play Danny in Grease."

"And the year before that?"

"Guys and Dolls…"

"And before that?"

"The Music Man…"

"Then why are we even having this argument? We get it. You like musicals and that’s totally fine, but we do this every year until you inevitably cave to doing something you wanted to do in the first place.”

...well. They had me there. "…what's the show this year anyway?"

"I think Selphie said it was 'Oklahoma!'…or was it 'Chicago'? I don't know, some city." Demyx shrugged.

“You know this means once I start working on rehearsals we’re going to have to figure out practice schedules for weekends and stuff.” 

“Leave that to us. I’ll make a calendar and everything.” Sora was already grabbing a spare sheet of printer paper to start jotting down notes, and that was about the point I realized I wouldn’t be able to get out of this even if I really, truly wanted to.

"Fine, I'll talk to Mr. Holloway on Monday about it."

"Good. Now that that's out of the way, let’s talk setlist?”

“No, wait a minute.” 

“What, Demyx?”

"I want to know the progress of our bet.” Demyx shot a grin my way. “Roxas man, any love songs yet?"

"Kind of…? I've been working on it, give me a break. Wait is that why you’re convincing me to do the musical? I won’t have time if I’m busy and then it’s an automatic win for you two!"

"No, not really." Demyx scratched the back of his head. "If anything, this is helping you. Most musicals end up with some romantic undertones anyway, don't they?"

"We're not out to make you fail on purpose, Roxas. If it just so happens that you do fail and lose the bet, then that's just what happens," Sora clarified.

"Very convincing. Point is, I'm working on it. I have like, four half-songs that I'm still messing around with."

"You still have some time. It’s only the end of November, and it’s going to be the end of me if I fail to deliver on promises I made. Can we focus?” He waved a paper in my face. “Seriously, setlist. Help me out.”

“Okay, okay…” Demyx and I gathered around and looked at the paper Sora was writing on, and for the first time in a long time we only used band practice to practice.

*********************************************************

We managed to get in about three hours of rehearsal time before both of them had to split. Sora was called in to pick up an extra few hours at work and Demyx had other plans to attend to. That left me to be sitting on my bed writing things in my notebook and trying to work on one of the four songs I had started.

Actually what happened was I ended up starting a fifth song. None of them flowed together well enough to combine them, and the new piece in my head didn't fit either. I'm going to guess I had only been working for about 45 minutes though before my window opened and an additional weight added itself to my bed.

"Hey, Hayner.” I didn’t even have to look up to know I was right. He's been using the tree outside my window as entrance into my house for the past two years. Why he never used the front door like a normal person I'll never know and I'll probably never ask either. I just always kept the window unlocked because I never knew when to expect him.

"You know what? Life sucks.” He had zero qualms about my personal space, sprawling out on my bed and knocking elbows with mine as he made himself comfortable.

"Well, yeah, but why do you say that?"

"Because. You know who Olette asked to next week’s dance?"

"I'm gonna guess it wasn't you."

"She asked _Pence._ _Pence!_ What the _hell?_ " If I didn't know better, I could have sworn there was a bit of steam leaking out of Hayner's ears.

"So what, now you don't have a date?"

"Oh no I have a date. I'm going with that girl in my Spanish class, Jess."

"Then I don't really see the problem." Shrugging my shoulders a bit and erasing a line of text, I waited for him to continue. Hayner never ends a rant until he's good and ready even when you prove him wrong.

"That's not the point, Roxas. It's the fact that she didn't ask me and I'm supposed to be her best friend!"

“Did you already tell her that you’d asked Jess?” 

“I didn’t ask Jess. She asked me, and I didn't really realize it until after she asked me and started talking about matching shirts. But yeah, ‘Lette knows." Hayner flopped down face-first against the mattress. "Why does she do this to me, Rox?"

"I’m not so sure it’s her doing anything to you, man. It's not her fault you don't have the balls to admit you like her. Just ask her out already."

"I’ll ask her out as soon as you ask Axel out.”

“...those are two very different things and you know it, asshole.”

He didn’t seem deterred about being called an asshole given he rolled onto his side to face me instead. “Remember what I was telling you about the friends zone? I might be trapped there and I have no way of getting back out. And anyway you’d think she’d throw me a sign or something if she was interested.” 

"I still don’t think it’s really all up to her, but if you say so…”

"And I do." The subject was dropped soon enough as he peered at the notebook in my lap. "So, what're you doing anyway?"

"Same thing. Goddamn love song. Here tell me what you think of this." Dropping the notebook on his head, I leaned back against the headboard as Hayner scanned over the page.

"Okay, I’m not a musician but this doesn’t make a ton of sense to be honest about it. Though I do like the doodle of Cupid with an arrow through his head, classy."

"Oh shut up." Snatching the notebook out of his grip and tossing it on the bedside table, I also threw my pen at his head. "Is that the only reason you're here? To tell me about the fact that you're stupid and Olette's going to the dance with Pence? Because I already knew both of those."

"You already knew Olette asked Pence? Dude! Why didn't you tell me?"

"…it concerns me that you're more worried about Olette going to a dance with Pence than the fact that I just called you stupid."

"That's because I also already knew that.” That also worried me, but apparently Hayner had accepted it a while ago. "That's not the point, Roxas."

"All right, so what _is_ the point?" 

"…the point is, I wanted her to ask me."

"…get out of my room. Don't come back until you realize just how stupid you really are being," I finally said, getting off of my bed.

"All right, all right. Some friend you are." Hayner rolled his eyes but crawled back over to the window. "I came here for support and all you’re doing is making fun of me and _not_ telling me I’m better than Pence.”

“For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t make out with Pence. That doesn’t change that you’re being an idiot. Anyway get out of my room. I have some stuff I need to do."

"Still so mean." Opening the window and swinging his legs over the ledge, Hayner jumped into the tree against the side of the house. "I'll see you later. I’m going to be pretty booked for the next week but Friday for sure?”

"Friday for sure." Closing the window and watching Hayner climb down to the safety of the ground, I started to wonder if maybe I should be returning the favor and running interference on my friends’ love lives. Demyx and Kairi had this weird thing going on, and Hayner was too helpless to navigate his feelings for Olette, but how would I be any help?

It occurred to me then that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t assume things. Once Hayner was gone I grabbed my phone and hit the speed dial for Kairi, barely giving her time to say hello before speaking.

“Kairi, do you have a date for Saturday?”

“...Demyx kind of asked me yesterday. And I kind of said yes?” She sounded apologetic at least, but I couldn’t help but want to strangle Demyx just a bit.

“Seriously? We _always_ go to shitty school functions together. That’s what makes them less shitty!”

“Yeah, I know. But we can go together as a group? That’s going to end up being the case anyway and who knows. I bet Axel doesn’t have a date yet.”

“He might not, but I can’t exactly ask him. That’s a little _too_ public for me.” 

She sighed. “I know. Are you mad at me?”

I was a little mad, but not enough to really tell her I was or want to do anything about it. If I was being honest, Kairi deserved to do whatever she wanted and she had a point. We could have dates but we’d all end up together as a group anyway. It wasn’t as bad as I’d thought, but there was still a small bit of panic at the idea of something changing without warning. 

“No. It’s fine. Just go easy on him, okay?” 

The laugh was reassuring. “No promises. But I _do_ want your opinion on outfits.”

I didn’t get any more work done on my love songs, but I did help Kairi pick out a cute dress. I could at least pretend it was progress.

*********************************************************

They say that a string of good luck is followed by a string of bad luck. My good luck was hitting a high with Axel, and I should have known that something bad was going to happen. What I didn’t anticipate was the fact that the string of bad luck wouldn’t hit me.

Everything started going downhill on the following Friday after school, the day of Hayner’s big game.

Scene change; jump to me walking into the gym right before the game was about to start and squeezing my way past a bunch of love-sick freshmen girls with gigantic "Go Team!" signs to the bottom of the bleachers. Kairi and Selphie were supposed to be saving me a space down there but actually getting there was proving to be a pain in the ass. I nearly lost my balance and pitched headfirst down the bleachers when I heard someone call my name.

"Roxas!" Looking over the left I spotted Naminé standing on the edge of the bleachers in a cheerleading uniform. Kairi and Selphie had managed practically courtside seats and were sitting next to her waving me over. Weaving through the crowd some more, I managed to get over to the three girls and sat down next to Kairi.

"Hey.” I couldn’t help but eye Naminé curiously. "Since when are you a cheerleader?"

"Since one of the four Ashleys fell from the top of the pyramid and broke her leg." She shrugged, twirling in her skirt a bit. It was hard to imagine Naminé as someone as peppy and bright as our school cheerleaders, but she’d once told me that she used to take dance and gymnastics classes before she switched her focus. "They needed someone from a second string, and it looks good on top of my art classes."

Even Naminé was talking about extracurriculars and what things would look great on a college application. I wasn’t sure why but the whole thing made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I knew I didn’t have a lot to mark down, or maybe it had to do with the fact I wasn’t even sure college was for me. I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone yet. Kairi and Sora were both pushing for me to get a plan together, and while I knew my mom would be fine with whatever path I chose it was getting harder to ignore the brochures from schools in the area that would magically show up on my desk.

"I don't think anybody can top Sora for extracurricular stuff," Selphie cut in, pointing over to a table on the sidelines set up to broadcast the game on the school's radio station with Sora sitting behind the microphone and running voice tests. "That kid does everything."

"No kidding." Kairi’s tone betrayed how I felt about that, a little impressed and a little worried about Sora’s drive for everything. "ASB president, director of the student activities committee, anchor for the school radio station, editor for the school newspaper, drummer in a band, member of the jazz band, taking a bunch of advanced placement classes while managing to maintain no less than a 3.9 GPA. I’m really not sure how he manages."

"Sora’s a mystery, you know that. Either that or he has clones we don’t know about.” The girls laughed and a buzzer behind us sounded off, leaving Naminé to turn back to look at the basketball court before turning away.

"That’s my cue. I'll catch up with you guys later!" She jumped off the bleachers, scurrying over to join the other cheerleaders and leaving me, Kairi and Selphie alone. The band was starting to play and the cheerleaders were moving into a warm-up formation even as Kairi leaned her head against my shoulder.

"I love her.” She kept her eyes on the gym instead of me. "It’s been so good to see so much of her this year.”

“It was good catching up with her! We don’t get to do it enough--”

“Because Marluxia’s a jerk?” I interrupted Selphie and found myself being met by a short glare.

“I was going to say because our schedules don’t match, but sure. She’s going to the dance tomorrow, right?”

“With Marluxia. She got a guest pass for him and everything.” Kairi confirmed. “And we’re all going to be together. I’m kind of excited!” 

I let the two of them chatter about the dance for a while, letting myself look around the gym. Sora was talking to someone and getting himself set up to commentate the game, and it wasn’t long after that the gym broke into an uproar as our players stepped onto the court. Hayner was easy to spot; so were the scouts he was so desperate to impress. It was going to be a grueling match but all I could do was hope he did his best and be ready to celebrate when they handed him his free ride out of here.

The next hour was spent sitting on hard blue bleachers watching one of my best friends dominate the court while listening to my cousin's voice ring in my ears over the loudspeaker. The buzzer rang to signal half-time and our team was ahead by six points. As the cheerleaders took their position to begin a half-time routine, Kairi and Selphie suddenly seemed to remember I was sitting next to them.

"Hey Roxas, what'd you decide on the musical?" Selphie leaned around Kairi to look at me again.

"When I went to talk to Mr. Holloway and auditioned, he practically begged me to do it."

"Does that mean you're the Billy Flynn to my Roxie Hart?"

"Sure does. Pretty cool huh?"

"Absolutely! You’re my favorite male lead, you know that? It’s going to be so great! Mr. Holloway said rehearsals are going to start early December and during winter break we’ll be leaving the time for everyone who’s around to build sets and stuff.” 

As you can guess, our winter show was going to be Chicago. And as you could guess again, Selphie and I have the main two roles, as per usual. Sora was right. Again.

“We should do a movie night. And don’t you have a bootleg of the stage show somewhere?” 

“I have my sources, yeah.” A devious grin appeared and she grabbed my hands, swinging them back and forth excitedly. “It’s going to be so great!” 

“You two will be perfect.” Kairi grinned at both of us. “I might ask Mr. Holloway if he needs help with set design. I know Naminé will want to help, too.”

Half-time wrapped up sooner than we anticipated, but the time was spent planning times Selphie and I could run lines and researching the roles and anticipation for what was to come. The squeaking of sneakers on the gym floor came to me and I turned my head back toward the court, watching Hayner zip his way through other players. It was hard to keep up with everything since there were so many of them and he was moving fast, but in one minute Hayner was up and the next a player from the opposite team moved in to steal the ball from him.

“Hey!” Kairi yelled in protest and that was the only reason I knew something had gone wrong. A brutal collision came and down Hayner went as his hand bent backwards, ball escaping his fingertips as he fell and landed, hard. 

"What the fuck happened?" Even if I’d seen it with my own eyes, I couldn’t figure it out.

“Foul!” Kairi, somehow, knew way more about the game than I did and she looked furious enough that Selphie grabbed her elbow to stop her from leaping from her seat. “This isn’t football, Number 12!”

“Guys? He’s not moving.” Selphie’s jaw dropped as the entire gym watched, the buzzing whispers growing louder the longer Hayner stayed down. It would have been harder to see if we were far away, but I couldn’t look at him for too long thanks to the angle his wrist had twisted. After about five minutes, Hayner stood up from the ground still holding his wrist and limping off of the court. 

"Think he's gonna be okay?" 

"I don't know, Sel. That looked really bad…” Kairi looked at me, unsure of what to think. “We should go, shouldn’t we? Make sure he’s okay?”

“...they won’t let us follow him.” I already knew that much even if I continued staring at the doors to the gym that Hayner disappeared through. “I just hope we find out soon.”

But even with the free throws our team earned, we still lost the game after that.

*********************************************************

The mood was firmly set on “somber” for the rest of Friday and bleeding into Saturday. Hayner wasn’t answering his phone and I still had a set to perform at the dance the following night. Sora had disappeared hours ago to get his drum set from the band room and to help with last-minute touch-ups for the dance, and Kairi was getting a ride with Demyx which meant arriving by myself. It was a weird and strange set of circumstances that led me to the gym earlier than I should have been there. I had nothing else to do, so I started setting up the sound system for later.

“Need a hand?” Axel’s voice appeared above me and I looked up, finding him holding a few loose cables and giving me a light smile. The problem was that he was good-looking most of the time, but he was dressed up for the dance and I ended up temporarily forgetting how words worked. I suppose I should be glad he liked the mute nodding thing because he took over and started connecting wires even as his eyes continued to trail over me.

“You’re early.” I finally managed words, but those weren’t the ones I wanted. 

“I got bored. My date ditched me for your best friend.” There was a dramatic little sigh as he shook his head. “Talk about being stood up.”

“...huh?”

“...Roxas, I’m kidding. Demyx and I were just gonna crash and then he decided he wanted to actually take this seriously and asked Kairi. I had nothing else to do, figured you’d be here so I bought a ticket yesterday.”

I was starting to think maybe I should have asked Axel what his plans were. Knowing myself though I never would have asked him to something as public as a high school dance. At least not as a date. A group thing would work fine and I think he knew that, too, given he was focused on the equipment again.

“Sucks doesn’t it? Kairi just told me last week.”

“Could be worse. Demyx told me yesterday.” With everything set up, he slipped his hands back into his pocket. “So you guys are playing again?” 

“Yeah. We have enough material for a while and then I’m playing DJ until the dance is over. Sora pulled a lot of strings.” 

“I’m not surprised.”

“Are you sticking around the whole night?” 

“We’ll see.” And just like that the flirty grin came back. “Gonna give me a reason to?” 

“...we’ll see.” 

“Roxas!” Sora’s voice caused both of us to jump as he barreled into the gym, arms full of streamers and, weirdly enough, Christmas lights. “Oh, Axel, you’re here, too? Cool, great, can I borrow both of your arms? I need help decorating for photography.”

The moment was broken easily enough, but Axel took it in stride as he began untangling the lights and followed Sora to another part of the gym where the photographer was set up. It was easy enough to fall into the comfortable pattern of having a buffer and talking to Axel. He settled on asking us about our set list and talking music for a while and if Sora suspected anything he was too frazzled to say so.

In the end though everything came together as the doors finally opened and people began to come in. The lights twinkled and streamers in our school colors (blue and white) were hung in graceful arcs. I didn’t have to comment on the fact that Sora also sneaked in strands of pink, purple and blue twisted together, along with a few strands of rainbow lights. Subtle, but still sending a message. That sounded like him anyway.

As I sat behind the turntables and selected music for the first part of the dance, Axel lingered around me and kept me company. After a while he climbed into a spare chair and sat next to me, emphatically telling me about the book he was reading (Gatsby, as it turned out) and picking out songs for me. He stayed back there while we played our set and he lingered for a little while after that. Overall, a loud, crowded dance wasn’t my ideal second date but it was comforting to have someone next to me even as we spotted Kairi and Demyx twirling around on the “dance floor” and even if I had to bullshit my way through an excuse why I couldn’t leave my place to join him on said-dance floor. He seemed to understand at least, and even as I texted Hayner and still didn’t receive an answer I found myself a little more at ease.

Demyx, Kairi and Axel left before Sora and I could since Sora had volunteered for clean-up and volunteered me right with him. The breakdown of everything took another hour and by the time I got home it was dark and quiet. Sora had left to spend the night at Riku’s, our moms were asleep and the lights were out. As I headed upstairs to my room, I heard the sound of footsteps coming from my bedroom.

"What…?” Stopping in the middle of the hallway, I glanced around for any other signs of what the sound could be. It was just me though. I knew that instinctually and another glance at the other bedrooms in the house told me everyone was either shut away for the night or absent.

The islands are actually a very safe place, low crime rate and all. But still, a person could never be too careful. Reaching into the hall closet and pulling out a broom, I carefully crept over to my bedroom door and pushed it open with my foot, broom ready to swing just in case.

"About time."

"Fuck, don't _do_ that!" Dropping the broom on the floor I crossed the room to join Hayner on my bed. It was hard to ignore the relief that flooded over me though upon seeing his silhouette sitting there. "Where the hell have you been? What happened? Are you okay? You haven’t responded to any of my messages.”

“Roxas, chill.” He sounded exhausted and as my eyes adjusted to the dark I noticed the cast on his wrist binding it together. "Tried blocking a play, got knocked backwards and my wrist snapped." Waving his cast around in the air vaguely, he moved to lie on his back. "Shit hurt bad."

"I don’t doubt it. We’ve been worried.” There was a moment’s pause then as I realized something. "…so wait, how'd you get in my room?"

"Same way I always do."

"You did _not_ climb a tree to get in through my window.” 

"With one hand. Pretty good, right?" He didn’t even wait for an answer before he shifted to grab one of my blankets and burrowed himself in it. "I'm spending the night, my parents are throwing a fit."

"About what?"

"Ruining my chances at a college education because apparently the only way I was going was via sports. And then the friendly reminder that they aren’t paying for it, and I kind of just left my phone at Cid’s so I wouldn’t have to hear it." Rolling onto his side, he looked at me with a blank expression. "They're right though, there goes the scholarship."

"Shut up, you know they're never right."

"Always a first for something." I didn’t know what to say to make things better. I couldn’t tell him that he could still get in based on his grades because I wasn’t sure what those were like, and I didn’t know enough about how sports scholarships worked to assure him that maybe they’d still scout him once his wrist is healed. In the end, all I could do was lay down next to him and let him focus on me instead.

"Seriously, don't even think about them. They're just bitter."

"Maybe…"

"No, they are. And anyway they don’t get a say in any of this since they kicked you out, right?"

"The hospital called them because they’re still, technically, my legal guardians. So there was also a huge fight about hospital bills. My head’s scrambled, man."

"From their yelling?"

"Well that and painkillers the hospital gave me for my wrist. I want to just, like, shut my brain off and sleep for the next four to six weeks."

That sounded more like him at least. "I don't know about four to six weeks, but you can definitely sleep here for at least six hours." I just accepted that’s how things would go and Hayner would leave when he wanted to. It was sort of like owning a stray cat. I kicked off my shoes and got up to change, barely thinking about the fact that Hayner was there. 

"The problem is, I can't sleep now. You should fix that."

"Yeah? How would I fix that?"

"I dunno…sing to me."

"What?” I’d slipped on a t-shirt to sleep in before turning to face him. “You're kidding."

"I'm really not." Raising an eyebrow, Hayner continued just giving me a blank stare. I’m not sure how long he’d been watching me but the glassy-eyed expression was enough to tell me he wasn’t entirely registering what was going on. It was both worrying and a little scary. I’d never seen him this blank before and though sometimes he could be dramatic this time I was pretty sure he was in the right here.

It took a few minutes to finish changing for bed and getting under my covers, leaving Hayner to sleep on top of the bedspread and under my blanket. I didn’t know what would work best, but I kind of figured that Hayner wouldn’t be bothered by whatever I chose. His eyes were already half-closed even as he continued staring at me. 

"...please don’t go crazy if I tell you the truth, no you don’t know what happened and you never will…” 

Snow Patrol was maybe a little bit of a messed-up choice, but it was quiet and apparently soothing because I wasn’t surprised that before the song was over an arm was draped around my waist and a soft, snoring sound echoed quietly in my room.

My good night with Axel was something I’d have to reflect on later, it seemed. I’d been feeling a little bad about the fact I hadn’t noticed what was happening around me, but there was no way I’d let this chance slip away. I owed him that much, and as far as I knew? There was always tomorrow to figure life out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter? The day before KH3 drops? It's more likely than you think. Still steadily plugging at this but sometimes things happen and a deadline doesn't happen, whoops. Anyway, thanks for sticking around with this one! We have a few more chapters to go but I'm thinking this is going to end up between 15-18 and then I can officially mark this one as done. I'm really excited to keep working on this and actually finish it for the sake of finishing and I'm grateful to anyone who's stuck around for the long haul. Happy KH3 Eve.


End file.
